Maria T STE

Experience Description

It should be noted that I have been diagnosed with sleep apnea many years after this experience since the experience. I was asleep with my partner and all of a sudden I was 'awake' at the top of the room and then I woke up but when I woke up I was at the top of the room looking down at me and my partner who was asleep.

I thought, 'How odd, how did I end up here.' Shortly after asking that question my eyes suddenly became covered but not to the point where I couldn’t see but it was like a veil over me, well over my eyes. Then there was a really warm light all around me and light, the light was shining through the veil, a really warm light around me. Suddenly, I began floating. I could feel that I was floating which may sound weird but I distinctly remember not moving my legs but I was moving forward. I floated up to and was suddenly surrounded by people, not physical people but I’m sure they were the souls of people well I’ll say people but I’m sure they were souls I was surrounded by several of them, maybe 10 to 20. They were all welcoming me and I could feel this overwhelming love. It was a loving embrace and every time I really think about it I get very emotional that’s emotional every time I really think about it. I could feel them talking to me, not with words that I could hear, but maybe telepathically. They were saying things like, 'welcome, welcome, it’s so nice to see you' their voices were so beautiful and my heart felt so FULL with love and acceptance. It was an overwhelming sense of excitement that I was there, you know, just like when you see someone that you haven’t seen in a long time. You know almost like you would say, 'oh you’re here, you’re here!! Then you can't wait to put your arms around them, they said to me, "Come here we want to give you a big hug.' I mean it was SO BEAUTIFUL. It’s nothing you can explain here. It was AMAZING! Every time I think about all that warm love, it brings me to tears.

At that time, I was 26 years old and didn’t know anybody really close that had passed away so I had no sense of knowing these people but after being welcomed by everybody, so to speak, I remember them parting like a curtain. Then I floated forward passing through them as they parted. I could feel that I was getting closer to somebody who was just beyond where they were all greeting me, and then I felt that I was face to face to this individual. Through my veil I could see a bright light then the outline of his face, the HOLY FACE OF JESUS. The light was beautiful and warm and appeared to be emanating from JESUS along with overwhelming LOVE AND COMPASSION. Even though there was a glow and my eyes were still covered with the veil, I was able to see the outline of JESUS' face. Sometime after this experience, I saw a documentary of the holy image of JESUS on the Shroud of Turin, and it is the exact image I saw through the veil that day. At first, I never heard words but he welcomed me, I think I was being embraced because I felt so much PEACE and LOVE. He asked me if I was ready to be with him and I was immediately torn because I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving the presence of JESUS and his love but instead I reluctantly told him that I needed to return for the sake of my three daughters, all under the age of 5. I told myself they did not, nor would not have a stable life with their father if I were gone and felt this incredible need to return immediately. I knew at that moment with complete certainty, my life's earthly task was to love them and protect them. I could feel in my mind, body and spirit this agonizing pain and felt a need to cry because I also wanted to stay with JESUS FOREVER. I wanted to stay in that warm unconditional love and I told him that I felt an incredible concern and commitment to protect my children and was very worried about what their lives would be like without a Mother.

JESUS asked me two more times if I would stay with him but I hesitated. Each time he asked me to stay I could feel this pain and sadness in my heart because I knew I had to make a choice between returning to my children who I loved more than anything or staying to stay with JESUS, who loved me more than anything. I wanted to stay with JESUS. I wanted to stay in that unconditional love and peace. It was a PEACE where I could feel nothing else but a quiet stillness around me except the love from JESUS. Yet despite that glorious feeling, I told him that I couldn’t stay. When I think about it now, I don’t know if I felt that my part in my children’s lives was so valuable or if I was so worried about what my children’s father could or would do to them.

You see on the day of this experience; I had been scheduled for surgery only a few days after this experience and I had recently told my family to watch my children if anything happened to me in surgery. Weeks prior to my surgery date, I had a strong feeling that something bad was going to happen to me and I was concerned about the children being in the complete care of their father.

He asked me a third time, I hid my face in my hands in shame as I refused the powerful love from JESUS, and immediately I heard a loud booming sound and I felt an incredible push and he said, 'THEN YOU MUST GO BACK!' and then suddenly, I was pushed back by a wind with such a powerful force, I remember immediate darkness as I fell down into my body. I say fell down because I was falling backwards as I was thinking 'NO!' and immediate regret. Then there was an internal dialog where I wanted to negotiate with JESUS, I had questions about life, my life with my children, the outcome of my surgery, and so much more but I was out of time. All of this was in seconds before I felt my soul bounce three times into my body, but before the final bounce Jesus told me, 'Do not worry about the surgery, you will come out of it OK.' When I opened my eyes again, I was in bed, choking and gasping for air as if I had not been breathing. When the gasping stopped, all I could feel was pain, sadness, and regret. I cried for 2 or 3 hours straight before I could share with my partner what had happened to me. When I reflect on the experience, I feel that I have failed my children in so many ways and they are angry at me. My daughters are grown, and I wonder if returning made a positive difference in their lives or not. Throughout their childhood I tried so hard to make the second chance God gave me worthy of his love. I returned to my faith and enrolled my children in CCD (the Catholic religious education program), I went to counseling to work on myself, I dated with my faith in mind, hoping to find a better husband who would be a good Male role model and a faithful husband. I married with the intention to model a pious and healthy family life. Yet it seemed the harder I tried the more challenges I was faced with and the hope was slowly replaced with pain and sadness and instead of reaching out to JESUS for guidance, I turned away. It took me years to find my faith again, but I’m getting closer to Jesus and know someday I will be there again. When that happens, I’m not coming back!

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: Summer 1994

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Sleep Apnea Out of body experience

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was communicate with the souls and with Jesus without having to speak and was also understanding them. The communication was immediate and, in addition, the emotion, the light and the love was more than anything that I've ever felt here on earth.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was speaking with Jesus because and I knew clearly the decision I had to make.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning No clear sense of time at all but there was a sense that I needed to make a decision because I was running out of time

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The vision during the experience was quite different, hard to describe. One example is that when I was looking at myself and my partner on the bed it was different than when looking at 2 people on a bed with my earthly eyes. Another thing is that the light was incredibly bright but it wasn't blinding and that was surprising for how bright it was.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was more instant thought to thought that was related to me. I wasn't hearing words or seeing mouths move and I usually have a tendency to watch peoples lips move when they talk so with me it was an instant thought that came I wasn't hearing with ears.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I was floating but I didn't see a tunnel. There was a movement from darkness into light but I don't recall a tunnel.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I'm confident that the souls knew me by the way they were interacting with me but I couldn't identify any of them. Later I had a sense that maybe they could have been decedents or people's lives that I may have touched who have since died.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light had a warmth to it like when you're out by a beach there's something very calming about being on the beach and the feeling of warmth on your skin and now that I think about it again that's the feeling I recall from the light. Also, as mentioned above it was incredibly bright but not in an unpleasant way.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Concern when I realized I was on the other side, then there was overwhelming love, excitement and sadness at having to make the decision and shame.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic non-practicing

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? I practice my catholic faith more than I did before No

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic practicing catholic with spiritual awareness

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. The way I was brought up when I was little was that I thought I would be afraid of God and would be punished. But after I left home I met friends and a girlfriend in particular who had more of a spiritual non-religious take and that this life was just an arena or an experience to advance our soul. After having the experience, I had a belief that what the catholic faith was true in many ways but so were some of the things I was learning from my friends about spirituality.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes The afterlife is not to be feared

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The voices of the welcoming souls were beautiful and when I was speaking with Jesus it was beautiful but different from the souls that greeted me. There was a more elevated sense of peace and comfort that was soothing like a father speaking to his child.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes I encountered Jesus

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes There definitely is a soul existence after our body dies. The souls clearly knew or were connected to me somehow and that they were aware of what had been going on in my life, a soul connection.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Speaking with Jesus and the overwhelming love and peace and compassion as differentiated from how others were speaking gave me a feeling they were the same (Jesus/God). It was like a father speaking to its child with the love, compassion and patience.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Yes, I was outside of my body and was talking to souls and Jesus

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes The love that I felt from Jesus, the love I felt in heaven cannot be compared to anything you can feel on earthy.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life The biggest thing that happened to me is that I became incredibly sensitive to my environment. I believe I feel things that I don't know where they come from but very sensitive when I'm around a lot of people. I absorb a lot of peoples' pain and haven't learned how to stop that or get rid of it because it's difficult.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It's difficult without getting emotional and the content that is difficult for anyone here on earth to relate to is the love that God/Jesus feels for us. We read about how much God loves us, Jesus died for us but without going through this experience I don't think anyone can comprehend it.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. When I share this experience, I am immediately there. I feel that love and I also still feel the sadness of leaving there as much as I did at the time.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I'm an empath and can just strongly feel other peoples feelings.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The part where I'm face-to-face with Jesus and it feels that he's hugging me and the incredible amount of love and compassion that I felt. I grew up in an abusive home and never really felt loved and so that moment of spiritual embrace by Jesus was really profound.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I maybe shared this with less than 10 people and they seem to believe me on a whole but when I shared it with my partner he didn't believe me. It took possibly 10 years before I ever repeated it again.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain