Robert T NDE

Experience Description 7343

I was diagnosed terminal and in and out of consciousness for several weeks. I had been told there was no help on too many planes to explain here. Regardless, I was 39 days into a 30-day life expectancy. I weighed not only the opportunity for assistance but the practicality of it as well. I slept for hours during the days and nights. I was sicker than sick. My doctors later explained 'that was the sickest any human being could ever be. I was at the very doorway of death in both mind and body. Most of my memories of those days are limited, to say the least. As are any recollections of any dreams. Dreams were just seemingly nonexistent for me, and honestly still are rare today. But the one memory and the events surrounding it marked a definitive turning point for me, and still remains as the most vivid experience of my life. It also marks the most defined crossroads of my life, as well. I assumed at the time that it was a dream. Nothing in my frame of reference could explain the details or content to me. At the time, this dream seemed real, realer than real, wetter than water. The realest thing, to this date, I have encountered in my life.

It wouldn't be until 3 years later that I was further enlightened to what the meaning of this dream actually was. It was no dream. It's long and detailed so decide now if the 10 minutes is worth your time. This is a deeply personal experience for me and there are lessons for everyone in it, especially my family. It was not easy to write this information onto this page was not easy for me. I have to love myself to place myself in the range of skeptics and doubters. Heck, I was one of them. Before you label me weird, which I am okay with by the way, I ask that you read this without predetermined beliefs of judgment.

Here is my Near Death experience (NDE):

I found myself in an open expanse of darkness. Oddly, it surrounded me and even odder was I could seemingly see 360 degrees without turning my head. I just knew it was endless. There was a noise, or maybe best stated, a vibration or humming noise. The noise didn't scare me; rather, it seemingly calmed me.

In the distance, there was a soft and peaceful reddish glow. It grew larger and larger. It seemed red but as I got closer, it appeared peach-colored, pink, and even orange. To this date, describing the colors is still difficult for me because I just can't say I have ever experienced colors so vivid and brilliant, almost like the phases of a cloud cluttered sunset or sunrise when the colors evolve with the slipping sun and reflected onto the clouds.

I didn't move but could certainly feel the glow getting larger and larger as if I were rushing to it without effort. There was no tunnel, as some report. The glow emanated from what appeared to be the lip, of what I perceived, as like the edge of a volcano for lack of better previous memory recall. It is almost ineffable to describe, so I tried to piece it together with the framework of my current memory data banks. It was like a volcano with the edge slightly curved, but definitely rounding in each direction to an expanse that seemed limitless. Suddenly I was on the edge. My feet dangled so far over the edge that it would seemingly be impossible to maintain balance, but that wasn't a problem. I felt weightless and at great peace. The glow of red now seemed pinkish and orange and was clearly not a volcano.

As I peered over my toes, there was no end below. Nor was there an end to the lip or the darkness around me. It was a void. There was no heat or lava just a harmonic hum and a specific odor that I didn't recognize. I remember thinking 'I don't ever recall smelling anything in a dream.' The smell, I could actually taste, like after a thunderstorm. That crisp but refreshed smell. Almost like ammonia lightly, but I later realized it was like the smell of an ozone machine almost, but crisper. The edge of the glow expanse curved out of view endlessly, making me realize or know there was no end to it.

It wasn't the mouth of a volcano, it was obviously too expansive, but it did bend. I wasn't frightened. I wasn't confused, either. In fact, I was at the greatest peace of my life, as I've known it to this day. My feet were 3/4 of the way over the edge. Without any hesitation, a bright light-shaped ball or mass appeared before me. It seemed just out of reach, although I didn't try. Like a giant ball of light swirling into itself. It was rotating in nearly every direction. It was highlighted by blue streaks, as it seemingly swirled in every direction. It wasn't perfectly round. It appeared almost jagged and occasionally squeezed into almost a thick doughnut shape structure of pure energy. When this happened, I could see what appeared to be a center of whirlpool, for lack of better terms, where it all seemed to merge. In the center, it was a darker blue-black center.

Everything seemed to go there and disappear with streaks of light blue indicating direction. As I focused on this center, it began to distort and glow brighter with streaks of blue that began to outline the shape of a face emerging. The mass of light increased in brightness continually but yet it didn't make me squint or shield my eyes. It made me feel better and more peaceful as it grew in intensity. As the light intensified so did the harmony of it and vibration.

Suddenly, there was a definitive and energized face of a man. He was older and weathered in appearance. The face ONLY appeared and consumed the mass of light. The high points and low points of detail were expressed in tones of light. High points more bluish. His hair was longer and had gentle waves, not tight but rolling down past what I assumed were shoulders but unseen. He looked somewhat familiar or felt familiar, I should say. There was a burst or vibration from him that I could feel down to the very core of my body. This vibration was the most comforting energy that I have ever felt. It was like a summer breeze caressing your face without a care in the world. I no longer felt pain, as in my awakened state, which had been intense. It felt the greatest peace to the extent of nothing I had ever experienced. This man had no facial hair, to speak of, but the weathered look of his face was clearly defined in tone. THEN THERE WERE WORDS! There was no speaking, as the figure's lips never moved nor did mine. But there were words. It was a question, 'Are you ready?' Vague but decisive and I felt no ambiguity as to its meaning. I replied, but yet my lips didn't move and I have no memory of actually speaking. I replied, 'No, I'm not ready yet.' This in and of itself was odd because I had already given up and was ready to die in my awakened state and body.

Then more words, 'There is something important you still need to do.' At the same time, I felt these words a smile began to form on the man's face and more rays of light began to shoot out of nearly every part of his face. I reached for his face, unafraid but exploring. Without thought, I reached for his face and placed my hands on his cheek. I had originally thought he would have been well out of my reach suspended over the expanse, but he wasn't. I realized the red, pink, orange, peach- colored glow was gone and all that remained was the white radiant light from the orb, continually increasing in brightness and hum. I reached out slowly and deliberately I touched his cheek.

My body vibrated and the light grew again in intensity and brightness as his smile expanded. It was brighter than the sun but not yellow, a pure white. This touch lasted for what seemed like forever, yet it was quick. It's hard to find words to describe the sense of time I experienced. As the light became brighter, so did the hum and the vibration. His smile widened until it distorted the image of his face. I felt as if I was falling but hadn't moved.

Suddenly there were valleys, mountains, streams, and small specks of numerous people and animals in the expanse below me. It was a brief but complete vision of a peaceful place, void of definable color but the greatest source of peace I had ever felt, still to this day. The entire field of view became this white light and I felt weightless as it engulfed me. There was a sense of speed somehow as I felt what seemed like my body travelling at speeds blurring my view.

Within seconds, I awoke at my hospital bed. I was scared but yet peaceful. I remember thinking volcano. I immediately assumed my encounter was a dream, yet, somehow, I knew it wasn't deep inside me. Within minutes of this experience, I purposely and incessantly asked to see all of my doctors at the same time and without effort, it happened. There were exactly twelve of them. I asked each to speak their mind and explain my options and chances. Each did with fluent quick responses and I looked in the eyes of each as they spoke. I was focused and attentive. I felt things coming from each of them it seemed, but I could not understand it all. They all looked at me oddly as if wondering where all my control had suddenly come from, considering my nearly comatose state since my arrival.

I spoke to them as a group and told them I had to live. I told them specifically that there was something important I was supposed to do and this day marked the beginning of life saving-treatment that would take nearly three years and lead me to this moment today. There were several hurdles in those three years; including a two-month stint in hospice that I miraculously got better in and exited accordingly, still unexplained by my doctors. What I had recognized in my daily struggles was that there were distinct differences in my character and habits and viewpoints along the way. I just assumed I was grateful to be alive but I documented the strange changes in personality, as I recognized them. In retrospect, the list grew to nearly 15 pages of changes I had realized.

Some of you have seen a few. The list still grows to this day. Around Christmas of 2013, nearly three years later, as I neared, what appeared to be, the end of my battle. I received a calendar, as usual, at Christmas from my mother with several pictures on it she had made. It was a ritual in my family to get this calendar every Christmas from mom. We all look forward to it and it is a staple of each of our homes all year, without fail. We all fought for the cover as we call it, and it's been a tradition and passion for my mom, for some time now. By the way, we still jokingly jockey for the cover photo each and every year!

As I scanned the calendar, I came across a picture of a man, instantly I was weakened and literally fell back in my seat. I was stunned. My breath was stolen from me instantly. That man on that calendar was the same face in the giant mass of light I had experienced at death's door in my dream. The same face but I still didn't know who it was. The man I was told, once I could muster the question, was my Grandfather. He had died in 1956 well before my birth and as a result had never been a part of my life, in detail or in pictures. There was no possible way I could recognize this man, as I had never seen even a picture of him. Nor had I had any direct knowledge of his life or character previously. This was the day I realized that my dream was directly influenced by someone already departed.

In the next few months, I discovered the Near Death Experience (NDE) and its history in our society. I was never a believer in these events, as perceptual prejudice dictated otherwise. A mass delusion I would often say. However, it was clear to me, at this point, that my dream was a near death experience. But I hadn't actually died, or had I? Well this is where the world changed, once again, for me. This started happening. I couldn't get enough information and still have an insatiable desire for information. Theories of things pop into my mind on topics I previously never cared about. Oddly, I couldn't and still can't read others NDE. Just couldn't seem to do it and still can't.

But, what I was insatiable about was the recorded and well documented and researched after-effects. I compared my recorded after-effects to several lists developed by researchers and scientists. As you can imagine, the changes I documented were almost exactly the same as millions of near death experiencers around the world. The realization happened almost 3 years from the actual event. Exactly the time frame recorded in research as the time frame the majority of near death experiencers go through until their awakening or realization of the event and acceptance of the same. Without trying, I had evolved to a higher consciousness. I had changed. Just like the others had, at exactly the same period as the others.

I had assumed you had to die to have these experiences prior and had heard, like you, about these experiences. Come to find out you don't have to actually die to have a NDE. It's a near death experience. I previously wrote them off to some metabolic brain malfunction at the time of death I guess, Death's illusion. I was not a believer. I am now, obviously. The NDE is different for each of us. They are not all typical. But the after-effects and brain shift and timing are identical. Skeptics can't ignore each experience and rationalize it any way they want. But they can't ignore millions of people who change all at once in mass numbers after a moment like this. It's hard for us to change anything about ourselves let alone major shifts in personality. That's just unexplained for most, but not for us.

Since my awakening, I research. I read and learn, and learn and read. It's not all NDE stuff, very little in fact. Its things like quantum physics, science. I have theories, which I don't ask for on topics I should care nothing about, pop into my head a 100 times a day. I had Sixth Senses that took me some time in seclusion to control and understand. Epiphanies of life's greatest questions, and some questions I never even considered. Sometimes they flow with such ease that I often just burst into laughter. Most importantly, a love for others I simply can't ignore. Then there's the calling. We all experience the same calling, which is to better mankind in some way. In fact, it seems, it's the only question I can't answer in life is the one thing said in my NDE. I am supposed to do something important. This remains the carrot that I will forever chase, and I am perfectly okay with it. I have found that the path of life is easy when I understand that everyone and everything along it, is not for a reason, but a purpose.

EVERYTHING: It's free will that allows me to choose to what I pay attention. There is oneness to the universe. There is single common component to everything and every person. Right down to each atom. It's energy. The foundations of the universe and the epiphanies I see every day are too numerous and mind numbing to go into. I'll spare you the details. I just know things now and I don't ask or seek it. I just know. Just comes to me. I am not alone with this, it happens to most all of us who go through an NDE.

The question still remains, what do I do with it? I have a pretty good idea. I will write, share, and find peace in the fact that change is up to the individual. It's free will, and it's ours to choose. But I will share it. I do realize the fact that my guide through my NDE was a family member with a message, a message for many in my family. The fact it was someone I had never knew due to death, is not the message. The fact that I didn't know that branch of my family well IS the message. The divisions in some limbs of my family tree have withered and I know why. I also know someone wants it changed. I do not take this responsibility on myself. One of my callings was to share this experience with my family and others and I consider that mission now complete.

I have learned that love can do many things. The love and commitment from my living family got me here today. I learned that love from family past showed me the light of that love and beyond from beyond. The experience changed me greatly and I researched my theories on change. One thing was clear, change doesn't happen yesterday. It's about forgiveness and they showed me that too. I will share them as I go. There are too many things to talk about regarding lessons from beyond. I will share them at the reunion on July 6th. From there I will depart for Arizona.

I feel that if you attach a new idea to great emotion, just maybe it impacts people and causes similar brain shifts. At a minimum, it provokes thought for others. I will post the research material that discuss the after-effects next. I hope you enjoyed one of the most humbling experiences of my life. It takes a lot to bleed all over these pages in the manner I just did.

It's never too late to make a change in family. In the end, it's all about family. Today I am cancer free with the rest of my life ahead of me. I understand the flow of life and the universe and think it's funny actually how easy it really is. I have no fear of death, as death is the prize actually. I also realize one irrefutable thing to be true. There is always life, even after death. The energy goes somewhere: It goes everywhere. But that very energy that powered the person in life is the same energy that seeps into our very mind daily. We miss them but they are right there all the time. There is always life. Don't waste a minute. NOT ONE SINGLE MINUTE OF LIFE. Reap it.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: February 2011

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Life threatening event, but not clinical death Diagnosed in 2011 with end-stage AIDS, I had no idea.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I touched the face in the light, I could see everything 360 degrees. I could feel the most enormous peace I have even felt.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Colors seemed sharper, lights brighter but not painful, could taste an unusual odor, a tingling energy.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During the speaking portion there was no movement of lips, otherwise there was a hollow wind like humming; I have still been unable to compare to date.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My Grandfather who passed in 1956, although I didn't realize it at the time. It was nearly three years later that I first put it together; pictures of my grandfather were rare in the family.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Spinning, moving light that seemed to be rotating and occasionally squeezed onto itself and appeared almost donut shaped; there was always a small dark center that seemed to be the destination of the spin.

The experience included: A landscape or city

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was a huge dark void with a rim that curved, I was brought to the edge of this void.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace: nothing but peace

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe It wasn't immediate but three years later things started popping, and it hasn't stopped since: strange epiphanies of quantum mechanics which I had never heard of, energy, clairvoyance, future glimpses, brain epiphanies, healing methods, a lot of science thoughts: all previously of no interest. I spent six months researching each of them. I was happy to find proof of each of them and was thankful I wasn't alone. I eventually stopped trying to prove them all.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

The experience included: Awareness of the future

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Not immediately, but they do nearly every day since then.

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes Originally, it looked like the edge of a volcano, but it was an endless void and edge of a curved lip of a great expanse.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I hovered over the edge and to this date I can't explain. I should have fallen into the endless abyss below but I hovered instead.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I find holes in organized religion for which I don't really care. I see flaws and ironically I don't see flaws in others any longer but I do in organized religion. I have become more spiritual in ways I never knew existed. I realize God is everywhere and most importantly inside each of us.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was never a believer in NDE prior to my experience...felt it was a trick of the mind..I was raised episcopal and do believe in god and always did...

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Nearly every value I have had changed or has heightened since; it seems to increase daily: compassion, energy, brain waves, vibration, resonance, and peaceful understanding of the path of life before me.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin In this big orb of moving light there appeared a face that consumed its entirety. I have written of it but never shared the fact the face changed seemingly several times. The face was made of highlighted portions of this giant light Three years later I first saw the picture of my deceased grandfather who died in 1956 and immediately recognized the picture as one of the faces in the light. I had never seen a picture of him before my experience. This was the point where I realized my experience was an NDE and it started my awakening

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I am unsure who the other faces were as they seemingly transformed in the light...I felt like but do not know that I may have touched the face of god

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I am unsure but seemed like I saw god himself...seems bold to say...but the face in the light altered several times...one face turned out to be my grandfather whom I never had seen until three years later...unsure of proof of the other faces but I am sure it will reveal itself when I am worthy

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes i knew that the energy of the soul never dies...it just relocates and is tied to our own consciousness perhaps...all of these are available to us all at any time we choose

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes i felt like at the time that this may have been my first real encounter with love...sounds strange but all other love I had known paled in comparison

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. A knowing that I spent great time researching: odd epiphanies previously not even a thought or interest, a oneness in the universe and understanding of the energy of life down to the very cell balance. I also have had trouble adjusting to organized religion, finding holes in it that trouble me. I have become spiritual but not religious. I have had great adjustments with what I can only assume is now a future as an empath. It's troubling really. If this doesn't sound odd I don't what does, I see ghosts, right? It drives me crazy but there they are. Nearly every personality trait I previously had changed seemingly overnight without trying like compassion for everything, faith in everything, faith in faith itself perhaps. I attract animals and angels that I previously never considered real. I feel like I am never alone. I have had a few experiences where I was saved from serious accidents by a green small orb of light I have caught on film, accidentally. I am grateful for each and every day.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes People are seemingly drawn to me, at least those who are not negative by nature, I find. I found I was 'flipping switches' within some after personal encounters: causing spiritual awakenings by accident. It was a difficult adjustment at first.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Ineffable at first, I still don't read other's NDE for some reason, perhaps it might be wise but I just can't seem to find the interest; not sure why.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience this may have been the realest event of my life...all others I previously believed were real arent even close in comparison

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Oh boy do I, I have experienced nearly every defined psychic event known and perhaps then some: http://roberttrombley.blogspot.com/.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it; I have found it wasn't the experience as much as the after- effects.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have encountered resistance in others. Skeptics everywhere including inside my family; it makes me cautious, to a degree, with who I share this.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably not real Originally I thought it was the most vivid dream I had ever experienced.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Once I stepped into the arena of skeptics and stood in the light of doubt it seemed more evolution occurred and still does every day.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No Meditation gets me close, I have only tried it a couple times; I'm fearful of it, as I had enough changes to which I needed to adjust. Eventually, I plan on practicing it but not yet: peace in pace, I guess.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I have been invited to speak at IANDS conference this year and have scheduled a workshop. I also seem to have several callings to share my experience and knowledge by writing a book, not sure if I will, but it calls me daily.