Martin R Probable NDE

Experience Description

My name is Martin and I know I have made many mistakes throughout my life. I have fallen then risen, been hurt then healed. I have seen many things and I believe in the 19 years of life that I have lived I have learned a lot. Because of my experiences my life has changed in many ways, and I am now the great person that I am today from all that I have learned and overcome. My near death experience begins one Sunday morning. I had just woken up from the night before, and was looking forward to the day. I felt good, and I had hopes my life would go in the right direction now. I was delighted that my partner from a previous relationship had finally realized how much he had hurt me, and that he was willing to change. I remember going to the kitchen to eat something and then returning to my room. I noticed I had a text message on my blackberry. I went forth and read the message. In a few words, my cousin was asking me if I was aware that my ex was dating this guy I thought was my friend. Instantly I didn't know how to react. I knew I had to confirm if this was true, so I thought of how I could find out. I remember feeling in a panic, and I could feel all my anger and anxiety surging. Then I finally got it. I would call his best friend and ask her. I would get my answer from her.

Once I decided on this, I decided to call her. After she said I knew too much, she went forth and told me that indeed, what I had heard was true. I asked her if she knew how long they had been seeing each other for, and she told me 2 weeks. Instantly upon hearing those words I start to feel lost. I started to get more and more into a panic. I started to feel my entire emotions surge, and I started to cry. I cried because once again he had made me look like a fool. I cried because I knew I was miserable, miserable in so many ways. I was unhappy, but mostly ashamed that I had fallen for the same trick again. I wanted to stop hurting, and I knew that the humiliation wouldn't pass so easily. I remember repeating one thing over and over as I sat in the dark and cried. 'I don't want to do this anymore.' I always thought I wasn't going to live long, and I feared that my dreams of death would soon come true. I was sick of the depression, and most of all I was sick of hurting. It had gone on for too long and I hated my life. I hated living in the hell that I couldn't escape from.

I quickly knew what I had to do. I knew I had to get rid of the pain. I knew I had to quit suffering, so with those thought in mind I went into a panic. I paced back and forth and cried more and more. I knew this idea was wrong, and I cried harder, but I wanted to stop hurting. I remember seeing all the memories that hurt me run through my head, all of them ripping at my already bleeding heart. All of the pain felt so hard to overcome and I just lost it. I remember knowing I had a mission to do. I knew I had to end the pain and the humiliation. I was done with hurting, and I was done with suffering over and over again. I pictured my dead grandmother, and I pictured my family. I glanced over at my best friend, my dog and I remember feeling the tears run faster.

I cried more and more, and so I started my mission. I locked Eddie my dog in his cage, and I started grabbing as many pill bottles as I could find. I put them all on my bed, and knew I needed more. I knew what my mission was and I was confident on completing it. I had to get rid of the pain. I wanted to put an end to this life that I hated. I just didn't want to do it anymore. I was sick of the pain, and I was sick of never feeling good enough for anyone. I wanted it all to stop. Therefore, I went into the living room looking for any pill bottle I could find. I walked into my parent's bathroom and raided their medicine cabinet. I remember feeling the panic and I knew I had to hurry. I stuffed my pockets with the bottles of pills I had found. I knew what I had to do and so I headed to my room. I set out all of the pills I had found on my bed and I got up and pushed my bedroom door shut. I wanted to make it all stop. I wanted to make the pain go away. I hated my life, and I hated everything about myself. I remember thinking about my comfort spot and needing to go and sit in it. My comfort spot was this small space between my bed and my dresser. It was small enough for me to fit in, and so I did. I remember pulling down my blanket off my bed and I covered myself with it. I just sat there and began swallowing as many pills as I could in my mouth. I cried harder than ever, and I just prayed it would all go away. I swallowed more and more pills and I remember I slowly felt the pain start to go away. I glanced over at my dog Eddie and I remember smiling. I thought about my sister and I apologized. I felt I was slowly going to sleep and so I dozed off.

I remember seeing darkness all around. It was pitch black and I couldn't see anything but two people sitting in the middle of the room talking to each other. I remember seeing them as I looked at them from above. I couldn't see the people's faces, and I wondered who they were. I felt nothing at all. I felt tranquil, I felt calm. I was trying to see who the people were and I tried very hard to see. When I saw the guy sitting with the woman, he looked familiar. His clothing was simple, he was barefoot, and there was a glow about him. As I looked closer into his face, I recognized him right away. I knew it was me. Everything about me was perfect. I looked happy and my face looked great. My skin glowed, and I looked better than ever.

I then remember having a different view. I was sitting directly in front of a woman who was also sitting and I looked into her face for some time, but could not see a face. She was dressed in dark clothing, and her clothes looked old and worn. She had a black veil over her face, and despite how hard I tried to see her face I couldn't see anything. I felt so calm and I remember I felt better. I knew we were talking because I could feel my lips moving. I didn't know what we talking about but I would drift from the two different views. I could see from above then be back in my body and feel myself talking and looking at the women. This went on for some time then I remember a door opened in the distance. As the door opened, it filled the dark room with light. There was blinding white light that made it hard to see. It hurt my eyes. Then I remember the woman getting up from her chair and walking forward towards the light. I sat there then suddenly got up to follow her. I couldn't move. I remember reaching out to her and yelling at her to wait and take me with her. I reached out more and more, but I was firmly rooted to the ground. My feet would not move, and I cried for her to come back. Then suddenly she turned around and looked at me. She then said in what to me seemed like English 'It's not your time yet.' Then she disappeared. She vanished.

I remember barely opening my eyes and seeing people look down at me. I didn't know who they were and didn't know where I was. I felt confused and my head hurt. I felt really lost and I couldn't feel anything. I remembered what I had just seen and I felt more and more lost. I dozed back to sleep. Then I remember being awake again and looking at my mom. She was sitting there looking at me and she looked so sad. I remember feeling the hot tears running down my cheeks and I could feel her holding my hand. She looked down at me and cried. I tried to tell her I was sorry, but I couldn't talk. I just cried more. The whole time I was in my experience I was sleeping in a coma that lasted for three days. Doctors agreed and told my family they would have to disconnect me from life support if I didn't wake up from the coma soon. They told my parents I would never fully recover. They told them my organs were failing and I would die without the life support. I didn't know it then but I was pronounced dead multiple times, but every time they revived me. The doctors told my parents in the event I lived, I would have brain and organ failure and I would never be the same. They told them I wouldn't be able to walk, and that my psychological state of mind would never be the same. They all agreed I was going to die and there was a slim chance of recovery. The doctors had to make a small cut in my neck to inflate my lungs, and they tried their best to save me. On the day I was supposed to be disconnected, to everyone's amazement I woke up.

From that day on, my life changed and I started to restart my life. It took me a lot of time to realize that what I had seen was something amazing, and I shared my story with my mom. She believes that the women I saw was my grandmother who had died a few years ago in 2005. She had loved me so much and she cared a lot about me until the day she died. Everyone who knew her would have to agree that I was her favorite grandson. I was her source of happiness. She had loved me so much, and I had loved her very dearly as well. I believe it was my grandmother as well. That's why I felt calm and tranquil. I believe she finally got the chance to see me and that it really was her I saw in the dream. My grandmother was always a caring individual. She loved her family, God, and me her first grandchild. And that is my story. Thank-you for reading it.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 2010

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) Suicide attempt.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND unpleasant and/or frightening

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain See narrative above I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Towards the end once I was told that it wasn't my time yet.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My grandmother who had died

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light that came from the door that opened.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place See narrative above

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt calm and tranquility. Then I felt sadness when the woman left and anxiety as she walked towards the light.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I believe more in God.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I value my life more, and I believe more in God and his abilities.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The voice of the woman when she told me it wasn't my time yet.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Talking to the woman, and being sent back to Earth.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared the experience with my mom as soon as I was able to speak. She was surprised, and suggested the woman I saw was my grandmother. Also shared it with the producers of 'I survived beyond and back.' They thought my story was amazing and would be inspirational to many people.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It all felt so realistic and it would come back vividly in my dreams when I was sleeping.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I can still picture everything the way it happened, and I believe it was real.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I hope that no matter the situation, you seek help if you feel like your only solution is death. Remember everyone on this planet is loved and life is too special to lose. Think positive and remember life is too short to stress the small things. Life is a gift from above, and it's our jobs to live life to its fullest. We all matter, and at least to someone we matter greatly. Love life.