Ken M NDE

Experience Description

I was on a group, mountain biking ride in a remote part of San Mateo County and about 20 miles south of San Francisco. I didn't know most of the people in the group. About half way through a roughly 20 mile ride, I became very weak. I described the symptoms to one of the other riders, who turned out to be a cardiologist. He told me that I was having a heart attack. While we were figuring out how to get responders to our location, I felt a heavy thunk in my chest.

It was the first cardiac arrest. I lost consciousness a moment later. Fortunately, a park ranger had just arrived with a defibrillator. I was resuscitated but then had another cardiac arrest. A helicopter arrived and I was evacuated. I arrested and was resuscitated several more times.

I woke up to find myself floating in a beautiful, tranquil darkness. But I don't have a sense of self, or any memory of anything. I don't know how I got to this space. I feel an overwhelming sense of euphoria, peacefulness, and safety. There are blue and white orbs floating in the darkness. It's a brilliant, beautiful light that fills me with peace. But there is also an undertow, pulling me somewhere deeper. I feel it's gravity but I don't sink down. I feel an overwhelming sense of awe but I'm not really afraid.

I gradually get a sense that there is a story unfolding. It's distant, like it's happening somewhere else. It's the story of a man who is in serious danger. People are urgently trying to help him. There is texture that is abrasive, tearing, and scratching. The feeling grows more present. I don't like it, but I can't shake it. I wonder if this might be real. I push the idea away but it continues to gnaw at me. I'm arguing with myself for what seems like a long time. Finally, I realize that this man is me! The world slowly materializes around me. I'm in a helicopter. I had a heart attack. People are trying to save me. I think I might be dying.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 10/31/21

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack CPR given Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) Heart attack which triggered a series of cardiac arrests

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness. It was very different than my everyday consciousness in that I didn't really have a sense of self. I was disembodied and had no memory of arriving in this space. It felt like I had been there forever.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was fully aware while I was floating in the darkness.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning The place felt timeless, like I had been there forever.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see brilliant, scintillating orbs of blue and white light hovering around me in a dark void. I couldn't see anything else.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't remember hearing anything until I gradually started coming back, at which time I could hear the sound of the helicopter and the voices of the paramedics.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes There was a group of brilliant, scintillating orbs of blue and white light. They were beautiful. They made me feel happy and filled with peace.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place I found myself floating and a dark void, but I felt completely disembodied. It felt eternal, like I'd been there forever. I was accompanied by brilliant spheres of blue and white light. There was also a sense that I was on the precipice of some deeper void. I could feel the gravity of this void, trying to pull me in, but I hovered where I was, alongside the glowing orbs.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? The most profound sense of peacefulness and euphoria

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Buddhist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes For most of my life I've considered myself very rational and grounded in a materialist view of the universe. I've had a Buddhist meditation practice for many years, but generally thought of it as a tool for personal growth rather than a religion. Since the experience, my views haven't transformed radically, but I do have a more wiggle room for the mystical and mysterious. I feel that the most important aspects of the human experience come from the heart more than the mind. I have deepened my spiritual practice, and I'm exploring how I can make it more central to my life.

What is your religion now? Buddhist I have a strong Buddhist meditation practice, and to an extent live by the tenets of Buddhism, but do not consider myself a religious person in the traditional sense. Most accurately I'm somewhere between agnostic and Buddhist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I have a much greater sense of gratitude and empathy towards others. I have a strong desire to live by my values, and to not follow empty, meaningless pursuits. I have a desire to live a simple life, where I am present in the moment. Excessive financial gain does not feel important to me (although I do want basic financial security). I want to help others, and give more of myself to the world.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life This experience has had a huge impact on my life. In the immediate aftermath, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude to all those who helped me, and a sense of peace and acceptance towards any limitations that may arise as a result of the event. But I also went through emotional difficulties in the months that followed. Over the past two years I have been working hard to address issues in all aspects of my life: relationships, work, etc. I am far more open-hearted and spiritual.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I don't feel that my personality transformed overnight. Rather, I would say that it's become much more important to me to be more open, empathic, and caring towards people. I feel devoted to cultivating these qualities within me.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was the most beautiful, peaceful experience of my life. It was a very specific quality that I wish I could convey. This can be frustrating.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The entire experience (the heart attack, the cardiac arrests the NDE, my time in the ICU) was both terrifying and profoundly beautiful. I feel like my heart opened up in a way it never has before. It's been the most significant event of my life. I'm actually glad it happened. It feels like a gift.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I felt a strong drive to share my experience immediately after the event. Sometimes I wonder if I talk about it too much. People seem fairly amazed by the story.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I'm aware of the typical NDE stories one hears about with a tunnel, meeting loved ones who had passed, meeting otherworldly beings, god, etc. I don't feel this influenced my experience. I actually didn't think of the experience as an NDE at first, because it was so different than the typical story.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was a real experience in that I experienced it. The question doesn't feel meaningful to me.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was a real experience in that I experienced it. The question doesn't feel meaningful to me.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I've had a powerful heart-opening experience during a long silent Buddhist meditation retreat.