Michael H FDE

Experience Description

While crossing a highway to get to a bus stop, I was pushed from behind by a non-physical entity. I felt it behind me and looked back to see a shiny sharp toothed grin and a hand push me at the base of my spine. I was thrown forward into traffic and jumped at the last moment but was still struck in the lower legs.

As I flew through the air, I was transported to a dimension of void or limitlessness where everything was very quiet and peaceful. I felt an overwhelming sense that this was indeed my death, and it did not bother me in that space one bit. Time was incredibly distorted, and for about ten minutes I watched the void, waiting for what came next.

An indigo light appeared as a field surrounding me from the furthest reaches of this 'space' and I became aware that I was a luminous body, transparent and gossamer. This indigo light was very far away but surrounded me on all sides like a bubble. It briefly turned orange and then began to close in on me, getting closer and closer over the course of the next twenty minutes. As it surrounded me closely, I could reach out my luminous arm and submerge it in this 'light of death' up to the elbow. I lost my sense of calm and fearlessness and became agitated.

Turning every which way, I found myself unable to escape the field which surrounded me. As the light crept inside my luminous body and towards my heart, I screamed a silent scream 'NOT MY TIME YET' and simultaneously stuck my middle finger up at the light. I mentally invented a surface under my ethereal feet which I pushed off of backwards in a back flip motion, looking backwards and upside down into this blinding white light. All of a sudden, I was back in my body, still flying through the air and I landed in the middle of the highway, almost run down by another car. Amazingly, I dematerialized at the last moment and rematerialized by the side of the highway, where I lay in agony waiting for the ambulance.

I remember seeing from my body my spirit standing outside it, and then it was back inside me. I was completely lucid throughout the entirety of the experience, and only lost consciousness in the ambulance, to wake eight days later in the hospital with my legs stabilized by surgery (rods and pins).

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: July 1997

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. Direct head injury 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' I was struck by a car at sixty-plus mph, suffered a bilateral tibia-fibula fracture in which eight inches of my right leg was pulverized and the left leg shattered too.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Throughout. I experienced no loss of alertness or consciousness. It was similar to lucid dreaming or 'heightened consciousness' in every regard.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Thirty or forty minutes worth of experience passed in what couldn't have been more than fifteen seconds time on earth to my physical body.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. In ordinary everyday vision, we use our eyes. In this ethereal realm, I was perceiving only with my spirit or radiant body. All of the aspects mentioned, (clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects) were enhanced and profoundly more 'real' than a 'real world' experience.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was DEAD silent. I couldn't make a vibration in that space with my voice.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The light was very sentient and could be described as a being or a collective or aggregate being.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes An indigo light - see main narrative for details.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm a void space without time or dimensionality in the classical sense. i have often wondered if it was xibulba of the mayan cosmological worldview, or a black hole???

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Bliss, transcendence, that death was fun, calm, peacefulness, acceptance, then as I was about to actually become unmade, fear, rejection of the process, and at last, anger and desperation.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal 'raised methodist christian, but identified at the time with taoist thought and ideals, as well as shamanistic ideas.'

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Upon realizing the truth contained in the 'Tibetan Book of the Dead' (which I had not read before having my NDE) I adopted the doctrine of Vajrayana Buddhism, swore a bodhisattvas vow, and dedicated my life to the benefit of All. This is because the experience I had matched the description of the passing through the bardo of death described in the 'Tibetan Book of the Dead'.

What is your religion now? Liberal 'vajrayana buddhist, a sworn boddhisattva, and still identify strongly with taoist and shamanic thought and ideals.'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Upon realizing the truth contained in the 'Tibetan Book of the Dead' (which I had not read before having my NDE) I adopted the doctrine of Vajrayana Buddhism, swore a bodhisattvas vow, and dedicated my life to the benefit of All. This is because the experience I had matched the description of the passing through the bardo of death described in the 'Tibetan Book of the Dead'.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes That I always perceived with my spirit and eyes at once, not just my eyes. That death was indeed a blissful experience. That we always have a choice in the present moment, only the past is static. The future is unformed and the present entails CHOICE which bring future CONSEQUENCES. That I was loved, universally, unconditionally, incredibly, without question or hesitation, without evaluation or preexisting condition, TOTAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE was more real to me then than it ever was or has been since.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My relationship with self, others, and All, were ultimately transformed for the better. Increased compassion, empathy, sympathy, love, and a total loss of the fear of death changed everything about every aspect of my every relationship.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes A great sense of timelessness and spacelessness, time distortion or compression, and the general 'feeling' of the experience is not one that translates into language easily.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes As mentioned, immediately after returning to my body, I teleported to another location to avoid death a second time. (I have not been able to teleport since.) I kept all the realization I had attained in that space, and became more intuitively resonant with others, with the planet, with nature, with spirit, etc. I also became able to get impressions or messages in my body and my mind, and to have psychic sensations or impressions, which I could verify empirically. I later came to read the 'Bardo Thodol' or 'Tibetan Book of the Dead', and find that the experience of death bardos described therein matched my experience to a frightening degree of exactitude. I thereby swore a vow to attain enlightenment for the sake of all sentient beings before a Nyingma Tibetan Buddhist master (the school responsible for the Bardo Thodol) and adopted Vajrayana Buddhism as my path.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The entirety of the experience was meaningful, significant, and utterly life changing.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Only my girlfriend and brother. Their reactions were compassionate. I don't know how they were influenced by hearing about my experience.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes As a student of the paranormal, I was well aware of NDEs. It affected my experience by creating in my mind the idea that I did NOT have to go with or into the light, that I could come close to death and 'escape' its clutches, temporarily speaking.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew it was real, and did not try to delude myself. I knew I had a NDE, and that I had survived only by my choice to resist death's unmaking of my spirit body.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Same as above.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Thank you for your research. It feels good to get this all off my chest and have it benefit the sciences and your foundation.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I take no issue with your questionnaire, nor do I have suggestions for its improvement.