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I experienced an eclamptic [Editor’s note: A form of toxemia of pregnancy.] convulsion the day after I gave birth. It was so severe that my heart stopped. At first, all I experienced was cold, and then my soul floated up out of my body. When I reached the level of the ceiling in my room, I turned around and saw my dead body on the bed. I felt a moment of regret, such as one might feel seeing a beautiful purebred dog dead on the side of the highway. It was a good body and it had served me well, but that part of my existence was over with and I was ready to move on. I did see the medical personnel who were scrambling to resuscitate me and I wished I could tell them not to bother. I turned around, looked up at the ceiling, and floated up into the plenum and through the roof of the building. Once I was outside, I had the feeling that it was night. A shaft of brilliant white light, similar to looking into an aircraft searchlight, pierced the dark sky above me. By contrast, the dark around me was so deep it was palpable. I ‘fell’ upward through that light, but when I reached a threshold, a point of no return, I was stopped. I kept looking into the light. Within it were all the love, beauty, acceptance, and bliss imaginable. How can one describe perfection? I knew God was behind that light and I wanted more than anything to join the beings that I knew were with Him. However, a voice said, ‘Go back. It isn't time.’The light winked out and I woke up in my body, sick, hurting, and bitterly disappointed. The experience did leave me changed. I will never fear death again. I only wish I could tell everyone that at the end, God handles us gently. There will be only joy when we cross that barrier. The kicker was that the voice that told me to go back. I could never forget the timbre, pace, pitch, and pronunciation I heard. It was the voice my son (a day old at the time of the incident) has now: as a grown man.
Background Information:
Gender: Female
Date NDE Occurred: 4/25/1968 NDE Elements:
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw my room, my body on the bed, a nurse coming into the room and running back out shouting for help. I saw a doctor responding and running down the hall toward her, but I turned and left before he got in the room. I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was stopped at the threshold and I was still looking into the light: I was in touch with the whole universe, animate and inanimate.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time as we understand it, stopped for me.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see everything without looking around and I could focus on everything at once.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was the same 360-degree as the vision. I could hear everything without direction and without regard to perception threshold.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I understand why some people perceive a tunnel. To me it was complete black darkness pierced by a white light. I did not feel like it had walls and I think I could have passed through the space to either side of me rather than going to the light but I wanted that light more than anything.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Brilliant, blue white. But it was not unpleasant to look at directly. It would have been blinding to physical eyes, but I did not have physical eyes any longer.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was on the brink of God's domain.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Elation.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes There is a boundary which, if crossed, prevents you from coming back. I was stopped at that boundary.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Mormon
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No I am just more firmly convinced of the existence and love of God.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Mormon
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had not believed in reincarnation but the experience gave me the knowledge that I have lived before and this life is only one of many my soul has experienced and will experience.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes What we do can matter in ways we do not understand at the time.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I had a sense of continuity telling me I had lived before, died before, and I will do both again.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes We are all one in God
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I sensed God behind the light. In addition, it was God who told me I had to come back. He spoke to me in my son's voice because He has to communicate with us in terms we will understand.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God probably does not exist Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists┬
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I knew that my soul was immortal and it is destined to return to where it came from. God was behind the light I saw and I wanted to return to Him.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I greatly fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt overwhelming, accepting love from the light.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. I became sensitive to my own and others' past lives. I recall many of my own and I can pick up on the significant past lives of others.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain I was in an unstable marriage and my life was a mess. It changed a lot, but I'm not certain how much the NDE influenced that. After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I am a former English teacher and a writer, but there are simply no words to explain the perfection I saw. It's like trying to explain a color your eyes can't see.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I will never forget a single detail. It was too vivid. However, I remember a lot of what went on around it.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can channel others' past lives. I don't do it on a regular basis because unsolicited it's an invasion of privacy.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I waited a long time because I was afraid people would consider me weird. I'm still careful whom I share it with. Generally speaking people have been accepting.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was as real as having breakfast except that it totally blew my mind.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Absolutely real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
I had pre-eclampsia before a c'sarean section and twenty-four hours after delivery I had an eclamptic convulsion that was so severe my heart stopped.
All I remember of the seizure was feeling cold. It was as though a blanket of snow had been unrolled over me beginning at my toes. When it hit my chest, my spirit floated up and out of my body. I could see the ceiling tiles coming closer, and I heard someone shouting out into the hallway of my room. I looked down and saw my body lying on the bed. I knew it was dead. I experienced a moment of regret, because it was a good body and I had been fond of it, but it was no more than the regret a person would feel at seeing a beautiful purebred dog lying dead beside the highway. Two nurses and a doctor rushed in and began CPR and I remember thinking why waste all that time and effort? I was done and I was ready to move on.
I turned my attention upward again and I floated through the ceiling and the plenum and into the attic. I saw the roof trusses, air ducts, conduits, insulation, etc. in extreme detail. But when I passed through the roof and should have been outside, I was instead in a darkness so deep and dense it was almost physically palpable. A straight beam of light that originated way above me pierced this darkness and slightly to the left (this would have been to the west-southwest and about eighty degrees elevation). It was blue-white and extremely bright but very beautiful and not at all unpleasant to look at. Then I accelerated suddenly and it felt like I was 'falling up' toward the light.
In perhaps a count of three, I was at the light and then I was stopped at a barrier. I looked at the light and I experienced an overwhelming flood of peace, joy, and unconditional love. I knew that God was behind that light, and there with Him was everything we could imagine - beautiful, good, just, merciful, and righteous, in a far greater measure than the human mind can conceive. Even after so many years, I do not have words to describe this adequately. I wanted nothing more than to step over that barrier and go through the light to where God was. I said, 'Oh, yes, please...' But it was not to be. A man's voice came from nowhere and said, 'Go back. It isn't time.' The words were burned into my memory and so was the voice itself, its pace, pitch, timbre, and pronunciation. It is the voice my then day-old son now has as a grown man. In retrospect, this does not surprise me. God has to communicate with us in ways we, with our limited understanding, can comprehend.
Before I had a chance to be disappointed, my consciousness winked out. I woke up that evening back in my body, sick, hurting, and feeling powerless before the mountain of difficulties I faced if I were ever to get my life back in order.Background Information:
Date NDE Occurred: April 25, 1968
NDE Elements:
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-relatedChildbirth Post C-section eclamptic convulsion (status eplipepticus that caused cardiac arrest) Clinical death I guess you could call it that. I was clinically dead with a cardiac arrest until I was resuscitated.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes My spirit seemed to be a nebulous ball of energy. I still saw and thought and heard but I retained no part of my physical form.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was probably semiconscious at the start of the event. At any rate, I was groggy but I was not ready to give in to sleep. I remember feeling cold, starting from my feet up, and when the cold hit my chest, my soul left my body and I became fully alert.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Altered space, maybe. I seemed to be 'falling up' toward the light at an impossibly rapid pace.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Not particularly. At first I heard the usual sounds of the hospital, and nothing more until the voice told me to go back.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain It wasn't really a tunnel, although I can see why some people describe it that way. I was in darkness so deep it seemed solid. It was pierced by a blue-white light that had straight sides (think of a WWII aircraft searchlight).
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No Only the voice that told me it was not my time.
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was far away to my upper left and extremely brilliant. However, it was not unpleasant to look at. As I explained above, it resembled an old carbon arc aircraft searchlight.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Afterward I started to experience memories of my past lives. It was as if the barrier between past and present had been degraded somehow.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes My upward 'fall' was stopped abruptly just shy of the light. If I had stepped through it, there would have been no coming back. At that boundary, a voice said, 'Go back. It isn't time.' I never forgot that voice, and strangely, it is the voice that my then day-old son would have as a grown man.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was not involved in the decision. I was told unequivocally that I had to go back. If I experienced any emotion at all, it was just a brief flash of surprise when the voice spoke to me. Then my consciousness winked out and I did not wake up until I was back in my body.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal
What is your religion now? Liberal I belong to a Southern Baptist Convention church but I am still a closet liberal
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Belief in reincarnation.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Even though I have an English degree I cannot find words adequate to express the depth of the peace, love, joy, and beauty I saw in that Light.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Over the years I have become more and more aware of several of my past lives. I can also sense past lives of other people.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best part was knowing that God was behind the light and finding out that He offers unconditional love and infinite peace. The worst part was waking up right back where I had started. My life was such a mess that I was suicidal before the experience. Afterward I knew if I killed myself I would just come back and have to face everything all over again.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have shared parts of it with only a few people closest to me. I know my son does not fear death the way some people do because he knows he has lived before and will live again at God's pleasure. I really can't speak for anyone else. My husband just thinks it's weird.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No I have been able to leave my body at will but I don't like to do that. It's scary.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? It seems quite thorough to me.
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