KC NDE

Experience Description

I had a massive bilateral pulmonary embolism three days after being discharged from the hospital. I had been in the hospital, where I was treated for near-fatal sepsis peritonitis. I had three abdominal washouts. I returned home with a huge incision that was held together only by a 'woundvac.' While trying to get some strength back, I was walking with my mom. A blood clot that had formed behind my knee came loose and traveled to my lungs. I went into cardiac arrest at least once while I was in my home. I remember the moment it happened, because I remember starting to get tunnel-vision. My mother was behind me and I said, 'Mom, catch me'. This is the only NDE I can remember after flatlining three more times.

I heard something similar to applause, or perhaps white noise. It was a muffled sound and hard to tell. I don't recall seeing anything terribly specific. What I do remember, and will remember for the rest of my life, is the feeling of euphoria that I experienced before I regained consciousness. It was as if the entire balance of my world was obliterated. I felt free and happy. I felt all the complexities, that are inherently connected with living organism in this world, simply melt away. I remember looking down. It looked as though I was on a stage with lights lining the edge on the 'stage.' I think I remember seeing the light at my feet, slowly turn into wood. The sound was pure static. I wasn't confused or scared by it.

When I opened my eyes, I remember still feeling wonderful. I saw the staircase and banister from the level of the floor. I thought, 'That's odd' but I didn't question it. That was until 30 seconds went by and I realized that I was in great danger. I remained conscious and the emergency medical technicians (EMTs) arrived. They thought I had had a panic attack because they never imagined someone as young as myself having a heart attack. I still had enough energy to swear at them. I tried so hard to remain conscious the entire ride in the ambulance to the hospital, but all I truly wanted was to pass out again. I felt like I was drowning. The last thing I remember before waking up two days later, was that I was fighting with the EMTs. In my hysteria, I thought that the oxygen mask was suffocating me. I remember hearing the words 'code blue.'

Then I woke up to see my sister, who lives thousands of miles away, standing in the small room where I was intubated and strapped to the rails of the bed. I thought I was dead. I flatlined three more times once I arrived at the hospital. CPR was done on me manually because I had a 24 inch incision, closed by a 'woundvac.' I was not expected to wake up, yet I did.

I am struggling with this plurality that exists in me. At the same time, I feel a piece of me may be gone forever. It is not necessarily a good part or a bad part, just a part of me. It's almost as if I had to lose something to gain something. I process information differently now, my memory is sharp, and certain things come easy to me. I don't know if it's in my head or not. I've even considered the possibility of brain damage, but my brain is fine. My heart is undamaged. I don't worry about death anymore, because I am certain now that I am not my body.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 09/02/2016

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Heart attack. CPR given Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) I had a massive bilateral pulmonary embolism three days after being discharged from the hospital for sepsis peritonitis. I went into cardiac arrest at least once while in my home. CPR was done on me manually because I had a 24-inch incision, closed by a 'woundvac.' I was not expected to wake up, yet I did.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes. There werelights at my feet, the feeling of not being alone, yet I didn't know any specific person. The wood was different from that in my home. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. Now my senses are heightened

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? After I first went into cardiac arrest at home

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Time lost meaning

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. More attention to mundane details

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. All I could hear was white noise or applause. It could have been the static sound of space for all I know, but it drowned out the sounds of my mother screaming at me to wake up.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes at my feet. The light was almost in a line and aimed up at me.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. There was a mix of reality and mysticism

What emotions did you feel during the experience? euphoria

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths. Agnostic/Buddhist with Muslim influence

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths. I don't think any religion could tell me more than I already know regarding the afterlife. Perhaps I'd take religious texts more seriously if they'd been written by an NDE survivor.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I thought, and honestly still believe, that most NDEs are not completely true.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I cherish every single day, even the bad ones

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I think we've always existed.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I lost the balance, of good and bad. I was only surrounded by good and Happiness. I felt like I became part of something I was created from.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I've been told I must have a purpose. I don't think I do. I create my purpose.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife probably exists. I felt wonderful, at peace, and that something was pulling me. I came back knowing I am not my body.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes It's powerful. I think the word is bastardized. It was more about universal longing, trust, and friendship.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I tried going to church, and a mosque. Neither helped me understand, but there's a nice community aspect about organized religion that think could be beneficial to my mindset. I just cannot label myself a believer of any particular religion. I feel it would be hypocritical if I did.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes see above

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes, I think differently.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The noise.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes a few days after I woke up I told my family, but no one thought it was strange.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. My memory is very vivid. I suffer from PTSD from this experience, so I remember it pretty clearly.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I am scared to go near the banister and the stairs in my home.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? no

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? make it shorter. Life is short.