Michael H NDE

Experience Description

I remember hearing code blue being yelled over and over. The next thing I knew, I was viewing myself being wheeled down the hospital corridor. At that moment I thought, 'Wait a minute, how is this possible?' I remember traveling through a tunnel. A figure extended his hand and said, 'Join me brother in paradise.' I declined the entity's offer and came back to Earth.

After that I just remember waking up with a very surreal feeling. After surviving the bullet, I realized that life is a gift.

After my experience, I realized my father couldn't have been the man in my dreams because he would never tell me those horrible things about myself.

I was dreaming about dying every night. I noticed that the moment I saw my father in my dreams, that I would die at that moment. I’ve died so many ways that I have difficulty recalling what they all were. Some I’d be murdered, falling out planes, being stomped on, stabbed, killed by natural disasters, and the list goes on. I am so thankful to the universe that I am still alive in this corporeal form. I don’t fear death anymore.

I am unsure of what my purpose is here on earth, in the interim. I take a ton of anti-convulsant medicine now though. I now know that the gods are real. I met my husband back in 2020 and he convinced me that magic is real. My husband was a Wiccan, and after personally witnessing spirits materialize in our home I was an instant believer.

Missing my prefrontal cortex has been a huge hindrance to my ability to think and function properly. My immediate short term memory has been destroyed. The mind certainly is an interesting subject. For example, what is thing that we define as consciousness? I always knew that there was more to existence than what was told to me.

After I recovered from the brain abscess and crawling my way out of the nursing home, I slowly started regaining my motor control. Thankfully I have a very loving and supportive family who helped me through this most difficult time of my life. It's just sad that it took me putting a bullet through my cranium to realize that life is a gift. I look forward to every day. After a seizure, my left side is always temporarily paralyzed for a couple of hours while my brain slowly switches back on to normal functionality.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 05/14/2017

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) I shot myself in the head.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I just remember the robed figure extending his hand out to me. I can’t verify this with anyone except for my own consciousness. I just know that there is so much more to this reality than science has told us about. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal. Being drunk and stoned was basically my normal. Nothing was normal that night after my experience.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was extremely alters and conscious while I was crying to music and handling my gun. I like to refer to myself as Wolverine light because I regenerate like he does. I’ve had two surgeries to repair an anal fissure, and hemorrhoids. My towns doctors are mostly all of poor quality. I got lucky and my primary care physician is extremely well versed and listens to what I have to say.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision of that entity was hyper realistic. I’m just not ready to see the other side again yet. The next time I visit I don’t know if I will return.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The flatline and buzzing of the medical life support system was extremely present in my consciousness.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain. I just saw the robed figure calling out to me.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was a tunnel of light that surrounded me. I believe that I stood at the threshold of another world. I just declined the offer to cross over.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. I was floating above my body being carted down the hospital corridors

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt extreme peace and love during this event. There was no feeling of fear of being punished for my actions, it was simply an outcome of months of grieving.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I had accomplished my goal of dying. At that point, I was ready to come back. I didn’t realize how difficult my occupational therapy would be. I had to relearn how to breathe, eat, speak, use the bathroom, shower, etc.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated. At the time I was ready to die. I was a hardcore alcoholic who was grieving the loss of my father. His ghost was haunting me. Every night I would crack open a forty-ounce steel reserve loud music, handgun, crying, and begging to just die. Well, one night after I can’t remember how long this went on, but I woke up in the hospital missing the right side of my skull. I surprisingly recovered quickly. They sent me home with a schedule to have my bone flap reinstalled. The night after coming home I collapsed from a brain abscess. Enter in my hemiparesis. I was told that I’d never be able to move again. Seven years later I have almost full mobility. Memory loss has been my biggest struggle since that time. This whole experience has been surreal. I am not sure what I used to believe in, but I now know that there is so much more to existence than I ever dreamt of before this.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I’ve seen the gods of old. Hecate, Odin, Freya, and the rest. My husband had magical powers as well. I remember that he didn’t need the remote to control the TV. We live in a smart home. He would raise his hands up and control the lights without remote or voice command. I too have controlled our lights. Once when I thought that I was going to die, all of the lights turned off. Robin confirmed that he didn’t do that. I believe that I turned them off because I thought I was punching out.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Wiccan.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am a Wiccan now. I renounced my faith in Christianity. My late husband possessed magical abilities. I myself am a healer. Cut off a part of my body and I simply regenerate like Wolverine. I’m not bulletproof, I’m bullet resistant.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. I heard this entity welcome me to join him in this pure white light. All I felt was love, forgiveness, and peace. I didn’t see Jesus or anything like that. I thought it was for the longest time, but reflecting all I know is that this was a robed being of pure love and acceptance

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Quantum mechanics shows that all of existence is one and the same. I believe that we are all just the universe experiencing itself.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Anyone who thinks that this is all that there is needs to schedule a CT scan.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes The first hint that there is more was floating above my body. I personally don’t believe in any kind of an actual, but I do believe in demonic spirits.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes This robed figure that I saw emitted nothing but pure unconditional love.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I always knew that spirits existed, but after having ghosts of lost loved ones appearing in my home, I just know that there is an afterlife.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? I blew out my prefrontal cortex. There have been many changes in my personality. My impulses are very difficult to control now. My higher reasoning is missing, but I am drawing again.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes This is very difficult putting this down into words. How does one speak about their suicide attempt normally or casually?

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I can’t prove any of what I’ve said true or not, but to my essence it very much is true.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I reawakened my innate healing power. I too am a witch. My healing light is blueish white.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Immediately. It’s pretty hard to put a bullet into one’s head and avoid talking about it. This is the first time recording my experiences to an outside source however.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I have been Astral Projecting since I was knee high to a grasshopper.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I viewed it in disbelief. How did I survive ? Even bigger question is how was I able to regain almost full functionality? Albeit with zero short term memory.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I just know. That’s the best way I can describe what happened to me.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Thank you for giving me a place to put all of this to screen. This has been very therapeutic.

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