Nancy Y NDE

Experience Description

After a year abroad, I came back to Canada for the start of a new school year. I had planned to go out with a group of friends and my older sister, who was with me to help me with apartment and settling in. I was known to be a pretty heavy drinker. But at the pre-game that night, all we had were coolers and martini, which I’m not a fan of. So, I had very little to drink before we headed to the gay district with plans to go dancing. At the night club, I had a vodka cranberry and still had all my faculties when I stepped outside to smoke a cigarette. While outside, I made a group of people’s acquaintance. Soon enough, one of my friends joined us. I was enjoying the cool air, so I stayed outside and smoked another cigarette while chatting with the group. At some point, a young man gave us what was left of his joint. I’m assuming it was marijuana because he couldn’t take it inside. One of the people in my group enthusiastically accepted the gift and passed it around. I was never much of a pot smoker, so one puff had me coughing uncontrollably. Everyone else seemed to do fine. I believe someone had a bottle of water and offered me a sip.

The next thing I remember is sitting on the sidewalk and lighting another cigarette. Again, I started coughing uncontrollably and pass out in a bush. I regained consciousness to find my friends laughing and trying to get me up. They seemed to think I was really high or drunk, but I couldn’t talk and was hardly aware of my surroundings. I’m guessing they decided it was time to take me home because they managed to carry me to another place, where I passed out on the sidewalk.

Everything went black. I felt like I was slowly being sucked into the ground. Eventually, I was being sucked down faster and faster. At some point, I felt like I relived milliseconds of multiple high and low points of my life. For instance, when I was a 3-year-old me crying because she didn’t like her Christmas present. Then immediately, the scene switched to receiving my first A+. Then the scene switched to a moment of anger. Once I finished 'visiting' these moments, which was very brief, the feeling that I was falling stopped.

I was surrounded by light and felt so warm, relieved, and just happy. I heard a female voice ask, 'How did you get here?' I saw a silhouette of light standing next to two men and a woman. I’m guessing they were my two grandfathers and grandmother, who were emanating a kind of sadness paired with understanding.

At that point, I was able to see my friends standing over me, shouting for me to wake up. My sister was crying and praying while my best friend held and consoled her. Then a small blonde woman ran over and shouted, 'What the f#$% are you guys doing?!? Her heart’s not beating and she’s not breathing!! I’m a nurse, move away!'

I was so cozy, I really wanted to stay where I was, but the Being of light with the female voice said, 'You can always go back.' And before I could even think, I was sucked back up and came to in my body. The blonde lady was no longer there, but all my friends and sister were positioned exactly as I’d seen them when I was out. My best friend said I looked like a baby coming into the world for the first time. I’m not sure anyone really grasped the seriousness of what had happened, though.

Later that night/early morning, I tried to drown myself in the bathtub. For weeks, I felt depersonalized/de-realized and like something was just wrong. I’d been scorned for scaring my friends, but no one seemed to believe what I’d seen and how terrified I was. My sister, who’s a nurse, refused to even talk about the incident. So I turned to counseling services, where the psychologist told me that I’d had a near-death experience. She told me that many others had described something similar to what I described to her. I decided to try and just forget about it since no one believed me when I tried to breach the topic. I came to wish I’d just died and got really depressed for a while.

I’m not sure when I started to feel 'normal' again, but I’ve been thinking about my NDE a lot since my mother passed away last year. A few months ago, I reconnected with the Catholic faith and downloaded the Hallow app, where I landed on a series about NDEs, and now I’m finally telling my story!

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 09/15/2013

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Accident CPR given Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) I lost consciousness at least twice. I was told that my heart stopped and I wasn’t breathing the second time. I don’t know if I would’ve died without intervention or come back either way. I didn’t seek medical care afterwards.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I heard my friends taunting me to wake up. The nurse who performed CPR on me shouting at them. My sister was crying and praying. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. It was like I was seeing and feeling things in HD, far more deeply and with a stronger focus than I would normally.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was observing what was going on around my body. The snippets of my life I relived were also so vivid that I literally felt them happening in my body.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Pre-experience was like technicolor while the experience was in HD.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I’d say all the sounds were toned down during the experience, but I have very sensitive hearing and sensory processing issues in my everyday life.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I’d describe it more as falling down a tunnel.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My deceased grandfathers and paternal grandmother

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was all around me and the silhouettes I observed, and the brightest part of it was speaking to me.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

What emotions did you feel during the experience? As I was falling, I felt every emotion under the sun, followed by love/peace/relief/acceptance, and finally, this weird separation anxiety/confusion/disappointment/regret/disbelief/sadness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control. I relived many such moments in quick succession

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will. I don’t know if I’d call it a barrier, but the light and my relatives were standing across from me. I never moved from where I’d landed before being sucked back up.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic I had been brought up Catholic and confirmed, but strayed from the faith when I was 18 and in college; so I didn’t really believe in anything at the time.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. At that point in my life, I didn’t believe in anything but figured that, if the teachings of the Church were true, I’d have a first class ticket to Hell.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I believe in angels now! And am less concerned with a person’s creed than in their interpretation of and relationship to their spirituality.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify. A loving, female voice spoke to me when I reached the light and before I was pulled out of it.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Uncertain My understanding was that I’d be reunited with those who were gone before me, but I didn’t get much information outside of what I saw.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes. I gleaned from the experience that even the most devastating moments of my life would only be blips in the grand scheme of things when I die. You don’t have to be perfect or Catholic or even a believer for God to welcome you into heaven. I don’t get to decide when it’s my time, but I have no reason to fear death when it does come, if I stay on track.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I learned that other than me, none of the people who love or would be presumed to love me could accept that that might be the end of my life.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life. I don’t think I’ll ever feel seen or close to anyone who doesn’t want to hear about this experience. It caused a rift between me and the people I thought I could lean on, and I haven’t been entirely myself around them since. I’ve gradually moved towards living a life that’s meaningful to me even if it means being alone most of the time, and I make spirituality and recognizing that there are beings looking after me and waiting for me a big part of my life and a reminder of all that I have to be grateful for.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? They’re more distant or feel incomplete. Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was hard to even start to talk about it without being interrupted and I wasn’t sure how to describe it without sounding crazy. I certainly couldn’t get myself to say 'I died.'

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Everything else is blurry and the months following the experience are a bit of a gloomy daze.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Outside of the psychologist I saw shortly after, it took me a few years to actually tell someone who listened the whole way through. People are usually surprised and for the most part, speechless. My oldest sister tried to make it about her and say the light wasn’t a happy place when she was getting surgery because she wants to actually 'be someone' in the world, but I wouldn’t expect anything of any depth to change her view on life.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Very superficial knowledge. I’d heard people speak of seeing their life flash before their eyes and a light at the end of the tunnel, but never interpreted it to be anything like what I ended up experiencing.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Fewer questions, haha.

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