Robin A NDE

Experience Description

I was pregnant with twins. One child was in my uterus and the other had gotten stuck between my ovary and fallopian tube, bursting both. I woke up in severe pain on a Wednesday morning around 4am. My boyfriend at the time, took me to the emergency room. I was there for 8 hours. The doctor kept saying something was wrong with the ovary and chalked it up to an ovarian cyst bursting. Then she quickly sent me home. For the next 3 days, I was going to work in pain. Saturday came and I started hemorrhaging at work.

I quickly went home and told my boyfriend that I needed to get back to the emergency room. I was clearly bleeding out. He was already drunk and refused to take me.

We were in the middle of a blizzard that day. I had no choice but to take myself to the hospital. My car was stuck in the snow and I couldn't get out. I left my car half against the curb and half in the street. I got out and started walking to the emergency room which was roughly 5 blocks away. I don't remember much of the walk besides it being extremely hard due to the snow being so deep and the loss of blood was making me tired. I did finally arrive, and only remember a doctor and nurse freaking out and ordering an ambulance. Everyone around me was frantic and I couldn't understand why. They put me in the ambulance and started doing a blood transfusion. I was asked again and again if I was feeling okay. I felt pretty good. From my perspective, I felt very alert. They took me down to the hospital for emergency surgery. During the quick evaluation before transferring me to the operating room. During the vaginal exam, I was able to answer all questions with an extreme calmness I rarely experience.

The doctors taking care of me, kept saying that they couldn't believe I was alive. It was the weirdest feeling because I was felt pretty normal; definitely noton the brink of death. Not long after, the surgeon came in, introduced himself and the care team before putting me under. The last thing he said to me was, 'I've never seen anything like this. It's nearly impossible that you're alive, let alone that you walked to the emergency room.' I finally asked why everyone kept saying this. That's when I became aware that I had lost 2 liters of blood. It became very real, very quickly for me how serious the situation was. Having the medical knowledge as a hospice nurse, I knew that it was 99% impossible that my organs weren't shutting down while I was going into shock. My brain starting racing, wondering if this was even real.

I don't remember being transported to the operating room after that brief conversation with the surgeon. I do remember having a very fleeting thought of being extremely cold before I found myself floating in a dark atmosphere that felt infinite. It was scary at first. I remember bits and pieces of my life flying by me. Scenes from my life were going by very quickly to where I couldn't focus on a single one. I truly remember thinking, 'Is this it?' I felt disappointed to be on the other side and only see darkness. Then a purplish-blue light appeared in the distance. In front of me, the light was framed like a doorway that was open. I got so excited as I felt blanketed in the feelings of peace and calm. I felt so loved and welcomed. Peace, calm and love are the only logical words to describe what I felt because I don't think any human has the ability to feel them. These feelings weren't coming from me, but whatever it was, it was drawing me in while teaching me the true nature of those feelings. I felt like everything finally made sense. I felt like I had finally discovered the location of that overwhelming intimacy that I couldn't find on earth.

I remember being surrounded by people with so much love. I don't know if they were relatives or not and I didn't feel it mattered. I couldn't see any distinct details but I could feel the biology of them being men and women, older in age. As they were hugging me, I felt this intense suction that was pulling me at the speed of light through a tunnel and back to this world. I will never forget the feeling that flooded me with the most intense anger and rage I've ever felt. I immediately started sobbing out of control. I realized I was still lying on the operating table. I looked to my left and SCREAMED at the surgeon, 'WHY DID YOU BRING ME BACK HERE!' My emotions were out of control as they administered fentanyl into my IV. It calmed me down but I couldn't stop sobbing.

Hours later, I was released and taken home. I just remember being so depressed and not being able to take my thoughts off that place I was at. I've never felt like I fit into society or any social groups. My longing for that home has plagued me my entire life. Regardless of where I had search prior to that experience, I couldn't find it. The closest feeling was my childhood home while being surrounded by family. I adore my parents and sibling but I've noticed that my content in that space has slightly been numbed after having my NDE. I'm grateful for the knowledge and validation of what I've always felt happens to us after death.

After this experience, I think in terms of energy. I'm very sensitive to energy. I've always believed that energy simply transfers to something else after death and lives on wherever it transfers. I think a reason why I've never felt connected to this world is my ability or curse of having very strong premonitions. I've always had dreams of being astral projected to different places outside of this world. They use to bother me a lot until I sought out someone that could help me learn to better control them. I worked with a gentleman who was trained in the military on remote-viewing. I developed these skills for 5 years with him. My premonitions have now become more precise and more controlled. I would be lying if I said I haven't used these tools to get back to the place of my NDE. Of course, that experience can't be replicated, but I feel like I can definitely go back to the feeling of being there and it comforts me.

On the other hand, I've notice that my mindset of living this human experience can sometimes be donning knowing the parallel exists and knowing it's going to be such a better place. I often get sad and frustrated that society can't understand that it doesn't have to be like this while living in this world. If I could cast one wish, it would be to give every human this experience to know that none of us are separate and we're all connected to this infinite love of each other and this breath-taking earth we live on.

On a lighter note, I'm humbled and my gratitude for being given this life doesn't go without recognition. I've always been empathic towards people that suffer but I feel more connected than ever. I was so angry for a few years that I didn't stay over there but I now feel grateful to be alive. I love using this experience and ability of mine to try to pass this energy to others that no matter what, it's going to be okay. Regardless of what happens, we're all going to live on in utopia. Nothing is born from chance. I feel like everyone is created with a contract to carry out. I no longer believe this love we're born out of would create a separate hell that we aren't already living. My judgment towards others that carry out actions less approved by society are now met with compassion and wanting to understand the underlying cause. I've also adopted this understanding that whatever was leading me to that place can't be encompassed by the human definition of God. Our brains can never fathom how vast that place is and I can't wait for everyone to feel what I felt.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: January of 2019

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Life threatening event, but not clinical death. Ectopic pregnancy

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I don't think its explainable. During that experience, I felt infinite and the only knowledge that mattered was the pure understanding of what love defines

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I felt more conscious during the experience and felt more confused coming back to this existence.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time simply didn't exist

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was the first time I had no questions because it didn't matter. My everyday thoughts are frustrating lead by anxiety because nothing makes sense

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Compared to the angelic sounds I heard there, the sounds and voices here can be intrusive

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I don't know who they were and I didn't feel it mattered that I didn't know.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was really bright with a purplish blue color

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. I can't describe it. It was the source of all things connected

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, calm, unconditional love

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. It made it very clear that encompassing the love we're born from can't be reduced to the word God

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control. They flew by so quickly, I couldn't focus on any particular one

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will. While I was fully in that realm being greeted and welcomed, I was quickly brought back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian Methodist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Christian- Other: Christian/Methodist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was validated with my feelings that all we are in the energy born out of the purest form of love and that our energy doesn't stop after death. We live on and on and on

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes My compassion for others grew

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify I literally can't describe it. I did hear voices of people that met me there. I couldn't see them but knew they were men and women of older ages

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No As I described before, there is no separation with our souls.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I was given the awareness that everyone and everything thing has no separation. One higher power doesn't exist. We all make up that higher power

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes There is definitely a place our energy goes to live on. I can't tell you if that's where I chose to be or if I could choose another. I wasn't there long enough to understand what happens after that welcoming.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Its infinite and our souls are the pure definition of love and unity

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No Theres no human language that can describe it.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Being there just felt more real and it made me question the time-line of my situation prior to it. I couldn't tell you what reality was prior to being there.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Just knowing that unconditional love exists

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes 3 years after. I didn't feel like anyone would really care or believe me. I've shared this with a few people but I don't feel as if they could understand.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I was depressed and angry that I couldn't stay there. I had finally found the home I longed for.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I feel like I was given that gift to validate my feelings of death and to show me that I'll never find the home I seek because that was it, so I need to enjoy this life.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes When I feel alone, I can bring myself back to that calm feeling and know that everything will be okay

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No

nxnwesa_nde