Michael Probable NDE

Experience Description

I took a very large overdose, which caused a stroke. My experience began with a kind of total unconsciousness. I was so purely absorbed or engulfed by Light that I did not know I existed. It was a whiteout instead of a blackout. There was a sort of implicit descent or falling away from this total absorption. I became aware of a divine masculine energy in relation to a divine femine energy. I wasn't there, but was instead purely the medium in in which those energies met.

I felt a feeling of love that was blazing at almost insane intensity; a stellar sense of rapture. Strange comparison, but the image of the initial flash of a nuclear explosion comes to mind. That's what that initial flash was like. The love was both for 'me' and it was between these two Beings. These Beings were the divine archetypal polarity of masculine and feminine energy.

Try to imagine this in the purest possible sense. The feminine Being's love for the masculine was a sort of absolute devotion and surrender. It is not in the sense of one personality relating to another, but as a sort of pure archetypal energy. She realized an absolute beauty through his seeing of her, and to give this to him was an act of pure love and rapture. At the same time, his love of her brought to realization her absolute beauty, and was a sort of absolute surrender into her. This act of being was like sex in some ideal, purely energetic sense. Both ends of the masculine/feminine polarity were felt at the same time. It was the most incredible thing I've ever felt.

The love was infinite and led back by resonating into itself. It really was absolute Love, somewhat like Plato's Symposium. The masculine divinity perceiving, through Love the Form of Beauty which is the feminine divinity. Except in my experience it flowed both ways, allowing the feminine divinity to perceive the masculine love. The perception was like a unity of higher feeling, seeing, and knowing. As for the scale of this, it was very much like a fractal. The feeling was descending or ascending through a Mandelbrot fractal. It began at a profound intensity, though you could never say it was the absolute height or end, there was always a sort of fractal form. There was an order of magnitude above or below and on an infinite scale. It was like staring into the night sky, in the sense that there's an endless depth of possible realization, of falling into it.

Implicit in this realization of love between the masculine and feminine divinity was a sort of inherent knowledge, or knowledge inherent in the resonance of that love, or you could just call it a sense. The tension between the masculine and feminine divinity or divinities combined was what created the manifest universe. All of the existent universe was an act of love for this feminine energy to return to this masculine energy. Behind all the manifest world was this deepest yearning to return to each other. That's what time is. That's what being finite is. That's what every conscious Being somehow embodies. Separation caused that tension. But at the same time, there was a simultaneous reality of them always being in union. This reunion was always taking place and eternally achieved. The realization of that love was somehow eternity. So this sense that they had just united with each other after having been lost to each other had happened since forever.

As I fell further out of this higher dimension, I actually overheard my body saying over and over, 'I have always loved you, I have always loved you...' This was completely involuntary. There was still this sense of ecstasy. I wasn't conscious of my personhood. I remember just staring and being lost in the light of the ceiling. The light had this inner luminescence of eternity. I gradually faded back into something resembling human consciousnessness. This experience was absolutely the most profound thing that has ever happened to me.


Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 2010

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Drug or medication overdose Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening Overdose, stroke

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal See story!

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? About a third through

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Beyond a sense of 'linear' time

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Eyesight wasn't a huge factor, I think it was the same after coming back

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same, ordinary hearing was not a big factor

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain Not a spacial Passing into or through a tunnel through which my body passed

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an Unearthly light? Yes Wasn't so much 'see' with the physical eyes as with 'see' with some higher faculty

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Wasn't a 'realm' in the spacial sense, but a sort of higher noetic dimension

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Very intense feelings of love

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe See story

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic Wanted to believe, wasn't sure how

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Have instinctively pursued meditation etc more deeply

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I wanted to believe in something beyond what I could see, etc. but did not look for this.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Could say it wakes up some deeper part of you.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. Female and Male forms of 'divinity'

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Strong implicit knowledge/energetic sense that one's being exists in some deeper dimension of time, but no direct communication beyond that

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Yes, see story

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Seemed to be an experience of what one might call a 'supreme being'

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God probably exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes See story

Did you believe that our earthly lives Are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes See story

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife probably exists. Strong implicit knowledge/energetic sense that one's being is higher/deeper than the body, but no direct communication beyond that

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? Unknown

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Unknown

Did you believe that our earthly lives Are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes See story

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes

Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. There was very much a desire to find a way to tune back into that energy, to see how one could or should live in relation to that.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Trying to live in accord with those energies, etc, can put you out of sync with ordinary life.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Has made a very deep impression on my mind

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Meditative states were easier to open to, more sensitive to subtle energies, but also somewhat oversensitive to ordinary human life

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Shortly after, multiple times later, people seem somewhat taken aback, not in a bad way. They were trying to apply this to themselves to find out what could that mean? etc.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Had heard about them, but hadn't read too much in depth

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It was really too big to comprehend, so I just tried to open myself to the energy of it

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Meditation seems to open me to those energies, in a very modest and distant sense, compared to the original experience