Leo P NDE

Experience Description

Here is my account, I strived to put all I remember in it.

Sorry for the spelling, I'm of Spanish origin, I learned French quite late.

Congratulations on your site, I love what you do, bravo!

I've been hit by a car traveling at over thirty mph, I did not feel any shock but some sort of electrocution, then darkness. Two seconds later, I was shot for a few seconds in the center of some kind of tunnel. Then, all of a sudden, I instantly stopped. I was a few hundred yards away from the shock, the accident, over the Seine River. I floated; the feeling was very strange, as if I had some difficulty breathing. I tried to breathe again, I did not need it anymore though, it took me a moment to stabilize myself. I felt a very strange energy, as if the air would vibrate and would be denser, and I understood that this energy was life, it was as if there were heat streams circulating in all directions, no more gravity, no heat, no cold. Some kind of wellbeing pervaded me.

'What am I doing here? I was going to work, but what am I doing here?'

I then reviewed the events: I went out of the café, I waited at the crosswalk and a car headlight was about one foot from me, then blackness, like a mix of panic, sadness, intense fear, 'But he killed me! Oh my God, I'm dead!' I immediately thought I should go back in and find my body. I then tried to find out where I was and I immediately recognized the Seine wharfs, but everybody was slowed down, as it were, cars and pedestrians circulated very slowly and sometime stopped. Some sort of a halo or radiating golden yellow bright orange light surrounded all these walkers and cars. I could not believe what my eyes saw, but I had no eyes anymore and there was some kind of ambient hiss, very steady, rather like a permanent quite high pitched hum. Fear and panic ceaselessly grew. Then, as I wanted to watch more closely, I bent forward. Well, I did not really know what 'I' was, but I had a center of gravity somewhere, leaning forward, I'm propelled in the tunnel again. Surprised by this new shock, I straighten up and suddenly I immediately stopped, let's say a hundred yards away from where I previously stood. 'Amazing!' I said to myself. I summoned up all the courage I had left and had a try again - I bent forward and again this flash acceleration. I realized that the tunnel effect was due to my own super rapid movement. I made four other attempts until I could control this acceleration each time. More and more I liked this state, even more so that no bodily restrictions existed anymore. But I was to discover later that space and time physical restrictions did not apply either. I could not believe what my 'eyes' saw, all my life had been so tied to these restrictions and to my total lack of faith in soul existence, let alone in a superior Being.

I was to get a big shock!!!

Once the euphoria of this finding was gone, I ceaselessly repeated to myself, 'S***, I'm really dead. S***, I'm really dead. S***, I'm really dead,' while looking around, trying to detect some sign that would reveal it was just a dream - maybe I would wake up in my bed. 'S***, I'm really dead. Well! It's over!,' I said to myself. While I was so astounded to still be myself, I was even more astounded, though, that we are not just biology, as I was convinced that the energy we produce came from our very existence in this universe and that, unfortunately, despite my natural curiosity for all religions, this energy would vanish at death.

I started to think to my relatives; all of them, 'one by one'. I thought about what they did, their temper and what I felt, this feeling of closeness was much more intense than before. But I felt that I was unwillingly going away. Then, Mum, she'll think, 'What a misfortune, he goes to work in the morning, and at 2:00 pm he dies.' The sorrow she was going to feel immersed me in a pain and despair I have never know before, such a feeling of powerlessness.

I wanted to go and advise her that I did not suffer, and that I indeed felt super well; even if I was terrified. But, not knowing the possibilities I had in this state, the distance to be covered in acceleration seemed huge to me, even more so that with this acceleration I did not control anything, I just had the effects, as if I were sucked. It was located just twenty-five miles away down south, though. Then with some kind of cowardice I said to myself that I was not the first one to die, that she would understand that life is that way, but first, with an egotism that was typical of me, I had another project. Now that I could accelerate, I wanted to know what speed I could reach. It seemed easier upwards than toward all these glows below and I wanted to see the earth from space so much. I said to myself that I had no more need to eat or sleep, I felt no cold, no heat, and with the acceleration, I thought I could travel in the galaxy without any limitations over time or distance. I made my decision, like the 'Silver Surfer', I go, I deeply thought to myself, 'Farewell Mum, farewell Mankind that so much disappointed me, and farewell to myself who has not been courageous enough to resist these chronic disparities between humans in pain and suffering.' I was ashamed about it then, but with some disgust, I turned upwards, I bent forward and the acceleration started. But this time I tried to control it, and I managed to accelerate more progressively. That was incredible, I ceaselessly said to myself, 'I'm dreaming', 'I'm dreaming', 'I'm dreaming.' I already fancied traveling through the cosmos, then, an infinitely powerful and firm power grabbed me from below. It did not hurt me though, it pulled me downwards, I just stood 'face to face' with a very vague face, in mid-air, I just saw the face. Whereas I felt so sad and relinquished, with incredible kindness and humor, that made me feel indescribable hilarity and joy, he said to me,

'Hi! What are you lugging behind?'

He referred to a small outgrowth I had behind my head, at the place where there would have been a bag that one would bear on one's shoulders. As I did not feel this outgrowth before, turning around, I felt that I got connected, it was some kind of backups of my memories over my whole life, like icons; you just had to look at one to view the memory in the form of a small movie. By touching it, I could also enter it, and I felt the emotion of the memory. Hiding my surprise, I don't know why, I said to myself, 'Gee!'

'I told him, 'Some memories.'

'You don't need it anymore!'

'But these memories are just what I want to keep!'

'Why?'

'To remind me where I come from. I want to explore the universe! Hey!'

Then he looked at my whole bag, all memories I had brought with me, or we both looked at it. I felt somewhat ashamed, but he steadily reassured me. I felt that he did not really gave any importance to what he saw, he just looked at what was there, and he did not judge anything. I still do not understand why I should not bring anything with me; otherwise, I guess I would not relate it anymore now. However, the more I spoke with this face, the more my memories seemed childish and of no actual interest to me. I had no idea of the size.

'How can one travel to other worlds?'

'You just need to really want it, that's very easy.'

'Are there other inhabited planets?'

'Yes, many.

I felt in him a knowledge that exceeded by far, what I could grasp. I also felt that he was ready to deliver at once everything to me. As if, I had some kind of incredible clarity in my thoughts. At that moment, I had the feeling I 'UNDERSTOOD', I did not know what, though. But I just had to ask, because without the right questions there was no answer, just some kind of feeling that I had the answers available (myself), only incomplete answers though. I have nothing tangible left today, just some vague feelings that he pointed out to me some stars in a galaxy and space images. But he did not want to tell me how one could go there, well, not explicitly, in addition I was blissfully surprised. Just when I was about to tell him that I was about to leave on a long trip that awaited me, and that I was very happy I had met with him. Out of respect for his kindness, I didn't dare asking him who he was. But I felt he had sensed what I was about to say before I uttered it. Then, all of a sudden a cat-iris shaped light, white and glowing with quite thin edges like red orange fused magma, opened in mid-sky and I was violently projected inside it.

After some time, I had the feeling that I had lost the course of the events, like a black out. I raised 'my head' and I was instantly made to bow low, down to the ground, as if I were strongly maintained in this bow low position, I was unable to straighten up despite several attempts (I have always been quite a rebel). It was similar to a very powerful gravity force or a huge intangible weight that would crush me onto the ground. Then, suddenly this pressure instantly stopped. I felt very confused; I was coming back from lunch, just living my everyday life, in addition, I felt I was becoming crazy and, honest, I began to freak out. I wanted all this 'insanity' to stop, I was about to cry but couldn't. This time I discreetly had a look, everything around had a very bright glow, it was pleasantly warm, there were some sort of big white cubes of different sizes, I could make out their ridges, but I couldn't see much as I was at ground level and in a crisis state. I felt that I could go totally confused at any moment. Just in front of me, I saw a very tall BEING. This being was wholly made of light, with a dazzling whiteness, and all over much longer light rays that radiated from him. The sweetness of that place was intense. All of a sudden, a feeling that I can only describe as the strongest, purest love overwhelmed me. This is a feeling similar to what we feel on Earth when we are much in love, that kind of vibration that makes us vibrate with all our being, when at last you meet or you know you are going to meet with your 'soulmate'. I wish that everybody would feel that love at least once in their life.

Anyway, this feeling-emotion was multiplied by one hundred, it was an indescribable emotional orgasm, I really thought then that I was dying, but of pleasure. It was quite unbearable, it totally overwhelmed me, I felt, though, it was only a tiny part of what he was able to transmit, and that he was very cautious, but for me it exceeded all I could conceive. I understood that what 'he' felt was what I felt, not an emotion of mine, and this love so intense was the love he had for all humankind, not for me. That a so powerful being could love us to such an extent, us, so primitive beings, that astounded me, let alone an atheist like me who believed what he saw, and thought that religions were just an ancestral remnant of Man's quest for explaining his incomprehensible existence.

He made explanations to me without words, but with a voice. That was very odd and his voice had immense sweetness, but strangely, an incommensurable power emanated from it. I sensed in him a limitless power but first his will, I felt it was very powerful in me, the weight of each word he said sounded like implacable, and he radiated an incredible power.

He said that it was totally minor, that our intentions were most important to them. This is the question they systematically ask: What was your intention?

Believe my words, whatever your religion, they see everything. But more important, they are much more forgiving about our worldly flesh state than the Companies and Denominations, which are here on Earth though. One thing I deeply felt too is that he doesn't like suicide at all, unless you have very serious reasons for that. Their sense of empathy has no limit.

All of a sudden, I was not this luminescent vapor anymore, but myself, in my body, twenty years younger though. With me was a man wearing a white tunic, about five feet seven inches tall, black eyed a metis. I sensed he was uneasy. He went ahead and I followed him. I knew where he was going because I knew the place well. I wondered why he had such a humble look, and why he seemed so awkward. Again, I felt he had sensed my thoughts. Without turning back and myself still following him, I suddenly saw that he had tiny radiant white light flashes on the back of his neck and on his shoulders. It was splendid.

I had the feeling of being in a Hollywood movie, and we were in a place where, when I was younger, I had been scared one night while I was going home and walking through a park. He said:

'What are we here for?'

He asked that of me, whereas I did nothing, but I understood that he indeed meant to communicate why this scene was so present in me. I didn't even know myself.

There in darkness, there was something, I was scared and I felt the same fear as I did then, I rather felt I had been scared though, because now and for long I am not scared by darkness anymore. But this friend went and had a look in darkness, he came back, dashing, lifting his feet high in tall grass, which was not easy with a tunic, I refrained laughing with difficulty.

'There's nothing there!' he said with a disappointed look on his face.

Right then, I felt so stupid, not daring to tell him, I knew it, but he was so kind. He took me onboard for a complete tour of my life, at such a speed that I hardly had enough time to see and feel the most striking moments. It was incredible, as if he was connected in a network with me. Still at a surprising speed, nothing to do with a dream in which image speed is so slow compared to it, it's like upgrading from 20 MHz to 20 GHz (for PC experts), I could not keep up with the speed of movement, after I was tossed in all directions, everything stopped at once.

Then again, this feeling to show up somewhere else. I raised my head, I felt much more relaxed than when I had arrived. I was in the center, on some kind of flat oval surface with white rounded edges. Everything was white. I sensed that there were many things around, very joyful, laughing and kindly mocking presences. I felt that my heart wanted to touch them; it was as if a small voice told me that I knew all this, but I was not allowed to see them.

Again, I am facing this glowing Being whom I today call My Lord, as He is My Lord. At that moment, I felt that he separated from me, as if he was talking to someone else, but he stood still in front of me. He was like a sun with a steady and even colored radiance; I could hardly make out a very vague 'humanoid' form. But as soon as I tried to see more, to discern his forms behind this radiation, he appeared so full of love to me, that I had to give up because this love dazzled me so much, not my eyes, but my spirit, such a knowledge, such a speed in his thoughts, I was outdistanced. It was as if you needed to have a love equal to his in order to stand it and see further. I was far from that level. It was as if I was forced to surrender and give up my desire to understand, because all his Being made me so helpless and immersed me in a wonderment state. I had no other choice than looking at him and not seeking further. Everything was so white, we stayed facing each other for two or three minutes, I did not sense anything from him. It seemed a long time to me because I did not know what he expected from me, or maybe he was sparing me at that time. I felt cold pervade me, as if I did not bathe in his blissful light anymore, an awful loneliness feeling too, and I understood then that I was going back to my 'normal' state, and the further back I could remember of, I had always been cold and I had always been lonely without knowing it.

But, as he did not 'hold' me anymore, I progressively recovered my mind. I recalled everything; the accident; the trips; my first encounter with him; how he grabbed me when I wanted to go and see space; and as it seemed that his conversation was still going on, I was then 'well awake' - well, despite all these images that still swirled in my mind. I felt lonely. I tried to say something, but I did not know how to speak, anyway I had the feeling that no sounds were uttered. Then I remembered the acceleration, indeed, you just have to wish it. So thanks to an intense effort to express a sound, the only thing I thought of saying was:

'Who are you? How do you do that?'

Suddenly, without any movement, I felt his warmth again, the wellbeing he gave me was huge, I was already an addict to it. I felt well again, I did not want him to let me go again, but I felt then quite a strong annoyance in him, I was unable to read in him though, I'll never know why. However, I had the feeling that it was not because of the questions I had asked, but something else. Anyway, the way I spoke in this world of sweetness must have sounded like a booming scream, because I made a really big effort to utter these few words. But now I have understood that their communication mode is different, I can't grasp how they did it though.

Saying nothing, with a gesture of what would be his glowing hand, I was again in an acceleration tunnel, and one second afterward I entered my body with the same violence as when I had left it. I immediately regained consciousness. I was lying down in the middle of the road, unable to move. The car was on the pavement, it had rammed a post. The most puzzling thing is that the driver is supposed to have immediately gotten out of his car to see whether I was still alive, but when I opened my eyes, he was not out of his car then. Indeed, this adventure, this dream, I still don't know, lasted less than five seconds - that's the time the driver needed to get out of his car.

Three months of recovery later, my inner life has drastically changed and so did my faith in humankind. But since then I still feel a bit cold and often feel somewhat lonely even in a group, because I never told this story to anybody.

I had never heard about these experiences, or maybe once in the 'Cosby Show', an episode in which Bill Cosby, sitting on his couch, said he was in a tunnel, and the little girl answered not to go to the light (laughter). It had seemed nonsensical to me. I thought I was the only one who had what I considered as a delirium or a hyper-ultra-realistic dream or a very privileged experience. I believe this is the reason why I kept all that to myself. When I started searching on the internet, I burst into tears as I understood there are many similar accounts, however, I believe you need strong psychological stamina to live with it in our society.

But no psychic or medium powers, just some shadows, I got an appointment at the ophthalmologist. Maybe a message of hope about the need for intense prayer when we need help. When I think of My Lord I feel like a sweet warmth pervades my body from inside, something I never felt before.

Love each other, sure, even if it is impossible, for me too, that we could love each other the way They love us.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 10/07/1998

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Accident Life threatening event, but not clinical death accident de la circulationHit by a car.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Disturbing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes What I could see from myself was blurred, yellow colored and transparent, but it was as if I was just one head with two small extremities.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was in full digestion process; I had only drunk coca cola.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I had the feeling that this experience lasted at least fifteen good minutes, but indeed, could only have been a few seconds.

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Some sort of permanent buzz.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes On leaving the body, I was immediately shot at a speed which seemed quite unreasonable to me. I immediately thought, 'Look! That's the much talked about tunnel.' I don't know how I managed to brake, but I stopped at once, you just need to wish it and want to straighten up. I am convinced that the more we know about it, the more we can control it.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes See main narrative.

The experience included: Light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was someone very nice.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm See main narrative.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I discovered to my great surprise that we are surrounded by love, that this good old Earth is alive at a level I could not think of. I don't know where I went, but love is a million times stronger there than here on Earth.

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control That's right, I learned that they can enter your spirit and pull all they want.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No Just that I was not finished here.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal

What is your religion now? Liberal

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Since then I wait for all to go by before I cross the road, I do the same for everything anyway, I am looking for a job.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It seemed crazy to me.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Even if I feel everything more intensely, and that is hard, each time I can I thank providence to have answered my question: what's after death?

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No