Julianna D NDE

Experience Description

I had just gotten back from school, my mom was watching TV with my brother and my stepdad was at work. I went to my room and I started to do my homework. Once I finished, a song came on the radio and I was intently listened to the words. I related my life to it. I started to remember as much as I could on everything that had gone wrong in my life. I started to believe that no one cared about me. I thought about all of the possibilities that someone did care about me. I couldn't come up with anything. At the time, I had really been into NDEs and I started to remember everything that people had said they felt when they had supposedly died. I really wanted to feel what they had felt I really never wanted to have to worry about anything ever again. I just wanted to have peace, to be happy, to leave my life behind.

I had a knife under my bed so I picked it up and I just held it against my stomach and asked myself was I really doing this? Was I really going to leave my life behind? I went over everything one more time. I just told myself to do it now or else I'd suffer more with my life. If this ever came up again, I probably wouldn't be brave enough to actually hold a knife to my stomach. This is it; I'm through. So, I lifted the knife up and just slammed it through my skin. The pain was so terrible I couldn't even cry. I remember falling on the ground with my mouth just hanging wide open.

Then a white light appeared and a girl about sixteen or seventeen walked out. She walked up to me, wrapped her arms around my shoulders, and told me that everything was going to be all right. I was scared. I kept on asking her who she was she just told me that it didn't matter and that she was my comforter.

She tried to make me laugh. She asked, 'Am I doing a good job?' I told her that she was great. We just talked. Some time while we were talking she got really quiet and just stared at my very still body lying there on the floor. (We were in my room.) I got panicky once I realized that when she put her arms around me she was pulling my spirit out of my body. I asked her, 'Am I dead?' She looked at me and she said, 'Why did you do this to yourself?' I told her everything that had led me to committing suicide. She looked at me and said, 'God made you for a purpose. Trust me. I know this.' I looked at her and said, 'Do I really have to suffer though? Doesn't God love everyone enough to keep us from suffering so bad?' She looked at me and said,' God works in many ways. Trust me I've seen it happen.' She knew that she hadn't convinced me.

She looked at me and said, 'I'm going to walk you through your life.' I looked at her. I was just so curious. I didn't know what made me tell her all of this. I felt so close to her, so peaceful. I felt just so great that this was exactly what I would feel forever. There was a door standing right in the middle of my cul de sac in the middle of the street. We walked right through the front door, into the street, and she opened the door. I walked in and she held my hand the whole time.

Inside there was an amazingly beautiful field. The clouds were pretty and the sky was a beautiful blue, the sun was bright and at the end of the field was a tall looking man. He wore beautiful white robes, he just sat down, and we walked toward him and sat down beside him. I was extremely curious. The man looked at me, smiled, and said in a very loud voice, 'I know you're very scared but we're here to help you.' I wanted to be polite so I said, 'Okay. How are you going to help me?' He stood up and the girl pulled me up and said that everything was going to be all right and that there was nothing to be scared about. I just nodded and she gave me a little reassuring grin and she held my hand and we followed the man to the end of the field. The man turned around and shut his eyes. I looked to the girl to ask what to do but she had her eyes closed as well. So I just closed my eyes and I just concentrated. She squeezed my hand, I squeezed back, and all of a sudden, all I could see and hear were things that had made my life go wrong.

I remember the man saying, 'Fix everything that has gone wrong. Fix everything that was your fault. Just admit to what you did wrong. Do not remind anyone else what they did.' I was confused. I went up to him and said, 'NO! I don't want to go back. I know what I did that was wrong. I know I need to fix these things but I feel too peaceful to go back. I will never go back down there! I belong here. Now and forever.' The girl said, 'Don't you realize what's going on? We are sending you back so that you can fix your life and start new. We are trying to give you the life that you have always wanted.' I said, 'Don't leave me though! Please. I want you with me.' She told me that she would visit occasionally and that we could talk to each other. I told her that I would be willing to go back to my body. I told her that I was scared though. She told me that there was nothing to be afraid of. She took hold of my hand and she walked across the field with me. Once we were partly across the field, she nudged me with her shoulder and said, 'I'll give you a head start.' I smiled and I started running around the field.

She came after me and I don't remember exactly how it started but it started snowing and it was still warm. It wasn't even warm; the temperature was perfect, beyond words. The girl and I had billions of snowball fights and the man joined in too. He wasn't wearing the robes anymore he was then wearing a plaid, button up shirt with a pair of jeans and sneakers. The girl, was still dressed the same, she had been wearing a purple tank top with a white sweater and she had shorts and flip-flops on. She looked like she was going to the beach. Every time she ran after the man or me, her sweater would just blow behind her back. She had long brown hair and she had it up in a pigtail. She always had a smile on her face until it was time for me to go. She came up to me and said, 'We have to go now.' I stared at her and just took her hand that she held out to me and we walked to the end of the field to the door that waited for me there. I asked her what her name was. She said 'My name is Sam.' I nodded and I walked to the door. She grabbed my arm and pulled me back. I asked her what was wrong? She said, 'Nothing. I just wanted to warn you that he might want to visit you sometime.' I asked her what his name was. She said 'His name is David.' I nodded and the man waved and told me that he would visit me soon and frequently but just not as frequently as Sam would. I smiled. Sam and I walked through the door. When I walked back in she told me to go back to my body. She hugged me and then she laid me down. I was then in my body and felt such pain.

My eyes flashed open and I saw Sam sitting there bending over me and she took the knife out of me and she put her hands over the hole in my stomach and then cleaned my knife. She helped me up and sat me down on my bed. 'You shouldn't need this anymore,' she waved the knife at me and quickly put it in her pocket. She told me that she would see me later, and then nothing. Sam went somewhere. I guess she went back to heaven where she belongs. I'm not exactly sure. Since then Sam and David have both made sure to visit me frequently and have always been my best friends. The closest friends that I think that I will ever have.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 3/28/09

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Suicide attempt Other suicide Not while I was out of my body, but while I was in my body.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was most alert during the time when Sam led me to the man in the field.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning When I was sitting on my bed I looked at the clock and realized that all that had happened in only a minute.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Sam and David were with me most of the time. No, I do not believe that I ever knew them. We communicated in every way that I have told you of.

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw Sam walk out of the light towards me.

The experience included: A landscape or city

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I visited the beautiful field.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I was just so overjoyed and I felt such peace.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I had David and Sam help me to learn what I had done wrong to make my life a disaster and what I needed to do to fix it.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I fixed the problems in my life. And now my life is perfectly normal. I'm just an average kid.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Sometimes I must keep my distance from my friends and family whenever Sam or David visits me because I don't plan on telling them.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Just the feeling. There is no possible way to describe how great I felt when I left my body.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Now I can experience communication with ghosts. Only involving Sam and David.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I met my best friend. Samantha (Sam).

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I was interested in NDE's before any of it happened. And I just wanted to explain to people what happened to me.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real At first once I woke up the next morning I thought that it was all a dream but then Sam visited me and I knew the truth immediately.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Same as above.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No