Natalie B STE

Experience Description

I had a bone marrow transplant on November 21, 2014. I was released from the hospital in December and spent my recovery alone in my apartment in California.

Recovery was a lonely, isolating, anxiety filled experience as I had never been through a health crisis before and was young with not much support.

I don't remember the exact date because I did not share this story fearing that I would be labeled crazy. However, I know that it was near the time Murrieta received snow fall, which was not common for the area. Placing this around December 2014- Jan 2015.

In the few days leading up to the experience I was having a sensation that felt like if I would close my eyes, I would not be able to wake up again. I was could not identify why I was feeling that way. (No fever/No Rash/No Headache/etc.) I communicated my concern to my mom but she wasn't worried. I was doing everything right with managing recovery and medications, that we knew of.

Feeling sick, tired, hopeless, lonely, worthless, worried about the finances and the future, I started calling out to God for help making pleading deals such as 'If you show me that you are with me- I promise I surrender my will for yours' or 'If you pull me out of this mess I will dedicate my life to you', that sort of thing. I really felt that I had no future, purpose, and that my body would never function properly again.

I now understand that the enemy found an open door. I considered suicide and even began considering which prescription I could abuse to end my life. I googled different prescriptions for a while then laid in my bed crying over my emotions and pleading to God for intervention until I fell asleep. I slept for some time and was woken up after midnight (I remember it was in the hour of 2am) by some strange sounds.

The atmosphere changed within my apartment. My blinds lifted and suctioned up against the glass windows. It was dark outside, but there was a white glow filling my apartment through the blinds. My 3 pets (cats) began to speak, and they gathered in my room from where they had been sleeping and shouted praises to the Lord. A sweet smell filled my senses.

All these things defied science and I knew something special was happening. I began traveling upward and it was no longer night, but I was in a blue sky.

I looked down and had a vision of trees and mountains bowing down. I looked up and saw The Son of God descending. I said to the other people down on the ground in the vision, 'Do you see Him?! I knew He would come!' But the many people around me in the vision did not look up and see Him.

I was then seated at a large round wooden table. It was a banquet table. I was there with several other guests all dressed in a white glow. I didn't recognize the guests but there were approximately 12 and they made me feel overwhelming glad to be sitting with them and very welcomed. We ate, and we laughed. We laughed not at anyone’s expense but because we were joy -filled and happy, real Happiness.

The speed at which everyone conversed was other worldly. There weren't so much words exchanged, but ideas conveyed through quick images and numbers. We played a mental-telepathic numbers sort of game. I don’t have the exact words to describe it. But the joy and fun that it brought to me felt much like playing a card game with good company. The company you love the most.

After our banquet and game, I walked with the Lord. I knew it was Him because his light was the brightest and warmest and I felt so settled in His presence. Just overwhelmed by comfort, joy, peace, and love even with very little words spoken all these emotions were felt. It was a relief of pain. I was introduced to a boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. I had the feeling that the boy might be a family member but wasn’t sure how we were related. I considered if he belonged to my sister, because she has blue eyes. I was overwhelmed with the sense of love and belonging.

My cheeks were hurting from all my smiling which reminded me that I was not truly in heaven, but still in my earthly body. I was returned from the vision and was given a renewed sense of hope and joy. I did not want to leave. Heaven felt like home, and I had no desire to see my earthly home again.

Back in my bed, I watched the light of the Holy Spirit drain out of my bedroom through the blinds. Tears of gratitude burst out of my eyes. I was deeply touched that this sort of gift could happen to me---- a deeply flawed and ungrateful sinner.

I jumped out of bed and cried praises of thankfulness, worship, and watched as the white light drained out of my apartment windows and the atmosphere return to normal. I felt alive again, like a new creation, truly re-born, and filled with joy in the Lord.

Earlier that evening, I was deep in the lowest most broken moment of my life and suddenly I had experienced the happiest and most healing moment of my life.

Believing that I had experienced a touch of heaven, I immediately called two of my family members to explain the good news. I think I was only able to get ahold of my mother who said something like, 'Nat, you probably confused your prescriptions and are hallucinating. If you are fine, Go back to bed.'

I did check my medicines, and nothing seemed out of place.

To me, it doesn’t matter if I that were true, or if it was just a dream. The vision saved me from suicide that night, ignited my faith, and gave me a hunger for scripture. I wanted to know more about that banquet table.

I feel back asleep towards the morning hours with the biggest smile on my face and had the best rest I had ever experienced.

The days after, I began a new life. It is interesting that I had just been reborn through a bone marrow transplant. That is what the physicians called the transplant day- a re-birth day. I needed new blood to survive, but it is really by the blood of Jesus that I am healed. I felt like God in a way anointed my new blood and encouraged me to live a new life inside and out.

I became hungry to know more about that banquet table and dove into scripture, bible journaling, and searching for scriptures that matched my description on heavenly realms. I have found many, thanks be to God.

I became a foster mom in Jan 2019 to a little boy, with blonde hair and blue eyes. I was able to adopt this little blessing in Feb 2021 and he was named John-Luke.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: Jan or Feb (Winter) 2015

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Illness Contemplating Suicide during Recovery from Bone Marrow Transplant Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening In the few days leading up to the experience I was feeling that if I would close my eyes, I would not be able to wake up. I was recovering from a Bone Marrow Transplant but couldn't identify why I was feeling that way. (No fever/No Rash/No Headache/etc.) I communicated my concern to my mom but she wasn't worried. I started calling out to God for help making pleading deals ('If you could do this for me _____ I promise I will____') That sort of thing.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I remember looking out the window, the clock, and my pets were talking. I did not get out of bed. The light that came in took me. I was taken out of bed and moved upward. I did not look back at my body or have a sense of my body. But I did feel smaller, lighter, and lighter. I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Because I had been sick in bed for many weeks, recovering from blood cancer/bone marrow transplant- to be leaping about the apartment with energy shows that I was very awake, alert, and well.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I heard my pets talking, I was amazed and then I saw them come from the hallway into my room to witness the light. When I was returned from Heaven, I leaped out of bed with tears in my eyes and I was definitely awake because I made a phone call to report my experience. My face hurt from smiling.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual Everything was moving quickly but at the same time it was a long enough experience where I felt I never wanted to leave, that I was at home. Time didn't have meaning it was just a different pace of movement and conversation then on earth.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Light and movement were a different level then here on earth. I have never had glasses or any sensory challenges on earth. Where I was taken was a different realm of speed, color, movement, time.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I have no hearing issues on earth. Where I was taken had more of a telepathic-internal-emotional way of communicating.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I went up into a blue sky and Jesus met me at the top of the sky and then I was placed at wooded round banquet table. A special table where there were enough seats for everyone.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The 12 beings and the little boy had a white light, glowing, translucent, sparkly. God and the Son were RADIANT lights.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I had a meal and played games at a round table with wonderful company and we laughed and it felt as though we all knew each other and that it was their job to make me feel welcomed and "at home". The meal seemed to appear and disappear without effort or clean up. I walked in a vast beautiful atmosphere.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt the happiest I had ever been. I felt overwhelming joy, peace, and love. God was love. My cheeks hurt from smiling too big. I didn't feel pain anymore. I felt sad that I had to go back. I felt chosen and accepted. I finally believed that I am HIS daughter. I felt tears of Happiness on my face.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I saw Jesus waiting for me in the sky and I kept trying to tell others to look up and was concerned that they were missing out on seeing something miraculous. I was so sad that they missed him even though trees were bowing down, people still missed the miracle. They just went on with their business on the streets. (It was a busy city like LA) Palm trees make me think LA. I wonder if that is a connection to end time events.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I did not want to go back but I was able to stay. I had more business to do on earth.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian Christian, attending the Nazarene Church. No prior knowledge of the Book of Revelation or NDE. Would not have been able to recite scriptures of heaven at the time.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Closer to God. Clingy.

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant Married a Catholic man and currently attending the Mass.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I always pictured God as the "big man in the sky with a white beard". But he was not. He was a Glory filled Light, I still could walk and talk and hold his hand, but it wasn't a human body. I had no idea about the banquet table or wedding parable or the bridesmaid parable, or twinkling of an eye, or resurrected bodies, Revelation, I couldn't name all 12 disciples, had no idea about lampstands, saints, or ANY real foundation of scripture. So, now when I read scripture, my experience makes so much more sense.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I thought the Bible was a old history book. But then I believed that it is a living breathing sword and that I needed to start opening it to understand what I saw in Heaven. I need to start opening it more to get intimate with God. You can experience a touch of heaven when you open the Word.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I met Jesus who took me from the blue sky (Looked more like a man at that point) to the wooden banquet table. I met 12 light beings(very mystical) at the table. I walked with God/Son of God which was a presence LIGHT AND LOVE, I met the blue eyed boy. The voices were laughter and a telepathic type of communication and overwhelming engulfing feelings.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Jesus met me in the air as a man. In heaven he was more of a glowing radiant light.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I felt like I was at home. Back where I belong and that everyone knew me. So, I believe I was once there and had finally come back home like the prodigal's son.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain Yes, there is a universal connection in the sense that God has a purpose and plan for all his creation. He wasn't done with my plan that is why I had to go back. However, there was also a sad disconnect because I experienced many people ignoring the miracle of Jesus appearing in the sky, plan as day and the mountains and trees bowing.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes He does exist because He had a presence that filled the other realm with LOVE, acceptance, peace, joy, Happiness, home. Everyone knew that it was Him because all of those feelings came from his glory light.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain Meeting Jesus in the sky and others not noticing felt very significant in regards to 'harpazo' debates within today's churches. I was caught up in a secret type of way.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Our purpose is to Love God and Love Others. There was someone God created for me to love with blue eyes and blonde hair.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes There is a place- up. For those who are done on earth. There are already beings there.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes If I am love to others on earth, they will see and experience God's glory as well.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I was married about a year from the trip to heaven and found out early in the marriage that my husband has addiction problems. He calls me his ticket to salvation, but I know that it is God is working through me to help him overcome the disease of addiction. We adopted three children from foster care. This was a hard task. Marriage is a hard task. (He has a porn and sex addiction). God had a purpose for me and plans that are not done, that is why I couldn't stay with him. I have been through some difficult times, but have not gone back to that dark suicide place that I had once visited.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I know that how I love others, matters. I can't be sloppy or lazy in my relationships.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The sounds, smells, colors, sense of time, conversations, emotions- It is difficult to illustrate them. It was all so other-worldly and definitely not of this world. Things our earthly eyes and ears wouldn't understand. We would need a resurrected body to fully experience. I was also afraid to express because others would think I am insane. Or maybe jealous as in why would God pick HER to have this experience?

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember who I was before the encounter and where I was heading.

After the encounter, I was motivated and ready for a 2nd chance at life. I got married within a year of this night and got a job working at a Christian school.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes There have been a few times where the Holy Spirit has tugged on my heart SO hard to do something or say something or reach out to someone. I obey every tug.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Meeting Jesus in the air and others not noticing felt very end-time/rapture like. I have never looked into this-just waiting for Jesus to reveal more to me in His own time. Seeing John-Luke in heaven is precious. I did not see his sister, Lucy. She would have been conceived at that time already by her biological mother. Notice, her name was Lucy? Light.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it first at women's retreat in October 2021 at church. I spoke about the importance of scripture in my life and included this night in my testimony. A women asked, 'Was this a near death experience?' I did not know how to answer. I didn't know what NDE were. Now, just a week ago I had been feeling far from God, and asked him I really did walk with Him, or did I imagine it? Within a day I had my answer. A lady in a group chat recommended a book she was reading, "Imagine Heaven" by John Burke. I knew my answer would be in there. I haven't read it yet, I thought I would start on this website first. So, here I am doing this survey.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It felt so real and then checking with scripture confirmed it. I didn't have knowledge to make or dream it up. Never seen a left behind movie, never done drugs, never smoked, etc. There wasn't a reason for it to have occurred other than God.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real I was doubting it these past two weeks or so. (Struggles in parenting and marriage). So, I asked God about it and here I am about to read Imagine Heaven. I am so excited to learn about NDE, and see if there are common themes among all those reported.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Meeting John-Luke at 10 weeks old with big blue eyes and blonde hair.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I AM SO THANKFUL TO LEARN MORE ABOUT NDE, 9 years later. finally! It never occurred to me that others may have had this experience as well