Liam A NDE

Experience Description

My life situation at the time of the event was that I had a strong uneasiness with studies, but the end of a relationship made me fall into a hole. I didn't see a future for me, as my emotional pain was unbearable.

I got to the point where I got some drugs to numb the worries, find some sleep, and calm down. One evening, I was in the kitchen and took one pill. The effect started surprisingly fast and within a few minutes, I felt like I was enveloped in cotton wool and my mind was foggy. Then, I still can't explain why I took the pills one by one. It was as if I was under remote control, automatically taking the rest of the pills until the package was empty. My senses disappeared and I felt like I was heavily drunk. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend was standing in the kitchen next to me. We were still living together and I had been thinking that she was still sleeping. She asked me what I was doing. I said something like 'nothing', and then lost consciousness for the first time. Blackout.

Then I was in an ambulance. I thought it strange that I saw the paramedics asking for my health insurance. Then my senses blacked out again.

All at once, I found myself in a very dark, cosmic space. I was standing in an endless expanse in outer space. I was surrounded in absolute darkness. I could look infinitely far into the darkness, yet, I can't described this in words. It wasn't cold or warm. I had no feelings of temperature. I was without a body and wide awake. I had an absolute awareness of myself, which has nothing in common with my earthly perception. I never had been so aware of my existence. Questions arose, of where I was, and how I happened to come here. I understood that I could answer all the questions in the world. I had a universal knowledge and awareness. My mind had never been as crystal clear. There are no words on earth to explain having this absolute knowledge.

I noticed that I was utterly alone in this endless dark expanse. I felt lonely, but it wasn't comparable with a feeling of loneliness on earth. It was a thousand times worse because it felt like total abandonment. Panic set in as I felt all alone in the dark 'outer space', without stars, and no presence of anyone or anything. I also couldn't go anywhere. On one hand, I felt bound at this place. On the other hand, where in a space of nothingness could I go to? I felt truly alone and powerless. I felt as if I been forced to remain even a minute longer, I would have gone mad.

Then, I woke up in a hospital bed. I had to get my bearings, but I was happy that I escaped the dark space.

I couldn't bring anything along of the omniscience. In comparison to this lucidity of the mind, the earthly conscience comes like a comatose state. How long I was over there? My perceived time was five minutes, but I was actually sleeping for two days.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 1992

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Out of body experience Life threatening event; I swallowed a whole package of strong sleeping pills.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. As described; I had an absolute knowledge and could have answered all the questions of the world about the universe; simply about everything. I never experienced such a clear mind.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the near death experience when I wasn't in my body anymore.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Actually there was no time there. But at the same time yes, time was linked with consciousness.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No comparison is possible. I had absolute awareness and absolute knowledge in comparison with the way of thinking and the 'level of knowledge' on earth. In comparison, on earth it's like in a trance.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't hear anything.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. As described in the narration, it was like a cosmos without stars, a darkness, and a big void.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt loneliness, absolute abandonment, and panic.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. As described in the narration, I could answer all questions concerning the world and the universe.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No. From the world of absolute knowledge, I couldn't bring any knowledge with me.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic I had been educated in religion. But, at the time of the experience there were no religious references in life anymore. For me, worldly things prevailed.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? I know about life after death, it brought me closer to God.

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic I had been suppressing the event of the NDE, was living for years without much religious activity, even though I still believed in God. Recently, I found my way back to faith and am practicing it.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I thought, according to my religion, I might experience a tunnel, and meet God, meet deceased people. But, I learned that people committing suicide are often not allowed to have this kind of experience because their time has not yet come. I learned this only later.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes There is life after death!

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain I couldn't bring back any answers with me.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain. I couldn't bring back any answers with me.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. Many years of suppressing the experience. Now I'm remembering it increasingly stronger. I'm aligning my life with God, because I never want to go back to that place

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The words to describe the space adequately don't exist. The absolute awareness and the knowledge are indescribable.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. An absolutely dramatic experience, that is unforgettable. But it could be suppressed.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No. I'm feeling the strong presence of God, after my experience.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The absolute knowledge during the OBE experience.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I talked with good friends about the experience and later I dealt with NDEs.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain Had already been hearing about it sometimes before, but it never really understood what it was. Even though as a child, I sometimes saw my deceased grand-mother at night.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. A person who has experienced this knows that it was reality. Now I wonder the other way round: is everything on earth real?

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? How long did the NDE last for you? How do people react to the narrative? Some of them suddenly report their NDE themselves, often they don't dare to do it - do you know other people with NDE?