Pilar L Probable NDE

Experience Description:

I had a tonsil infection with a fever of 42 Celsius and I was in a coma. I remember that I witnessed the whole process from some place on the ceiling of the room. I saw my uncle, who was a pediatrician, kneeling at the head of the bed crying while he stroked my forehead with his hand. I knew that the body in the bed was mine but I felt completely indifferent towards it as if it did not belong to me. My maternal grandparents were at the foot of the bed crying, their bodies reflected in the mirror over the chest of drawers behind them. My grandmother was dressed in a black dress embroidered with jet black stones and lace on the front. I liked that dress very much. My father came in, also a physician, dressed in one of those light gray suites of the 1940s, with big lapels that were crossed and belted with the same material. He was saying he was going to Tui on the border with Portugal because some of his colleagues from Oporto were going to give him some medicine that could cure me. My grandfather strongly insisted that he go in the car driven by the chauffeur because he couldn't go alone in his own car because of all the worry he had. I heard my mother crying in the distance and the voice of my aunt who I now think was undoubtedly consoling her.

Afterwards I remember that I found myself in a state of total freedom and happiness, surrounded by an infinite Love that I don't know how to describe. There are no words. I only know that my body was not at all important to me. I didn't even look at it. But all of a sudden someone was wetting my lips trying to give me water and I choked. Then they sat me up in bed and I screamed at them to leave me in peace. I knew that they wanted to make me return. I shouted 'No, I don't want to! My body hurts! If you don't love me why do I have to return? I don't want to. My body hurts!' But they didn't hear me and someone gave me a hard slap on my back between my shoulder blades destroying my wings.

I opened my eyes and they gave me penicillin that cured the infection but they had deprived me of my wings.

I recently underwent regression therapy during which I was able to remember the circumstances that had caused me to get sick and I understood that my mother loved me even though she would have preferred that I had been the 'longed for' son after having two daughters. I also learned that I was hyperactive and was constantly worrying my mother because of my physical strength, which made her lose patience sometimes. I found out that when my brother was born my grandparents offered to take care of me at their house where I got sick so that my mother could take care of the baby without having me around to play pranks everywhere. But I have always lived with the memory of having wings and of this infinite fullness of Love and freedom.

After all, I have read about these experiences, I realize that children who have them experience them in a much more simple way, as I did, because they are still without prejudices and cultural points of reference like adults have. One of the problems children may have who have had this experience and remember it is that no one believes them. And this is compounded by the feeling that 'my body hurts' but that it also hurts internally, mentally, since after having this experience one remains enormously lucid and aware and it takes a lot of energy to live surrounded by contradictions or by lies and deceptions. One feels like a fish out of water, like living as a Martian during your whole life.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: Diciembre de l.945

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Illness Life threatening event, but not clinical death

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I am just now analyzing this because of your question. My body and mind were only five years old but my state of consciousness - I don't know how to describe it - had nothing to do with this fact. It was 'total,' a state of such freedom and clarity that I don't know how to explain it with words.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The whole time until they slapped me on the back and I returned.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Neither

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening all at once A five year old child does not perceive these things. He still has to learn about them, no?

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Neither

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Neither

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? Neither

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? Neither

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I was IN the light. I was IN the Love. I WAS freedom and happiness.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Neither Es que yo 'estaba', yo 'era' pero no en un lugar, yo misma 'era','existía' de un modo infinitamente pleno ¿es eso el cielo?, entonces está dentro de nosotros.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Absolute freedom, love and happiness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? United, one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? Neither

Did scenes from the future come to you? Neither At times such things happen to me, ever since I was a child, but since they were frightening and were strange, I have blocked out a lot of them.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? Neither

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Estaba siendo educada en el Catolicismo

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Liberal Soy de principios cristianos

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? Neither

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? Neither

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes The experience gave me a sensitivity or clarity to perceive the feelings and intentions of others and I believe that now, at age sixty-four, I have almost learned the answers to the all the questions I have asked myself during my whole life because nobody knew the answers.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I was too small to assimilate the experience and to be able to understand it and tell about it although it has impacted my whole life because I have never been able to forget it.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The point when they made me return when I didn't want to.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Regression therapy helped me because I was once in psychotherapy and when I came to this experience from my childhood the psychiatrist interpreted it as 'running from reality,' which it actually was, but this alone was not helpful to me. But of course, I lacked courage to tell the therapist everything because I didn't want him to say I was really mentally ill and I had to take drugs so as not to see visions. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I incorporated the experience within my physical 'reality' without any problem. I was five and half years old. More than once I frightened my mother because I started running without looking where I was going because I was convinced I was flying and that my feet didn't touch the ground until I was rudely awakened by a rock that made me trip and fall to the ground. I'm still having such experiences.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Despite the fact that I have suffered after having the experience, at this point I have incorporated it completely in my life and now have no fear of death. I have never feared death. I have even desired death and I know that I am something more than my physical body and that I am immortal.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Listening to music or in that twilight state while taking a nap.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I would like to meet other people like me. I have always felt very much alone - how shall I say it? - Mentally, philosophically, relationship wise. Perhaps spiritually.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? For me it has been extraordinary to find this questionnaire since these kinds of studies only take place in English speaking countries. A friend of mine who became my friend because of a prize I won for stories related to death is the one who put me in contact with you. She was in pain because of the death of her brother and now we interact by email. I shows me once again that there is no such thing as 'accidents.'