Olivia F Probable NDE

Experience Description

The thing that is confusing to me, is that the NDE I had occurred after I was removed from ICU and I appeared to be 'stable.' I have so many questions about this because genuinely, it really felt like I was having an NDE. It is possible I am getting the timeline of events mixed up but I am pretty sure it was after ICU.

Background:

-It happened in Namibia, Africa, over the Easter weekend (April 2006).

-Head on collision with another car. The driver and his partner died.

-My boyfriend died, he was 22. It was determined by an eyewitness account that he caused the accident. He was not drinking nor on drugs. He overtook a car and didn't see the head-on car coming. He misjudged the situation.

-His 17 year old cousin also died.

-The cousin's boyfriend, my boyfriend's mum, and myself were still alive but in critical condition.

-The air ambulance came. I was still conscious but drifting in/out until I fully blacked out and awoke in hospital. The rest of it feels like a dream that I can't really recall what happened.

-I had life saving surgery that took over 12 hours. I broke just about everything in my body except my left arm. I am in the middle of requesting my medical records as a lot was broken so it is good to be factual. I also had some contusions on my brain.

-I was in Namibia for around 3-4 weeks but then was flown over to a hospital in London. I stayed there for around 9 months and had around 11 operations. That also includes the spinal surgery a different hospital. I was not paralysed, but I was immobile and bed bound for a good part of a year.

-I left the hospital to go home to my dad's house as he was the person who cared for me and is the best human ever. I remained in a wheelchair and in mainly in bed. I had to learn to walk again. I had repeated physical therapy. I had an external fixator on my right leg which had to be turned everyday for 3 months or so, to help make my right leg regain the inches I lost.

-After more surgery to remove the brace in my spine and the external fixator on my leg, I started working and trying to start my life over again. I had just come off crutches. It was a long recovery process.

Is it possible to have had an NDE after what seemed like I was in somewhat of a 'stable' situation? Or maybe I just wasn't in a good physical state at all. Could I have started to decline again and not realised what was happening? I think hospital staff did come in to check on me after this happened, but I don't think the monitor was signalling anyone for help. It is really hard to remember. I cannot be accurate.

I saw a white light and felt so much unconditional love. It was the purest love anyone could ever feel and nothing like I had ever experienced before. The love was truly unique and I wanted to just stay there. I felt safe, in pure peace, and unjudged. I asked, 'Is this God?' I wasn't thinking 'God' in a Christian sense, I meant it more like, this Being or this light, that I had named 'God.' I didn't actually talk because the question was spoken with my mind. The white light moved around me like a floating orb. The whole room was white.

I then went through a tunnel of my life that contained old memories. I guess it could be described as a non-scary version of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory when they go through the tunnel. It wasn't scary though and there was no river. The tunnel was more like a roller-coaster tunnel ride in a vortex.

I popped out to the 'other side.' I was in my Grandparent's house in Turkey. I saw my mum, who had passed of cancer in 2000. I saw my boyfriend whom had passed in the accident. I also saw my great-grandparents whom I had never met. I had seen a couple of pictures of them when I was young but I did not really know what they looked like. When I saw them here, I just knew it was them. They were sitting on their own chairs, drinking their own cups of tea. It was like they had brought their belongings to my grandparent's house because I didn't see any of my grandparent's things. My great-grandparents seemed really happy and proud to see me. My mum and my boyfriend were dressed in what they died in. I can not be sure of my great-grandparents but they looked very smart and polished. Again we didn't talk, but we communicated telepathically with our minds. My mum told me she loved me so much and for me to go home because it is not my time yet. I didn't want to leave. They looked so happy to see me and looked so peaceful. There was so much love there and I remember leaving thinking, 'I know I will see them again and I'm not scared of dying now because we will all be together.' I felt very reassured and they seemed so happy!

I then woke up back in hospital, trying to make sense of everything. I was obviously on some drugs from the pain so maybe I tried to rationalize my experience. I always had very vivid dreams and problems with sleep paralysis. I lucid dreamed sometimes, so I guess the 'logical' side of me was trying to make sense of the experience but the other side was thinking that I had died or was close to death and come back to my body. I was sure of it. I wanted to tell everyone but I couldn't because I just wasn't well. I had nearly died during the surgery that saved my life. It was like there was a delay in the experience.

An incident happened before this, in 2005. I was sleeping, or so I thought, with my boyfriend next to me. I saw my mum suddenly on the end of my bed. She telepathically communicated with me saying that Rob would be okay as she gently stroked his face. I reached out to try and hug mum but she disappeared. I 'woke up.' That experience has always stayed with me. They say that deceased ones visit ones that are about to be taken? Rob had a really bad car accident before with his mum. I really didn't want to leave the house that day of the accident. I picked fights. I just had this feeling. He lost his passport before Namibia it was literally on the sofa and then gone, so many strange things happened. That is why we had to go to Namibia anyway because he needed to get a new passport. The plan was to go from the United Kingdom straight to the United States. My Grandma would call and tell me not to go. I knew she was psychic, but I didn't listen. We were young and in love. I had very bad problems with depression before my accident, one resulting in trying to take my own life. On the day of the accident, I signed an autograph because someone requested it in a shop in Namibia who I was buying dresses from. It was like I was signing away my old life. It was just all so strange the whole thing.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 14.06.2006

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Accident The experience happened in hospital. Life threatening event, but not clinical death

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. It was nothing I had ever experienced before and a completely new experience.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the whole thing.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. There was no time. The tunnel was quick and then it was like time didn't exist.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I really can't recall. I was obviously not well as I had been out of ICU perhaps only for a few days. I saw everything clearly there though. It was the clearest I have seen.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same as above, although everything was telepathically communicated.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes A tunnel of memories.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Mum, boyfriend and great-grandparents.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The white light of unconditional love was non-judgmental

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Yes! Please see answer when I describe in great detail, I explain it best there!

What emotions did you feel during the experience? The same as above

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. I don't know, I just felt very calm and that I had stuff to do back here and had to come back. I felt reassured and at peace. I was excited about life but it was hard because I was also thinking will I ever be able to walk again and I was in so much pain and confusion. So, I had this great message and purpose but I felt stuck because I was stuck. What was interesting was this I happened to be staying in a Roman Catholic Hospital, so the nuns would visit me everyday.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control. Not clearly, it was a tunnel and very quick.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I wanted to return, but was also made to return. It is somewhere between a forced decision and my own decision. It was too special and relaxed there and I missed my mum and everyone. But I also knew I had to return.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated I was and still am, a spiritualist. I do have some Pagan/Wicca new age beliefs but I also have Buddhist beliefs. I am open-minded, I guess you could say. I was baptised Gregorian and grew up attending a Christian high school. I once believed in 'God'as God in the bible, but this later changed as I developed mentally. It felt, for me anyway, like organised religion could be more damaging than beneficial for the greater good. Although I respect anyone can believe what they wish!

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain Well I guess I am definitely thinking 'wow what is going to happen next' but also very important that I live in this moment now and do my best, everything out here is out there!

What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age I don't think I really have a label for it. I am just a spiritualist who loves nature, the moon and believes in the universe and in herself.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I think the God comment confused me. I am sure I meant it just as being and not in a biblical sense. But who knows! A strange thing happened a year or so after, a man passed me on the escalator and he just said, 'Talk, he will listen'. It was so weird. I still don't really believe in a biblical god, more that the universe is god. I am a spiritualist in that sense.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Definitely more open-minded, I always was but even more now.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin There was no voice, as a voice speaking words, the voice was a feeling, if that makes sense? Telepathically communicating.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I said is this God but it didn't feel like God as in the bible. To be honest I just wanted to live in this moment and not overthink anything! Just be in the moment.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain It felt like I had existed but an old me?

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes There is another realm.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I said is this God but what did I mean. I believe God represented a being.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I guess I felt special but that this was common practice for anyone nearly crossing over.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain Not in great detail. It was like I knew a lot but didn't know everything. I am still trying to figure this out now. But I feel I am meant to be doing something more, hence why I reached out to you here. After reading Anita Moorjani's book.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists. There was life after death but it was just a continuation of time, in another realm. A new beginning.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain To let it go and things will be okay. Like a new start.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes That love in that realm was nothing I had ever experienced and probably would never again. But I believe in love!

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life. I am a very compassionate and open-minded person. I came from a family who always spoke about intuition and had their own experiences in their life. Like premonitions, etc, all my mum's side. They would also believe in the bibilical god. I would pray with my nan but she would also say to listen to yourself first. I had experiences with the paranormal as a child up until around the age of 20/21. I am 36 now. I still believe in all that. I believe there are signs and synchronicities everywhere! I guess I am just figuring life out but I believe there is so much more than what is the here and now. I have seen more. I have seen so much!

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain I mean I feel different, like I can't relate to everyone. The accident itself was a big deal so of course you will feel different. I feel okay with this though, I am unique. I just try and be a good human and I feel like I want to share more to others, to help!

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes This is a yes and no answer. I can describe it well but also, how can you describe something so unique??

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I can't forget this, ever.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have had things since I was a child, as have other members of my family. I just know things. I switched it off in adulthood but that intuition is great and still there. I have had premonitions, too. I have also seen ghosts, full on apparitions that were definitely not dreams. I am sure of that.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it! I just want to live this life well and do something meaningful in it, for me and others. I feel like I really want to help the world!

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I think I said something in hospital to my sister but I can't recall. It was a year or so later when I fully shared. They believed it, I think, and thought wow. They were intrigued!

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I just had read up about it and knew. I was always open minded.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It felt very real, not a dream.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I believe it was real!

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No thanks!

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? It is great, thank you.