Jennifer N NDE

Experience Description:

I was in the hospital at the time for a serious illness. I passed out and had a sense that all of the circulation in my body was stopping; as I faded out it was as if every part of my body were 'going to sleep' and losing circulation. Everything went unbearably dark and I thought I was losing myself. I felt as if I was being annihilated and while agonized then was just resigned.

When I 'came to', I was lying in a light gray, softly lit room, on what seemed to be a velvety soft floor. It was muted gray but not the dull, lifeless unhealthy gray we often think of when we hear the color mentioned. The whole room was unearthly soft, peaceful and softly lit. It was like waking consciousness but in an environment I could not clearly define - my sense of time and place was ineffably different from natural, although it all seemed quite serene. The 'room' I was in seemed decently large, and rounded - with a high rounded ceiling that seemed tall but not desperately far away. I was on the floor, looking up at the ceiling, into what appeared to be a round 'stained glass' 'skylight.' It was a large rosette, letting in the light, which filled the room. I call it stained glass because of the round, rosette mandala pattern the light exuded from, but there was no sense of light diffraction through glass. The light was very white - not the blaring lights of a hospital or the dazzling light of the sun, but palpable and calming, almost cloud like radiance. Just a calm, and accepting, soft but bright, radiant glow unlike any light I've seen in normal life. I felt very peaceful looking up into it as it came down to where I lay. I remember a sense of calm and safety. The place seemed very familiar to me, as if I had been there before and could remember all about it if I wanted to (but I was pretty much in the moment at that time and unconcerned with the past, so I didn't concentrate on that feeling much aside from the comfort it provided me).

My memory is muffled after this point; I sensed several presences - coach-like voices that they talked to me and urged me while I was there, but my memory is inexact; I only know that that they reassured me everything would be okay and that I would be going home. Things went dark again for a time but I could still hear them talking to me and guiding me, stating over and over again that I would be okay and that I would be going home (which was what I was most worried about at the time). After the pitch black, I found myself back in my hospital room. It took a great deal of effort on my part to wake up again and bring the world back into focus.

I woke up to a very concerned nurse who was trying to get me to wake up. It took several long hours before I could see or hear correctly. My parents and a nurse discovered that I had been negligently overdosed on a medication.

After this occurred I began to pray, earnestly, more earnestly than I ever had in my whole life. I wanted badly to be well, and to be able to go home, but I didn't pray *for* anything, I merely prayed over and over again: 'I love you God, Amen' - feeling a palpable presence of God being real, and 'on my team' that I had never felt before. I put a lot of willpower into getting well. I was well soon and went home three days ahead of schedule.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: December 2000

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Allergic reaction Life threatening event, but not clinical death (In hospital but not monitored directly at time of incident--occurred at night) Very ill, high fever, hospitalized, medical malpractice.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was more serene and peaceful. It was nothing like the feelings and experiences I was having in the hospital at that time, which were confused and painful due to the trauma of the illness and hospitalization. Time seemed slower than normal rather than quicker.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was looking up into the 'skylight'.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Neither

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Neither Very hard to describe. The tranquility and peacefulness diffused through everything and was so powerful all of my senses seemed to work around it or rather through it.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More so than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Light had an indefinable softness to it, the room's size seemed compact yet large at the same time; everything had a 'different' quality to it. I might use the word surreal except that it wasn't dreamlike at all. Meta-real, I suppose, might be a working term.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard several voices and felt several presences but I didn't discern where the sound was coming from with my ears, exactly. It was more as if I heard them with my core being.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Neither

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I seemed to pass through darkness with consciousness intact for a point, then hit a sort of seeming 'annihilation' - then the experience of the room and light began. This darkness cycle repeated itself before I woke up, but was considerably less unpleasant.

Did you see any beings in your experience? Sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I didn't see them but I heard them. They told me I was going to be okay and that I would be going home.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Bright and soft light emanating from a 'rosette' in the ceiling above me. The light enveloped me and emanated throughout the room. It was so 'soft' - almost palpable. Closer to a 'glow' light than what we usually feel as blaring radiant light, but it did emanate throughout the room.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Clearly mystical or unearthly realm The large gray room and bright but soft white light was uniquely beautiful.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peacefulness, calmness, acceptance

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? Neither I do not remember a review of past events per se, although I discussed what was going on at the time with the presences.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Neither

Did you come to a border or point of no return? A conscious decision to 'return' to life

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Spiritual but not religious per se; skeptical teen with agnostic streak. Believed in power of love. No clear view of afterlife.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Down deep I believe in a God that knows me, a God I can directly experience. Although I am skeptical about organized religion and dogma, I believe that my general foundation belief in a Divine Power is unshakable.

What is your religion now? Liberal Interfaith.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Down deep I believe in a God that knows me, a God I can directly experience. Although I am skeptical about organized religion and dogma, I believe that my general foundation belief in a Divine Power is unshakable.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? Unidentifiable voice

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? Sensed their presence

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I did, but ironically I was more enveloped in the safeness of it all, even though I am a big questioner in real life. I wasn't so much concerned with the philosophy of it as that I was alive, in what seemed to be a familiar place, and I wanted to know I was going to be well again.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I believe I speak my mind more in relationships and am much more honest and open. My family relationships and close relationships are closer as a result, and I'm not as worried about rejection and what people think of me.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Distorted sense of time and place. I experienced peaceful calm feelings different than I have ever felt before.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I had a stronger will and a stronger belief in myself.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The feeling of being at peace and being told I was going home and would be well was immensely encouraging. I came out of it with a strong sense of self, drive, and purpose. I knew I was going to get better and that I was a strong, tough person who could do what I set my mind to with God's help.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It was about a year before I discussed it with my family. They reacted positively. I also discussed it with a friend/mentor and another close friend.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I'd heard about near death experiences before, the standard 'following the tunnel of light' jazz. I had never heard of one remotely resembling mine with the soft light, gray room of indeterminate size (seemingly large yet comfortably compact all at once), and mandala of light.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It had such a deep impact there was no question of whether or not it was real. Still, I was concentrating more on my recovery from the illness than on the experience. I didn't really think of it hardly at all specifically until several months later, when I thought about it objectively and skeptically.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real I believe it was real but I still have a skeptic streak!

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I had a dream which reminded me of the experience about six months later. It was not nearly so vivid as the actual experience but it got me thinking seriously about it again.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I felt a strong sense of love for God for several days after the experience. I felt strong and powerful and as if, I had the force of God inside of me. I felt a sense of inner strength more powerful than I had ever felt. Although these feelings are not so immediate and intense, and I have (of course) had periods of self-doubt and spiritual doubt since, none of these doubt periods truly challenged that basic foundation of Knowing the Divine is There For Me, inside and out, even when I don't feel a direct line of contact. My endurance is much higher.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? More specific references to time, space.