Random H Possible NDE

Experience Description

I'm 25 years old and am otherwise healthy but I do have a heart disease involving my valves that I developed in my late teens. I was hospitalized for a heart attack in September of 2018 which is the same day I converted to Islam, and I remain Sunni Muslim to this day. But I didn't have a NDE during that particular heart attack.

This experience instead takes place in January of 2019, just a few months after I had become Muslim. I was at home in my bedroom during the night and I was feeling heart attack symptoms creep on me, including left arm pain and jaw pain, symptoms I've become very familiar with over the years. It scared me a bit but I told myself that I'd try to sleep it off and, if the symptoms were still present in the morning, that I would then go to the ER. (Note: heart attacks aren't usually as extreme as they're portrayed in movies, they're more often subtle and last hours.)

So the experience takes place during this "sleep", but I refuse to refer to this as a "dream" because it's just something you intuitively know. And although I don't know exactly what happened for me to have this experience, my assumption has always been that I had some kind of blood flow restriction due to the heart attack symptoms I was having. And while I don't believe that my heart stopped, I do believe that something medically abnormal happened.

-----ACTUAL EXPERIENCE-----

I suddenly awoke in a dark void, composed of the purest and richest color of black, which was accompanied by the most paradoxically deafening silence. There was No such thing as "left" or "right", or "in front" or "behind." There was No sense of direction, depth, or distance, there was only one direction and it was all-encompassing. And I didn't have a body, instead I existed without any form with only my consciousness. And this entire experience, from beginning to end, was (visually) nothing but this void. But despite that, this life is a hazy dream compared to how sharp and crisp reality is there, and I have No question that it was real and very significant.

The first thought I had upon awaking in this void was "How long have I been here for?" And I couldn't answer that question. It felt like I had just gotten there a moment ago, but it also felt like I had been there for thousands of years. If someone would have said "You've been here for 5 seconds", and if someone else interjected and said "No, No, he's been here for 5,000 years", then I wouldn't have known who to believe, as they both would have seemed to be equally reasonable possibilities. I felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave from the very moment I realized I was there, but my inability to measure time made me feel hopeless because I couldn't determine my starting point, which made me question whether or not there was even an end point. So there was this concern I had that I was going to remain there forever with No escape.

The stillness of the void and its silence was overwhelming and gave me the greatest sense of "boredom" imaginable. I wanted some sort of change to happen, like a person to speak to or a bird to fly by, anything but the void. This problem, along with the hopelessness of being able to leave, left me terrified. But then I had a solution: I had the intention in my soul to commit suicide, and for a moment I felt relieved because I thought I could escape the void if I killed myself. But then I realized that it's not possible to simply extinguish my consciousness, I realized that my soul is immaterial and that you can't just "not exist", that you have to live with your soul and the consequences of your actions and intentions wherever you go. When I had this realization I suddenly underwent the most extreme panic and terror I have ever experienced. Suicide was my only hope of leaving and it turned out to be false and impossible, and this further convinced me that there was No escape from the void. It was like my soul was on fire, and I understand now why Hell is described symbolically with fire. When things are cold the atoms are more still, and when they're hot the atoms are moving extremely fast. My soul felt like it was literally hot and moving very fast, even though nothing visually was different in the void.

The next thing I noticed was that I could sense two angels had been observing me the entire time. Their presence was evident and unmistakable, but I never saw them in a visual form. It was as if they had 10,000 eyes looking at me from everywhere, but they weren't visually looking at me; instead they were observing me inwardly in my soul, and they were examining my thoughts and intentions as well as the quality of my soul itself. I was scared of this examination because I was afraid that I would be "found out" or exposed for being of poor quality, and so I attempted to "hide" myself and my thoughts and intentions from these two angels. I didn't want them to know about me and what I had been experiencing. But then they said something to me, except it wasn't through speech or even telepathy, it was more like speaking through action. To translate into English, they basically said "Oh, you want to hide things from us? Well, explain all these other things now." And so they made me reflect on even more uncomfortable aspects of myself, almost like they were making me look into a mirror.

After I had been experiencing so much fear and anxiety I had this realization that all of it is because I'm clinging on to things I shouldn't be and that I need to let go of all of it, like loosening the grip of your fist around something and just letting go, and so I slowly began to accept who I was and where I was. I thought to myself that this void is my new home and that I just have to get used to it, and I started letting go of my attachments. I wanted to get as "light" as possible. So if my metaphysical weight for example was 500, I wanted to gradually get myself down to 400, to 300, and so on. I'm not sure but I feel that this knowledge was taught to me in a subtle way by the angels who were observing me, so not overt teaching but I feel that they helped me somehow.

As I was letting go I reached a point where I was okay and wasn't feeling anxious anymore. I wasn't particularly happy, but I also wasn't terrified anymore, it was sort of balanced and neutral. I continued shrinking myself further and further and it was like I was being purified of things that had accumulated on my soul, and these things had been making me sick because I thought they were my soul but they weren't. Eventually I reached a sort of plateau where I couldn't shrink myself any further and I was in a more purified state, and I suddenly had the most intense epiphany. It was the epiphany or realization that there is No "I" except God, that "I" myself am illusory and am merely a single ray of light shining out from God out of a multiplicity, and that I don't ultimately exist at the highest level of reality, only God does. It was essentially a realization of non-duality, that everything except God is ultimately illusory, including all souls. And it was an epiphany in the sense that I felt that I had already understood this long ago, so I was remembering it again.

And at the exact moment I had this realization, one of the angels spoke in the most thunderous and authoritative voice I've ever heard and simply said "Yes" in audible English, as if to confirm the epiphany as the truth. Despite how extremely loud and ferocious this voice was, I could tell that the angel was trying to whisper to me and be polite and not scare me, but it still was terrifying. It's difficult to imagine what it would sound like if the angel actually wanted to terrify someone.

Once I had this realization or epiphany of non-duality with God and I heard the confirmation of "Yes", it was as if I dissolved instantly and went back to God because I saw through the illusion of my soul and went back to the true reality of God. When this happened I immediately woke up in my bed and regained consciousness, and when I did so I could still physically hear echoes of the word "Yes" bouncing around in my bedroom, as if the word was literally spoken out loud into my ear. I woke up very sweaty and I No longer had the heart attack symptoms. I spent the rest of the night awake, pondering over everything that happened and trying to make sense of it.

-----FINAL REMARKS-----

Soon after this incident I learned about the Islamic concept of Barzakh (roughly equivalent to Purgatory) as well as learned more about what happens after death. In Islam there are two angels named Munkar and Nakir, and their role is to test and question people in Barzakh. The angels in Islam are described as being so extremely large that the distance between their shoulders is several miles long, and other angels are described as being so large that the distance between their ear lobe and their shoulder would take 700 years to traverse. Munkar and Nakir are also described as having voices of thunder. I was shocked to learn these things because of all the similarities with the two angels I experienced, and so I began to suspect that I encountered Munkar and Nakir during this incident. There were two angels/entities, I was being examined and tested by them, and their voice was thunderous and extremely loud. And maybe it's possible that the reason I didn't visually see them is because of how extremely large they are, because their descriptions give you the impression that they're so large you wouldn't even be able to see them. It's like an ant trying to look at the whole earth, all it will see will be equivalent to looking at a single atom.

I learned that Hellfire, or Jahannam, is also described as being black in Islam. The Prophet Muhammad is reported to have said: "Jahannam was heated for a thousand years and its fire turned red; It was then heated for another thousand years and it became white; it was again heated for another thousand years and it turned black. At present, Jahannam is pitch black and dark." [Tirmidhi]

I had prior spiritual experiences as a boy where I encountered this void as well. When I was 7 years old I remember asking myself "Why am I here, and where did I come from? Why does all of this stuff exist?" So I began to do this thought process where I imagined myself going back in time. I thought "I came from my parents, so they came from their parents" and so on. I imagined the gladiators, cavemen, dinosaurs, all the way back until there was just space and No earth, only the sun and the moon and the stars. Then I went back even further until there was only pure blackness. This puzzled me because I stopped at the blackness like a brick wall and thought "But what was before the blackness? It's still something." And when I contemplated this I had a sort of out of body experience, but it wasn't visual, it was like I was in two places at once. It was like I momentarily vanished when I thought of this, it was incredibly fascinating to me at the time. I continued doing this from time to time up until I was 10 years old which is when I wasn't able to do it anymore. I was essentially thinking about God, particularly the infinitude and ineffability of God, like God's pure essence. I just didn't know it as a kid. But the black void I was contemplating as a boy is very similar to this experience, except this time it was far more experiential and tangible.

Anyway, whether or not I temporarily visited Hell or Barzakh or not, or encountered Munkar and Nakir or not, it was still an incredibly powerful experience for me and it's had a deep impact on my life.



Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: January 2019

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Likely heart attack but not clinically verified Life threatening event, but not clinical death I was having heart attack symptoms yet again such as left arm pain and jaw pain, but it was late at night so I told myself that I'll try and go to sleep and if the symptoms are there in the morning, I'll go to the ER again. When I went to sleep, this is where the experience with the void took place.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal In this part of the experience I had the highest level of my consciousness because it was a sudden realization of non-duality with God, and it was incredibly intense to have that realization, to the point where I basically dissolved and regained consciousness. It was the summit of the experience.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the very end, the moment before I regained consciousness.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time was absent. 1 second was equal to 10,000 years and vice versa.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Nothing but pure blackness, a total void from beginning to end. No light, No shapes, No forms, No colors, nothing but blackness.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Deafening silence, No sound. Except at the end where I heard an angel's thunderous and extremely loud voice say "Yes" to me, even though the angel was basically trying to whisper to me and be gentle.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place A black void.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Panic and hopelessness, and then comfort and acceptance.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I understood all about my self as I was being purified of attachments and things I was clinging on to.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of No return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Muslim A few months prior to this, in September of 2018, I was hospitalized for a heart attack. I didn't have a NDE during this, but it was the catalyst for me to convert to Islam. I converted to Islam that same day I was hospitalized, as I had been researching Islam for months. I used to utterly hate Muslims and Islam but I softened up to it, and the heart attack incident was the catalyst for me to stop admiring from a distance and instead actually become Muslim.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Muslim Sunni

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Two invisible angels that were sensed. Their presence was unmistakable. They observed and tested me, and at the end one said "Yes" in response to the realization of non-duality with God that I had. And it was extremely loud and ferocious and thunderous, despite the angel trying to be gentle and whisper to me.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I had a realization of non-duality with God and an angel confirmed this realization in the experience by saying "Yes" in audible English, and the knowledge became "unlocked" and then I instantly regained consciousness. So not one with the so-called "Universe" as hippies say, but oneness with God.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I had a realization of non-duality with God and an angel confirmed this realization in the experience by saying "Yes" in audible English, and the knowledge became "unlocked" and then I instantly regained consciousness.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I had a realization of non-duality with God and an angel confirmed this realization in the experience by saying "Yes" in audible English, and the knowledge became "unlocked" and then I instantly regained consciousness.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It's difficult to describe what happens because the inward spiritual events aren't visual, so it's not like describing visual things. I feel my description if sufficient but it still doesn't feel fully told and never will be, it's too dense of an experience.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? At the end of the experience I became one with God, and I take it as a good sign.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told a few friends about it perhaps only a day or a few days after it happened.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Basic stuff like people saying they went through tunnels and talked with relatives. Nothing in depth.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I never doubted it was real. It was more real than this life. Reality there was far more sharp and crisp than here. This life is like a hazy dream in comparison.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was more real than this life. Reality there was far more sharp and crisp than here. This life is like a hazy dream in comparison.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No