Matthew P NDE

Experience Description

I was 19 years old, was drinking and acting aggressively, with the group I was with at the time. At 3 in the morning I accompanied a friend of mine to a home in order to get into a fight. The gentlemen we went to see weren't there; so I, in a very drunken state, decided to smash the large 9-10 bay window with my forearm. I did this, immediately after withdrawing my arm, I fell as I ran away and instantaneously, recognized the puddles of blood that were surrounding me. I got into my friends car and proceeded to wrap a towel around my arm and applied pressure to where I felt pain (my wrist), while the inside of my forearm bled incessantly. I began joking with my friend about this being it for me, not realizing the trouble in which I was really. He told me to raise my arm to limit blood flow. When I did this, the collection of hot blood in my shirtsleeve and towel hit the side of my arm and I passed out.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on a hospital gurney with two, what appeared to be, doctors checking my pulse and blood pressure; calmly discussing that I had neither. At this point, I realized the fact that I was looking down on this scene and I was about five feet above it all. I put together, instantly, that I had been drunk, smashed this window and I was now looking at my lifeless body below me. I started screaming that I wasn't dead, repeatedly. I started rising above, what felt like ten feet, where I had been. Then, poof: a bright, white light all around me.

The next thing that happened, I opened my eyes and was looking at my Mother, ten hours had passed. I found out a few days later, after I was admitted to a hospital, in a complete state of muscle lock, that I had been administered Haldol to restrain me. I had been given four tranquilizers, prior to that, because when I returned to life I began striking everyone around me and was told I had injured a nurse's wrist. I have no recollection of the time in between leaving my body and seeing my Mother, other than the stupid vandalism. I had never been a violent person.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: April 1994

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) I cut my arm on a window that I had smashed with my forearm.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was completely surrounded by bright white light, I remember being okay with everything at that point. It was the calmest feeling I had ever had. It left in an instant and ten hours had passed. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Almost immediately after looking at my body, I put together what took place, although I had been 'drunk' I was completely clear in my mind throughout this process. I had instant access to thought: no delay. Besides the fact that I wanted to express to these physicians that I wasn't dead, I was in pure thought, without any internal conflict.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Perfect and perfect.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Normal, although sound wasn't as sharp as vision during this, to my recollection: now 20 years later.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes An unearthly, complete, bright white light.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I was deathly afraid of being let go into death, I was screaming for my life.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others It was very brief, but I was completely cognizant of what was happening to me and how I arrived at this state, although minutes earlier I was at least a little drunk.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I would say no, but it was years later that I considered other faith options. I'm fairly a pantheist these days and believe we continue, my experience makes me sure of this.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age since we are being honest, I believe this all to be largely an illusion with a connected higher intelligence that we all share and are a part of.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I believed in Heaven and Hell and figured you left your body at expiration.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists┬

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists┬

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Uncertain my experience itself certainly lead me to believe something definitely happens after the heart stops.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life Slight changes in my life. I adjusted my relationship with alcohol, went back to school (college), it is hard to say.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I have a near photographic recall and had a lot of experiences around the time that I remember fairly well, probably better than most, but this was unforgettable.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Following a severe head injury at the age of 11, (as a result of a skateboarding accident), I began have 'petit mal' seizures which were tied to dreams I would have 10-14 days prior to the events I would eventually live through. I would dream these events several days before they occurred, I would wake, remembering the dream, and then experience it 10 days or so later. Which resulted in me throwing up and seeing the image over and over for 20-30 seconds; this landed me in a neurologist's office with a ten year prescription for anti-seizure medication.] I would not take my meds, thus experience these events. I would estimate 100 or so overall 'dejα vu' events from 12 to 21 years old. It stopped around my 21st year.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I've told people, their reactions were surprise. It would happen after people get a look at the scar on my right arm.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I may have heard about 'lights at the end of tunnels', but not much else. I don't know what impact it had on me, it wasn't like my experience.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I have never questioned what happened to me.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It happened, it happens to others.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Besides the whole thing? No.