Maria NDE

Experience Description

I had been feeling ill and in pain for weeks. I am an ovo-lacto vegetarian and was then, but the only thing I could tolerate was shrimp cocktail--and I don't even like shrimp at all. Due to the pain, I went to a doctor. He injected me with an enormous syringe of valium. This was about 5 days prior to going to the hospital, where my experience occurred.

On the day I went to the hospital, the pain was intense. The emergency room sent me to have an x-ray. The x-ray technician had me stand in front of the screen, and went to take the x-ray. I fell on the floor and passed out. There, I saw a tunnel with a bright, white light at the end. It beckoned me, and I headed toward it. At this point, I recall no pain. Something, maybe a being, was drawing me in the direction of the light. What may have been a 'feminine Being' (I don't know what it was) was welcoming me. I felt very comforted going where I wanted to go. I was then 'told' to go back, which I did not want to do. I kept moving forward, but was Being called back. After a while and still resisting returning to my body, I 'came to' with the technician screaming, 'Maria, Maria, Maria!' and hitting my arm.

I was very disappointed to have returned. At that moment, I was anesthetized and taken to surgery. When the anesthesia wore off, the doctor told me he thought I had had appendicitis, but it turned out to have been an ectopic pregnancy. When he opened my abdomen, blood poured out onto the table and floor. There had been a lot of internal bleeding, and the doctor told me I had had about one and a half hours at most, to live had I not been in the hospital. Though I had not had any out of body experience, what I find very odd is that I knew about the ectopic pregnancy before he told me.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1983

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes burst ectopic pregnancy. Life threatening event, but not clinical death. Burst ectopic pregnancy, internal bleeding.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness. I function at a high level of alertness, so it may or may not have been at a higher level during the NDE.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Throughout. I have been told I always live at a state of hyper-alertness.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. vision was the only sense that was elevated. I am not sure my vision was more vivid, but the things I was seeing made it seem that way.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I am not sure I heard anything. I was being called, but I do not know that this was through sound. I heard no voices.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain it seemed to be a tunnel, but may have been darkness where I was, with a (I want to say square edged) bright light in the distance; higher than where I was.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I don't know that I can describe it as unearthly, but definitely brilliant.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt that I was being cared for; whatever was drawing me forward seemed warm and compassionate. When I was called (or forced) back, I was disappointed, annoyed and a bit angry.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will. I definitely did not make the decision to return. I wanted to reach the light, but was forced to return.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain they have not necessarily changed, but maybe have become more enhanced.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. Being a rational thinker, I tend to want life explained. Since the experience was not something that fit into a category of things we can explain, it was perplexing to me.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes because I do not know what precisely caused my experience, or why I was allowed to live when I could have died, my agnosticism has become stronger in some ways. I also feel smaller than ever in the universe.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Uncertain I did not encounter information that would have led me to believe in a continued existence after earthly life, but whatever was drawing me toward the light made me aware that there must be something 'out there'.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I did not encounter anything regarding earth life's difficulties, beyond my own. I felt no pain, which I had 'on earth' and was being drawn to something very positive.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. The experience made me realize that life won't go on forever. I needed to redirect the way I'd been living. I got a divorce, went back to school, completed degrees and started my career. I am not perfect, but hope I am compassionate toward others. While I remain agnostic, I spend more time contemplating things that pertain to life, death and what it all means.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain I am thinking they did. The cause for my divorce for example, may pre-date the experience, but the NDE did reinforce the need for it. Before the experience, I had many people in my life; calling them 'friends' being a relative term. After the NDE, the now few friendships I maintain are closer.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was, simply because it was not an experience I had had before. In addition to that, there really aren't adequate words to describe something outside the normal realm.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Although this occurred 41 years ago, I remember it as clearly as if it had just happened.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I am amazed that it happened and that I was forced to come (or go) back!

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I do not remember telling anyone until about two weeks after my experience. At that point, I told my sister. She thought it was positive, but did not have much reaction. I told my mother that I was no longer afraid of dying, but did not tell her the details of my experience for years. I told my bother a few years later, who had no reaction for years. He seems curious within the last few years. My current SO/boyfriend/husband of 36 years, I told when we met. He is an atheist, but seemed neither put-off nor skeptical and wanted to discuss it further. We have discussed this often. I do not have many close friends, but have told most of them recently. People no longer seem as silent about this as they used to be.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I was aware of NDEs, but not beyond a general understanding of what they are. Tis was 1983 and I was 26 years old.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It was one of the clearest experiences of my life. Immediately following, days to weeks afterwards and to this day it remains real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. The experience was real. Since it happened, I have read about how brains function when they are shutting down. It doesn't matter to me whether the death experience was a function of brain chemistry or something more super-natural. It happened. I don't remember dreams well, but this experience remains crystal clear and it was not a dream.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I am very grateful that I had it. While I can't say that I understand life, death or anything else any better than I did before, I have a better perspective from which to question aspects that do not make sense to me.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? This was a complicated, but thorough questionnaire; with plenty of space for explaining the answer selected from the multiple choice options. No suggestions.

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