Natacha P NDE-Like

Experience Description

Since age 17, I had heart problems that caused such intense chest pains, that I couldn't sleep very well. That night I seemed to be in an experience that started without me. I found myself above my body while observing it. I was telling myself at the same time, 'God, how ugly is that body AND God, how beautiful it is.' I was able to see with two kinds of visions. The first one gave me the impression that I was looking through a microscope. It was a strange vision of my body; it was not 'ugly' in terms of aesthetics but it was in comparison with the second way I was able to see my body. My second vision allowed me to see splendidly and there was seemingly pulsating colors of a life that was their own. This remark then made me realize that I was THERE. Without any feeling of fear or anxiety, I asked myself, 'Are you dreaming?' But everything seemed so much more real, so that I was convinced of the reality of the moment. I never had any doubts afterwards. I noted without too much worrying that I had to be alive.

I wondered, 'What shall I do now?' The thought had barely come to me, when in a fraction of a second, I found myself in a place no word could describe. It was the most beautiful garden that shimmered with intense lights of all kinds of colors, but it did not hurt my eyes. Although, I mention seeing with my eyes, it is in that instant that I realized that I could see everywhere and that my 'body' could see everything and feel everything. This sense of sight was not related to my eyes and yet I accepted this wonder as a norm.

How could I describe this energy of life, the love that bombarded me from everywhere, integrated me into a sensation of such power that I plunged into a sort of hypnotic beatitude in front of the grass? I was that grass, she was me. I was unique and yet, I was in a kind of osmosis with her, it seemed to me that she was the most beautiful thing that I had ever been able to see.

What drew me from this contemplation was a warm and loving wave that came from behind on the right side. I was overwhelmed with great laughter. I turned around like a human being looking to see behind him, even as I saw him perfectly on all sides. I mention this because it seemed so very funny. Next, I was standing in front of a huge porch with an indescribable white light. What words could one use when there are none. If God were to appear to me in all his greatness and power of love, I would say that this threshold led to Him. A huge weight seemed to have fallen off my shoulders. And, overtaken with a deep emotion. It seemed to me that I was returning Home. As I decided to go through this door, an energy again came to my side. I knew right away that a Being was there. And, here I am again turning around, laughing for the second time, it was such a good joke. In front of me was a light that was more present and ready to communicate with me. I approached the light and asked who he was. I knew he was different; different but always full of love and an overwhelming understanding.

I knew that he knew everything about me. He answered me by not using words, but through feelings of emotions captured throughout all my body, 'I will be what you want me to be.' I realized that this Being could not appear to me in his true form and full goodness, but he gave me the choice of what form he would take. Although I knew he was not my guardian angel, I asked him anyway, 'Are you my guardian angel?' Then, under my amazed gaze, this entity of love was transformed into an angel of such a perfect beauty. The wings were pointed towards the sky and he had an angelic look overflowing with love that was directed at me. Can such a Being be described?

This light Being was so full of love and was already magnificent and grandiose. But in his reassuring form as an angel, he seemed to reach an even greater level of grandeur. I came back down very quickly to the reality of our discussion when I was told that the time had not come for me to pass through the door. To convince me of it, he showed me my two sisters whom I loved more than anything in the world. I saw all those moments that make and create links on our earth and knew I would not want to break those links for anything. But here is the thing, where I found myself, the door of God was more Love, more real, and more attractive than all the craziest dreams I could have wanted here on earth. I pointed out to him, that my sisters were going to join me soon because time does not exist there. I said that as if it was an established truth that my sisters would join me in a moment. And very slowly, which is strange when one thinks that in that place, thought moves us at a vertiginous speed, my Angel repeated that it was not time for me to leave and that I still had things to do. But I wanted so much to go 'home'! So much so, that I asked him once again to kindly change his mind. He was firm on the subject. I knew that I had no choice on my part and there were no questions about an eventual possibility of change. Then He made a strange move and I found myself surrounded by his light. It was like when a child finds ones self in the arms of their mother, but stronger. His love was stronger, more present, true, and more real.

Then, it was as if I was sucked backwards. I found myself in a cramped, tight, black and cold place. The light had left me and the powerful air I breathed in was hurting me. I realized that I was back in my body. I do not know what happened next in the seconds or minutes that followed. I was standing in my eldest sister's room, whom I woke up by turning on the light, and I burst into tears when she asked me what was wrong with me. I could not answer because I kept crying, while saying I was scared. I felt abandoned and had given over to that nameless cold. I felt as if I was lost in a place that did not seem real to me. Yet as I looked around me, I knew this was my reality. Then lying beside my sister, holding her hand from anguish, I repeated to her, 'Ddo not sleep, do not sleep, let me fall asleep before you, do not leave me.' I ended up falling asleep. When I awoke, my sister asked me what had happened. I had frightened her because that night when I entered her bedroom, I looked like a corpse in the artificial light. She said I was walking about, devoid of colors.

I could not bring myself to share these strong moments, which words could hardly describe without difficulty. Can one describe unknown colors, meanings that do not exist on earth, and then a love so great and so strong? How can one go on every day, feeling as if you have lost something that you cannot even find on earth. It took me months not cry every time I remembered that door where the most wonderful thing that I was ever allowed to know was located. I have calle it God. But God was no longer the symbol of a terrifying power that would wait for my death, judge me, and send me into a pit of fire. NO, he was at every moment in my heart and in all things around me. Yet, I only stayed at the threshold of his house. His messenger, that beautiful guardian angel, could have been God for me considering that the goodness that characterized him was immense. But in comparison with the LOVE coming from the door it was still smaller or less than beyond what was emating from beyond the door. It gives me the feeling of diminishing this Being of light that has no equal here on earth. And since then, on this station platform that my life seems to be, I wait until it is time for my departure to join Him. With all my heart and while I wait to join him, I am physically and psychologically healing people who come to me for help. Because of the distress of those who see death as an end, one day, years later, I began to tell my experience from time to time. My heart is so happy to remember this beauty and sharing it is so rewarding. Even when I am not believed, I know that somewhere, someday, that person will say to themself, 'What if !?' And maybe they can feel peace for a moment. As I am at peace, thanks to God.


Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1993

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Illness. It happened at home and I was suspected of having suffered a heart failure, according to the cardiologists

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain My angel sent me back saying such things as, 'You still have things to do.' And I had a vague feeling of 'Yyou will work with your hands.' That's what I remembered. Later when I was 24 years old, I found myself lying down more often because walking was difficult. I had to stop my studies at age 18. I often thought, 'But everyone uses their hands' and then the doctors are pessimistic. At the age of 27, I was treated and I resumed my studies and I became a Bowen therapist with an Australian degree. I heal with my hands. I clearly left my body and existed outside it.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. It seemed more true and more just. My way of perceiving it, is as if higher perceptions gave my senses on earth a superior polish and finish.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? In front of the door.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Where I went, time did not exist.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. You see the difference between televisions when they were just starting to be sold, and the screens with magnificent images that we have nowadays. Then multiply that by millions and maybe you'll start approaching it a little bit.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing did not happen as it does in my body. That perception was different. Captured by my whole being and at a level beyond the sound, more in the feeling and the absorption of an emotion by my whole body. I describe that as hearing in my soul.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light of 'my angel' but especially that emanating from the Threshold. To describe it, I could do no more than to say that if on this threshold, this light was such a powerful love, what might have it been if I had passed into the light. Here on earth, only the word 'God' encompasses the love, power and the infinite greatness that emanated from that light. So I say 'God.'

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Supernatural yes because it is outside of our human references. Here everything refers to matter; over there, everything is emotions.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, Happiness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. I was one, and I was everything. I was in osmosis with my surroundings and in love and respect for all life, even grass.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic I believed in God but not in his house at the Vatican.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes. For a big part. But, I also recognize that my every day life, the experiences of life bring me changes. It is a wisdom that reinforces the beliefs I held after the NDE.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I believe with great fervor in a Supreme Good Being, creator of all things that I continue to call God. I believe that we are reincarnated so that our soul can evolve, and that our life here is less real, more illusory than the True life and our True Selft in 'this other place'.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I believed in a God. I know that He is Truth and Truthfulness. I experienced him before the threshold. I believed that He would judge us, but I don't believe that anymore. I will judge myself, and will be all the more severe as his goodness is great and to disappoint him would hurt me deeply even so he would not judge me. I believed in a hierarchy of angels as described in the Bible. My angel was what I wanted him to be. He was something else but I do not know what. I thought God was love, but He is beyond that word and beyond what I could imagine.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I try to live each day while following my conscience. It’s very hard.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. This intelligent and loving light, which was conscious and kind enough to come to me by accepting my conditions, to speak to me. His transformation into a shape that was not his, and those words that contained as much love as understanding, 'I will be what you want me to be.' He humbly came down to my level, because he was only love, or so I interpret it that way on this earth.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Always this knowledge that permeates us and that makes us aware of our infinity at the time when I was in this light.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes God is this place, this location, this person, this emotion that I wanted to find again. Finding it was my reason for being.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain. It is necessary to go through this experience to know that a Supreme Being exists, because then I felt this sensation of being one and unique and of being also a whole. I knew that in every thing, even in the being of light, something bigger and more unique exists. We all had it and we all aspired to be close to 'HIM'.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain. Concerning me, yes, but I am not God and what I know is disturbing enough to live through down here.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes In this light it was as if I was submerged in all knowledge. And when my angel told me to go back to my body. Those emotions that I felt made me understand that being on earth was my choice. This was a chance that some were waiting for. I wondered who could envy being on earth in comparison to this wonderful experience that I lived through. Even that suicide was not a sin for the entities above, but for us, and that it was judged very severely, but ONLY by us. Why this would be important? It seems to me that I knew why then, but can no longer remember.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists. I knew that the experience was ongoing because I understood as a knowledge imprinted in me from all eternity that my life on earth was only one of so many others and at that moment I knew the importance of this learning process I was going through. There was an important reason, more than imperative, but necessary.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes. But I can not talk about it.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes The challenges are experiences that occur solely due to our intentions. My illness, which stole my youth and 10 years of my life, I would not want to eliminate it for anything in the world. It allowed me to internally evolve, something that I would never give up for all the gold in the world.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is the only reason to be. It drives away the fear that paralyzes us and makes us free people. Evil can maybe hurt me, make me cry, but love always brings me back to God. Love permits me to get up and cannot kill me because we do not die. God protects us through his love and we love him back; we allow him to act for us. Love transcends everything.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I was angry at some events in my life. This anger has disappeared. It used to be that I was did not forgive easily, especially if I had been hurt. Today, forgiveness is part of me. I used to judge easily, but now, I no longer judge because only God knows why these things happen.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I look at this world with peace in my heart. Emotions can upset me, but no matter how hard or terrible, they never last. Very soon, Peace comes back to me as I remember THAT MOMENT.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It's the same as going to a psychiatrist or psychologist to talk about a painful event and saying, 'I cannot find the words to express how I feel.' Our vocabulary is too narrow to express the greatness and infinity I saw and felt.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I have a tendency to keep very selective memories and my memory is more oriented towards the present than the past. But the experience IS UNFORGETTABLE.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I don’t wish to talk about it.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Everything was significant.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Several months later, I spoke about it to my sister. I also mentioned it to strangers at work some 15 years later.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. Not only real, but it made so much more sense than my usual life. I was very depressed not to be able to stay over there, because in my everyday life, I really felt like a robot. Our society programs us to comply with its habits and customs where none of that can seem strange. Moreover, it gives us the opportunity to live in fear. This experience was so much more 'true' with more real emotions. It gave me the impression that the experience was real and my life on earth was like living in a fog.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Time passes and yet, that experience is outside of time. It is as real to me today as it was when it happened when I was 21 years old.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes. A quick separation from the body during an event I do not want to share the ins and outs of. My life was in no danger and there was no reason for this separation.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I do not fear death and I am free. It’s the freedom that I find is the most important thing. God freed me of the chains society imposes on us, and he opens our eyes to the actions and manipulations of all that is not done or demanded in the name of love. At the same time, my old ego would have been furious with these manipulations, but the current "me" smiles. All human beings would greatly benefit from these experiences so as to bring about a world of peace.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Ask us if we believe not in God, but in man; ask it before and after the experience happens.