Sharene E NDE

Experience Description

I had gone to a comedy club with my best girlfriend Diane. She was going to spend the night at my apartment. There was no parking available in the lot behind my apartment building. I parked about a block from my apartment, and my car was the fourth car after a sharp left curve. I got out of the car and was looking into the back seat, when a loud noise grabbed my attention. I looked up and saw a red F-150 with a lift kit and oversize tires heading towards the curve behind my car, at an outrageously fast speed. It was later measured at 98MPH, in a 25MPH zone. I thought the truck would smash into the first parked car, which was a 280zx. Instead, it LAUNCHED off the sloped back of that car and became airborne. I saw the undercarriage of the truck, and before I had time to even utter. 'uh oh,' the truck had already struck the front of my body. I was violently thrown backwards, and the back of my head slammed the top of my parked car. My waist area was folded backwards over the edge at the roof of my car. The truck had already crushed-in the rear quarter panel of my car and had begun to crush me in half at the waist. I felt it beginning to break my ribs and I had thought that was the end of me. What I did not know was that it had simultaneously struck the end of my open car door. My car was a 1987 Trans Am, and as such, it had very long, heavy doors. A shorter, flimsier door would have ended my life immediately.

When the truck hit my car door, the door had swung out. That door wound up folded around the front of the car. It did not break off its hinges, it was just a weird 'J' shaped door after the accident. In fact, the rear-view mirror from the driver-side door had made a large dent in the front quarter panel of the car. The pickup truck landed about two blocks away, upside-down in the middle of the street. All cars involved were total losses.

I slipped off the top of the car and felt myself falling to the Earth. The next thing I knew I was walking on the street. It was a quiet, dark night, but I was bathed in this beautiful, blue light. I took exactly four steps, and heard my name called. About 15 steps ahead of me and to my left I saw a tunnel. My former skating coach who had died of cancer when I was 16. He was standing near the entrance to the tunnel. I also saw a woman whom I knew to be my maternal grandmother, standing next to my coach. There were others, but I did not recognize them. I have never met my maternal grandmother, because she was sick when I was born. After my mother told her on the phone that I had been born, was healthy, and had the correct number of fingers and toes - she died.

When I heard my name, I remember being momentarily annoyed because this interfered with the wonder and beauty that I was experiencing. I turned around to see who had called my name. That was when I saw my body lying on the ground. I was confused and thought. 'How can I be over there and over here at the same time?' Then I remembered the accident and was confused by the fact that my body was still whole. It was in only one piece, not two. While I was walking the four steps back to my body, I saw these 'waving ribbons' of colored lights. They were knee-high and when the ribbon of light passed through me. I felt the love, peace and joy that the ribbon contained. Then I knelt down, next to my body and looked at it. I thought, 'That body is still viable.' I KNEW that it was my decision, but I was torn. I liked it where I was SO much, but I knew that the consequence of staying would be devastating to my parents. It would mean that I would never grow up, get married, or have any children. I really wanted children. It felt like God was looking over my right shoulder, so I asked (telepathically) God to decide for me. God said, 'Go back.' I agreed.

The next thing I knew, I opened my eyes, and EVERYTHING HURT SO BAD! I cried out to God, 'PLEASE COME BACK, PLEASE, PLEASE! PLEASE TAKE ME BACK. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT I WAS HURT!' But there was only silence, darkness and coldness. I had also used the word 'pristine' about my own body, but I had not paid any attention to the blood dripping out of my left ear. Turns out, my body was injured much worse than what it had looked like from the outside. I had 'tunnel vision' upon waking, and was very frightened.

The ambulance felt like it took forever to arrive. While I was riding in the back of the ambulance, I felt like it was difficult to stay in my body. I very much appreciated the paramedic's attention to always maintaining some sort of touch contact with me. Immediately after the accident, I had not been floating and was able to walk normally. Gravity worked. When I was in the ambulance, I felt the need to cling to one of those 'silver ribbons' that floated up from any point of touch contact, that the paramedic was making with my body. I did not want to float out of the ambulance. So, I moved from one silver ribbon to the next, holding on and staying close to my body. I cannot explain why gravity worked immediately thereafter, but I floated in the ambulance ride.

I was only in the Trauma Center for a VERY short time; maybe an hour or less. That seemed strange to me. My mother was terrified when she was driving me home that night, because she said that I was only able to talk baby-talk. I kept saying 'Big truck, mommy. Hit me mommy. Big truck hurt me, mommy.' I was a Chief Executive Officer for a medium-sized company at the time, and I was talking like a hysterical toddler. Why she didn't make a U-turn and make a fuss at that hospital for releasing me, is anyone's guess. But I had a date with destiny the next morning, and if I had been locked up in a hospital, I could not have made the date.

I slept in my parents’ house and in my childhood bedroom and bed that night. In the morning, I wondered if I had ACTUALLY SEEN my body from the outside. I was still lying in bed, and formed an idea. I knew that I had not been in front of any mirror since before the accident, and that nobody had told me verbally that there was any blood in my left ear. So, I decided to get up and look in the mirror. If there was blood in the left ear and streaking horizontally towards the back of my head, then YES, I actually DID see my body. If there is anything extra or different, or there was no blood, then NO, I did not see it.

It was AWFUL moving those ten feet to get to the bathroom. But looking in the mirror, I could see blood was running horizontally from the ear towards the back of my head, on the left side only. There were a couple of new blood streaks in other directions, but it was mostly horizontal. The only difference between what I had seen the night before, and the morning after, was the two black eyes that I was looking at this morning. Apparently, I had also broken my nose.

At about 10am that morning, 8 hours after the accident, I KNEW THAT I HAD A DATE WITH DESTINY, AND HAD TO GET THE ACCIDENT SCENE, RIGHT NOW! I told my mom to drive me, and she initially balked. I told her I was going to steal her car if she wouldn't take me. So, she agreed to drive. I was still wearing the hospital pants and gown. When we arrived at the scene of the accident, there was a man standing in EXACTLY the spot that I had been lying in the night before. I was afraid that he might be stealing my 8-track tapes or something, so I was initially alarmed. But when I got closer, I saw that it was the paramedic who had maintained touch contact with me in the ambulance.

I asked him why he was there, and if he did this often. He said that he had been a paramedic for ten years and had NEVER visited the scene of any accident before. I asked him, 'Why this one, why now?' He said that when the ambulance was approaching the scene, he and the driver had both seen a beautiful blue light shining down from the sky, with no obvious source. They were both baffled by it. Then he said that when he entered the light to attend to me, he had experienced the 'manifest presence of God.' He went on to say that he had wanted to bask in it, but he couldn't. So, he had returned the moment his work-shift was over. He was still wearing his gray and red trimmed jumpsuit. Then he said in a tone of voice, that sounded to me like he was devastated, 'It's gone now.' Being freshly brain-injured, I asked him why he hadn't basked in it the night before. He said that he 'needed to take me to the hospital, because that was his job.' I said, 'Oh, yeah.'

Then he looked me in the eye and said, 'You were with God last night, weren't you?' I said, 'Yes.' I answered that profound question as though I was answering whether I had fed the dog yet. I later freaked out about that question and my answer. Then he asked me why I was there. Then he said, 'You should be in the hospital right now.' I agreed. Then he said that it was HIS fault that I was not in the hospital. I asked 'why?' He said that they took me to the closest hospital. He told me that by contract obligation and by law, he was required to transport me to this hospital unless I was either indigent or a trauma case. If I was either of those, he could transport me to the university hospital. From what he saw, he thought that my head trauma was serious. Therefore, he decided that I was in worse condition than my external appearance would otherwise indicate. So, he decided to take me to university hospital. The university hospital had thought that he had taken me there because I was indigent and uninsured. He said, 'I can prove it. Show me your wrist band.' I offered it to him, and he said, 'I knew it, they don't have your name here. They only called you 'Quasar 81.’ That is their code for an indigent patient. They thought you were an indigent with a head trauma and thought you were a ‘hot potato,’ so they got you out the door as fast as they could!'

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 11/19/1988

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Direct head injury.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. Love and beauty.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From the moment I left my body, until I woke up.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw my own body, but did not notice much else surrounding my body. That seemed to be the focus.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I experienced conversation telepathically with God the father. We were discussing the decision to stay or go back.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My former skating coach and my maternal grandmother.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was blue, not white as I have heard others describe.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? LOVE, JOY and PEACE!!!

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant. Lukewarm, but called myself a Christian.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I was a lukewarm Christian - at best - before. I am a committed believer today.

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant Very committed Christian.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. Before the NDE, my idea of God was that He was a little bigger than the pipe organ at the First Presbyterian church. Afterwards, my mind was SO BLOWN away by His magnificence and holiness. Before the NDE, my idea of Jesus was that he was a slightly 'musty' old guy. He was not especially attractive to me, but my parents really dug Him, so I accepted Him into my heart. But I don't really think I understood it all that much. It was what we referred to in seminary as a 'fire insurance policy, type of faith.' Boy, was I even MORE wrong about Him.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes It has taken me all these last 35 years to make peace with God over the 'issues' that I had as a result of this experience.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. God the Father seemed to be looking over my right shoulder, at my body on the ground.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes It is simply called God. And God is love.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Meeting God and speaking with Him would pretty clearly indicate that He exists.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I think that growing in faith and learning to Love God is the point of life. I have come to this conclusion after many years of struggle.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes I crossed over to the other side briefly. I don't know why there would be an 'entry hall' if there was no house or other space beyond the entry hall.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Again, God is not 'like' love, God actually IS love. It is His person.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. Today, I really 'get it' that God has loved me all along, and my spiritual life could not be better unless I was on the other side of the veil, that is.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? I married a guy with a bad heart because he understood my PTSD. We have been married 35 years now. He has needed a lot of care over the years because he had a heart transplant in 2015.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Better than anyone who has not experienced this; is capable of imagining.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I have permanent memory 'issues' stemming from my traumatic brain injury. I use electronic calendars and bells and whistles to keep myself productive. I remember very little from before the accident, and typically don't remember what I ate for breakfast, most days. However, I remember the color of the trim on the paramedic's jumpsuit, and the sights and smells from that night. Yes, you could say that I remember this MUCH more than usual.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I never had any spiritual visions before. It's not like they happen every day now, but I have had probably at least 10-12 in my lifetime. I have also heard the 'audible' (telepathic) voice of the Father, on 8-10 occasions. It is a distinct voice, and in the same sense that I could identify my natural father's voice from any other male his age, I can identify God the Father's voice, when I hear it. For one thing, I don't need my ears, I hear it telepathically. I do also feel the 'gentle nudges' of the Holy Spirit pretty often, but I think most people probably experience that fairly often. I do not consider myself to be prophetic, or anything like that.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? God told me only recently why he had sent me back, and He just told me that it wasn't my time. I was finally able to accept that. He showed me a vision of a real memory of my two sons fishing together and tossing back the tiny fish and saying 'see you in a couple of years.' I understood. Then I asked God why He had left me ALL ALONE when I was SO SCARED? God reminded me of the testimony of the paramedic, and told me that the blue light was Him.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I kept it totally secret for the first four years. On the four-year anniversary, I told my girlfriend Diane. I tried to find words for nearly an hour and was finally able to say, 'Diane, I died that night.' She looked at me with a tilted head and said matter-of-factly, 'I know.' I asked, 'You know? How could you know?' She replied, 'Yes, I know.' 'How?' I said, 'How could you know?' She said, 'Your eyes were open but you weren't home. That was why I screamed your name out loud.' That blew mind and sent me reeling.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. Because of my 'test' in the mirror and seeing the blood coming out of my ear.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Same.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes My PTSD has been triggered SOOOOO many times. It was triggered a lot in seminary, and I had a chaplaincy professor who helped me a lot because she was an ex-military chaplain with a lot of experience with these things. I seem to get 'triggered' less often, now that I have graduated from seminary. I did not get triggered in the 'academic' classes like the New and Old Testament surveys or the Theology or Church History classes. I was generally only triggered in the chaplaincy and counseling classes.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes. The reasons WHY I ran away from God and have had such a troubled spiritual life.

At Seminary, they called me a 'verbal processor.' They were not wrong. After God healed me, I have identified four primary emotional states that were profoundly affected by my NDE and the reasons for the spiritual 'issues' that I frequently referenced previously in this questionnaire.

1. GRIEF. I experienced a PROFOUND and ENDURING (all 35 years) grief over the loss of intimacy with God. If a deep time of worship or prayer enables me to get one or two drops of 'God juice' or 'Holy Spirit fire' in my heart, that is a wonderful experience for me. But when I was not in my flesh, I was able to swim in it and do backflips! I still miss it, but I have learned that I will need to wait. My healing experience with God has reassured me that I will again experience it.

2. ANGER. I was angry for two reasons: I FELT rejected and believed that my presence here was a result of God not wanting me. God explained to me this year, that it just wasn’t my time, and that I needed to grow spiritually, here, first. I was also angry with my CIRCUMSTANCES. I was a very angry person for most of these last 35 years.

3. SHAME. When my God was tiny, there was no reason to fear. When I was on the other side, the grace was like 'plug-n-play.' I was without skin, and without shame. Everything was so transparent, and the love and acceptance so great, that there was no shame. After returning to my body, I became very aware of the chasm between a magnificent and holy God, and my human-induce depravity. I needed to understand the doctrine of Atonement and what Jesus’ blood had done for me. But I did not understand that, so I was fearful of God, in an unhealthy sort of way.

4. FEAR: I had a vision 32 hours after my NDE. I had not read the Bible for myself, and it really scared me. Afte 15 years of running, God telepathically spoke to me about my fear. Two years later, after He told me to read the bible, I read about all the other strange spiritual visions that were in there. I lost my sense of fear. That fear only lasted the first 17 years after my NDE.

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