Rebecca S NDE

Experience Description

It all started on Christmas day in 2003. All day I was feeling sick. After spending the night projectile vomiting, the day after Christmas my mum sent dad down to the only pharmacy open to get some medicine. I took it and immediately threw it back up.

(Funny fact, no schools are open the day after Christmas. However, even until this day, I thought I had to go to school. I must have been really ill at this point.)

Because the medication hadn't worked and I was in a lot of pain, my mum sent for a doctor. He suspected that I had a ruptured appendix.

I remember I couldn't wear a seatbelt in the car as my parents rushed me to the hospital. I still remember the pain of going over the speed bumps.

I remember I had to walk down to a room and the corridor felt so long, my mum was practically carrying me. I felt like death.

I know I was in a consultation room where they checked my blood pressure and took the rest of my vital signs. I remember lying on the bed and feeling so cold. They gave me a wool blanket but it didn't do much. I think I must have blanked out after that.

I remember having very vivid, color dreams of being in hospital. One dream was being in my hospital room and I kept moving my hand so my buzzer kept going off. I remember being scolded when I actually had done this. I the dream though, the nurse was running in circles through two doors. As a seven-year-old, I found this hilarious.

I woke up at some point after this and I remember hearing a member of staff talk to my mum. I was barely conscious at this point. The doctor or nurse said that there was a gentleman who really needed an operation but it would mean postponing my surgery. I remember looking out of the doorway and seeing a guy on a ventilator. I remember saying to the doctor, 'That guy isn't even awake, let him go first.' It didn't occur to me that I might die. I was very calm looking back at it.

Later, they came to take me for my operation. The theatre I was going to was in a different area of the hospital, and I needed to be transported by ambulance. I remember the paramedics having to carry me via a stretcher down the stairs because the lift was either broken or full. They carried me head first down the stairs. I was a bit scared because I hate heights and I was on the 7th or 8th floor.

When I was in the ambulance, the sirens were blaring. I remember being a bit excited that I was in an ambulance. To help keep me calm, the paramedic was telling me about the different lights they have. I asked if she had a pink one because that was my favorite color. Not long after this, I blacked out.

When I woke up, I remember the surgeon who was doing my operation came over to speak to my mum to explain what was going to happen. After this they put a mask over my face. The last thing I saw was a sign on a double door that said 'Theatre two.'

Whatever I experienced after this didn't happen straight away. I remember being in total darkness. The best way I can describe is it's like closing your eyes but there is no light or sound. I was just never-ending nothingness.

Then I remember physically going through a tunnel that changed color from black to grey. I felt the most content I had ever been in my life. I felt weightless. As I come out of the tunnel, I was floating over a pearly-grey, cloudy place. I can't really describe it properly; they weren't clouds as such but it's the closest thing I can compare it to.

Gradually, I floated down to solid ground but it didn't look solid. Then out of nowhere, this person stepped out from behind a veil of sorts. I couldn't really see the face but they were tall and I would say it was a man wearing a robe. Looking back, I didn't know this person. But at the time, I looked at the person and it was like I had known them my whole life. I rushed over and hugged the legs and was hugged back.

The voice sounded like they were talking underwater. I remember them showing me a smoke-like veil. Behind the veil there were hundreds of thousands of people rushing around very fast, like blurs of people.

The next thing I knew, I was going through a place where people were queuing. I made eye contact with a lady in Victorian/Edwardian clothing. She didn't seem wealthy but she was wearing nice clothing. She had her hair piled high with a hat, a blouse, and a long-ruffled skirt with black buckled boots.

Suddenly, I was back where I started. I was with the person from the beginning, except it was a little different. The veil was now directly in front of me. Out from the veil stepped two people. One person was an old lady who was fairly short and wearing a skirt. She had short, curly hair. The other person was a balding, old gentleman with glasses and he was wearing braces. I remember the old gentleman needed a chair so he was sitting in a chair.

I had no idea who these people were, but again, I felt so content with them. They then asked me, 'How is your mum?' I said that she was fine and I remember the feeling that I talked with them for some time. I sat on the 'ground' whilst this all happened.

After sometime, the guardian who I met when I first arrived said, 'It's time. You have to go.' I said, 'I don't want to go. I really like it here.' The guardian said, 'I'm sorry but you have to go'. I knew I needed to go, so reluctantly I said, 'ok...'

Before I went, I remember standing on the edge of something and looking across the vast grey and white. I looked to my right and there was the guardian/person from the beginning standing a few meters to my right and doing the same. He then turned to me and said, 'Bad things will happen but I want you to know it will be all right.' I remember looking at the guardian and feeling very confused.

Then I was going back the same way I come in, except backwards. I was flying backwards very fast.

I only remember coming round in intensive care once. I suddenly woke up, ripped out all the cables that were stuck in me, and told the doctors I didn't need it. My mum was there when this happened and said that she and the doctors were in shock because I went from being unconscious to looking awake and being in a rage.

I don't remember this at all. I remember waking up to soft lighting at night with doctors and parents around my bed. Then I looked under my nightie, and saw the dressings from my operation. I said 'Awesome!' and then I went back to sleep.

My mum told me later that my appendix had ruptured and that I had peritonitis. The toxins had infected my bowels and bladder. The infection was close to reaching and infecting my heart. She said that my heart had stopped twice on the operating table. The doctor told her if my heart had stopped again, they wouldn't have attempted to resuscitate me and I wouldn't be here now.

I have been reluctant to share this with people because I'm not overly religious, and I wouldn't want to give false hope because that is cruel. I have always thought about that final message about 'bad things will happen.' The year after this, my mum and dad split up and my mum conceived a child with a man. In 2007 my father passed away suddenly from an abdominal aortic aneurysm. Also around this time I was sexually assaulted by a family friend. Then the next year after, my mum had another child. My mum had severe depression and both of my siblings were taken into care. It was a very rough time in my life, which I'm glad to say is turning around and things are pretty good. But I have always wondered and I will wonder until the day I die.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 26/12/2003

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes. Illness. Surgery-related. While under general anesthesia. CPR given. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) At time I was unaware of anything, however I know after my heart stopped two times on the operating table. My mum was told if it had happened again, they wouldn't of attempted to resuscitate me.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain. I have a feeling that when I was being told to go back, that is probably when they were resuscitating me. I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. It was as if someone had injected me with a sense of urgency. It was not something I felt normally. I was made to feel it.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Probably when I got told I needed to go back by that person. I felt a sense of urgency.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. It was weird, I felt like I'd always been there and I started to forget about what I was missing.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The only color was from the people I saw. The surroundings were greys and pearly whites but there were so many shades.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I can't really remember all of it. Sometimes it was coherent, other times it was like being underwater and like I wasn't allowed to hear.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes After the darkness, I went through a vertical tunnel that went from black, to grey to a pearly white grey color.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain The only other person I told was my mum because we are really close. I told her about it and she said that the 'old people' sounded a lot like her grandparents. I didn't have a clue who they were but they were nice.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I have never seen anything simlar to what I saw. The closest thing would be a glowing oil painting of greys and whites.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. As I say it is so hard to describe. It was like a pearly white, grey place that looked almost cloudy but I've never seen clouds like it

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Just calm, very calm. I wasn't distressed. I had no care in the world.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will. The person who I encountered at the beginning told me I had to go back but I didn't want to. I was having fun with the old people who I had been talking to and I felt so content. They then said, 'I'm sorry but you have to go.' Then it was like every fiber of my being in that split second told me I had to go by force.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Do not know. I'm not 100% sure of anything, so I remain open to anything.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain I won't say who or what I saw because they never gave me a name, only a feeling. I felt love, compassion, and I was extremely content.

What is your religion now? Do not know. Pretty much the same as before, I remain open to the concept of anything.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I encountered someone in the beginning who I didn't know but I felt was important. I felt the care and compassion from this person so I hugged them.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain. I'm not sure they didn't tell me their name, and I knew they couldn't.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain That place behind the veil felt a bit like a battery chicken farm with people dashing around, it felt like a waiting place.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain It's not my place to judge what I think I saw; I had and have a feeling that the person I encountered knew more about the universe than any individual could possibly comprehend. There was something very special about them.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain As I say I was shown things and I did ask about them, but the information was blurred. Even today, I feel it was because I'm not meant to know.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife probably exists. I saw blurs of so many people rushing around behind that veil. I'm convinced I was told why, but it's like certain information was wiped from my memory or blurred. It's always been that way since I woke up. I'm pretty sure I was told why as well.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I was when I was told 'bad things are gonna happen.' I was so confused but with what I have experienced since, what they told me makes more sense.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain. I felt love from the people I was with. It's almost like communication was with emotion rather than speech. (Even though at points words were used.)

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain. It changed a bit with my mum, but I don't really talk about it. It's just become another piece to my puzzle.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I wish I could send you photos of my memory of this place. Certain things have faded with time but the most important parts for me have never gone.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Some things from that experience have been forever blocked from me. But I will remember that experience for the rest of my life. It is one of the clearest memories I have of my childhood.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I have feelings about things such as some times I'm right but I wouldn't claim to be psychic at all.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I feel that there is someone who cares about me somewhere, they warned me about my future. It ended up being one of the worst times of my life but I'm grateful they did.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I'm pretty sure I told mum when I was in hospital and she looked terrified to begin with, she got very tearful. When I told her about the old people I met and what they looked like, her head perked up and her eyes went wide. She asked, 'Did they say anything to you?' I said that they asked me how you (my mum) is. She thinks it was her grandparents.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It felt normal like it was a normal part of life. The fact that I almost died didn't affect me in a traumatic way because I had felt so calm the whole time.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Something happened. I don't know why I saw what I saw but everything I have mentioned is as accurate as I can get it. I met people and they looked after me in my darkest hour. I'm forever grateful to them.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I'm not sure.