SJ NDE

Experience Description

I found myself suddenly 'very high up' in a bright white room. There were several beings there. I can't remember how many now, but at least four. I think there were more though. There was a being on a throne, that I was almost directly in front of, that was the only one sitting down.

The others were standing up, and they were barefoot and in robes. I couldn't see their faces, just their feet, ankles, and the bottom of their robes. The standing ones seemed irritated a bit, and one lifted his ankle a bit as if to hide from me. They wanted to move off to the sides so that I couldn't see them. I was forced on my hands and knees, and couldn't move or look around except with my eyes. First I thought, 'cool, weird' and I thought they were aliens. I thought about the fact that there was one on the throne and changed my mind away from aliens.

I suddenly thought it was the throne room of 'God' and I got scared, I wanted to go back to my body. When I thought about that, I could somehow 'see' my body passed out on the couch. I was concerned that if I didn't go back soon, something was going to happen to my body. I was concerned that my friend would call 911. The beings understood that I was distressed, and they made me understand that they were just going to show me something for a minute, and then I could go back. They didn't talk, but I just understood that.

The throne-being had the 'ministers' roll some colored balls from one side of the room to the other. They were just like colored billiard-type balls. The balls made a sound when they rolled across the floor, which echoed on the walls, even though I couldn't see the walls. That and footsteps were the only sounds during the whole thing. I was supposed to understand the balls as 'atoms'. When I got that, they moved on to the next point quickly, which was, 'that's all your world is'. Then I accepted this and understood that it was the point of the 'lesson'; and as soon as I did, they knew it and sent me back to my body. Apparently, that was the only reason they were keeping me so they could show me. I wonder if they'd have shown me more if I wasn't so scared and worried about my body.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 2005

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain. Other: deliberate drug use I smoked a drug that causes hallucinations. I also have a history of seizures being triggered by drug use, and when the out-of-body experience began, I was concerned that my body was not functioning properly, that possibly my body wasn't exhibiting proper life signs, and I'd be taken to the hospital by my friend.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was sort of aware, in some type of sense, of my body being very far down below me, and I could 'see it' clearly in some way, passed out on the couch. It seemed both visible and close to me, and extremely, extremely far away, as if I was in another part of the universe, that was 'up'. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was of normal consciousness and alertness the whole time.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Moderately sharper and vivid.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Moderately sharper and vivid. The audio quality of things in the room (footsteps, balls rolling) seemed crisper and highly defined.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The place I was in was made of very bright white light. Even the floor was seemingly of light.

The experience included: A landscape or city

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was a very white, very illuminated, beautiful incandescent space. Everything was bright, everything was white, and it was an amazing type of whiteness and bright light 'sensation', without being blinding or painful to my eyes at all. It really had the peacefulness of a dimly lit space even though what I was seeing was very white and full of light in an other-worldly way.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I was extremely nervous and desiring to go back to my body. I thought it was ridiculous that I was in front of, what I guessed at the time, to be 'God'. I was kind of laughing at the ridiculousness and wanting to go back to my body. I wasn't scared of the beings, but I was scared that possibly my body didn't have a pulse and my friend in the room with me might take me to the hospital. I could kind of 'see' my body unconscious on the couch sitting next to my friend. I don't know in what sense I could see it, though. I was more worried about my body than I was about the vision.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Well, sort of yeah. I came back to my body with the exciting impression of a divine simplicity.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I immediately, once I realized I was out of my body, I wanted to go back into it. Even though the beings never talked, it was as if we communicated somehow, and I knew that they knew I was distressed and desired to go back in my body. They were okay with that. They just wanted to keep me a minute to show me something. When I understood the 'lesson', they immediately sent me back down to my body.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes It took me years to take it seriously, but now I do; and now I do believe old religious myths probably do contain recordings of 'real experiences', sometimes, interwoven with fantasies and fictions. But now I take the old myths and fairy tales more seriously.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I did not believe in any type of human-like gods or a throne god, or any type of human-like otherworld beings. I did already know that atoms and small particles make up our apparently solid-object reality, although it is not solid or consistent at the quantum level. These beings wanted to emphasize that 'scientific' fact of life to me. It was new to me to associate religious beings with promoting science because, at the time of my experience, I associated spiritual and religious beings with fairy tale myths and outdated silly superstitions. I imagined the human species' realm of religious experience as a dichotomy to science and observed reality. I no longer view them as opposed.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes At one point, when I later thought about it that 'God' could exist like the storybooks, I did pick up the Christianity of my childhood programming again and became frightened of hell. It was a very brief re-conversion though, only lasting a few months. I don't think there was anything frightening in my experience to have caused that, but I think it was related to the possibility of believing it was the same being from my frightening childhood stories. Otherwise, more directly as a result of the content of the vision, I am more interested now in the theories that what we experience as our universe is something like a holographic projection, or something akin to a video game, or that we are souls operating in this plane, using atomic avatars. I have a lot of questions and interests in these types of things now. I have no idea, but I'm really interested to think what putting together science and human spiritual hallucinations could mean.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I saw several beings of human-like appearance in their legs and ankles, which was all I could see of them. They were very white or 'chalky' looking (i.e., not the white of humans). At first, I believed, from their color, that they were possibly the 'gray aliens'. But then I believed they were gods or religious-type beings, because of the set-up of there being a throne in the room. The room was very bright white, and they were wearing robes. They minimally communicated with me in some type of wordless telepathy; it was just understandings. I don't know how they were communicating with each other. Maybe in the same way, but also I suspected they could have been talking out-loud before I came in, but I felt that I wasn't allowed to hear them. I certainly wasn't allowed to see them, as they had somehow caused me to be on my hands and knees so that I couldn't look around except in a limited way from the floor. I felt this was so I couldn't see them.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain I am not sure. They showed me 'atoms'. More specifically, they showed me colored balls that I was meant to metaphorically understand as atoms. Then I was meant to understand that 'that's all life on earth is'. Then I was sent back to my body.

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably existsÂ

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I felt that I was in the presence of some of the beings that humans have identified as gods. There were several there, they were standing up and barefoot, and wearing robes. There was one seated on a throne. I was forced down on my hands and knees and couldn't get up--they were controlling this on purpose. I wasn't allowed to look at their faces, and only saw them from the legs down. All I could see was that I was on my hands and knees, and there were several beings that looked like the legs and feet of people, but it was otherworldly, and there was one sitting down on a throne. I feel like other people throughout history must have hallucinated similar things and this type of hallucination is where our stories of heaven and god come from.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes They wanted me to understand something about life in our realm consisting of atoms, like a living picture or a hologram.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain Same answer as above. (They showed me 'atoms'. More specifically, they showed me colored balls that I was meant to metaphorically understand as atoms. Then I was meant to understand that 'that's all life on earth is'. Then I was sent back to my body.)

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife probably exists No

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain Same answer as above. (They showed me 'atoms'. More specifically, they showed me colored balls that I was meant to metaphorically understand as atoms. Then I was meant to understand that 'that's all life on earth is'. Then I was sent back to my body.)

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Unknown

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Unknown Unknown

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I am sure that some of the details of it, like other memories, have faded over time. I think that I remember it as accurately as anything else though.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain After this event, I have experienced several things that I've felt may have been 'psychic'. I don't know if they were connected or not.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I do not think I was supposed to be there in that room. I immediately wanted to leave and return to my body. However, the throne-being allowed it and made me stay for a few moments; and also instructed the others, who I viewed as being administrative persons, to give me a 'gift' before leaving. The gift was having me look at the colored balls, and understand them as atoms. I feel that this was chosen to give to me, because I was/am very often stressed-out about life. I felt that what they were trying to give me was the gift of calming down, and not taking things so seriously. It was a very humane and non-official experience. It has altered my 'fear' of 'the gods' or magical entities.

I do not necessarily view this being on the throne as the Big G: god, which/who I feel is probably a different sort of abstract and a more universal, non-human consciousness. However, I did feel the beings I was seeing, have historically been called gods by other humans. But even though they caused me to be on my hands and knees, and kept me at an official distance, and hid their faces from me, I still felt toward the throne-being like a kid that had stumbled into his father's office while he was at work.

The 'administrative' beings that were standing up, I felt were more annoyed than the one on the throne. I felt like the one on the throne, acted like a good father, who took some time out of his business to teach his kid something quickly before sending him off, even though it was rude that the kid had interrupted. My impression of these beings was really softened, as they were very humane and gentle toward me; and more intimate and approachable than some of the mythology around them being so intimidating, suggests.

After this, I feel like human beings are very intimately related to them, much like royal children are to kings and queens. Even if they're powerful and frightening in their official 'jobs', still actually we can go up to them for attention when we need to, because we are like the royal kids. Thus, they will respond to us with patience and affection because they are related to us and they want to help us grow.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it right away; I couldn't stop talking about it. No one was influenced by my experience, but I was influenced to not believe it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I think of my experience more as astral projection or something like that. I grew up with an interest in mystical things and I'm sure I encountered the idea of that in books or something. Yes, it did affect my experience, because I wanted to leave right away. I was worried about leaving my body 'unattended' on the couch sitting next to my friend. I was worried that he'd call an ambulance and I'd re-enter my body in the hospital and have to deal with a big fuss about it. I was too embarrassed and anxious about not being inside my body to purely enjoy or desire my experience. I was more worried about my life on earth than about the possibility of really being in front of these 'gods'.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definately not real I thought it was amazing and at first I was excited by it, and felt it was real. A few days later, I'd decided it was definitely not real. It was too stereotypical, and I viewed it as a product of my growing up in the west, in a Christian community, with my religious expectations being informed by paintings and mythos of white men on thrones. It didn't surprise me that my brain would hallucinate some version of that. I thought it was actually too predictable as a fantasy product. Then, talking it over with friends about the possibility of believing it, basically I was intellectually shamed out of believing it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real I don't know for sure if it was real, but on the other hand, I really don't know what 'real' is in terms of perception. It was as real as anything else I witness in my waking life. Other people have had uncannily similar hallucinations throughout the history of our species. At a certain point, I view it as scientifically negligent, and stubbornly adherent to a certain modern belief system, that systematically excludes such things as possible, to deny that it could have been something as real and relevant as anything else is.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No