Sarah A Probable NDE

Experience Description

It may be useful to note that there has been no history of heart problems in my family and I myself have always been reasonably healthy, enjoying a regular swim. Two days prior to the incident, I had been to my doctor for a feeling of ‘tight chested-ness’. I was given an electro-cardiogram, which identified sinus tachycardia and a right bundle branch block. The doctor wasn't too concerned but advised that if the condition worsened I should report to hospital; otherwise, I should see him in the morning for another electro-cardiogram and to discuss the matter further.

The next day, I went back to my doctor who conducted another electro-cardiogram and made an appointment with the Chief consultant Cardiologist at the region’s hospital. Again, I was advised to report into hospital with anything unusual. I didn't bother. I went to bed the night before the cardiology appointment, in an extremely mournful state. It was as if I knew I was going to die, not because I was worried, but because it’s what I wanted. Earlier in the day I’d had a feeling of extreme sadness. I welcomed death with open arms because I felt my life to be truly useless, insubstantial and ineffectual.

It may seem cliché to say so, but I was dying of a broken heart. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. I had been struggling to gain the recognition that I supposed I deserved academically, socially or as a person in my own right. Some of my work had been stolen, someone broke into my home, I had my car vandalized, and I had been attacked on the street. It seemed as though everything was being thrown at me at once. I was utterly tired of this life. I was tired of a competitive, degenerate rat race of corrupt winners and idealistic losers. Pain, both physical and emotional overwhelmed me and I began to realize that I really was dying but that I wasn't afraid. As I surrendered in my bed, I began to shake and gasp for air; my chest was bursting as my ribs seemed to constrict around my body, I could feel my heart racing as though it was in my throat and I would have been shouting had my voice not been quelled for lack of air. I lost consciousness.

I became aware of a strange noise which grew louder and louder. I thought I was ‘waking up’ only what I saw was certainly not what I had expected! I did ‘wake up’; only to realize that the strange noise I could hear was an incredible ‘unearthly’ singing. The music was so phenomenally beautiful that I could not reproduce it. I do not consider myself a culturally ignorant individual but this was nothing like any music I had ever heard. It was not as one might imagine as ‘heavenly’ or ‘choral’. Instead, it was beyond adequate description. Glorious beyond merit, the sound was celebratory and powerful. I couldn't make out was being said, not the language within it was projected.

Upon my ‘waking’ to this music, I could see a great marble plaza with what appeared to be a militaristic formation but instead of marching, they were dancing and leaping ecstatically. All was bright and incredibly colorful as if the air were free of humidity and shadow, almost as if I were seeing in a form of ‘high definition’. Then I heard a voice of no discernible origin, neither masculine nor feminine but pleading. ‘Please don’t die, we need you; please don’t die’ it said. I asked, ‘what’s going on?’ The voice replied, ‘They are praising you’. I answered, astounded ‘Who, me?’ ‘Yes, you are needed.’ said the voice. I was taken aback as to why anyone should say such a thing. Normally I’d not be inclined to believe sycophantic nonsense such as compliments, but instead I felt it were the most genuine thing I’d ever been told. It was as if I had been told, ‘you are loved’ in a diplomatic sense (which is wise, given my reserved temperament).

I heard the voice again as I listened to the music. ‘Please don’t die, we need you’. I agreed that I wouldn't choose to die and thanked them for being so kind to me. I had no idea anyone gave a sh#t. I realized that I was waking up for a second time and the music faded until I stood up from my bed, my face wet with tears. Who were they? A thought went through my mind: 'They're the ‘kachina’. But what or who are the kachina? I would later find out. [Editor’s note: Kachina are supernatural beings believed by the Hopi Indians to be ancestors of living humans.]

I went to my hospital appointment for yet another electro-cardiogram and saw the consultant cardiologist. I didn't dare tell him what had happened. I had taken some notes with me on my condition and prepared to discuss treatment options. The meeting took about five minutes. The consultant looked at my electro-cardiogram and told me that there was nothing wrong with me.

I felt embarrassed, very embarrassed. Had I wasted this individual’s time? ‘How is this possible?’ I asked. ‘All I know is that your test results and electro-cardiogram are normal and you won’t need any treatment’ he reported. I was told that the other electro-cardiogram’s were inexplicable and how I had been feeling, was simply a mystery. I left the hospital confused and feeling like some attention-seeking hypochondriac. I almost felt guilty that I wasn't ill! After all the trouble I’d caused everyone! There appeared to be no known reason why I should have experienced the heart attack and no known medical reason why or how I could have recovered fully from the heart condition.

I can only surmise that I had a NDE: an experience that brought me back from the brink of that next, more desirable and glorious life. I learned that to renounce a life in material existence is easy in comparison to renouncing a life in blissful heaven. To give blood, to shed the mantle of gross matter, is far easier in comparison to receiving it.

If I had to give the event a religious or spiritual context, I have been told that the experience is the ‘transverberation of the heart’. [Editor’s note: Transverberation is a wounding of the heart.] For me, it was a confirmation that I was still useful and that compassion was a force still extant.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: May 13, 2010

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Heart attack. Lost consciousness and awoke about ten hours later without medical intervention at that time. No previous medical history.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I seemed to have more 'senses' than one might ordinarily use to experience their existence. I wasn't bound by a body because I had not chosen that supposed ‘ascribed status of being’. It was as if I could feel energy in ways my body of ordinary existence could not conceive or observe. My ‘being’ was not confined to the domain of a mass in space and time. Instead, I seemed to exist as some form of ‘field’, which I could expand and confine at will. As such, I had density without the sense of mass, which might imply some form of gravity, or indeed, time.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Waking up for the first time, not in bed but aware of the singing and the plaza.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning As I was a 'field' without 'mass', anything bound by a temporal world line seemed entirely irrelevant. There seemed to be transformation and transition without decay, because the temporal perception of matter did not exist. I assume this was because I, as a field rather than a mass, was able to perceive energy in its truest function: through a transition of energy states rather than the ‘decay’ of matter imposed by the perception of time.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. In everyday life I wear corrective lenses. It was as if I had poor eyesight (even with glasses) during my temporal life, in comparison to what I would experience in the next. My vision was expansive although ‘seeing’ did not only incorporate what I imagined to be sight. I am now able to understand the phrase ‘and their eyes were opened’.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing is exceptional, even in ordinary existence, but never had I heard, or sensed music such as what I experienced during my NDE. It is limiting to say that I ‘heard’ the music: I couldn’t discern whether it was coming from some celestial choir, from me, or from both. It was far more remarkable than anything I had 'heard' in temporal existence.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain At the time I had the impression that these were the ‘Kachina’, though I had no idea what ‘Kachina’ meant at the time and had certainly not known of them as dolls. An internet search expelled my ignorance but did not seem to explain my association with them. The dancing entities were not wearing traditional Native American dress and their music was not of any culture of origin I have encountered. The ‘Kachina’ certainly seemed alive and happier to be alive than myself!

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain The plaza was very bright, I was unable to identify from what source or how the scene was illuminated. It was not typical of the filtered wavelengths we might see from a typical sun, through a planetary atmosphere.

The experience included: A landscape or city

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place I had not seen the location before or the individuals in it.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Astonishment, confusion, relief, gratefulness, honor, liberation, compassion, duty.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I had an experience a number of years prior to this one and would consider this event a ‘confirmation’ of that experience, (though as an empiricist I will ask for many more). In such an existence, one knows the capacity to understand all things because of the absence of the temporal limitations endured in nominal existence. I was reminded that the decay of matter is an illusion. One cannot recall all things due to the constraint of the temporal illusion but one can remember certain things which transcend matter: such as the sense of completeness with the eternal source [primordial star].

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

The experience included: Awareness of the future

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was convinced to return when I realized that I was useful and chose to accept the sincere plea and offerings of praise. Choosing to live on the material plane on behalf of those who appeased my suffering with compassion, I would endeavor to return the favor.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist It would be best empirical practice to remain an agnostic, however, ‘agnostic’ is a term I tend to avoid because of its association with ambivalence and apathy – neither of which I consider representative of my approach to the mysteries of our universe.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Not important to me

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Atheist Same as above. I'm not very impressed (in high insight) with 'Wizard of Oz' style experiences – whether these come from my own stressed brain or the omnipotent fascism of some religious entity.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Fortunately, I was able to experience a mixture of both stability from familiarity of my expectations and some challenges, indicating that the new information was opportunity for further learning. Beliefs are not facts and are fortunately transitory (to the progressive mindset). I did not ‘believe’ that such ‘beings’ as the Kachina existed yet seemed familiar with some of the theoretical concepts that enabled me to make sense of my experience better than I may have done in the absence of my background.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify The voice seemed to be directionless but kind, and pleaded with me not to die.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain At the time I had the impression that these were the ‘Kachina’, though I had no idea what ‘Kachina’ were at the time and had certainly not known of them as dolls. An internet search expelled my ignorance but did not seem to explain my association with the

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain The impression of a timeless existence certainly presupposes an existence prior and post a temporal perception.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes In physics we call this phenomenon ‘entanglement’ and refer to a ‘coherence of states’. There is certainly an interconnectedness of nature that is not ‘mystical’, or imaginary or conceptual but very real, both in mundane existence and in elevated awarene

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably does not exist

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I could not pretend to know. There is no such thing as "God" there is only the source. It is neither of personality nor boundary and cannot be personified nor be drawn distinct from the rest of the universe. As such, there is no supremacy of being only states of being.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God probably does not exist

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I could not pretend to know. I can only suppose that in terms of energy, one never dies, one only transforms. There is no such thing as ‘God’ there is only the source. It is neither of personality nor boundary and cannot be personified nor be drawn distinct from the rest of the universe. As such, there is no supremacy of being only states of being.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain This is a difficult question to answer. It might be arrogant to assume that only some have purpose but mistaken to assume that all do. I suspect that one only becomes useful in the sense of a greater scheme when one chooses to be. The choice is dependen

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably does not exist

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? I am uncertain if an afterlife exists Uncertain I could not pretend to know. I can only suppose that in terms of energy, one never dies, one only transforms.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Compassion is love. Love is not infatuation or the selfish gene; it is transcendent and unconditional; and I would say that most uses of the term are not deserving of it. One does not 'fall' in love, one chooses it freely and without fear.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life Apart from a full spontaneous recovery, I now have the heart health of an endurance runner. Slight changes in my life.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was difficult to explain because I, regrettably, lack the literary competence to begin to describe such an awesome event. As one cannot describe one’s thoughts, only give an impression of them which is then perceived (accurately or inaccurately) by others, one cannot likewise [truly] describe one’s feelings.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience Due to the fact that the event was unusual and a crisis experience (extreme stress event) I am of course able to remember the NDE more clearly. Having written an account of the experience soon after, enabled me to preserve the integrity of the event.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain A can of worms indeed!

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? In physics we call this phenomenon ‘entanglement’ and refer to a ‘coherence of states’. There are certainly inter-connections of nature that is not ‘mystical’, or imaginary or conceptual but very real, both in mundane existence and in elevated awareness. Compassion is love. Love is not infatuation or the selfish gene; it is transcendent and unconditional; and I would say that most uses of the term are not deserving of it. One does not 'fall' in love; one chooses it freely and without fear.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard of NDE's from my aunt, a researcher in clinical psychology. I did not grant the idea much merit.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real The experience seemed more 'real' than the grey-scale reality I had returned to.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real I know it seemed very ‘real’ but suspect it may have been an ‘interval movie’ conjured by the subconscious of my underestimated brain working overtime to compensate for the trauma my body had experienced during my physiological arrest.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? That I must live to complete what I have set out to do. (To detail what I have set out to do would be too lengthy here). Fortunately, I was able to experience a mixture of both stability from familiarity of my expectations and some challenges, indicating that the new information was opportunity for further learning. Beliefs are not facts and are fortunately transitory (to the progressive mindset). I did not ‘believe’ that such ‘beings’ as the Kachina existed yet seemed familiar with some of the theoretical concepts that enabled me to make sense of my experience better than I may have done in the absence of my background. Due to the fact that the event was unusual and a crisis experience, extreme stress event. I am of course able to remember the NDE more clearly.

Having written an account of the experience soon after, enabled me to preserve the integrity of the event.