Jeff L NDE

Experience Description

On 3/28/19 I experienced what I now know to have been a STEMI heart attack. I managed to drive myself to the hospital, where I collapsed at the entrance of the emergency room waiting room. I was found, loaded onto a gurney, and whisked to what I now know was the cardiac catheter lab. I was in and out of consciousness and struggling to breathe. A squad of heathcare professionals surrounded me and various members took turns leaning over me to yell instructions and questions. Being unable to breathe, I was unable to speak. This caused the squad to repeat the same questions louder and sometimes nose-to-nose. How rude, I thought; I just wanted them to leave me alone.

Suddenly, I felt better. I wondered how they did that. Not only did I feel symptom free; I felt great! I felt buoyant, focused, and incredibly peaceful. My reverie was interrupted when I heard another guy in the room making groaning and choking noises. I wondered who he was and how he got in there. I decided to have a closer look as I was mainly interested as to whether they were rudely yelling at him as they had been at me. I approached and looked over their shoulders and sure enough, they were nose to nose with him yelling, 'Mr. X (my name), Mr. X, stay with us Mr. X.' 'No way,' I thought to myself, 'Here is ultra-pleasant and there is not. I'm staying put.'

It took me some time to figure out that if Mr. X was lying on that treatment table about 30 feet away, then who was having these thoughts and perceptions? The idea that I already had died crossed my mind. I realized that my internal dialogue was occurring in grammatically correct English and that I was able to have thoughts, deductions, and decisions. I concluded that my brain's executive functions were intact. I decided to test my short-term memory. Sure enough, I could remember everything leading up to collapsing at the entrance to the emergency room. Not only that but I could remember all of it in exquisite, vivid detail. I then decided to test my long-term memory and arbitrarily chose 8th grade. Immediately, I was furnished a rush of detailed memories. The sharpness and vividness of those memories quickly overwhelmed me. I wondered, 'Where could all that have been stored?' I concluded that my long term memory system was intact and it was much broader and deeper than I believed possible.

I began to get lost in the peaceful feeling I was experiencing. It was the peace which surpassed all understanding, and I wanted or needed nothing more, ever. I don't know how long I remained in this state but I eventually decided to do a little exploring.

Immediately, I found myself standing on a short-grass prairie and gazing at the horizon. There were no trees, no roads, no animals, or any fences. It was just me and the endless prairie. As I studied the scene, I realized that out on the horizon was a black, cylindrical, horizontal cloud, skimming along the surface of the land. It stretched out of sight in both directions. I felt the immense energy that was headed my way. I was fascinated by the cloud and got lost in it. Suddenly, I realized that the cloud was death, or at least my brain's symbolic projection of death. I knew if the cloud touched me, I was dead.

Two thoughts occurred to me. The first was that I couldn't understand why I still felt totally relaxed and peaceful. Shouldn't I be feeling pain, fear, or panic? A voice inside my head said, 'No.' The second thought was, 'Shouldn't I being inventorying regrets and having a life review?' Again, the voice inside my head said, 'No need. You do a lot of that back in the world.' And that was that.

I turned my attention back to the cloud and was surprised to see that it had gotten much closer. It wasn't touching me yet, but with a running start I could spit into it. I tried to form a thought but was utterly unable to do so. I took this as a sign that physical death was imminent. I felt myself entering the gravitational pull of the black cloud.

At that instant, I heard a voice from behind me, just over my right shoulder. The voice said, 'Where's the tunnel of light? Where are the loving dead relatives beckoning you forth? Where are the angels of light urging you to fear not and be of good cheer?' The voice was companionate, affectionate, and light-hearted. At that instant, I could breathe. I knew with certainty that I would live. I re-inhabited my body with a thud, a development one would think that would cause great jubilation. It did not. My first thought was, 'This thing feels like it's made of wet concrete. It must weigh a ton. I'll never be able to move it. How does anyone do it.'

Then, I went unconscious for an indeterminate length of time and awoke amidst all kinds of electrodes and beeping equipment. The nurse happily informed me that I was a lucky man, that I had just survived a STEMI heart attack.

My recovery produced some amusing anecdotes but was surprisingly easy. As is suggested by the above, I had some prior information on NDEs because I had read several NDE accounts back in the 1970s. I never floated, I never entered a tunnel of light, and I was never melted by the overwhelming awe and unity of the universe. The afterlife and the experience of consciousness without corporality seem like givens. For me the takeaway of my experience was: Nothing hurt, and the afterlife tenderly awaits your arrival.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: March 28, 2019

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack Life threatening event, but not clinical death

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes No verification I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Prolific recollection of past details.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Just after detachment

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual Time in both directions just seemed fluid and irrelevant to what was occurring.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. About the same

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. About the same

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Vindication, see account, refreshed and ennobled

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant spiritual seeker, not pious

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Other faiths- Unitarian and other liberal faiths

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Universe/ afterlife seem friendly, almost fraternal, and forgiving

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify The voice was coming from someone behind me, leaning in over my right shoulder. I can cite no identifiers of the voice

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes All is known, all is bathed in affection, all has been made ready for your arrival.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes see account.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life My experience transmuted my existential beliefs into experiential reality.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Much of what seemed trivial in the "real" world, seemed profoundly important during my experience. I no longer take people or mundane situation for granted

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes No vocabulary or generally accepted frames of reference for the experiences

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The voice as previously described

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes About a month, mixed reactions

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Read about them in the 70's during my spiritual quest phase. I think prior knowledge did affect it

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Realer than real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Realer than real even in retrospect.