Kelly R FDE

Experience Description

Just had my 18th birthday after losing my grandma Polly that May unexpectedly. I had also just graduated high school in June of 2015 and only took a few months off before starting at the Spa School. I was set to graduate for Advanced Esthetics within 6 months of me starting. January 7, 2016. I was the first class for that day and my boyfriend (now husband) asked if I could pick him up on the way home. He was at his mom's house. It was about 20 degrees and lightly raining. I left school about 8:30 pm and I had tried before I left to GPS (find driving directions) from my school to my boyfriend's parents' house but my GPS would just say "the address doesn’t exist." We decided since I knew majority of the way there and I had Bluetooth Hands Free Calling that I’d go as far as I knew and he’d walk me through the rest. Something we’ve done on many occasions. That day, I had decided to straighten my hair, wear an infinity scarf, and I had an old North Face.

I drove an older Silver Hatchback Hyundai Elantra GT and my emergency break was very wiggly. I was just about 2 miles away from the Alum Creek exit and I had gotten off on the wrong exit, so at the stop light I got my boyfriend on my Bluetooth. I was merging onto the freeway, going about 68 and I started to hydroplane, my emergency break somehow pushed up while I started hydroplaning. I lost control of my car and before I knew it I was doing donuts. I just started screaming, screaming to my boyfriend on the phone to help me. I could see the lights of the cars with each donut. I felt helpless, I just kept spinning and then it stopped. I stopped spinning. I briefly looked out my driver's window and I could tell I’m diagonal across the “fast lane” & middle lane of the freeway. I see big lights coming at me in the “fast lane”, quickly.

I remembered someone saying or I read that if you’re ever in a car accident just let your body go don’t tense up. I leaned back in my seat, closed my eyes, let my body go, and said God please don’t let me die. It honestly felt like a reflex, I can’t explain it it’s like my body knew what to do. I can still feel the way my body jerked around the car like it was a literal rag doll. I can still hear the crashing of metal, breaking glass, honking horns, people cussing at me, yelling, saying I deserve to die, telling me to move my car, I’m an idiot, you can still move your car, this is all your fault. But nothing, darkness is all I see. It was like I was just hovering over myself but just seeing darkness.

Finally, it happened, it all stopped, my car finally stopped moving. I start opening my eyes slowly. Glass is all around me, I can hear cars going around me driving over all the pieces of my car. I was hit on my driver's side of the hood about 2-4 inches away from the driver's door. My door was bent inwards towards me, the front of my car was pushed in pressing against my knees and I had finally realized all the blood coming down my face from my head. I could feel the blood stuck throughout my hair, covering my face, puddling in my scarf. I wanted to rip the scarf off my neck but I was terrified to move. There was a hole in the right wrist of my North Face where the air bag fluid burned through and branded my wrist. At this point, I need to get out.

I felt trapped, I couldn’t open my door but my window was busted open. There was a woman trying to go around my car, so close I could see she was on the phone but I put my bloody had out the window and just started screaming. Help me! Please help me! Help me! She looked directly at me and just kept driving. That’s where it set in for me, I leaned back in the seat and said to myself okay, you’re going to die here. You’re going to die alone. Your parents won’t know, I don’t even know if my boyfriend heard anything that just happened. I lost all faith in humanity. That’s when I noticed a little branded P on my right wrist where the air bag fluid burned me. I realized my grandma was there and she watched over me. I realized I wasn’t alone.

I just sat there going over and over in my head how this is it. But then, a man came running to my car. I started begging him, please don’t let me die, please don’t let me die, please help me, please. He just keeps trying to calm me, he grabs my hand and keeps telling me to squeeze, he calmly asked me where I went to school, what I was going to school for, anything to try and keep me sane. He starts looking at my head saying oh No and that’s where panic sets in. Another man with a crow bar tries to get my door open. Two other men pulled their truck diagonal so cars couldn’t keep passing through all the scrummage of what was my first car. They got out of their truck and got my passenger door opened, they pulled me out and carried me to the side of the freeway and sat me down. I’m shivering, I can stop shivering.

Three other men came running out of their cars, took a picture of me, ran away and got back in their cars. So more people came up and made a barrier around me so No one else could come around. The ambulance finally pulls up and they ask what hurts? I told them my knees, the left top side of my head, my left shoulder where the seatbelt cut in, and the top of my neck. They start asking me everything. What car I drive? Where I live? Where I go to school? What’s your name? On repeat. I just start answering, over and over. Before I knew it they’re laying me flat on a gurney, putting a neck brace on me and pushing me on the ambulance.

At this point I just keep asking for my mom or for someone to call her. They told me since I was 18 years old I was considered an adult so they had to address my wounds and then they’ll call someone for me. They took me to Hospital and as they’re taking me in the EMTs are talking to the emergency room nurses and I overheard them say I was t-boned by a semi-truck.

This is the first moment I realize the lights I saw coming for me wasn’t just a car, it was a full semi-truck. I even asked to get clarity, it was a car or truck right? With the nurse saying No sweets you were t-boned by a semi-truck. Everyone I would speak to is ask if they’d call my mom and they’d reply No we have to address your wounds first. They take me into an emergency room with a naked old man on one table and a room full of interns and newer doctors. I feel like I’m going to shake right off the metal table they have me on. They start cutting my clothes off me. The man next to me staring away, I felt like I might as well of just been a dead body the way they’d barely speak to me while cutting everything off me. One of the doctors come up to me and tells me he needs to start putting about 3 staples and 13 stitches in my head to close the wound. At that point, I knew he needed to do his job but I was done being alone, I needed someone I knew. I told him he needs to at least communicate with me so I know what it feels like before you touch my head and someone call my mom. He told me what to expect and started working on my head. I started to cry and he laid a paper towel over my eyes, I guess to not see me cry. The only nurse to actually speak to me took the towel off my eyes, covered my shaking body with a blanket and said I’m going to call your mom for you. They had the phone on speaker and all I heard was my mom's voice saying my boyfriend called her when he heard my screaming and they’re all waiting in the trauma center. The relief finally set in and I lost it. I couldn’t hold the tears in anymore.

They finally finished with my sutures and got me into a trauma room. It’s about 12 am, waiting to be able to go in for a bunch of scans and tests. I had to lay completely flat until I had a panic attack from lying flat so they sat me up 15 degrees. I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink but they gave me water to suck out of cold sponges. They finally let my mom and dad come back into the room. My face still a bloody mess, they walk in in shock. Looking at me in disbelief, promising me everything will be fine and we’ll figure everything out. My mom started to wipe the dry blood off my face. We spent some time together and then my parents let my boyfriend come back to see me. He told me how he was sitting in his living room, giving me instructions and he started hearing me scream his name and loud banging. He said he could hear me screaming and then a bunch of crashes. The phone went silent so he automatically called my parents to let them know he thought I was in an accident then went yelling to his parents that I was in an accident and they need to leave. His whole family jumped in the car and drove to the area on the freeway where he knew I was. Due to the accident, the freeway was backed up about 5-7 miles so They got off the freeway and started scoping from the fenced streets above the freeways. They finally spotted my car and he ran down to ask a cop where they took me and they told him Grant Hospital. I was so thankful that he immediately called my parents for me and that he came to the hospital to be there with me.

They take me back for testing and once they bring me back the say I’ll have to stay in the trauma center for the night and we’d get the tests back sometime tomorrow. I had a small chair next to my bed in my trauma room and my boyfriend wanted to stay with me. He tried to sleep on the chair but he’s a pretty tall so he slept on the floor next to my bed. The next morning, I finally got put into a room out of the trauma center so my family could all be in my room at once. The doctors came in to give me my test results and they let me know I had glass in my hand, 13 stitches & 3 staples in my head, whiplash, a concussion, nerve damage in my knees & left shoulder, and I fractured my C2 almost paralyzing me. Telling me the only reason they’re not doing surgery is because of my age and they’re hoping it can heal on its own. The nurses came in to try and wash some of the hardened blood out of my hair, didn’t work that well so we ended up putting my hair in a bun. With my tests results back I was able to sit up but was put into a neck brace. My mom and my boyfriend would switch off between staying the night with me, I was there for 3 nights.

Every night it was a battle with the nurses to get my pain meds. One night, I woke up in the middle of the night in so much pain and we pressed the button multiple times for help. My mom walked out and saw the nurse sitting right under the light with the beeping from our button being pressed. She told her that I needed my medicine now and I shouldn’t be waiting that long while I’m in pain. I finally was released from the hospital and I was under strict conditions. I couldn’t lift anything over 5 lbs., No driving, No taking the neck brace off whether it’s showering or sleeping. We had to go to the doctors every few weeks to check the status on my neck and my head. I struggled sleeping every night, I couldn’t even turn over by myself. My mom would sleep with me and turn me around when I needed too at night. I had to take a break from school and I lost my job since I had missed multiple days from being in the hospital. I started to get PTSD anytime we’d get in the car especially on the freeway. 7 weeks in I finally get my stitches and my staples taken out. Such a deep pain in my head and after an hour, they were out! It was such a big step. But added to the other sore wounds. 14 long weeks later we went to another visit with my doctor. He said as far as the neck brace, this as far as we can go. He said I would get my brace taken off today but I needed to take it easy as it would take a year or more for my neck to completely heal.

So he takes my brace off and my neck feels like mashed potatoes, like I didn’t even have a neck and feels like mush. They basically washed their hands with me after that. Gave me No other instructions. I was neck brace free and it was my first night sleeping alone. I had terrible nightmares and stiffness I couldn’t sleep at all. I knew was going to have to get ahold of the mental part of all this so I started to see a therapist to help get through it. We worked on the anxiety and PTSD. I got back to school and finally graduated in October! I’m now down to only having PTSD episodes of the car is jerked and I can now spot signs of when it starts happening before I go tunnel vision. We’re still working on my anxiety but it’s come a long way!

This really taught me that if you see someone that needs help, help them. Be in the moment and don’t just wish it away because you don’t know what could happen. Be thankful for what and who you have in your corner, at your lowest those are the ones that will always be there for you. The last thing I learned was that although physically I was alone. I know someone or multiple guardian angels were with me and protecting me that night. I was anything but alone. I’m thankful for my boyfriend for calling my mom as soon as he heard trouble, for my parents who left their house in the middle of the night and went searching up and down the freeways near where the crash happened to find me, for the people who came to see me in the hospital & helped me after, for the nurse who called my mom, for the people who stopped and got me out of my car, for my guardians, & for me. I’m thankful for me going through so hard to show me how amazing I can be. I try to make this day a day of celebration now. Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s even hard on the non-anniversary days but with every year come growth. People say God gives his hardest battles to his strongest people and for that I am grateful.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: January 07, 2016

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Accident Direct head injury Life threatening event, but not clinical death

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It seemed way more in tune like my body knew what to do before I even did it. My hand even somehow covered my face when my head smacked against my window and it shielded my face from getting glass there.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I lost control of my car and started doing donuts. When I looked out my window and saw lights coming towards me.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Like when you have your camera on slow motion video but I knew it was going much faster.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I felt like I was seeing everything so slow when I knew it was happening so fast.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It sounded muffled or like it was distance. Like I was under water and everything was above me.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Jesus, Guardian Angels, My Grandma I just lost that I believe branded my arm to let know she was there.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I was completely terrified. I dropped my hands, leaned back, closed my eyes, and said God please don’t let me die.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of No return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I know there’s really people up there looking out for you now.

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Jesus, Guardian Angels, My Grandma I just lost that I believe branded my arm to let know she was there.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes The whole situation.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Someone has to be up there if I lived through that!

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes When the nurse finally called my mom and my boyfriend the whole time and how he handled the whole thing.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I realized whose really going to be there for me through the hard times and whose just there for fun.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I can’t explain the feeling

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I’m thankful for but hearing my moms voice on the speaker phone and realizing I was going to spend the rest of my life with the man who got my mom to the hospital and didn’t leave my side the whole time were definitely some the best moments.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes They felt bad for me and are usually shocked that I was even t-bones by a semi truck. I’ve gotten a lot better about talking it to people.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was in pain and wondering why it was happening to me or what I could have done differently to change the outcome.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I’ve come to terms that I can’t change anything that happened and I couldn’t have changed anything that happened. So I need to be free and just talk about it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes The story comes up a lot. Especially with family that ask how I’m doing. It’s better for me to talk about it than to try to forget.