Mary NDE

Experience Description

I remember feeling real sick with the bad taste in my mouth before realizing what had happened with my tooth. It was all gone and in pieces in my mouth. I was going to get sick so quickly I went to bathroom but only made it to the door, clutched the sink hunching over, couldn't breathe, looked up and was whiter than a ghost in the mirror. My dog's nails on the floor sounded under-water and color faded, all the while breathing became harder and harder. I got down to my knees and struggled keeping awake. I crawled to the toilet and laid down on my belly. I exhaled one last time and breath kept coming out real long and slow.

Then I was up in a black space, but not like a black color, like black when you close your eyes; it's not really a color but a void of anything, like a depth of darkness, not a blank slate in front of you. I was scared to look to the right. This world was integrated in the x-y-z directions and x was 'away'. Home was still the golden color of my bathroom floor reflecting light and it was down to my left, diagonally, between the y and z directions. I was fully aware that I was dying and was filled with raw, deep sadness. The 'raw' meaning I didn't feel the physical heavy shoulders, the heat rising in my face, throat tightening, tears welling. It was a deep sadness that was like my soul's vivid emotional understanding that triggers these ridiculous bodily convulsions that cloud and confuse when received by the body. My 'soul' was like me but without body, just a thought bubble floating above myself. I went down and looked at myself face down on the floor.

I was looking through this one big tube-vision, like through one big oatmeal tub with the button cut out (or you know, like a paper towel roll but bigger). It was like a fish-eye lens but not quite. It 'felt' somehow, even though I couldn't feel, like it does when you close your eyes, cross them and look upwards. Ha, ha, ha - that sounds so crazy but I know the feeling from trying to do this third eye thing in high school (that never really worked) where you're supposed to be able to see with a weird 'third eye' when you do this. I should probably leave that crazy talk out but it's a really distinct feeling. This sight was from up above me next to the high-ceiling bathroom light. Anyhow, I realized in a snap that without breathing, or unless I breathed, I was going to die. I thought of one of my sister's and my mom and the other sister - which is my collective family but they went in that order for some reason. I had to breathe. As I was realizing this time seemed extensive. I looked down at myself for a long time, but I don't think it was that long in real world-time. I have no idea how long I was out. I was up next to the light, and although from the dark place my home was down diagonally, my tube-vision from next to the light was straight down.

Okay, where was I - so once I knew I had to breathe I very quickly decided I wasn't ready to go. It was decided instantly like a 'yes or no' question, like a 'let's go team' as a sports game begins - and I was in my body again, down below. I forced myself to breathe and couldn't yet feel my body. Breathing was sooooo hard, but it was like monkey bars; the first few took all my strength (and I mean ALL my strength and will) but after a few, the momentum began and it took less strength to keep the breathing going. The softness of the rug faded in, sense faded in, and consciousness faded in as well. After this, I just felt bad, sick, out of it. My tooth was broken out and my physical body had to endure the healing process, but somehow this was better than going to the right. I hadn't even looked to the right because I was scared of losing sight of home. I wasn't ready to die yet. I GOT TO DECIDE to come back. WOOHOOO!! I wonder sometimes if ghosts are people who decide they aren't ready to go to the right yet, but their bodies can't house them anymore. Or maybe the light isn't on, and when they're up there they can't see back down to where their body is, because it's like I was in the glow of the light looking down (not the light bulb itself). That's about it, but as I'm harping over this I know I'll remember something I left out.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: last year (2009)

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident 'sleep deprivation coupled with ingestion of infectious fluid from an abscess tooth. Home alone, so no medical help was available.' Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) My body shut down slowly after I accidentally swallowed the infection from my tooth. I quit hearing/seeing/breathing and lay down because I knew I was passing out and didn't want to fall and break my neck. I got weaker by the minute and was unable to get sick although I knew I had swallowed bad stuff.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Frightening

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? While up in the dark, before I went to my bathroom ceiling and looked down through the tunnel-vision.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I didn't know how long it had been, but I knew I had to hurry and make myself breathe before I was done for. I was aware that my body had a time limit.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was poor in my body. I was sick and the colors and such lost importance and faded as I was passing out and crawling to the toilet. Yes, it was fuzzy around my tunnel-vision up there, but color was sharp.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It faded out when I was passing out, but there was no sound up there.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I didn't go through it, just saw through it.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain Not in my memory of this time, but I've daydreamed of light balls, really far away, just specks they were so far, flowing straight ahead of me to the right. They were other people's 'souls'. I just imagined it though. I didn't really see it. I think it was just a thought I made up, but it was this thought that brought me to research this experience again.

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain It was to the right I think, but I was afraid to look.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was higher up there in darkness looking diagonally down at home, then lower looking straight down on my body in the bathroom, then lower into me here right now

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fright, panic, failure, realization, sadness, decisive persistence, willful, relieved.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I knew that I still had stuff to do though. I was thinking 'I'm not done yet' and 'my family needs my help'. The past was gone right then. You're not supposed to hold onto it too tight, I think because it would get in the way of your need to continue on, or hold on to life. You could've seen it from up there though. It was like I was still climbing a mountain, but if I had decided I had reached my stopping point I could've turned and seen my whole life behind me, waved, and been done with the human struggle, but I wanted, no, I needed and decided to get higher and could handle the altitude to do so. This is just a metaphor. I didn't really climb a mountain in this experience.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I knew if I breathed I lived, so I breathed and lived.

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I only saw myself from the light above. It wasn't like I could zoom up on my passed-out face I wasn't really like deciding where to fly around, it just was there.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal 'none'

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Liberal 'none'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I just knew what was happening and what I had to do.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The nature of what my being felt/thought when I was passed out on the floor but above myself looking down. Also the way it looked is hard to describe because it wasn't like seeing through eyeballs.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I've had really deep conversations about the universe with only one of my friends, since middle school. We can go on for hours about the universe, stars, humanity, bigger scale life. Since this happened I think a lot about these type of things; the world's magnetism and integration with the sun, and how when there's enough torque on the poles they'll switch. There is a lot about positive and negative, like black holes negative, sun positive. Fruit has a charged tasting substance in a circle with a positive and negative end, a hole and a pole. So do humans, men and women. All of life has this magnetism. My family isn't religious but since this experience I've been intrigued by the Noah's Ark story, although I don't really know the whole cheesy man-made story I believe in the flood and feel like I desperately need a boat. The earth's magnetism is what will flood us, but it can save us as well, because a boat will still float in the air above the water. Maybe I would've had these crazy thoughts without this experience though. Maybe they're all kind of up in the same category in my mind or something. I'm confusing myself right about now.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it while I was passed out was pretty out there and so, pretty much important in my memory bank.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes A good few months, when I was a little tipsy, in a roundabout way told my mom. She was just like 'really? That's weird'. I told a little more detail later but never in all of this detail. Then I'd definitely be craaaazzzzyyyy.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Just like in movies, like in 'Poltergeist' where their like 'Carolanne, go towards the light' but it's really Hollywood. Or those shows where little kids recall religious visions of angels swooping down and making them not scared and 'the light' - but those often seem pretty fabricated to me. Like they had an experience but it got jazzed up along the way to the film studio.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It happened, I was there, I saw it with my own one tube-eye, and so I believe it was real forever from then on.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Definitely real, because I haven't taken an eraser to my head since then.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Nope.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Tell me how long it is from the beginning, sheesh! Oh, and it won't let me submit without choosing a religious background; my real answer is 'none' for both, but I have to choose so I'll go with the last bubble choice.