Michael K SDE

Experience Description

About a few weeks prior to the near-death experience, I had this feeling that I would die soon. It was an inner intuition that went beyond the fact that I felt severely ill. I also had a distinct feeling that I have never had before or since, that the veil between worlds was thin. That is the best way I can think to describe it. Like other realms or worlds were closer and more apparent than before. Not that I could see them, but it felt like they were closer than before, on this deep, inner knowing level.

I had trouble eating and digesting food, was very weak, and many, many doctor visits did little to help the situation. I had been diagnosed with parasites and apparently had many kinds of parasites for about a year and a half at that point, from a trip to Asia.

I was 21 at the time, in my senior year of college, and getting ready to graduate.

One day, before the NDE, while walking to class my body simply gave up. I told it to walk and it wouldn't, it just sat on the sidewalk for a time while I tried to get it to move. This is an example of how sick I was. Eventually, I was able to get up and return to where I was living.

Then, one evening, before attending a small dinner party taking place at the house where I lived, I fell over onto my bed and immediately found myself looking down a beautiful white tunnel. The light was not uniform in appearance but was varied and multi-hued, like it had texture. There seemed to be a boundary toward the end. There was a beautiful woman and a young boy standing towards the end of the tunnel, looking at me with what seemed to be a compassionate gaze. Their bodies were made of light, and they were beautiful and radiant.

I felt strong loving, blissful, and happy feelings during this vision. Then the two figures, who were holding hands, gracefully turned around and left the tunnel, then I was right back on the bed where I had fallen. The whole thing seemed to take a short time. I felt in a very strong loving and appreciative mood that night during the dinner party, though I told no one what had happened at the time. I felt grateful for being there, being alive, and a very tender love and care to my friends at the party. I was confused about who the figures were, why one was a young boy, and what they were doing there. But I didn’t mind being confused so much since it felt so peaceful and kind.

A day or a few days later I came across an article talking about how His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama was considering coming back in his next life as a Female. While reading this, I got a wave of blissful and rapturous feeling, the same feeling as in the tunnel. To me, as a meditation practitioner already at this time, the meaning of this was that the beings in the tunnel were maybe related to or the same as the being that HH the Dalai Lama is a part of, that is, the Bodhisattva of Compassion. The Bodhisattva of Compassion, in my understanding, can take Male or Female forms, like Kuan Yin, and is a loving being who has compassion for all. The Female figure in the tunnel looked like Kuan Yin to me. Later I learned about Kuan Yin having a young boy as a companion and helper, himself also a compassionate being who cares for others. I was raised in a mostly Christian environment, and in a spiritual family, in the USA. At that point in time I was familiar with Asian art and depictions of Kuan Yin, who can also look like Mother Mary.

The day after this white tunnel experience, I was trying to get some food. I remember thinking that I might die soon and that maybe I should write a note to my parents. I was so weak and tired, even my thoughts could not be sustained. This thought faded away quickly to be replaced with silence. I felt peaceful even though I was in physical discomfort. The experience of being unable to form thoughts or doing so with difficulty was common for me during this time of intense illness and low energy.

I felt very hungry, as I usually did around this time, since, no matter how much I ate I would still feel hungry due to poor digestion and other stomach problems. I tried to reach into the cabinet to get food, but my body couldn't seem to do it, too weak to move around, so I decided to lie down on a couch. With sunlight streaming in, I had the experience, never having had this experience before or since, of all the life and light in each of the cells of my body slowly extinguishing. For instance, if you close your eyes, you can feel sensations and movement in your body, the feelings of being alive. It was like all those feelings of aliveness were being extinguished, like a little candle in each cell of the body going out.

After all the life/light seemed to go out, I felt that I was floating out of my body, accompanied by very peaceful and pleasant feelings. Very serene. I'm not sure why, but after only a little floating the body of subtle energy, or whatever one wants to call it, came back into the physical body. I felt quite peaceful and equanimous and thought something along the lines of, 'Well, I guess I'm still alive'. After this, I slowly got better enough to feel more functional, though my health could be very poor at times. I still have health struggles to this day about 12 years later, though lately it is better.

An interesting side note is that I later found out that an astrologer had looked at my chart and said that I was in danger of physically dying during the exact month that I had the NDE.

Years later a psychic person told me that the two beings in the tunnel had prevented my death at the time in order for me to keep learning and growing and building good qualities. I accepted this as a reasonable idea.

I have since seen these two beings (among others) many times since the experience. Often, they have appeared to my waking eyes, or in dreams, or to the inner vision of the mind. Especially if I am having a very hard time physically or mentally, they have come to help with some very good advice but always with strong loving and caring feelings. Also sometimes giving healing energy or health advice. This has helped me to feel supported and make it through difficulties. I don't mention this to many and it does not interrupt my normal functioning, so I don't worry about seeming crazy. I sometimes doubt the reality of these experiences. In the end, I reflect that they are helpful and bring about positive physical and mental states that help me to live better, so I feel okay and don't mind about whether they are real or not real. While I can doubt sometimes whether or not a particular vision is totally accurate, I do have a very strong faith in the existence of heavenly beings, subtle bodied beings, other realms of existence, reincarnation, and so on.

I have found that meditation can reproduce many elements of the NDEs I describe here, like out of body feelings, blissful feelings, and interacting with beings of light and other subtle beings. Everything except the feelings of physical death which, as one would expect, meditation does not reproduce. I mention this partly so people can feel like they can have such inspiring and uplifting experiences without going through the trouble of dying or almost dying. I also find it useful to seek out the beings of light for advice or help, which one can ask for whether one sees them or not I would say. To me the beings go beyond any particular religion or belief system.

The next experience happened when I was 6, (in 1993) a couple weeks before turning 7, but I didn't consciously remember it until 2009, when I was 22, just about a year after the aforementioned two experiences.

When I remembered it, after some therapy I believe, it was a very clear memory, similar in vividness to the white tunnel vision. The situation was that my younger brother and I were playing. He had recently turned 4, and I was 6. We ran to a tire swing. While on the tire swing together, he fell. In my memory, I remember all of the sudden being in this tunnel of white light, again characterized by very peaceful and loving feelings. My brother was ahead of me, moving up the tunnel, and I was following him. He serenely turned around after we had moved up the tunnel a little bit and looked at me compassionately. Mind to mind, he told me something like, 'It's not your time. You have to go back.' He felt very kind to me as he communicated. After he communicated that, all of the sudden I was standing in my body near where he was on the ground.

I later was told that he died just about instantly upon falling to the ground in a kind of unusual accident where the heart stops when it gets hit in between heart beats. When I came back to my body my family started to rush out in a panic to help him, neighbors and an ambulance came, but no effort to resuscitate him was successful. Even though the tunnel felt very peaceful, after regaining consciousness, I had a thought that it was my fault, then felt guilt. Plus sadness, grief, and so on, very intense emotional pain for my family and then me. Since remembering this experience many years later, it has been comforting, to a degree, with all the emotional pain. I was very close to my brother. He was my best friend and it felt like we did everything together. It makes sense to me, since we were so close, that I would follow him up the tunnel.

Remembering this experience, I had a feeling in my heart, during the experience, that the tunnel ended in some great bright light, and had a feeling that kind beings were waiting there to receive my brother. It felt like he was going to a good place. After returning, there was some kind of inner knowing, beyond verbal, that life here on earth is very short and that I would be returning to that nice place very soon (not that I’d die young necessarily, just that life is short for everyone). Human life felt like a short trip or visit to this realm of experience. The sense was (and still is) that life as a human is short and precious. I felt a strong feeling of wanting to do good and benefit others during my time as a human, and still do.

Both experiences, I believe, led to a decreased fear of death. It feels like death is a very pleasant experience and involves going to a very pleasant place. Sometimes I would think that, by not dying at age 21, instead of going to a very pleasant place, I came back to over a decade of very intense pain. However, I actually do feel grateful when I reflect on how much I've been able to learn and grow living as a human, even though it has involved a lot of pain, suffering, and difficulty. I do not wish for death, as I value the opportunity of human life as a place to learn, develop many good qualities like wisdom, compassion, patience, and many others, and help others do the same. I tend to see death as not a scary or fearful thing when I think of these experiences.

I hope what I’ve shared is helpful to someone and wish you well.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: March 2008, May 1993

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Second experience: near someone who died. Other Felt like death but no machines hooked up so not sure if breathing/heart stopped, though it felt lik I had multiple severe parasites and illnesses from travel in Southeast Asia. I returned from Asia in 2007. I was very weak and had trouble moving or thinking. I had trouble eating. Low functionality. In the first experience, no life-threatening event.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw my body lying on the couch as I left it. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal More vivid experience, more deep serenity.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the vision and out of body time.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual The experience felt fairly timeless. Maybe time went very slow. Not sure.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Similar but witnessing matter/materiality that is not normally seen. Also when out of body having a sense of vision/awareness in all directions.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. N/A

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was in a beautiful tunnel though mostly was stationary in it.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My younger brother who had just died, I saw him. I was not aware that he had died as we were in the white tunnel together, only later I found out he was supposed to have died at that very moment.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The tunnel was made of light and everything was radiant. The end of the tunnel seemed brighter, quite bright.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The tunnel of light.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Very deep peace, Happiness, loving feeling.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I was raised going to Catholic church in the USA then started meditating in Buddhist centers and monasteries around 2002. But my family was open to spirituality, meditation, Buddhism, and other religions pretty much throughout. So the first experience I had no specific religion, just 6 years old, but was around Christian things.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes More belief in heavenly beings and subtle-bodied beings in general. More likely to recollect heavenly beings and think of their love as part of my regular meditation/spiritual practices.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I feel close to Thai Forest Buddhism, a type of Theravada Buddhism, as well as Tibetan Buddhism, Mahayana and Vajrayana, other types of Buddhism, and spirituality in general. I like to meditate.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience While I may not remember everything I believed at the time, I think I believed in reincarnation and heavenly beings at the time of the experience at age 21. I also believed, to some extent, in a great field of universal love that pervades everything. At age 6 I'm not sure what I believed, as it is hard to remember. My family may have introduced the idea of heaven, angels, and reincarnation to me already at that point.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I suppose I felt even more valuing of human life and doing goodness - I had valued these things already, and it increased after.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Two beautiful beings of light were at the end of the tunnel. They looked compassionately at me.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain Kuan Yin of Buddhism and the little boy with her are mentioned by name in Buddhism, especially Chinese traditions. She and her fellow beings of compassion are considered to incarnate to help others many, many times.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes After coming back, I had a feeling that life is short and precious. I wanted to be of benefit to all beings.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes The boundary at the end of the tunnel, intuitively to me, indicated a next phase of existence. This was non-verbal inner knowing/feeling.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes It felt like a lot of love during the white tunnel time.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life As previously mentioned, feeling that life is short and precious and that I want to help others as much as I can while I am here. Although I may have mostly felt this same way before the experience. Less afraid of death.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My relationship with deceased people--I feel more close to them, especially my younger brother. Feeling closer to all beings, human and non-human, more love and feelings of closeness with all beings in general.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Hard to convey if the listener has no reference point for this kind of bliss/peace or realm of vivid imagery.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Much, much clearer. Other events around those times I can forget completely, but not these experiences.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Not sure if the psychic phenomena is due to all the meditation I like to do or due to the experience. Feeling more in tune and seeing more subtle phenomena gradually since I started meditating.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Sorry, can't remember very well. It wasn't that long, less than a few months. My friends perhaps were shocked and didn't know what to say or do so it didn't get discussed (we were around 21/22 most of us, maybe not that mature, and all graduating from college so my friends maybe had other things on their minds, not death! : )

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I'm not sure. I just figure I had probably heard of NDEs in some way beforehand, but I can't remember the details. I don't imagine it would have affected my experience that much, but that's just what I think now.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I felt like 'Wow, what was that. That was weird.' Or, 'I'm not sure how real that was.'

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Seems as real or more than the reality of the 5 senses. It was vivid, and 5 sense experience is not always so vivid. Also, I know and talk to many people who can see subtle bodied beings or can see auras and so on, which makes it seem more real and not weird. Seeing these things feels pretty normal now.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes During meditation and sleep, having out of body experiences and seeing beings of light, feeling light and love, all quite similar to the NDEs.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Nope :)

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? It has been intimidating to me how long the form is, and made it hard to complete it. Took me many months to do it due to time and energy.