Jeff H NDE

Experience Description

I had a bad asthma attack which landed me in the hospital. They gave me something which seemed a lot like the general anesthesia I was given for two surgeries later in life. It helped me to breathe, but I was tired, slipped away to sleep, and stopped breathing. I felt the sensation of some time passing. I also felt as though I was dreaming of seeing someone in a bed who was surrounded by doctors. But, there was a strange physical sensation as well, which is hard to describe. It troubled me and I could not wake from this dream.

I was floating above a person and didn't make the cognitive connection at first, that this was my body. I could see my mother in the corner of the room and became worried for her. It was about this time, when I realized this was not a dream, that I just wanted to go home. The next thing I knew, it was nighttime. I was outside the house and looking in the kitchen window. I could not get inside the house and I couldn't attract the attention of my family inside. This horrified me and some time passed. I was wandering around in the dark and eventually found others who were similarly confused as to where we where and what was going on. This is hard to explain, but we didn't really have a physical presence. I remember getting to know and understand these people as we were all going through this same experience together. It was like we were in a group and the lights were turned off. We knew that we were all still there but could not see one another. I guess that's the best way I can describe it. Some time passed here as well, but I was determined to find a way out for all of us which was probably absurd since I didn't know where we were.

From here on, all linearity kind of ends. I remember things, but it's like they all happened at once. Time ceased to exist. People have asked me if I remember a tunnel, and my answer is 'No, not exactly.' There was a light, kind of dim and from a distance. The light got closer and more intense. I felt a Love that brings tears to me as I write this. I wanted so much to go back and bring all of the others with me to this place, but I didn't really have control of it. As wonderful and amazing as this place felt, I was pretty much along for the ride. I don't know how much of this I can put into words of accurately describe. The light was love and understanding. It was outside of me, through me, and in me. It was home. I've never felt a love like this since, though there have been very brief moments of kindness and acceptance that I just live for. It's hard to see the computer screen for the tears in my eyes. I want so much to use all my will to reach back and pull those people in the darkness here to just be here, but I don't know how.

It's hard for me to describe what happened next. I was- and it was as if something else in side me, was speaking an a strange language but I understood it to be a recounting of this and past lives, kind of like and introduction to someone else. There was a life review where it was like a re-living of certain moments in my life up to this point. I felt with complete clarity how I felt and how the other person felt through my actions, my words, and my thoughts. These were times when I probably should have acted differently, used better judgement, not gotten caught up in emotion. This was a very humbling experience. To think I had only been here 7 years in this life- it concerns me what the next one will be like, because although I'm more aware of how I affect those around me; I still get emotional, I still screw up, and I'm well aware that this experience has not made me perfect...maybe more aware of how imperfect I am more than anything else, but it has not prevented me from being stupid, insensitive, egotistical, and uncaring. If anything, it has driven home the point of trying to be more mindful, but all the while realizing that I'm far from perfect, and it's something that requires constant effort and attention.

At a certain point I met someone who seemed to be there to assist me in deciding whether I should come back in this life or start all over in another. I would call this person my guide, and although I'm not really aware of them having a physical presence, I felt a feminine energy about them. I wanted to know more about them and this place I was in. But, it was clear that this experience was not about them. It was more like going to a guidance counselor. I was young, but emotionally invested in the people of this life. Starting over and not really knowing what that would be like was hard for me to accept. I was shown parts of my future life, like going up to a screen and suddenly being in the moment experiencing it. It was as though I were there at that moment, feeling how I would feel at that time. I was shown parts of my future in this life if I chose to go on. You would think I could predict the future with what I was shown, yet it could be due to the fact that I don't deal with detailed information really well. I tend to look at the global perspective and see the forest but not the trees. But there was a clarity there in that place, which doesn't seem to exist for me here. It was simple to understand so much more than I can here. Although I do get feelings about people and things here once in awhile, it's not like I remember feeling there. As these moments unfolded in my life here, after this NDE, there would be a sense of familiarity about some things. Sometimes it can be about people, even though I had not met them before.

The things I was shown have been more like choices that were made when the options were fairly limited. The feeling at the time of the choice was simply 'This feels right. This feels like the right thing to do.' With that feeling is a sense of peace, and calm. I was told that if I were to continue in this life, that it would be unlikely that I would reach my potential. However, it seemed clear that starting over was a wild card and I was not shown anything about that. I remember meeting other people, and I get the feeling that these were people who had lived here and were there to help me decide what to do. I was shown details of my future that I don't feel really comfortable divulging here. Some things were embarrassing. There was a total and complete clarity there, and it had nothing to do with my sense of self, or ego, but everything to do with what I came into this life to do, to learn, and to experience and grow.

I can see that I am running out of room here, so I will cut it short...When I returned to my body, I really missed that place and I still think about it today. We are here to grow as spiritual beings and to experience certain things. I remember things from before and during my birth. I remember choosing my parents for their personality and kindness. On a certain level I'm pretty sure I chose to have asthma to keep me from making the mistakes of another life. I may have chosen my NDE to keep me aware of why I'm here.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 3/20/1978

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Allergic Reaction. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function). I was recently diagnosed with asthma and in the beginning stages of immunotherapy. I had a bad asthma attack, was up all night and Prednisone was not helping so was taken to the hospital in the morning. They gave me something that felt like general anesthesia, but I don't know for sure. It helped, but I then fell asleep and stopped breathing. Later, my doctor warned me about having general anesthesia without the anesthesiologist being warned that I may have a problem and could develop status asthmaticus quickly.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes The last thing I was shown that I remember was being on a plane with a woman with long blonde hair and having this feeling that 'it was all worth it.' Then I was looking out the window and seeing the sun, or something bright, rise out of the clouds. I clearly left my body and existed outside it.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I was aware of so much more. Labels of time like the future or past are meaningless. There is so much more, but I think in order to progress we have to do it one life experience at a time and do it slowly.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Probably after being in the light and before my life review.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. After the I was in the light, time simply did not have any meaning as it did not exist. A lot of things happened but this was a place outside our understanding of time.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I experience things much more slowly here. Over there, it was as though vast amounts of time and experiences were translated in a thought or an instant. There was simply an understanding of so much more than I can express here.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't think my sense of hearing existed as it does now. It was more a sense of knowing and experiencing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I don't remember a tunnel specifically. But when I watched the movie 'Contact', it seemed familiar.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I encountered a lot of people who I get the feeling had just recently left their bodies. Later on, there were some people who had lived here and were helping me to decide whether to come back to this life.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light was distant at first, then as it became more intense, it was as if it shined through me.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. It felt that it was similar to or could be the very place we are in before we come to earth and after we leave.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Oh god. An unimaginable sense of being loved, understood and valued. In the movie 'Contact,' where Jodie Foster is trying to explain what she felt and experienced, and nobody in the room seems to understand or believe her. It's something like this; it's just incredible.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. I understood more about myself and more than I can put into words here. In short; it all made sense, and it was beyond human, limited ability, to comprehend things here.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events. I experience a review of certain events in my life up until that point.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future. I was shown specific parts of my future if I decided to return to this lifetime, which I was definitely leaning towards. I was told it would be very lonely, which it has been. Although, I've come to crave a certain amount of time alone. I was shown a place eerily similar to where I live now, my career, and certain personal aspects. I get the feeling I was shown things in a way that only seems to make sense after the fact. But many of these things were decisions. I clearly remember having a feeling that at the time of the decision that 'This is right; this is the right thing to do' and then a sense of calm. The last thing I was shown has not happened yet; which is being with the woman with blonde hair on the plane, and I've tried to see this one through, but all efforts to predict this have failed. I've come to wonder what this is or whether it means what I took it to mean. In a way, I've come to a place where I'm not going to try and make it happen. I'm just going to let go and let it happen, or perhaps not at all. I'll just wait and see.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life Much of the experience seemed to be about making the choice of whether or not to return to this life, this timeline, or start over in a new one.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I'm a much more 'spiritual' than a religious person identifying as Catholic. There are some aspects of Buddhism that I feel drawn to, but I honestly feel most at home in the new age realm, or when going to an IANDS meeting. I really feel at home going to them, yet I still have a cross on my bedroom wall!

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths. I am spiritual but not religious, and with an interest in Buddhism

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I was raised Catholic. I had been given the impression that Jesus loved us, so why was he seemingly unhappy with me? In some ways, the experience itself caused me to see later in life how religion is used to control us through fear of the unknown. Take away the unknown and there are still questions. But the truth had been revealed and it was not exactly what I had been taught. I don't believe in heaven or hell, and I'm certainly not an atheist. But my spiritual beliefs are a little hard to nail down. Let's just say that time spent in nature, and the occasional IANDS meetings are my way of feeling like I've been to church. I still hold a feeling of reverence to religion, and respect a person's choice to follow it, but as I try to keep my opinions to myself, I also pretty much keep the reasons for those opinions to myself as well. I very much felt a sense of karma exists both here and there, mostly as a force of balance. My life review and the way that it made me feel about myself has made me want to be good to others, but here in this life I'm still human, and continue to make mistakes. Maybe this has made me more mindful. Geez...starting to sound like a Buddhist!

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I try to be good to people, more so than before. I became more serious, although I wasn't aware of that change until a childhood friend mentioned it to me later. I didn't quite feel as connected to church as I did before. When given the choice, I stayed away. I still feel that some aspects of religion appeal to me, however.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. It felt like I had come home. There was a kindness, love, and understanding.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes I saw someone who looked eerily like Jesus who was surrounded by other people. They were a group and he seemed to be talking to them. I came closer and he looked at me, actually it felt like he looked through and in me. He didn't seem happy with me and I could not understand why. This bothered me quite a bit, although not as much in this moment of writing about it.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes There was a point where something that was part of me but outside my consciousness spoke in a strange language. I had the understanding that this was an introduction of who I was. I feel that this was an account of previous lives, although I can't go back in my mind and come up with specifics.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I get the feeling that we are all part of something much greater than any of us on an individual level. In the light, there was a oneness. It was like coming home.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I feel that our religious concept of what God is, might be off a little. I really get the feeling that God is where we all come from, but I don't know if I can accurately define what God is, or is not.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes When I was 'there' I had a greater sense of clarity and a sense of purpose. But there was also a fair amount of confusion on my part, as to what I was supposed to accomplish in this life, and how everything worked. I really wanted to understand it all.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I feel that we come here over perhaps many lifetimes, to grow and experience life slowly over time. We choose certain aspects of our time here to help us in our overall development.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists. This life is only a small part of our existence. Time as we experience it on earth is not real.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes We choose aspects of our lives to help in our development. Maybe we help each other at the same time.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes In the light, it a profound LOVE. I really haven't experienced anything this strong except in brief moments.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life. I was more carefree and less likely to think about how I might be affecting those around me. Now, I am a bit more serious. I look to understand others, their point of view, and look for harmony. I was young, but probably more fearful of death than now because I'm sure the next life review will be a doozy. I know that we are much more than this physical existence.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I was 7 when I had this experience. Certainly, when I tried to talk about it, I felt less connected to the people who could not understand or believe me. But I got used to that and still feel a deep connection with them anyway. Relationships have been few and far between, and not as deep as I would like them to be. I've had quite a few one-sided relationships and have made mistakes of my own. I don't really expect to find the closeness or the love that I long to, but I still keep looking for it.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I'm doing the best that I can to accurately express the events and what I experienced. Yet, I'm very mindful of so much more that I cannot put into words or adequately describe. There is also a fogginess to the details of what I'm able to recall, and I have the strong feeling that there was much more than I'm able to articulate. I've always had this feeling.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. There was a stark sense of clarity about the experience. It's not like the blur of other childhood memories. It's been 40 years, and I'm sure I've lost some of that clarity, some of the details, but there have been times that I've tried to forget about it and move on, but it keeps coming back.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I believe we all have psychic ability; it's how we went out and met people as kids, we get a feeling about someone and go up to them and say hello, simple as that. I see people and get feelings from them, sometimes it is like deja-vu familiarity. Other times, I get feelings about people and situations that come out of nowhere and have learned to act on them. Some call this intuition, others call it claircognition.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The sensation I felt after leaving my body, the void and the people there that I wanted to bring to the light. Other meaningful things were being in the light, being home, the life review, meeting my guide, seeing parts of my future,and meeting others who have been here before. It's a very personal experience, and I get the feeling that maybe I experienced what I needed to.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It was probably about 3 years before I tried to talk about it to my friend who asked what happened to me. Since then, I've tried talking to my family about it on different occasions, close friends, and girlfriends. All but one person 30 years after the experience, seemed uncomfortable with me. I learned not to speak of it with them again. Marsha was the first whom I spoke to who must have been prepared to understand somehow, and we became close friends until I met her in a dream when she crossed over. Since that time, I've spoken with a few people at IANDS meetings, wrote a blog about it, and then deleted it. I have pretty much kept the experience to myself until now. It's not within the grasp of most people, certainly not in their reality anyway. More than once, I feared it would land me in the looney bin.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I knew with every fiber of my being that it was real. But I was too high on life to worry about it after getting home from the hospital. As years went by, there were times I would try and talk about it to those closest to me with not-so-good results. I would try wish the experience away, but the memory was always there, just as it is today. In some ways the experience out of body seemed more real than being here.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I can't prove any of it, and don't feel the need to try. I feel at peace with the experience and know that one day, I will leave this place and go back. Simple as that. I do wish that people close to me were able to understand, but why would they? The few that do have been through near death and spiritual experiences of their own.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Every time someone dies much of it comes back - especially remembering the void and the life review. There are happier occasions when I remember it as well, such as when out of the blue, I meet someone and spend a few hours talking to them about things I normally wouldn't expect to talk about.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It's fairly hard for me to share this experience, due to the reactions of those closest to me. Yet, I feel that I need to do so at the same time.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I must admit, I'm getting a bit burned out as I've been at this for at least a couple of hours. But, I feel that you have done a good thing with this questionnaire - both for me and anyone trying to make sense of the results.