Polly S STE

Experience Description

I fell to my knees while my mind seemed to shut down like an old fashioned TV screen. At the same time, I felt terror from the excruciating pain in the center of my chest.

Then there was silence and darkness. I was in a place of only thought. I remember thinking that I must have died. Then I was somehow viewing the top of my brain. At the extremities of the sides of the skull, there was a bright stream of light from both sides. From one side the stream of light was thin and from the other side the stream of light was thicker. I don't remember which side was which. The two streams of light spiraled around each other and joined together centrally above my head. Then I felt myself being drawn out of and sucked from my body into the light stream as it became one with the light. It was as if I was being thrown about through the three dimensions. I went from left to right, and then I moved up a bit and was swung up and down. Then I moved up a bit and felt like I was flung backwards and forwards. The stream of light formed a tunnel of light. I found myself in the center of the tunnel. The tunnel was linear and not much wider than me. I assumed that the tunnel was vertical.

I looked at my body to discover that it was made of the same light as the tunnel itself. I could see through myself and it was definitely me. But my body of light was in the form of the child. Around the age of 3 years old, I remembered this as my first conscious experience as a child. But my thinking 'self' was ageless and of pure awareness.

I looked down and the tunnel went on down, like it seemed forever. Then I looked up and the tunnel seemed to go on forever upwards. I looked outside the tunnel and there was nothing out there except the total blackness. I was suspended, but felt supported and safe. I knew I would not fall. The tunnel was not only light but also full of love. I was 'bathed' in love and light. It was as if I was love in the stream of love and inseparable from it. I was one with the light. I was the light and the light was me.

I felt no fear and was totally at peace. Then I felt a rush of energy or some force from below that propelled me upwards. I don't know how far upwards I went, but when I stopped I was aware of blocks of black matter. The black matter was coming from both sides, although I was in a cylinder of light. My progress was stopped at that point, like clamps on the outside of the tunnel. I found that I could swim, play, and twizzle about in the 'stream of light'. I felt perfect peace, joy, hope and love. It was totally fulfilling and I was having fun. I could move freely upwards.

Then suddenly, I was pulled back into my physical body. My body felt so heavy and like a dead weight. I longed to be back in the light. I remember dragging myself off the floor and lying on my bed. I was feeling the heavy, deadly weight of depression once more.

While in the tunnel there was no sound, just awareness of my thoughts and happy feelings and being in the light. I knew I was not dreaming and I knew it was real.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 2000

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain. Severely depressed. Other: I felt like I was on my last legs and fell to knees in surrender/silent plea/desperation. I was doing very poorly from depression and very underweight, possibly near to death but uncertain

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. Depression dulled my mind, like I was in a brain fog. In this experience, there was clarity and pure awareness. It was real.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? As soon as I entered the tunnel of light, I knew it was real.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I had perfect vision. I usually wear glasses.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was total silence

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was in the center of the tunnel of light throughout the experience

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light in me and the tunnel seemed to be like particles of light

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? First there was fear and pain inside my physical body. Then, as I was tossed around in the light, I felt confused and frightened. When I was in the tunnel of light, I felt lightness and safety. I was surrounded by love, peace, joy and hope. These feelings were in the stream of light and inside my 'light body'

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of No return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths Church of England but non-practicing

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I have always been interested in the spiritual side of the historical Jesus. I do not practice any religion but remain interested in the possibility of there being a GOD and I read about Buddhism etc. I also think that Quantum Theory is interesting and it gives me hope. Having been a nurse, I have witnessed some horrific deaths (suffer from PTSD - especially because I saw so many sudden deaths and felt such guilt that I/we could not do anything - and hate the idea of us being so helpless before death/having illusions of control - with the first sudden death I saw I blamed myself as a student nurse for not taking an accurate blood pressure reading before it happened - but nothing would have made any difference).

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. There was no 'belief system,' only pure awareness and love. I suppose I put the second answer because it is difficult to feel love when you are depressed. I could think that I was loved on an intellectual level but I felt dead inside

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt unconditional love

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life. I still suffer from deep depressions but my NDE is comforting. This is especially so when I remember what it was to be totally loved. It was an instant in my life where I was free of crippling anxiety and fear.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I always remember it because it was so real and wonderful

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Going from feeling dead inside, I felt fully loved and alive in this experience. Best of all, I felt no emotional pain or fear.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my husband, but not immediately. He has a very open mind and he just took my word for it. I think he would need to experience it himself before coming to any conclusions.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain Not in any detail, but I vaguely knew that people had been in tunnels of light.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I just simply knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely rea.l I have never doubted that it really happened

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes As a child I had a vague awareness of a tunnel of light above me. It was as if parts of the light could be seen through the space above me. I sensed that something was spinning within the tunnel. It tended to happen when I was walking alone, but it did happen once when my brother was around.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I, like most people, have experienced some distressing and depressing events in my life. I really hope that there is a loving life after death. I find this world so upsetting and frightening and hate the suffering in it. I don't want to be 'recycled' and come back here but I hope we move on to something better and that we will be with our loves ones again. The NDE was a surprise to find total love. I find it hard to believe that such a cruel world we live in could contain this love or create it.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think I could draw a diagram to help explain my experience because there were definite stages. I do not know how much time passed, but I felt the whole 'process' was instantaneous even though it had stages.