Nick K STE

Experience Description

I had been struggling with my dad's passing for about four or five months when this experience occurred. It was June of 2009. My brother and I lived in a different state and we had no idea how sick dad was. My dad was only 53, so when we received the call that he was on life support we were in shock. He had a layer of fluid around his heart. We were told that we needed to drive overnight back to the Midwest to get to him. Neither of us were prepared to have to make the decision to disconnect his life support. My brother couldn't be there, so I was in the hospital late into the night while he suffocated on his own fluids. It was very, very hard to watch and to listen to. For months afterwards, I couldn't hear coffee being brewed because it was like an electric shock that just flared all of the emotions up again.

The last time my dad visited us, my wife, my son, and myself in Arizona, we had a great visit around New Years in 2009. He had driven from the Midwest to see us and seemed really tired and not himself. But I took it as him getting older and the effects of a long drive. Even so, he made a lot of effort to spend quality time with us, especially with his grandson. They built a model spaceship while I was at work. We went to go see Wall-E at the movies and we fed ducks at the park. It was really nice.

At one point during the visit, we were talking about the afterlife. I wish I had sensed that he had been thinking about it lately because he knew his health wasn't in the best condition. He mentioned an uncle who had passed away. He talked about how the day of his uncle's funeral, he was having dinner with his mom and dad. Afterwards, in their kitchen, the microwave kept stopping when they were trying to reheat leftovers after the drive back from Wichita. He told me he knew it was his uncle. Dad told me he was going to do everything in his power to try to make contact with us after he passed and that I should watch for it.

When I hugged him goodbye before he drove him, I remember the feeling of his jacket; the smell of his aftershave; and a sense that this may be the last time I hug him and to hold tight. He made it home, so that sense I had, I shrugged off. But, I still clearly remember it to this day.

After the funeral and life had somewhat normalized, I felt lonely and more depressed and devastated than I could've ever imagined. I felt guilty for ending his life support like I hadn't given him enough time. I felt like a safety net in life had just been pulled out from under me and I was falling. I felt like he was now aware of every aspect of my life, including things I wasn't so proud of and felt ashamed.

I waited and waited for signs. I would get home from work to an empty house before my wife and son came home. I would sit there in silence, hoping dad would dial my phone from beyond; or drop coins or something, anything. There was nothing that happened and I felt abandoned.

Around this time, I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying because waking up felt like the awareness of his passing hit me all over again. There were a few times in the night I would get up in a panic. I would pass out on the floor, trying to get to the bathroom to cry and get some water. One time, I had cut myself on the corner of the large TV in our bedroom when I fell. My wife had to shake me to get me to wake back up.

It was an ordinary night, when I wasn't feeling my worst and wasn't feeling my best. It was a regular weeknight and there would've been work in the morning when this incident took place. My wife and I were reading in bed before going to sleep. I know it's going to sound like I dozed off, but this was no dream. It was more real to me than anything that's happened in this world.

Suddenly, I was in another room. There was no tunnel or journey to get there. I was here on Earth in one moment, and in another room the next. The room was made with shimmering gold light. The walls and floor almost looked like liquid fire as it was constantly moving. The best way I can describe it was like a lava lamp, but pure gold, white light. It was what the sun would look like if we could look at it. But this sun created the walls of this room, and the moving light that almost seemed to vibrate or hum. It gave off a really nice feeling of energy. It was beautiful and I felt so much love. This place felt like I had been before, like being home. There was light coming from my upper, left side almost like daylight shining into this room. It as if it was coming through a window, yet there was no window. It was just there. Everything felt perfect,like it was meant to be. I was just THERE.

I didn't question how I had gotten there, I wasn't thinking about my wife, my son, my dogs. I didn't look to see if I had a body. I wasn't floating, I wasn't sitting or standing, I was just present.

Then there HE was. I knew exactly who he was when he appeared before me. This was literally Jesus! There he was; I knew him to be The Son of God. When I saw him, he was like we picture him, pale white. He had these piercing, loving eyes and was perfection personified.

It was at that moment, I realized he could read my thoughts and we were communicating without words. I felt embarrassment because I was thinking, 'Wow, Jesus really was a very good looking guy!' Then came the doubts, 'Oh man, how embarrassing that Jesus knows what I'm thinking! I think he's good-looking and I hope he doesn't think I'm attracted to him.' All of a sudden, he laughed out loud. I remember it was such a laugh as his head went back. He made the actual human sound of laughter but it also was like bells. The vibration it sent through me, made me laugh. It was the best feeling I'd ever felt in my life. It also communicated unconditional love. I was filled with relief as he sent me a message with no verbal communication, that he loved laughter and these positive feelings. He communicated that what we think of as God, we can't even begin to wrap our minds around the concept of as humans. This created humor, laughter, and the love he wanted us to feel during our time on Earth. He let me know that we concentrate too much on rules that make us feel bad about ourselves. I specifically wondered about my own sense of humor when he said that. He then told me that we're all made perfect. I was made perfect, and that God created us all as perfect. So having a sense of humor was part of the human experience. This really stuck out to me for some reason. It was why he had taken the time to meet with me; to tell me to stop worrying so much because I was on the path designed for me and I was exactly who He wanted me to be.

All of a sudden, I was back in my body. I was still awake with eyes wide open and gasping for air. It was as if I had swooshed back to my body. And I was overcome by such emotion for such a beautiful, vivid experience! I excitedly tried to tell my wife what happened, but there were no words. I was trying to pick the right way to say, 'I just met Jesus' without sounding like I was losing my mind.

Since then, I can't say life has always been a bowl of cherries. I can't say that there aren't days of doubt and days of challenge; that's what we're here for and we learn from these instances. But, I know for a fact, that what happened was real. It was profound and intense. I couldn't tell if it lasted for days or seconds at the time.

I tried talking to my mom about it a few months later. She told me that it was Satan at work disguised as Jesus, and telling me to lead a life of sin. I know it wasn't. I know what I saw and felt. It didn't take away my grief, but it let me know I was where I needed to be in life. It was my path and to stick it out, that I wasn't alone.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: Sometime in the fall or winter of 2009

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Extreme depression and PTSD from losing my dad unexpectedly. I was perfectly healthy, just very mentally distressed.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No. I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. Very heightened, very vivid, and not something we feel here on Earth; especially that talking using our minds part.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Yes, I was wide awake both before and after the experience.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. It seemed to happen all at once but there was definitely a sequence of events, just no concept of time. It was very clear that there was a specific message meant to be conveyed during this event.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It's hard to describe because it's like a whole new way of seeing things, like you see them, but it's like comparing seeing in 3-D to seeing in like 10-D. Very dimensional, with angles from the walls, light shining from sources. Our minds can't comprehend it as a human. It was very intense.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I remember like an ambient noise, like a hum or a whoosh like a distant ocean and it seemed to be coming from the intense colors in the walls.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The entire room was enveloped with unearthly light, including one specific almost spotlight that felt like it was coming through a window to my upper left. Something about it reminded me of morning in my parents living room and it made me feel at ease. The light itself moved like liquid almost, not the spotlight part, but the golden light from the floors and walls and background. I didn't turn around to see what it looked like behind me and I didn't have any sense there was anything at all behind me; it was just looking forward at this almost room or stage.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I previously described it, but it was a liquid like, moving, humming substance that was bright golden light that made up the floor and walls. I don't remember a ceiling or windows, but a bright white light was coming from the upper left side of this room we were in that would've been about the size of a hotel room. Just a comfortable, open space.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? A few different emotions. Relief with a major one, just this feeling of having some of the load I was carrying being unburdened. And laughter, just this joy and beauty that I can't describe. Being with Him was a very pleasant and loving experience and not at all frightening. It just felt perfect at the time.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. I checked the box that said that I seemed to understand Everything about myself or others, but at the same time, I was very aware of the fact that I wasn't supposed to know everything and I didn't know everything yet. It wasn't my time to be aware, but it was time to be aware of certain facts.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian I had grown up in a strictly religious household, but had definitely strayed over the years and while I felt I was 'Christian,' I definitely wasn't practicing or going to church.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain I have this feeling that I need to be spiritual and not so focused on specifically Christianity or getting caught up in church-going. It's like we're here to do work and it's easy. We just need to love each other and get through this because living is tough enough. God is up there and I have my own personal spiritual relationship with him that may not fit in with the norm. I'm very grateful for the experience and we're all important in this world. We all play a specific part and are where we need to be in life.

What is your religion now? Do not know I feel like you would think the experience would make me stronger as a Christian, but it's instead made me feel more spiritual, which is bizarre because I specifically met with only one being and he was Jesus Christ.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I honestly didn't expect to see literal Jesus. I don't say that to sound flippant, but I expected a more spiritual looking entity in whatever realm or existence is beyond this one. He physically presented himself to me looking like how we picture Jesus Christ to look to an extent, almost to make the experience more comfortable.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. Definitely Jesus Christ. Which would be the last person I would expect to see because that's like saying you met the president. I would've expected to see my dad maybe? Or a passed away relative. I almost feel like Jesus showed himself because I had lost sight of how important He was? It sounds a lot more profound, but it was also casual in like we already knew each other, and I just needed a check-in with the boss at work. It was very comfortable and not distressing or alarming. It felt completely natural and normal as it was happening and sounds very wild when I try to type it out here.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Jesus. There was no white robe. He wasn't of any specific ethnicity, but he wasn't pale white either, definitely of darker skin. Mostly I saw his face like it was how he wanted to present himself so I would recognize who I was speaking to.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes That God made us all perfect, even with the flaws we think we have or the shame we carry with us. We're still loved unconditionally and we're still perfect. This is all temporary and God wants us to focus on the happy and the beautiful and the loving parts of life.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain I'm uncertain on this, because I didn't get the sense that we're all one. I got the sense that we're all like students maybe, like we're all out here struggling, but ultimately, we have a common goal of love and caring. If anything, I felt like we retain who we are in the next realm.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Yes, it was Jesus Christ and I did feel like he was a messenger of God. Like he was part of, but separate from, God.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes And as many other people who have had deeper, further experiences than I did going into this strange room to have a conference with Jesus, we all need to love each other and love ourselves. We need to be aware of that and remind ourselves that we're not alone and we're loved.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes The entire experience took place in another realm which made me very aware that Earth is not the end-all-and-be-all. It's an experience that's totally different that we are here to learn from.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain It was a specific feeling to my own personal hardships, but I felt like there were more hardships to come that I needed to get through that I wasn't allowed to know about just yet. There was no vision of the future. This was like a helpful check-in, so to speak, to give me the spiritual fuel to get through the experience and grief I was going through.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Honestly, and I hesitate to write this because it makes me feel really vulnerable, but I can't shake the fact that I felt like Jesus was so good looking and that he was totally okay with that and thought it was funny. It really stood out in the experience. Like we make way too big of a deal about sexuality here and who loves who or who's attracted to who, that we're meant to love, so that kind of thing didn't matter. We're all perfect and just meant to love each other and get through life with love.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life. I selected for how I feel about spirituality and how I feel about my time on earth. Because while I did obtain a great sense of relief from this experience, I know there are more challenges to come. One thing that the experience didn't answer for me that I struggle with is that I don't want to forget about the people or pets I love here on Earth. I want to know that I'll be reunited with them and they'll hold the same importance to me. That is one question that's almost plagued me to this day after the experience because when I was there, I didn't think about any of them and that's not a feeling I particularly like thinking about or that was provided to me. Maybe I wasn't meant to know so that I would appreciate the people I have in my life more. I know it definitely enhanced how much I love people, especially my wife and son who I feel like prior to the experience I took for granted to an extent.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? I love and appreciate those around me to a much deeper level. I am much more tolerant and accepting of others that may not share my values or beliefs. Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It's something too intense to make sense of with our minds. If I had seen walls moving with liquid gold or Jesus here in the real world, I would've been scared. This felt normal at the time even though it was highly bizarre to think about here in this realm.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience This event stands out and was just as profound as my dad passing away himself. I can see it vividly today and remember the feelings vividly that came to me during the experience. There is no question in my mind that I was there.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I feel like the entire experience was very designed to be very personal and meaningful when I needed it most.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it with my wife the night it happened and have spoken with her about it since. I really don't share it often with anyone else because it seems like a red flag of mental illness. I only share it here because I'm hoping someone may have had a similar experience or someone gets something out of the message I received.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I did, but it was very much the going through a tunnel to light at the end, pearly gates, green grass swaying in the wind, this was nothing like that at all.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I view the reality of the experience the same way I did then as I do now. I don't have any doubts that it happened. I feel like it needed to happen at that point to keep me on a certain path that I'm not meant to know what the path is right now.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Same, it was real. I was here one second, somewhere else another second. And it didn't feel like there was any sort of travel. I was just there in the blink of an eye immersed in this experience.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Not that I can think of. I know it's not a Near-Death Experience, but I know for certain I went somewhere and the experience was profound, so I don't know how this would be categorized.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think it was very thorough.

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