Sebastian X NDE

Experience Description

First thing I remember is traveling through a dark tunnel that seemed it would go on for eternity. The darkness was so heavy it was like tar, like a void, complete lack of creativity; the Great Nothing in Never Ending Story, a space of indifference. Finally the dark tunnel ended and I was floating over my body. Looking back, that tunnel may have represented the space between awareness of this life and the life to come. I could see all dimensions of my body.

I looked like someone struggling for their life. I felt empathy for my body, pale with tubes and medical equipment. I felt so free of the concept of human gravity. I saw, again in every angle, my family members gathered around crying. I was hyper-aware of pain. I related to their pain more than to any shred of hope. It was like a group of people trying to make sense of what had become of me, of what to do. I was especially aware of my mother’s pain.

At some point, I believe my maternal grandmother, deceased for years, was present along with a Beaming Light I recognize as Jesus stating, 'It is not your time yet. You have other lives to touch. Go back home!' With that I was shot back into my body with an indescribable force.

At that time, I began to wake a bit and show signs that I would live.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 2002

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt. Drug or medication overdose. Life threatening event, but not clinical death A suicide attempt: I had well planned my suicide. It was on a day off of work and I didn’t let anyone know it was my off-day. I overdosed, heavily, on stockpiled psychiatric medication. I meant business and was going to make sure I died. I don’t know how long after taking the pills, my brother showed up at my door stating mom wanted him to come get me to spend time with the family. I was so doped-up on the medication I went with him. I got to my mother’s house and apparently sat down on the couch. They were curious as to why I was sleeping so long and how hard my family tried to awaken me. They figured out what I had done and so called paramedics. I remember nothing past getting in the car with my brother that morning. I was rushed to hospital and put on life devices. The prediction was that my mother would soon have to make the decision to pull life devices or if I did 'make it,' I would be in a vegetative state.

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I don't think I heard the noise from the medical equipment, or footsteps, or earthly noise. The events I heard were through people’s thoughts and feelings. I clearly left my body and existed outside it. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal The experience differed from normal life perception as I was more in touch with the emotions of those around me. In my NDE state emotions were words in themselves. Feelings told the story people weren't verbalizing other than with tears. No explanation was needed, it was felt.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From what I can remember, I was most alert in the dark tunnel and when floating over my body.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time became a weird concept. The dark tunnel seemed to last forever. The floating above my body seemed very brief. The Light's presence was automatic, forceful, like he controlled time.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was multi-dimensional. I had the ability of human eyes as well as eyes that took in every dimension.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I did hear words in the same way we hear with words. I felt words. I felt the conversations or the words people were saying to themselves, especially my mother's.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Described above.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I believe my maternal grandmother was present in some aspect.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes As described above.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I have described, as best as I presently can, in the above accounts.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? As I said above, I was most in tune with people's pain. It wasn't a joyous event. I experienced other people's emotions, their attempts at reconciliation, making sense, their chaos. Looking at my body I knew it looked sick and dying, I was aware my body wanted to die. I felt pity on my body. People around me were part of a body-and-soul world, I was in another state.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No I was focused on the events happening at that time.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No As is described above.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Mormon I chose Mormon above because I was raised Mormon, being raised in the Church I was very serious about the Church. I still admire and loved many of its principles. I left the Mormon Church after my mission. I felt my being gay was not wrong nor a choice.Though a male, I desired a faith path that offered a more liberated role for women. Before discovering drugs and alcohol I was on a very liberating spiritual journey, studying A Course in Miracles/New Age, Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism, Self-realization Fellowship, 12-Step teachings, and had a lifelong fascination with Catholicism. At the time of my NDE I had no real affiliation. The experience did lead me back to a belief in Jesus being the Redeemer.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes As stated above.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic After my experience I was still a mess in the realm of substance abuse. It took over a year for me to find recovery and then several attempts at trying to get sober. I shared my NDE with people but perhaps came across as a fool. I felt conflicted in having had the experience while believing God had it out for me. I eventually pursued my lifelong fascination with Catholicism and became Roman Catholic. I later taught RCIA (Adult Catechism) in the Church for those converting to the faith. Along with Catholicism I practice recovery and A Course in Miracles. I believe each person is called to their own path, I believe in ecumenical and interfaith dialogue. I disagree with many teachings in religions. I practice meditation I learned from Self-Realization Fellowship. I believe religion still needs to grow up and still makes many mistakes. I believe in the literal Messiah nature of Jesus. Looking back at my NDE I believe we are very precious Children of a Loving God, we must do all we can to honor the dignity of a person, earth life is but a small part.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience At that time in my life I was a frightened, confused and hurting man. I had become indifferent to life. Somethings changed after that experience. The experience didn't alter everything and poof, I was spiritual with love for all. I still battled addiction, mental illness, greed, envy, self-hatred, etc. I know that today I am doing my best to be a part of the Light. As I speak of the Light and practice prayer and meditation I am more and more at peace. When I choose to no longer concentrate on violence I am more in the Light. When I become a slave to anger and hate I am in chaos. Looking back at my experience it confirms what I have learned since truly surrendering, the way I know is pain and the way the Light knows is Life.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain Not immediately, but eventually. I'm living.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The Light was a flash, so quick, I recognized it as Jesus. It wasn't so much that I felt incredible joy from the Light. I recognized this Light had the power to give me life. He was in control, not I. It was through the voice of the Light I was pushed into my body. Like when religions use the term ‘quickened.’

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Jesus as stated numerous times above.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain I feel the experience proved an eternal nature of the soul. The Light, obviously, was in control of life. So it seemed he had always known me.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes It was an awareness. People were able to speak with their feelings. I was aware the Light controlled life. I have answered this above.

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I was not directly told God did or didn't exist. The experience was the proof. I recognized the Light, believing it to be Jesus, and it was obvious he controlled life.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I know what happened in the experience, just by it happening I knew there was greater purpose. From what the Light said I knew I had purpose. What I desire in sharing my experience in an open forum is unlike years ago when I blabbed on about the experience. I believe my experience confirms life as spiritual. I wasn't set apart from others as greater. The Light exists in all of us. The Light has a purpose for everyone.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain From what I was told by the Light: You have other live's to touch."

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Uncertain Nothing was told to me about a life to come. I knew there was an afterlife simply by the experience I had. I knew life had purpose by the Light telling me: It is not your time yet. You have other live's to touch. Go back home." I was given no specifics past that as to who I was to serve or why.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death

Do you fear death after your experience? I moderately fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No I think all is stated.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain I knew there was difficult as I could feel--hear through feelings--people's attempts to reconcile the event, especially my mom's.

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain I was aware love was present in the form that people were in pain contemplating my loss--what my loss would mean. I knew the Light had to have been Love as he gave life--gives life.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? The ways the questions are asked above seek specifics without looking at varying circumstances. At the time of my NDE, I was apathetic and in pain: drug abuse does that. I was a shell of the happy, creative, spiritual man I once was. I came to believe God hated me or I was continually being punished. After the experience, I still had a lot to work through. As a child I was seen by others as the ‘The Little Prophet.’ That is what I was called by other Mormons.

When investigating spirituality, before the time of getting into drugs, I was in touch with that beauty once again. It has taken years for me to possess that state once again, I plan to do all I can to keep it.

In Question 50 below, I stated 'Unknown' as there was no immediate, dramatic result. It impacts my life and the life of those I help today. It greatly impacted my life from the standpoint that I was predicted to die or be in a vegetative-state but lived. The ways the questions are asked above seek specifics without looking at varying circumstances. At the time of my NDE, I was apathetic and in pain: drug abuse does that. I was a shell of the happy, creative, spiritual man I once was. I came to believe God hated me or I was continually being punished. After the experience, I still had a lot to work through. As a child I was seen by others as the ‘The Little Prophet.’ That is what I was called by other Mormons.

When investigating spirituality, before the time of getting into drugs, I was in touch with that beauty once again. It has taken years for me to possess that state once again, I plan to do all I can to keep it.

In Question 50 below, I stated 'Unknown' as there was no immediate, dramatic result. It impacts my life and the life of those I help today. It greatly impacted my life from the standpoint that I was predicted to die or be in a vegetative-state but lived.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My life has grown to fit the experience, and that has changed my relationships. The experience helps relationships with friends seeking faith and answers.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I don't know how to describe the void in the dark tunnel. I don't know how to describe being free of gravity or free of my body. I don't know how to explain the force being sent from the floating state into my body. Since the Beaming Light only entered in for a split second, I recognized it as Jesus; it is hard to describe how the state of pain was vanished by the Light. It was almost like Jesus was above the realm of my floating body. My spirit was existing in one realm but He was from another. The dark tunnel was a realm essential to freeing my spirit, but was not the same realm as my floating spirit.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? At present the greatest meaning came from being aware that the Light was in control of life.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes As stated earlier, I used the experience to boast or make me a good person in the eyes of others. If I discuss it now it is to build other people's faiths and my own faith.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes From my religious beliefs and reading spiritual books. While a Mormon, I read 'Embraced by the Light.' I believe in Eddy's experience. The book gave me a lot of hope. My own NDE re-established a belief as Jesus being the literal Messiah. 'I still do practices that see Jesus as just being a prophet, and that is fine. Unlike what I read in Eddy's experience, I didn't see, nor personally believe in God in an absolute-male assigning role.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I was in a fog, medicated and sedated. It took a while to recapture the experience.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I have already explained this above.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain As I process my NDE I see its truth backed up by what I learn and experience.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Not sure. It was too long! The answers often want specifics where there is plenty of grey material.