Michele M NDE

Experience Description

I was cramping and bleeding. I was in my first trimester and was scared. My husband wasn't home at first. When he came home, I told him how badly I was hurting and he saw the blood. He bundled me up and took me to the emergency room. We we're not more than five minutes away. I remember the horrific pain and being scared. So much blood! Then I was on a table and the nurses were scrambling around me. I remember looking around. I KNOW my eyes were open, but things got dimmer and darker and soon it was just black. I could hear everything going on around me. The pain left. I could hear the Doctor screaming, 'Order 5 units!'

I remember thinking so calmly: 'Oh, this is what it's like to die.' I could 'feel' myself (I don't know how to describe it) pulling up towards my head and shoulders and starting to float up. I remember thinking, 'This is easy, so easy.' Then everything stopped, I opened my eyes again and could see and hear all the noise and the lights as they wheeled me down the hall and into emergency operating room. I remember them draping me. Then, I felt an IV being put in and had a funny taste in my mouth. My chest feeling like a ton of bricks hitting it, and then nothing. Blank. When I woke up in recovery, I remember the nurse saying 'You gave us quite the scare.'

I never could get much information about what happened exactly, excepting something about a problem with the anesthesia. My own doctor was out of town and I do not recall who the Doctor was that attended me. I remember later feeling badly that I didn't get to 'see the light' and that I didn't even think of my little one-year-old daughter that I would have left behind. I have not reconciled that part yet, not being concerned about her.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: April or May 1983

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' I was hemorrhaging profusely during a miscarriage. I recall the doctor screaming for 5 units of blood.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I couldn't see, but I felt very aware. It's hard to explain. I knew that the 'me' that made me was separating. I wasn't groggy or sleepy: hard to explain. Different.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When everything got dim, and black. The pain had left and I started feeling 'me' pulling up towards my head area.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I had no sense of time at all. I don't feel like they were. Every thought still felt the same. I was not aware of speed or time.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I couldn't see anything, everything got dimmer and dimmer. I knew I was going. I was starting to leave.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could hear everything. The Doctor yelling at the nurses, and commotion with the gurney, all the confusion in the room, it almost seemed amplified.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Calm, wonder: Oh this is what it's like: Peaceful, no worries.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I felt more spiritual. God is experienced by those in the context they can understand. I don't really know why I came away with this conviction, but it's grown stronger as the years have passed.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian In 2010, due to the turmoil and scandals in the Catholic Church, I became very depressed spiritually and started attending and was received into the Orthodox Church.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Well, I was aware of NDEs and had read about them. So, when my experience stopped short of a tunnel and light, I was upset. I felt cheated. (Go figure...I survive this and I felt cheated!) I felt conflicted too. I should be happy to be alive, but I wanted to experience the Light. I'm supposing the medical intervention stopped that, but I know at least what I did experience was real.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes We are all lead to be more spiritual, because that is the REAL us. Each person needs to find the vehicle that best helps him or her achieve that. While I don't ascribe to certain 'doctrines' in conservative Christianity (sins of homosexuality, for instance), the worship and prayer life in my Orthodox Faith helps me sustain my humility, values, and pathway to God. For someone else it may be Buddhism. The greatest measure of our success is our generosity, humility and compassion for others.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain Nothing specific...just a "knowing", like an understanding...a "matter of fact".

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain Nothing specific, just a 'knowing', like an understanding, a 'matter of fact'.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Uncertain No specific information, just the awareness...because I was experiencing it. I knew I was going, dying, and knew the "me" was separating.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I 'know' we are here for a reason. How do I 'know' this? I can't tell you, I just do. Everything happens for a reason, even tragedies. I've thought often about it, and the best I can come up with is that if we all lived in a Utopia, we would never learn the lessons of compassion. That is as close as I've been able to come to reasoning it. Large changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain I'm less judgmental. That's become more so in recent years, too.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes No one wanted to hear about this. It was SO personal, but yet I wanted everyone to know: 'Hey! We stay ourselves, we stay our personality after (or near) death.' Yet, words don't adequately express it. The 'me' that makes 'me' goes on. I could 'feel' it moving up towards my shoulders and head. I knew something was changing, and I was not the least bit afraid.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I don't not recall events clearly leading up to the event or afterwards as clearly. Some of it is jumbled up. But the event itself is etched in my being. Its very, very clear.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? No specific information, just the awareness because I was experiencing it. I knew I was going, dying, and knew the 'me' was separating.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Almost immediately. No one believed me. They said it was the anesthesia. They didn't listen. This experience happened before any anesthesia! Family patronized me. Others said, 'If you have Faith, you don't need proof of the afterlife.' They didn't get it: Not at all.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had read Raymond Moody's books, and my (then) husband was doing a dissertation on NDEs. So everyone just chucked it up to that. My knowing about the tunnel and light made me more upset that I didn't get to experience that. Now I have a better perspective and understanding.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It remained the same, regardless of what others thought. I just kept it to myself after a while. I've only shared it a few other times with people, and it's not always received well. I haven't talked about it in years now.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real The clarity of it has not dimmed. Not one bit.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain Many years previous to this, I was getting off the school bus and started across the front of it and across the intersection. I could hear the screech of brakes and I could smell the burned rubber. Someone/something pulled me back and I was not hit. My girlfriend was several steps behind me and saw nothing but me sort of hopping back (but it had to have been 3 feet or more!). I felt the pull of my whole being pulled backwards. I knew my Guardian Angel did this. I remember looking up at the bus driver and he just had this astonished look on his face, then checked the intersection again and waved me across. That experience is just as real to me today as it was over 40 years ago.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No one will convince me that it was not real. Well, I was aware of NDEs and had read about them. When my experience stopped short of a tunnel and light, I was upset. I felt cheated. I survive this experience and still, I felt cheated! I felt conflicted too. I should be happy to be alive, but I wanted to experience the Light. I'm supposing the medical intervention stopped that, but I know at least what I did experience was real. I don't recall events clearly leading up to the event or afterwards as clearly. Some of the experience is jumbled. But the event itself is etched in my being. It's very, very clear.