Robyn F NDE

Experience Description

It's complicated. But the facts are that I told my husband I wanted a divorce and he decided to kill me. Apparently, he had planned it out for a long time so that when the time came that I 'rejected' him he was able to act quickly. Our three children were spending the night next door, so after several hours of talking with him in our home I got up to go next door and stay with the children. It was 3:00 in the morning. I made it as far as the front door when he bolted in front of me and locked the door. He pinned my arms behind my back and dragged me into our bedroom, threw me on the bed and then climbed on top of me and sat across my abdomen.

As I looked up at him, I saw something shiny in his right hand. As the shiny object came down towards my face, I thrust my left hand up to block the object. It was the brand new pair of 8-inch sewing shears that I had just bought a few days before. All I knew was that the object had to be stopped - without even realizing yet that it was a pair of scissors and that I had grabbed the open blade. We struggled for control of the object in his right hand and as I had a death grip on it, he finally had to rip it from my grasp. As he did this, the blade of the scissors severed all the nerves and tendons in my left hand so that my hand collapsed to the bed useless. I screamed but no one could hear me. I knew that no one would be coming to save me. When I looked at his face, I could see the rage as he held the scissors high above his head again - this time my hand was useless to defend myself.

He then proceeded to furiously chop-off my waist-length blond hair. In the process of bringing the scissors so close to my scalp, he stabbed me in the top of my head. When he finished chopping off all my hair and flinging it out into the air everywhere, he then pinned my arms behind my back again and dragged me into the master bathroom. He closed and locked the door, looked at me and grinned. I said, 'What are you going to do to me?' He answered, 'I'm going to shave your f#&^ing head.' He then proceeded to cover my head with shaving cream. When he raked the single edge razor across the top of my head we then both discovered that I had been stabbed because blood spurted out two feet and covered the wall-size mirror that I was facing. This infuriated him because he had to clean all the blood off the mirror so he could carry out the rest of his plan, which included having me watch what he was doing in the mirror. He did, in fact, shave my entire head, which took about an hour. During that hour, I bled profusely from the head stab wound and I had to watch as he emptied sinks full of bloodied water down the drain. I finally reached a point toward the end of the hour when I could not stand up anymore. My legs were weak and I knew I was going to pass out.

I then told him I could not stand up. He responded, 'Go ahead and lay down on the floor because you're dead, bitch, no matter what.' During that hour, he had already told me exactly what he was going to do to me. Besides telling me that he was going to cut off my nose and breasts, his final plan was to light me on fire with gasoline. I knew that he had a 5-gallon can in the garage. During the hour I had been praying, 'Please Dear God, Let this cup pass from me. No one is coming to save me, no one heard me scream, no one.' It was at this point that I 'knew' I was in two places at the same time. I left my body and passed through a tunnel of light, which took me to a door of brilliant light. The door opened. I knelt down and saw that I was dressed in a dark robe of some sort. As I knelt, I looked up to see Jesus in front of me nailed to the cross. He looked down directly into my eyes. I've never seen eyes like those before or since. As he looked into my eyes, I asked him, without speaking words, 'What do I do?' He answered without speaking words, 'Forgive him.' As he 'said' the words, it was done. The forgiveness happened in that very instant.

I was returned fully to my body in the bathroom but everything had changed, and I knew this. While I was 'gone' my husband had continued shaving my head so that now there was only one inch left to shave. I opened my mouth and started to speak using words that I did not consciously choose or have any control over whatsoever. The first words that came out of my mouth were 'The water will make everything okay.' When I said the word 'water,' I noticed that he put the razor blade down and seemed to almost go into a trance. He stared at himself in the mirror as if waiting for my next words. I repeated again, 'Everything's okay. The water will heal everything.' He continued staring into the mirror, waiting. I then instructed him to take off his clothes and get into the shower. Because of the stab wound in my head, my white blouse and blue skirt had gotten covered in blood. Blood had even dripped down my skirt, down my legs and into the calf-high leather boots I was wearing. Consequently, my husband had already ripped off all my clothes so he wouldn't have to look at the blood, so I had been naked throughout most of the ordeal.

At this point, I told him to take off his clothes. He continued staring off into space as he unbuttoned his shirt and took off his blue jeans. I then repeated again, 'The water will make everything alright.' I reached over with my good hand, the right one, and turned on the water in the tub. I felt the temperature of the water and it was warm, not hot. I pulled up the nozzle to turn on the shower, reached up, and aimed the showerhead so it pointed toward the back of the shower. I opened the shower door wide and motioned for him to climb in. He did. He stood at the back of the shower so that the water was hitting him at the nape of his neck. I climbed in the shower behind him and continued repeating, 'Everything's okay. The water will heal everything.' As the water poured down his back he placed his hands with palms against the back of the shower tile wall high above his head, almost as a person surrendering would do, and he repeated three times, 'I know this is a trick, I know this is a trick, I know this is a trick. I answered very softly, 'No, no, no, the water is healing everything.'

As I stood there within inches of his back, I knew I was waiting for the final word, the word that would free me. I knew a word was coming that would save me. I could feel the heartbeat of the world in the room, and the heartbeat got so strong that it felt like the room would explode. The explosion came in one word, 'NOW!' When the word came I threw open the shower door, jumped from the shower, unlocked the bathroom door and ran, down the long hallway from the master bedroom to the other side of the house, all the way to the front door. I unlocked the deadbolt and ran across the lawn, never daring to look back even once. I knew there was no time even for that. Just run. I ran to my neighbor's house where my three children were sleeping, it was now about 5:00 in the morning, and turned their front doorknob. It was unlocked. I ran in and dead-bolted the door behind me. Within seconds, my husband was banging on the door trying to get in. My neighbors were awake by now, of course, and called police. Everything that followed is another equally long story, but all I knew at that moment was that I was alive. I had no other thought except, 'I'm alive.'

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: September 28, 1986

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack. Life threatening event, but not clinical death. There was a murder in progress and I was the victim.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was completely aware of what was still happening to my physical body. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During and after the out-of-body experience. It was in a realm that words cannot explain.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning The World stopped. There was no time. No past or future. It was only 'now'.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I 'saw' with something other than my physical eyes. I was in another realm of existence altogether.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My 'hearing' was not through my ears but through the spirit.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes A tunnel of light that took me to a door of light. And the door opened to the other side.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Tunnel of white light and a door of brilliant, blinding white light that opened.

The experience included: A landscape or city

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was other-worldly. The Light was brilliant in this place where Jesus spoke to me.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Pure forgiveness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I could 'feel' the heartbeat of the world and the knowledge of 'now' exploded with power.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I was a non-practicing Episcopalian who had studied Buddhism as well as Christianity.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am very careful what I ask for. I make efforts to be consistent in thought, word and deed.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths My "religion" today is a combination of Christianity and Buddhism.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience At the time of the experience I was reading more about Eastern philosophies than Christianity, however when I prayed it was Jesus who came to me and answered my prayer.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I believe that forgiveness releases us from our physical bondage.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I knelt before Jesus who was nailed to the cross and he spoke to me.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Yes, it was completely vivid, in full detail. Jesus was in physical form nailed to the cross. I knelt at the bottom of the cross, looked up at him and he spoke to me.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Yes, my experience took me to another realm where I "saw" with other-than worldly eyes and "heard" with other-than worldly ears, and I became one with oneness.

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes The entire encounter was about God, the ultimate power of God, and God's forgiveness. The message was "Love is the greatest power in the universe."

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I knew that no human could save me from what was happening. If I were to be saved, it would have to be by divine intervention. As I prayed and the prayer was answered, I became one with the entire universe and one with the power of love.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Yes. Love is the greatest power in the universe.

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I met Jesus in the physical form. He appeared to me in flesh on the cross. I believe that means we transcend death.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Yes. Knock and the door shall be opened.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Yes. Forgive.

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Yes. Again...Love is the greatest power in the universe.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I believe that what we ask for, we receive.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I cherish every moment.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Other worldly.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the entire experience as if it just happened.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes For a time following the experience I felt I was 'vibrating' on another frequency than the rest of the World and could 'hear' what people were thinking. This ability passed after a while.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes. All of it.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes The story about what my husband did was on the local TV news the next morning and also on the front page of the local paper. Two years after it happened, I was on the Oprah Winfrey show with the topic of her show was 'possessive love'. The criminologist, James Alan Fox, was one of the guests on the show also. After the show, he and I talked about whether or not I should write a book about what happened. I still have not written the book.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was 'living' proof that the experience was real. If the experience had not happened I would not be alive.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Again, I am living proof it happened.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? The message Jesus gave me saved my life. When he said 'Forgive him' his words made it so, and that changed everything. The power of his love filled the room and I actually felt the heartbeat of the universe inside me, so much so that it seemed the whole room would explode. It's very difficult to put into words because it's beyond any worldly experience.

Forgiveness releases us from the burden of judgment. As human beings, we are not equipped to judge, and to do so can cause great harm to ourselves and to others. Jesus proved to me that his words are as alive today as they were 2000 years ago, 'Forgive him, for he knows not what he does.'

The act of forgiveness was the key that unlocked the door, and it was my surrendering to it that allowed me to be the empty vessel so its power could be made manifest. The healing words that came out of my mouth were not my words. I spoke them but they were coming from somewhere else. 'I' did not exist. There was only love, pure love, and it was all-powerful. As the words kept coming out of my mouth, I felt as if my veins were being injected with a substance. I can only describe it this way - the substance felt like liquid thought going into my veins and coursing throughout my entire body so that the only thought I consciously had was 'Love is the greatest power in the universe.'

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? One more thing I'm not sure I mentioned in filling out the questionnaire on your site, but at the time this all happened to me, I was reading more about Buddhism than Christianity. I had not grown up in a family with religion and so had taken it upon myself to read the entire New Testament several years before this happened. However, the majority of my reading was about Eastern philosophies since I was a teenager. So it's more than interesting that it was Jesus, not Buddha, who appeared to me in that hour of need to save me. I believe that the message of forgiveness had to come directly from the Source, and that was Christ. Still, I'm at a loss for words to explain it.