Portia NDE

Experience Description

I woke up and found myself standing to the right of the operating table. I was looking down at myself being tended to by the physicians and nurses. My eyesight was blurry, but I really didn't mind. Somehow, I knew what was happening. I thought, 'Oh, you are dead now', but I felt fine, although not euphoric. I turned to my left and saw the light it was very bright, and beaming toward me. The areas around it looked dark and empty. Only one area was bright. Leaving my body on the operating table, I moved up to the light. I'm not sure how, but I have the feeling I walked, or maybe I was pulled towards it.

I noticed that there was a shadow in the light, and when I got closer, I saw that the shadow was my grandmother. I was totally astonished to see her. She told me to go back, 'It is not your time' she said. I approached the light anyway. 'Don't do that!' she said to me. 'Don't go there!' She was talking to me in German, although on earth she had lived in Poland and couldn't speak German (this dawned on me after a little while.) I thought, 'Yes, she's right, I have to go back, I am only sixteen years old. I have a boyfriend and I haven't lived life to its fullest. I want to experience so much. My life shouldn't be over so quickly!' Those thoughts seemed not to be my own. It was as if someone had inserted them into my mind. The whole time, I continued not feeling scared or satisfied or anything else. I just felt neutral. So, I didn't try to pass through the light as I respected it and my grandmother's words. Somehow, I felt pretty sure that if I did go through the light, I wouldn't be able to come back. It would be as if a gate would close forever once I had walked through.

Then I closed my eyes and two weeks later, I woke up and found myself back in my body. I had been in a coma for two weeks. I had tubes coming out of me everywhere: infusion tubes, a breathing tube, a stomach tube, drainage tubes and catheters. When I first woke up to all of that it made me wish I could be back with my grandmother.

Sometime later, a physician came in and told me that there had been complications during my surgery and my lung had collapsed. I really wanted tell him what had happened to me, but I thought, 'if I tell him that I saw death, he will not believe it.' I don't know exactly why I knew it was death, but I did.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 21.10.2003

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal The light was clear, but the operating table was blurry.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I saw the light very clearly, but I saw the operating table and myself on it, blurry.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was a very bright light but it didn't blind me. I can't tell if I saw transparency, my grandmother was glowing and surrounded by the light.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard with my thoughts.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I didn't mind, I had no strong emotions. I was just O.K. with it and relaxed, just free of angst. I can't describe it any better than that.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am Catholic but never believed in Jesus etc. but in God. I did believe that there is something after death and that dying is not bad.

What is your religion now? Moderate

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am Catholic but never believed in Jesus etc. but in God. I did believe that there is something after death and that dying is not bad.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Since that happened, I can feel deep love, and I appreciate things such as the feeling of taking care of things and finishing them, and of being there for someone. I've learned to appreciate the important things in life and the simple things, too, like taking a nice deep breath.

I understand my father better, too. Because he didn't know better, he beat me a lot when I was young. Now, I often feel that I have a guardian angel taking care of me. Sometimes I feel a hand on my shoulder and I think it's my grandmother. I've been in a couple of car accidents and I've walked away without so much as a scrape.

When I think intensely about a person, sometimes not more than five minutes later, the person calls me up and tells me, 'I was just thinking about you'. If something bad is going to happen to people who live nearby, I get a feeling about it. I get restless and nervous and it doesn't go away until the event happens. But I can't always tell if what's going to happen will be bad or good.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I liked that my grandmother was there, but I thought I would have met my grandfather because we had a closer bond on earth. And I know now that my grandmother is doing fine and not only that, she protects me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my mother and she believed me. She believes in things like ghosts, spirits and near death experiences. It was fortunate for me that I could talk to her about it after I was discharged from the clinic because the experience shocked me somehow. I didn't know how to handle it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I learned about it on television. At the time I figured it had to be just fairy tales and wild dreams

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It wasn't a dream, because so many people can't have the same dream. I've thought about it a lot and it's quite different from a dream.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I just know that it was much too real to be a dream.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It's an indescribable experience, it's too hard to put everything you feel into words, it's literally 'indescribable', I can't even say whether that sense I had of 'not minding' was positive or negative—looking back on it, it just seems like a jumble of feelings.