Jonathon W NDE

Experience Description

Hi there. I heard Dr. Long on Theo Von's podcast; very interesting stuff.

My NDE is different. I don't remember any part of my day when I had a myocardial infarction resulting in cardiac arrest. I got my kids ready for school, put them on the bus, and then walked the dog. I drove an hour to an ice hockey game. I played a period and a half when my heart attack happened. I don't remember any of it. The first thing I remember about that day was waking up in the hospital with my wife and the guys who had worked on me in my hospital room. I work as a firefighter/paramedic and the place I was playing hockey was in the same jurisdiction in which I work. So, I know the guys that worked me up.

My guys told me that I had said that I didn't feel well and had gone into the locker room. They didn't think anything about it, thinking I needed to use the bathroom. The locker rooms share a bathroom, like a Jack and Jill bathroom. A guy from another team on his way to the bathroom and said he heard what sounded like snoring. He came in and saw me on the ground with agonal respirations. I can't remember exactly the sequence of what happened, but he started CPR, got help from a rink worker, and the rink worker told my guys who were playing hockey. Someone grabbed a defibrillator, applied it to my chest, and CPR resumed. Firefighter/paramedics arrived on the fire truck. They got me on the stretcher and out into the ambulance. One of the guys I was playing hockey with knows my wife, called her to tell her what happened and what hospital I was being transported to.

According to the guys, I had gone pulseless 3 times and was defibrillated 5 times. One or two of the times I got a pulse back. I had become combative and they had to hold me down. I wasn't combative for long before I lost my pulse. They were able to start an IV and give me epinephrine. I think that's the only drug I got in the field, other than being defibrillated. In the end, I had a 99% occlusion of my left anterior descending (widow-maker).

I know you are looking for a more first-hand account. The best I can do is the following.

About 6 months later, I had seen a therapist who was certified in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). I'm not sure if you are familiar with EMDR. EMDR takes the unprocessed files from a traumatic experience, reorganizes them, and puts them back in the filing cabinet. It can be done visually with a light bar or auditorily with a headset. It worked for me with the headset.

The therapist starts the process and it's a beeping noise that goes in one ear and to the other. It does that for about 60 seconds while you think of something from your experience. Since I don't remember my day at all, the therapist had me think of my first memory in the hospital bed. I closed my eyes and thought about that. She started the beeping noise. After the first 60 seconds, she stopped and asked me, 'Where are you? What are you doing?' I hadn't experienced anything yet. She said, 'OK, keep thinking of the hospital.' She started the beeping again.

This time, I saw myself lying on the floor in the ice hockey locker room with my guys who were playing hockey. It was the weirdest thing. I was looking over the shoulders of my guys working on me. I saw their faces and I saw my lifeless body on the ground having CPR being performed on me.

After the 60 seconds, the therapist asked, 'Where are you? What are you doing?' I told her what I saw. She said, 'Good stay with that', and started the beeping again. I guess she wanted to keep the interruption short in order to be as effective as possible.

When the beeping started again, it was the same scene but the guys on the fire truck had arrived. I saw them scoop me up onto the cot. I also had the defibrillation pads on my chest.

The beeping stopped, the therapist had the same questions, I told her, and we continued.

This time, when the beeping started, my hands involuntarily clenched into fists. I was outside the hockey rink to the rear of the ambulance. The rear doors of the ambulance were open and I saw myself combating my guys while they were loading me up.

The beeping stopped, she asked me the same questions, and I told her what I saw.

The beeping started again and my fists unclenched instantly. I hadn't opened my eyes throughout this experience.

I felt a light come over my eyelids, I didn't feel the chair I was sitting in, and I felt air rushing over me. I knew I was physically in the therapist's office and sitting in a chair. But, I felt like I was floating with light shining on me during the entire 60 seconds.

The beeping stops, she asks the same questions. I tell her what I felt, and we move to the next series of beeps. When the beeps start, I'm back in the hospital bed with my wife and guys. I opened my eyes because I thought that I was done because I was right back to where I started.

She let me take in the experience for a minute or two. I cried a little. She asked what I thought of it.

It didn't feel like I was remembering from someone else words. I felt like I was really there. I felt like I saw my body on the ground getting worked on. I felt like I saw myself about to rage at my guys, and I felt like I was no longer in her office. I felt like I was floating in light. She asked me about the floating. I didn't want to say anything about because it sounds crazy. It sounds crazy to say that I was floating when I was really sitting in a chair in her office. She asked if I thought it was the afterlife. I said that I had thought so but that sounds nuts. She asked, 'Why? These are your memories that your brain in reprocessing.' I had nothing to say to that.

Afterwards, I left her office and I had to sit for about 10 minutes. I kept thinking that maybe it was made up or maybe I psyched myself out. But it wasn't just a memory that I had; it felt like I was there.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 11/11/2022

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Heart attack CPR given Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function)

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? As you can tell from my earlier answers, I was never alert for the actual experience. I had to relive my experience through EMDR.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision during EMDR was the same.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. N/A

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes. During the EMDR, a light was shining over my closed eyes while I was floating. It wasn't super bright but it wasn't a dim light either. Close your eyes in a dark room. While your eyes are still closed, turn the lights on and that's how it felt. Not blinding but noticeable.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Astonishment

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No My near death experience was re-experienced through EMDR.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated. I believe in a God and have several different thoughts about what happens in the afterlife.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated. Same thing as above. Not a religious comment but I developed depression and anxiety after my recovery. Intrusive thoughts of, 'better off dead' or 'Why try for anything worthwhile if I'm just going to die?' but I know are irrational. I have sought a therapist and have been doing better. I want to go to church but I come up with excuses or life gets in the way.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I do believe in a higher power and do believe in an afterlife. I feel like floating through light was a sign of that.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Sorry for the same answer. I was floating through light and air was rushing around me.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes I was floating through light and air was rushing around me.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life. I developed depression. The second part to these last 7 questions are a little tricky for me to answer. At the deepest part of my depression, I just didn't understand why I was alive. I didn't understand why I should do anything meaningful if I'm just going to get taken out for no reason. It really messed with my head. I was only 41 at the time, in somewhat good health, had stopped drinking for months, had stopped smoking for years, no family history, no personal history, and worked out regularly. It made no sense as to why it happened and some days it made no sense to keep going on in life. I am not that depressed anymore but I still have some days that I just keep to myself and stay in my own head. Those days are becoming less and less. It's very strange though. People say 'Man, you're lucky to be alive.' But when people die, they say, 'They are in a better place now.' So which is it? Is one lucky to be alive or are they in a better place when they die? That question still messes with me.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? I've gone through marital difficulties since. My wife isn't very emotional. She was an ER/trauma nurse for 20+ years. She's kind of numb to most emotions. I know that this experience for her was hard but she has a hard time expressing her emotions. It doesn't help that some days I didn't want to do much because I was very depressed. Sometimes, nothing felt like it was worth doing. Sometimes, I feel like people are being nice because I had a NDE.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. During the EMDR, I had a clear and concise memory of this event. Prior to the EMDR, I had no recollection of that entire day until being woken in the hospital.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Floating through light with air rushing around me. That has to be some sign of afterlife, right?

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I had the EMDR done in August and immediately shared with the therapist. After the therapist, I shared it with anybody that asks. The people I tell react shocked. I don't think I have influenced anybody.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I've seen shows that have people describe their NDE.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. When I had my experience through EMDR, I felt it. It wasn't just a memory that I saw, I felt it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. When I had my experience through EMDR, I felt it. It wasn't just a memory that I saw, I felt it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No.

o7xrdlt_nde