Julie BB NDE

Experience Description

Julie’s Story: From Black to Gold

The day Satan tried to take me out for good seemed a normal weekend. I wanted to get some writing time in, so opted to stay home while my husband, Bill, attended a social event for some co-workers.

It started with a pounding heartbeat that I couldn’t calm, and light headedness. My Apple watch flashed red letters at me. My mouth felt like it was filled with cotton and I experienced some other body functions failing me. I couldn’t think straight and occasionally a black cloud hovered around my vision. As I was literally stumbling around the house thinking 'what is going on?' I clearly heard the Lord tell me to treat it like an allergic reaction. I hadn’t made any changes recently except for cleaning up my diet. I doubted it was an allergy. These were symptoms I’d never experienced before. 'Treat this as an allergic reaction, Julie.' I heard this clearly so I stumbled to the kitchen and took most of my oral rescue meds. Returning to couch, I desperately wanted to lay prone because I felt like fainting but every time I started to lay down, I also heard 'do NOT go to sleep.' I shook it off and pulled my weak muscles to a sitting position each time as I answered, 'OK.' I thought it was a good thing my neighbors couldn’t hear me talking to myself. The meds weren’t working. I tried to text Bill and failed because my hands trembled so badly, but I finally sent two messages. 'Am really sick. Might be reaction. Come home?' I debated calling 911, and argued myself out of it three times. I started a text to my daughter, and my parents, and couldn’t finish either. My whole body shook and my vision blurred. Even as I made my way to the restroom and back and once upstairs to try and change clothes, I gripped my phone, and focused hard to make sure I grabbed it each time I left the room if I’d had to set it down.

'Treat it as an allergic reaction.' The voice came again, confusing me. I’d taken my meds! It dawned slowly. My EpiPen! I went back to the kitchen and grabbed it. I’d never stabbed myself before and usually made it to the ER instead. But I was scared I wouldn’t make it this time. Somehow, I knew I was in trouble this time.

I scrambled for my reading glasses to read the blurry instructions, and stabbed myself in the thigh with the EpiPen. Slurring my words and concentrating hard, I carefully counted to ten and pulled it out. I tossed it on the coffee table thinking I needed to move it so no one poked themselves later. Once a mother…right? For a few minutes, things seemed slightly better. But then symptoms returned full force and I couldn’t stay upright. My muscles weakened more and I could hardly move my arms and legs. My trembling body now shook the whole couch. 911 it was. The operator wanted more information but I couldn’t form words well. As soon as I managed 'Have allergies. Took EpiPen,' her pace picked up and she assured me medics were only a couple of miles away. Indeed, one EMT later said that I was fortunate. They had finished a call in my area and were heading out of town when the call came. They would have likely been much further away had I waited longer to call.

The EMT arrived at the front door and I managed to meet him there, but not without trying to turn and collapse on our stairs. 'I have a better idea. Take my arm.' I did, he surrounded me with his arms, walked me out, pushed me up into the ambulance and strapped me into a gurney. 'I can treat you better out here than on your stairs.'

I finally felt safe to pass out and heard no voice this time telling me to stay awake, and so I did at least four more times. I kept reciting Psalm 23 in my head and I thought of all the loss that my family has already had. I prayed to stay here with all of them for that reason. The first time I awoke, I asked the EMT’s names. After all, they already knew mine. Each time I awoke, I saw our trees out the window. 'Why are we still at my house?' Romi had taken blood from my hand, told his partner to run a lab test and had given me Benadryl and a dose of steroids. My heartrate was so high, they hesitated to give me more Epi. And I couldn’t think coherently enough to inform them that I usually get a high heartrate with allergic reactions – Epi actually brings it down. Each time I passed out, they jostled my shoulder, called my name, and asked questions. I answered the best I could but often passed out again midsentence. I knew when it was coming because that same grayish-black cloud would appear in front of my eyes and then move to a pinpoint. A true fade-to-black. Then, there was nothing until they woke me up again. The last question I remember them asking was where I worked and carefully, trying to push words through the swelling in my throat and mouth, I told them that I work for ARMS, a Christian nonprofit that helps domestic violence victims and am also a writer. Silence filled the ambulance. 'You do what?' The driver whistled. 'I bet that isn’t at all stressful.' I tried to smile at him, and believe I said, 'Well, some days…' I should have said 'no more stressful than yours!'

I knew I was readying to pass out again so gave up conversing. My eyes closed and I felt my head fall to the side for the umpteenth time. I felt safe there and I knew both the EMT’s were working hard on my behalf. But why weren’t we headed to the hospital?

This time there was no greyish-black. There was only a semi-solid gold cloud in front of me. What was that? God gave me the gift of curiosity, sometimes to my chagrin, and trying to figure it out became my new focus. As I stared at the gold cloud that was a bit solid and yet had shifting edges, I noticed movement behind it. Shapes. People. When I craned my neck forward to get a closer look, two living, breathing squares of glass snapped into place, blocking my view. I couldn’t stop staring. Mostly orange (I believe from the light shining behind) but also yellow and pink with faint purple, it moved in a kaleidoscope pattern. There was a flower within the glass, then another, with white pearls and back onyx embedded, shifting, moving, spinning. I thought of our upcoming anniversary trip to Hawaii and of the beautiful mosaics that my dad makes. The colors were unlike any I’d seen before and I couldn’t stop staring. But I immediately understood that I was not supposed to see what was in the gold cloud. And then, sensing His presence, I realized that my Lord stood to my right, but I wasn’t able to see Him either. I wasn’t supposed to see Him yet.

'Not yet.' He confirmed in a rich, beautiful baritone voice that still gives me shivers, yet felt so safe. 'Go. There is still so much work to be done.' I believe the next words out of my mouth likely would have been 'yes, Lord' if I could have spoken but as soon as he said 'Go,' I was already headed backward in a vortex at a hundred miles per hour, it seemed. Yet I heard the rest of his sentence as if he was traveling next to me. Someone held me on the way back down. I opened my eyes, back in the ambulance, where the EMT was finally pushing more Epi into my hand IV and telling his partner to get a move on to the hospital.

'Sounds like you’ve got work to do.' Romi said as we pulled out of the cul-de-sac. I wanted to laugh – he had no idea. God had told me to go away! And to keep being a worker-bee!

I passed out several more times at the hospital while they worked on me but I didn’t visit heaven again. They finally got me stabilized and at one point, the doctor stopped in the doorway to tell me that with my medical history, I needed to be informed, and I had been. 'You knew exactly what you needed.' I wanted to say 'thank you for listening but it didn’t feel like a reaction. God told me it was one' but I was still wasn’t able to speak clearly. The nurse later told me had I not administered my EpiPen – it would have been a much different conversation – with my loved ones, not me.

I quoted a Bible verse at this nurse later, and I don’t remember which one. But then corrected myself. I’d gotten it out of order and he slapped the computer keypad, laughing. 'You’re right! That’s exactly what it says.'

Well OK. Apparently he wasn’t the one I was supposed to witness to.

When it was time, and finally with a medication they hadn’t tried yet that hits the H3 (Histamine) receptor in our bodies and a full packet of fluid flush within a few minutes time, I sat up straight. The cotton was gone from my mouth – I could speak again. My throat worked. My muscles were under my control. My incessant body trembles had finally ceased and my heartrate felt normal. I smiled. I’d seen the outskirts of heaven! And I’d heard my God! I started chatting to whomever would listen, including Bill, who’d just arrived and rushed into the room. 'That’s the husband.' He overheard as he was coming in. I must have sounded like a lunatic (yes, I learned quickly that some people look at me very strangely if I tell them I visited heaven, but not my husband, of course). The doctor, watching the monitors apparently, darted in and asked how I felt. 'Like a normal person!' I gasped. 'Thank you! Please thank your team for me…'

I actually may never feel 'normal' again. But that’s not a bad thing.

It was confirmed later by my primary doctor that I had indeed flatlined in the ambulance. Although I 'knew it,' to have it medically confirmed was unarguable validation. I am left with an incredible sense of hope and blessing. And yet recovering from it is also a burden. Everything is different now. I can’t stop processing and I can’t stop the wonderment that God values the work I do for Him here. It is important – and there is much more to do! And I had thought the phrase 'think eternally' meant that someday, some of the things I do here would not be important. Not the case.

The day after I traveled to heaven, He led me to I Thessalonians chapter one and almost every verse jumped out with new meaning and a resounding impact that has never been there before. I kept telling my husband and parents, 'It’s like Paul had been to heaven. It’s in everything He writes.' I devoured everything Paul wrote. And I just recently discovered that most of the commentators agree that when Paul was speaking of a 'friend who had been to heaven and couldn’t speak of what he’d seen,' that he was speaking of himself.

I belong to a club I’ve only read about. My faith, and my God, are real. There was truly no fear in death – and yes, at times in the past I have feared it. I believe it would have been much harder returning and adjusting had He allowed me to see into the gold cloud, the people I love who’ve gone before me, or His radiant face.

Instead, He closed the gates. I find this of particular interest because when I’ve prayed most of my adult life asking for His help in taking next steps or I pray for the gals who I work with, I’ve always prayed for closed doors instead of open ones. It’s so much clearer.

I no longer cringe when I see people out and about wearing both orange and pink. Since childhood, the color orange always seemed hideous to me and I felt the blend of them should absolutely never exist. I never liked yellow either. But I stand corrected. The colors I saw, I’ve not been able to find here on earth, even when blending my colored pencils together to attempt a drawing of what I saw.

I’ve always believed I had a good chance of dying from an allergic reaction someday – and I was right. Satan tried hard to take advantage of that. But he doesn’t own my soul – my Lord does. And apparently, I’m simply a Lazarus – with apparently lot more work to do for Him before I go for good.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 8/24/24

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) Allergic reaction

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Just more alert and aware of things I had never learned on earth.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? One I arrived at the gold cloud.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time? What time?

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't sense a difference there but I came back with eyestrain. For 10 days, I couldn't figure out the headache behind my eyes and couldn't go outside without sunglasses.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing has enhanced since.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The gold cloud was so bright and the gates/barrier that snapped down was like glowing, living glass. Mostly orange that I can't find here on earth.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Heaven, apparently.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Extreme love. Sadness from God when He sent me back. Peacefulness and curiosity.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will It wasn't my decision. I honestly could have gone either way.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Jesus told me to come back. That there is still so much work to be done.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Jesus stood next to me but I couldn't look at Him.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes He's there, for sure.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Yes, my work is not done and is more vital than I expected.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes We are here to work for Him. He will not bring us Home until that work is done.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes There is life after death and God is real and can't wait for all of us to come Home.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Revelations are still coming.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Everything is going to be OK in the end. We don't understand all that happens here and all the grief but someday we will.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes God wants all of His children Home with Him. He knew me intimately and loves each one the same. I had no idea I was so beloved to Him and that my work here is so important.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There are no words to describe it all. What we have on earth here is not adequate.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I wrote it all down so I wouldn't forget but not to worry, it all remains very clear.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I am exploring this. Has only been a month.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? His intense love for me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Husband and close people heard right away. I couldn't shut up about it. Quite euphoric when I came back. They all believed me but I could tell a friend was wondering about me the next day when I mentioned it. Now blogging and writing quite a bit, as well as hearing from people whom I've apparently impacted. A lot of 'we're so glad you are still with us.'

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I had read John Burke's 'Heaven' book a few years ago.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

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