Neill H SDE

Experience Description

I was sitting on my bed with one foot on the floor and the other on the bed, I had only been home for about 10 or 15 minutes after leaving the hospital.

My mini blinds were closed but the blackout curtains in my bedroom were open. At that time, I was also living alone in a 3 bedroom house.

I had spent a couple of nights at the hospital with my mom that week and had come home just to kill some time and pay a few bills on my computer.

I had paid a few other bills and was in the middle of confirming my payment of my Lowes credit card and it was like something spoke to me, but in what I can only describe as in a telepathic manner, like hearing without the sound going into my ears.

The sound seemed to come from someone that seemed like they were 1 to 2 miles away but inside of the room at the same time

The sound or source of the sound also seemed to be directional which caused me to look towards what I would later discover was a NW direction from my house.

I then began to see what I can only describe as a vibrating point of extremely bright light which seemed to be coming towards me from more than a mile away.

Something like a (portal) began to form and slowly spread outwardly from the bright light which was at the center. It was like the opposite of what a person sees when they are about to pass out and start losing their peripheral vision.

If you can imagine it was like reverse tunnel vision.

The surfaces layers of the doors and walls started to suddenly disappear until I could see into my kitchen and then the dining room and through the left rear corner wall of the house until I could see the sunlight and trees outside.

While all of this was happening the bright vibrating light was coming closer and appearing to get larger and then the trees started to disappear.

The light was coming toward me and a telepathic voice called me 'son' in my mother's voice but it was in a way that I had never heard her voice before. My mother had a very raspy voice which was caused by 40 years of smoking 2 packs of Winston cigarettes per day.

Her voice was extremely clear, soft and she sounded so excited and happier than I had ever heard her. She had suffered from post-partum depression after I was born and had suffered from depression for most of my life.

Then something happened to me which I can only describe as an out of body experience. I've looked for ADC and OBE reports since that day and I could only find one that was almost exactly described as my own.

It seemed as if my own consciousness was outside of my body but still tethered to my physical body somehow. We were suddenly both in what seemed like another dimension and completely surrounded by what seemed like the darkness of outer space. But I couldn't perceive any points of light or any object other than her spirit or light.

I couldn't see, hear, or feel the sensation of anything else. It was as if I were out of my own body and didn't have a body to experience any of my 5 earthly senses.

In that seemingly empty, black darkness with only my mother's light, I was overwhelmed and surrounded with the greatest feeling of love that I've ever experienced.

I've never experienced feeling loved that much in my entire life, if all of the love I've felt and received my entire life were combined it would only be about 2% of the love that my spirit felt in that place or dimension.

It was as if I were being loved by what I can only describe as being loved by a great (ALL).

It was so beautiful that I wanted to stay there forever in that place of no anger, no hate, no loneliness, no fear, no sadness, no pain, no grief and no suffering.

She was happier than I had ever seen her in my entire life, as if all of her burdens had been lifted.

I can't remember all that she communicated to me in that place but I do remember the most important things that she said to me.

She told me that she was, 'going back to where we all came from.' She said not to be sad for her because she was free from all of the pain that she experienced during her life. She said that we will all be together again someday. She wanted to thank me for forgiving her and for loving her as much as I did during her lifetime.

Then it was like I was suddenly pulled out of that place and sucked right back into my body, as if I had only blinked my eyes for a few seconds. Then I saw a bright light suddenly pass through the opposite corner wall of my bedroom.

Her spirit/light seemed to be moving extremely fast in a southeastern direction and then it was all over.

I started to question my own sanity and mental health. I was worried that I might have Schizophrenia, although I've never heard of anyone on either side of my family having it. Then I tried to deny what had just happened and thought maybe all of that was just my imagination. My mother was fine and even laughing shortly before they were taking her back to the ICU for observation and the doctor even said it wasn't anything serious.

I was very conflicted after that because it all seemed real. No matter how illogical and irrational it all seemed at the time.

When I couldn't deny it, I became extremely afraid that my mother had just died at the hospital and that she was somehow able to say goodbye. She communicated some secret forbidden knowledge to me about the afterlife, like she was still around in a loving place.

I actually began to pray that no one would call my phone before I got back to the hospital. Yet, deep in my heart, I already knew there was no reason to go back there because she wasn't there any longer. I would only find her body and my grieving sisters.

I felt really bad for my sisters because they never got a chance to forgive my mother or hear her give a real heartfelt apology to them for things that had happened to them.

The day before she died, I had a disagreement with my oldest sister and tried to tell her to delay mom's minor surgery because she wasn't strong enough to survive. She had fallen into a deep depression several weeks earlier and had stopped eating and taking her heart medications. She had a minor stroke a week earlier.

I'm my mother's youngest child and her only son. My older sisters have never listened to me or taken my advice.

When mom did survive the minor surgery that morning and they called us to the recovery room, I was so happy that my intuition was wrong.

My sisters were in the recovery room eating, laughing and joking but for some reason I couldn't be in the same happy mood that they were in. My complete attention was on mom. I couldn't stop trying to comfort her by holding her hand, kissing her forehead, stroking her hair and telling her how much I loved her.

My sister's stayed in the recovery room after they start to roll mom into the ICU for observation. But I stayed with her until I wasn't allowed to go any further. I kissed her and told her that I loved her for the last time that day, not knowing that she would die less than an hour later.

It took me a couple of years to find the courage to share my ADC experience with anyone and since that day, almost 16 years ago. I have probably only talked about it to 6 or 7 people.

I really don't know if my experience was a blessing or a curse, my life has been extremely difficult since that October day.

Within a month after my ADC, I started having severe daily headaches and stroke-like symptoms that continued daily for the next 11 years. Doctors couldn't find the cause of the headaches or any solution.

During the following 11 years there were several other paranormal experiences that happened in that house but there was never another ADC w/OBE.

My father died almost 5 years later. He was in my arms at our local hospice.

Immediately after my father was dying.. while I was holding him in my arms, there was a moment when he was still there in his body and then he wasn't. I felt the presence of his spirit and another being behind me in the hospice room while watching me holding him. The feeling was so strong that I actually turned around and looked to see If I could see anything and then they were both gone.

It also seemed to open the door to other positive and negative paranormal experiences which I never thought I would ever experience. However, There were no other ADCs that ever happened when I was fully awake after that day, but I do have regular vivid dreams about my father where we spend lots of time together. These dreams seem almost real.

I honestly think that such experiences, such as communicating with the dead, seem to break universal, religious and dimensional laws in some way.

It's not something that I intentionally tried to do or cause to happen. It seems more like I was just open to the experience or was invited to experience it. It wasn't something that I thought was possible until it happened.

Time actually seems to be slower there. The whole experience seemed like it lasted for about 10 minutes

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 10/21/2005

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Shared death experience

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes It was like being detach or detached but tethered to my body and not being able to use any of my bodies 5 senses.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Fully alert

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. A second here seems to be a whole minute there in that other space or dimension.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard something in a telepathic manner say the word 'son' to me.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw the approaching vibrating light when the experience started which looked similar to what I would imagine viewing horizontal vibrating lighting that was white to yellow in color. During the OBE part the light was calm white and stationary but glowing brightly, similar to a single bright white star viewed through a telescope.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It seemed to be in space but I didn't see any planets or stars, the passing of time also seemed to be different there. I couldn't understand how I could be surrounded by so much love but not able to see the source. As I said before it was like being loved by an 'All' or the 'All'

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Confusion, excitement, denial, fear, grief, certainty and uncertainty

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Yes, it seems that we are sent here for our souls to be tested, to see how much we can love and continue to love ourselves, our creator and all others, including the stranger.. while experiencing greater and greater suffering and pain without inflicting that pain and suffering onto others or killing ourselves.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Only through symbolic dreams and sometimes conscious 'flashes' that I usually don't understand until after those events happen.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal I would describe myself at that time as somewhere between being Agnostic and a Protestant Christian (Methodist)

What is your religion now? Uncertain My Christian/Agnostic religious beliefs changed immediately after my ADC experience because of the conflict between what was taught and have read in the Bible and I experienced and was told during by the entity/light that perceived as my mother

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No Response

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? No Response No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Because the experience was real to me but completely conflicts with any and all logic and rationality at that moment because my mother survived the minor surgery.

I had left the hospital around noon; she had been in recovery for about 2 hours and seemed fine and in an unusually happy and cheerful mood. They said that they needed to take her back to ICU for observation but it wasn't anything serious.

I have no history of any hallucinations or any serious psychological problems or disorders. After the ADC I was really in denial about what I had just experienced and there was no way that my mom could be at the hospital and my home at the same time.

I kept trying to tell myself that none of it really happened but it seemed so real.

After trying to understand what just happened; how and why it happened, I tried to tell myself that it was just my imagination but immediately became worried that my phone might ring before I got back to the hospital to see her.

About 10 minutes after the experience my phone rang, my sister was trying to talk normal and told me to come back to the hospital but refused to tell me why.

That's when I began to believe that what I experienced really had happened.

I had never heard of ADCs at that time and didn't know how to tell anyone and feared that anyone I told would think that I was crazy because that what I would have believed if someone told me about the same experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Knowing that there is life after death and feeling love like I've never felt before.

The worst, was knowing that my mom had died but not wanting to believe or accept it before anyone told me that she had died.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain I tried once but got no response

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No