Madeleine NDE

Experience Description

When I was 16 years old I was diagnosed with hyperactive bladder and nervousness. As part of the treatment, they gave me medication that was very strong and addicting. I remember my father did not understand the implications of the doctors prescribing such a powerful drug, especially at my age. At the time, I was going through a deep depression, which nobody knew about.

By then, I had tried to commit suicide twice by taking medicines that I found at home. I had no success except for an upset stomach. After a few days of starting the treatment, one Saturday afternoon about 4 pm, I locked myself in my room after a quarrel with my parents. Deep in my sadness, I took all the left over pills, around 7 pm. I was lying down. I started to feel dizzy. I stood up and then fainted, crashing onto the bedroom floor, and falling down without being able to block my fall with my hands. I remember seeing one side of my face hit the floor but I did not feel any pain.

At the time this was happening to my body, I saw myself standing at the same place, seeing how my body was on the floor. I didn't have any feelings, physical pain, and any stressors, neither fear nor anguish. I lost perception of time. I don't know how long I spent observing myself on the floor, trying to understand why I had fallen, smacked myself so hard, and not felt any pain.

After that, I don't remember anything else. I woke up about 16 hours later, at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, on Sunday, but the waking up was sudden, not like when I wake up after sleeping. I opened my eyes without the feeling of waking up from a dream. The first thing I asked myself was 'What happened? How many hours have gone by?' The thing that mostly got my attention, 'Nobody realized what I have done?'

Later I had a very upset stomach and my parents found out what I had done after noticing that there were no pills left over. Thirteen years have gone by since that day and I am still asking myself what I really experienced.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 2001

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain. Drug or medication overdose. Life threatening event, but not clinical death. I had the experience alone.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Aware of 'presence', it was a sensation of 'being' that was displacing 'feeling' and 'thinking'. Simply I was feeling myself as energy and was observing.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the very moment of observing my body lying on the floor I saw myself at the same time from above, as if seeing myself from different angles.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Certainly I had not analyzed deeply but I don't remember even thinking about time's existence, simply I was 'being'.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw myself simultaneously, my physical body and face to face on the floor. At the same time, I saw myself standing and observing myself lying on the floor, as if I had many presences but only one physical body lying unconscious.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I did not hear.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I did not feel sad. Before this I was crying, depressed, anguished and with the desire to die. All of that disappeared as soon as I saw myself out of my body. I forgot everything, there was no prevailing thought in my mind, I did not even have feeling, and I was sort of in ‘a pause’ observing my body.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am really interested in knowing beyond any doctrine and dogma; I am interested in knowing the inner space of human beings.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Other faiths- Unitarian and other liberal faiths

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Yo intenté suicidarme por que pensaba que la muerte era nada, que no había nada después de la muerte y que era la única solución a mis problemas.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes See above

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Ahora que lo analizo más que un conociemiento es el reconocer que esa certeza de que algo supremo existe siempre está dentro de nosotros pero no lo sabemos.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife does not exist

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Al estar parada viendo mi cuerpo comprendí que había una razón para que eso sucediera y que aunque no conocía esa razón, existía y que el hecho de que yo no haya sentido dolor físico al haberme golpeado la cabeza contra el suelo significaba que mi cuerpo

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Que existe dentro de nosotros una fuerza poderosa que va màs allà del entendimiento de la mente humana.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Toda desapareció, todo sufriemiento todo sentimiento que exista en este mundo desapareció al estarme observando, ya no había màs depresiòn ni sentìa las secuelas que se tiene después de haber llorado (ojos inflamados, nariz irritada, dolor de cabeza) eso

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. After my suicide attempt, I promised my father I would not try to do it again. Later I went to the Catholic Church, sporadically. Years later, I lost, completely, the belief in God that was taught to me by religion. Almost two years went by thinking that God did not exist. One year ago I started to reconcile again with God and today I conceive Him inside myself and believe in God but with an image completely different as when I was 16 years old.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I try to be more understanding with others, especially with the ones which I don't sympathize.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I am lacking words to express what I felt.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at time Fue una experiencia reveladora pero no la había compartido con nadie hasta ahora por eso despuès de tantos años tengo muchos recuerdos confusos para precisar las fechas y las horas pero la sensación y la experiencia tal cuál si la recuerdo perfectamente.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? There exists inside us a powerful force that is beyond the understanding of the human mind.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I have never doubted the reality of what I experienced, but did not talk because of the shame of trying to take my life. I really realize that I could have died and made troubles for my parents.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I remember it clearly, it was not a dream. I have had very disturbing dreams, very real and revealing, but I know they are dreams. What I lived was real.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? When standing and seeing my body I comprehended that there is a reason for this to happen, and though I did not know that reason, it existed and the fact that I did not have any physical pain when hitting my head against the floor meant that my body was not my real 'I'. I did not comprehend it in words; it is the sensation of recognizing that there is a bigger purpose for my existence. Now that I analyze it more than knowledge, is the recognizing of the certainty that something supreme always exists. It is inside us but we don't know it. Everything disappeared, all suffering, all feeling that exists in this world disappeared when I observed myself. There was no more depression nor was I feeling the after-effects of one who has been crying (swollen eyes, irritated nose, and headache) that simply did not have importance, nothing really had importance, beyond the simple 'being'. I tried to kill myself because I thought that death is nothing, that there is nothing after dying and that it was my only solution to my problems.

I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at the time. It was a revealing experience that I had not shared with anyone until now. Because of that, after so many years, I have many confused memories to place the dates and times, but the sensation and the experience, as such, I remember them perfectly.