Sarah W NDE

Experience Description

My NDE happened over 30 years ago. It was a crazy traumatic event that led up to it and telling people would have brought a lot of judgement down on me and my family. I was 15 at the time and in no way capable of handling that kind of exposure. So, I told no one except my mom, sister, and later my husband. For many years I intentionally avoided anything to do with NDEs out in the world. I just took the lessons my guide gave me and tried to fix my life and be a better person.

I am a nurse. Recently, I was injured at work and had to leave. For the first time in decades, I found myself with real downtime and started watching YouTube videos. I saw many videos of NDE stories were on there, so I finally watched one. I think it was divine intervention because the very first video I watched was of a nurse who explained very eloquently about what she went through during her NDE. I knew she was telling the truth in my heart. Listening to someone describe the same experience I had, just blew me away. I started crying like a child and ended up watching a lot more NDE videos. I realized I made a mistake not telling anyone, which is why I am submitting my story to you and other large NDE research groups. I hope my story can help others so they won't feel as isolated as I did for so many years.

At the age of 15, my stepdad moved our family to a new state far from the life, friends, and boyfriend I loved. I struggled to find my footing in a new city, which I hated. My parents were fighting constantly and our family fractured at the end of the experience. At the time of my NDE, I was an angry, isolated teenager with no friends and with very poor coping skills. I started getting into trouble and hanging out with bad crowds. Religion was not a comfort to me. My family was Christian, but I had always been agnostic. My life had not been an easy one up until then. I figured if there was a God then he must be either indifferent or punitive to allow so much misery to go on in the world. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

I was invited to a party in the woods that was for the weekend and deep out on a reserve, far from town. I ended up hanging out with a large group of people that I didn't know. As if lying and sneaking out to go to the party hadn't been dumb enough, I made another incredibly stupid move by accepting drugs with little knowledge of their side-effects. The drugs kicked in too fast for me to find someone who could help me or get me somewhere safe. I began to have awful hallucinations that were so terrifying. I was desperate to get away, and suddenly the faces of all the people around the large bonfire that had been lit began to morph into demons and monsters. I was horrified! I felt that my only two choices were to run into the dark woods or escape into the fire. I ran into the fire to escape the monsters.

The pain was instantaneous and agonizing. I lit up like a Roman candle and burned for the time it took someone to notice and get close enough to try to pull me out. I don't remember much after that, but apparently the kids decided to hide me so they wouldn't get in trouble with the law. They tried to clean me up, and then I was left in the dark, on the ground, and away from everyone. Only the trees and the stars to keep me company.

I was rapidly going into shock and knew I was going to die. I remember repeatedly begging in my head like a mantra, 'Just let me out! Just let me out!' Someone must have heard me begging, because I passed out. Then I was being pulled up into a dark tunnel that was round and pitch black. I was pulled for some time, but at last was set down on a dark plain. It was a rocky, treeless expanse that was covered in a grey mist that swirled around me. I could look up and see stars overhead, but they weren't the ones I was used to seeing from Earth. The light was dim and everything was so quiet and peaceful, except for the wind that moved the mists. It was such a peaceful place, yet it looked like a scene from a horror movie or sci-fi movie.

Off to my right was a huge, ancient-looking stone wall that towered above. It looked like the panel of a massive, city wall. I instinctively knew there was a city behind the wall. It was like nighttime and everyone was asleep. It was still and silent except for the music. The music was soft and distant as it floated down to me from over the walls. It was like nothing I ever heard before, or since. The music was so beautiful, it made my heart hurt. I wanted very badly to go and find its source. It wasn't just music, it was 'love and hope' made into music; which I can't explain and didn't know was possible.

It still makes me hum inside, when I think of it. It is one of the things I can't wait to experience again when I die.

I realized then that I had no body, but I felt fine and whole. I didn't have any more drugged hallucinations, which was a huge relief. They must have stopped with the tunnel because that was the last time I felt 'drugged.' I could still feel pain and that puzzled me. Feeling pain felt wrong here in this place.

Then I realized I had a tether. I call it that because I had no idea what a spiritual tether was before this experience. But, I used to play tetherball with my sisters, so that's what I called it. The tether was invisible, attached to my left side, and trailed off to the left and back towards Earth. Earth was too far for humans to travel there and back. How I knew this I can't say. Knowledge is just there in my head, and it feels natural as breathing to access. I could feel my body back on Earth, but faintly. It was still in pain and dying. The heart was beating but the pauses in-between beats had become so long that I knew I was almost done, and I was glad. I wanted nothing to do with that broken flesh at all. It was completely foreign to me now, and I would go so far as to say I even hated it.

This beautiful glowing star that was my guide came to me. I couldn't tell if it was Male or Female but it just radiated a calm, loving intelligence. That was the moment when I knew, just KNEW that God was real. There was no denying it here in this place.

I got very angry thinking that if God was real, then he was the architect of all the pain and suffering of people on Earth; and specifically, of all my pain and struggle up until then. Anger there is a powerful and destructive thing because it is not the norm. I could feel myself swelling with anger, growing bigger inside my invisible skin. I wanted to lash out at God, and knock whoever this being was into another cosmos. I felt more than capable of doing just that.

That scares me to think of now. It was too much unchecked power that threatened to overwhelm whatever I was. It was becoming too much. Maybe that was why I was met outside the city. Somehow they already knew I was going to go nuclear. Strangely, the guide didn't react to my temper tantrum at all. The guide just stood there serenely radiating that calm acceptance and love. This reaction just made me angrier.

Inexplicably, a chess board appeared at the place where my feet should have been. I think I willed the board into existence but I'm not sure. It may have been my guide who did this.

I pointed at the chess board while trying to reign in my temper. Like the angry teen I was, I demanded to know 'Why?! Is this some sort of game to you? A joke?' The guide finally spoke to me then, in my head.

I realized then I hadn't said anything out loud. There is no need to speak at all there, since communication is instantaneous and clear regardless of distance.



The guide said to me, 'You choose to live your life on Earth and you choose your suffering.' Those words certainly brought me up short, and shocked me into stillness. I was no longer furious, only incredulous. I told the guide, 'Only an idiot would choose this.'

After that, we had a much needed talk. The guides presence seemed to calm me with every question the guide answered. I couldn't feel my body anymore so I assumed I was dead. This was fine by me, but as we talked I realized the guide was paying attention to my tether. They seemed almost concerned for it. I guessed that I might somehow be alive, maybe. The guide told me as we talked outside the sleeping city, that we are eternal beings that are made of energy and love bound together. Because we do not suffer on the here, personal growth, is more difficult to obtain. Choosing to live on Earth was one solution to this. We can choose to live a human life, or several, all in an effort to learn and grow. We never lose the people we love in any life, because we will see them as soon as we return home.

I was told that facing the struggle of living a life through the filter of love was our ultimate test. All the trappings that humans fall into: race, religion, politics, sexuality, money, nationality, and etc., none of that matters in the face of love. We humans live opposite of the way we are supposed to, and destroy ourselves for it.

I noticed the guide was becoming agitated? Concerned? They really were paying attention to my annoying tether now. They quickly show me images of my short life, shuffling through them like a deck of cards in front of me. They only stopped at what they thought were pertinent parts. They went on to explain that I could stay if I chose, but that I should return and finish my duty. They didn't explain what exactly my duty was, but I instinctively knew what that duty was while I was there. Yet when I came back to Earth, I could no longer remember it. We are supposed to figure that out for ourselves down here, apparently.

The guide told me when I protested returning that, 'There are children that need to be born.' Which I scoffed at because at age 15, I had no desire to have kids and told them so. They also reminded me of my boyfriend, my love for him, and my twin sister. It's true, I loved my twin and was in love with my boyfriend. I eventually married him and we had twins as well. But knowing this, I still didn't want to go back.

In that place we are different; we think and act differently. Things like feelings and a life back on Earth don't have the same concerns. I now knew that I would see them and my family again, and that they would all be o.k. eventually if I died and stayed. There was more talk of 'duty' and 'work to do.' I was actually joking with the guide by that time. I asked the guide if I was going to get a pair of wings and a sword. The guide told me, 'You won't be receiving wings and a sword here because you ARE wings and a sword.' Well, that shut me up.

The guide finally convinced me, but I was not happy about returning to a damaged body. I think the guide knew this, because I felt them doing something to my tether while I was being pulled back into the black tunnel. They healed me as much as they were allowed to help me survive, long enough to get help. After I made it to a hospital, I healed much better than I should have.

Today, no one can tell I was burned unless they look closely or compare my skin to my sisters skin.

When I woke up in my body again the stars were earth stars and dawn was breaking on the horizon. I was alone in the clearing and I could feel my body was mine again. The pain and exhaustion came back. Fitting into my body felt strange after my experience. I never really belong in it again, and it takes some getting used to. There were other permanent changes that I woke up with: I am no longer angry towards life and my family; no longer afraid to die, the opposite actually. Believing in God, and wanting humans to be better to one another, all that was permanent.

I cleaned up my life and became a nurse. I still think religion is a farce. But I love the idea of spreading love in the world, and wish it for everyone. I am grateful for my NDE. It was a gift that saved me from myself. I hope to pay that forward by sharing my story with others.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1993

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Drug or medication overdose Other not sure I was burned in a fire at a woods party and left for dead.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Saw my body and heard my heart giving out but not from above, from the other side. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal there we are like AI with a soul, fast as any super computer and without any physical limits. Limitless compared to humans.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I first arrived, and while talking to the guide.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. infinite

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. infinite

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes black tunnel long

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain my guide shown very bright, and the music gave off light and feeling.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Emotions were muted unless it was absolute extremes: anger, love, joy peace

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control just basic you should have been nicer to your sister at camp that time, and to your escort on a class trip.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life family and duty to my purpose

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic Family was Christian but I was always agnostic. Not a fan of God at the time of my NDE.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Deist. I believe in God but not religion. Do not believe in the middleman so to speak.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience That is in my account.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Love and relationships are vital. We are living wrong which is probably the point.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin guide like a star, a soul

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes You try explaining heaven.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience 30+ years and it's still crystal clear, although I think my tether gave a shade of humanness to the experience, which is hard to explain.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain only one: Years after my NDE I was surprised by a intruder in my home and that fear of mortal danger made me jump out of my body and land by the ceiling light for a minute. I could see my body and the intruder, the entire room, and could move the way we do on the other side. I felt like the me on the other side, and used the time to search the room for a weapon. Only time that happened. Normal life otherwise.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it changed me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Three people in 32 years and now family and you.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes There was little then for people to know. My sum total was: it is made up by crazy people or people on drugs. That was all.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew the moment I opened my eyes. The world had changed for me and I couldn't see in the old way ever again.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Still real, and more important as I have aged and mature. Understand what is at stake now.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I explained above. Not and NDE more OBE. But I felt like the me from the other side.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Deist needs to be added to your religious preference list.