Stefan vdB NDE

Experience Description

I was 6 years old and I was due to have my tonsils removed. I remembering meeting the surgeons, who were in a good mood, cracking jokes with me. One guy applied the anesthesia, I had to count backwards from 10 to 0 and I still remember that on the count of 6 or 7 it took me longer to say the next number, I fell asleep.

At some point, I thought I was dreaming. In my dream I woke up and I saw 3 doctors really busy with me. I saw myself still laying there but I also found myself floating; I had a view from high up in the room. I didn't think much of me seeing these 3 doctors busy, I didn't feel anything, nor did I have any emotion. I did notice that in a corner behind me there was a light, shaped in a circular portal. It was just there. I didn't feel a strong physical pull, but I guess it seemed logical to enter, or maybe there was an emotional pull. Anyway, I did enter the portal.

'Hello, I'm the grandfather of your father, I was sent to meet you, you can come with me since you are allowed into heaven', a young guy about my age said. I looked at him and replied 'You don't really look like a grandfather'. He laughed 'I thought this image would make you feel more comfortable, but if you prefer this...' and when I looked he now appeared to me in the image of an old man. He smiled. I guess he tried to make me comfortable. I was fine though.

I looked around me and I was in a white space. There were no walls, we were walking as human being on something but not a floor, there was no ceiling either. Everything was white. In the distance I saw a white wall. The wall was as big as a townhouse on its side. The wall was white and behind it was a radiance emitting quite a bright white light. The white light was emitting light in a circular shape and the shape was larger than the wall. I could not see what was behind the wall, I just saw the radiant light. I did see 2 people standing on the other side of the wall. They were facing whatever / whoever was behind the wall. They were small in comparison to the wall. One was standing and was calm. The other one seemed like a very strong, bearded man, age 50 or so kneeling and crying before the light.

While we were approaching the light, I could feel the light. It's a feeling I will never forget. It was pure love. So much love it was overwhelming. I had to cry of joy. Within that moment nothing mattered, you were accepted as you were, your deeds or wrongdoings did not matter at all, it was all 'good'.

I snapped out of it; I was still behind the wall walking with my great grandfather towards the light. I don't know whether he had asked me a question, but I found myself saying 'I should go back'. He looked at me asking 'why?'. I told him 'My parents would be very sad. Further I have a lot of friends I still would like to be with, and I have a whole life ahead of me'. 'Then you should go back' he replied. At that moment, I was concerned with the question 'But how do I go back?' and starting to look around me for a way back.

And without any word or explanation, everything went black and I woke up on the surgery table. One of the surgeons asked me 'Well, you gave us a good scare, but we managed to get you back'. He paused and asked me 'But tell me, did you see or dream something?'. I couldn't really talk though; my tonsils were removed. I fell asleep again and sometime later I found my parents, and little brother beside my bed.

For me, at that time, this encounter just felt like another dream. I just started realizing what happened after the age of 40. Nowadays people have described me as very calm and sometimes even calming towards others.

Between then and now a few more 'events' happened;

* As a child I would often ask me what would happen in the future. Things like 'what would my future wife look like, where will I work, what will I do', and quite often this was revealed to me in 'small sneak peeks into the future'. In those small dreams I saw my future self in an event. For example, sitting in a table discussing something with strangers, or I would see a face of a young woman who could have been my wife or daughter. The realization only comes when the event actually happens, much like a deja-vu and this actually raised the question 'if events are known years before it actually happens, what is this life all about?', I still don't know the answer. Nor do I question it a lot anymore. It is what it is, and I'm more than thankful of having a very happy life. Even if it is pre-ordained.

* People find me calm or very calming towards others. But at the same time, I sometimes enrage people without any provocation; just because I'm in the same neighborhood. For example, I was waiting on my luggage on an airport in the USA. Next to me was a nun, quite petite of posture and she was of age. I could feel she was nervous. Which to me was odd, she was a nun after all, but I guess she wasn't accustomed to travel. At some point in time, she looked at me, her eyebrows arching in a way as wanting to ask a question. I looked back, smiled and only closed my eyes slowly. She looked at me, smiled and she nodded to herself as in saying 'have faith'. She was calm from that point onward. Moments later her luggage arrived. A guy standing on the other side of her helped the nun with the luggage. When she left though the nun thanked me ignoring the guy that helped her with the luggage. That enraged the other guy almost to a point he wanted to become violent.

I also experienced moments though that I apparently enraged guys. When younger I was often challenged to a fight while the guy was ranting, for me, absolute non-sense, like speaking in a language I don't understand. Those moments happen out of nothing; in a library while reading a book, having a drink with friends, walking on a street and such. For me it feels like 'evil' gets agitated when I'm around. Luckily for me, it never became violent or physical, but it is still strange to see people get agitated out of nothing.

* When on the age of 40 I suffered from a mid-life crisis / depression. Nothing really bad, I just noticed that my level of energy or drive was gone. When I was in my thirties, I founded an ICT company, I worked 12 hours a day and I was on top of everything. It was successful and I sold out. A year or so later I started a new company with my father. During that period the depression kicked in. I was still there, did the things I needed to do, but nothing more. I knew, or told myself it is just a mid-life crisis, it will pass. But it lasted years.

One evening, in the middle of the night I woke up. My wife next to me was still sleeping. At the foot end of the bed was a being in human form. It had no facial or body features but was more a being made of energy. The next thing that happened is that I felt an energy in my brain. That energy was the same energy as I felt when I was in the white space, but instead of embracing me it felt like it 'unscrambled my brain'. My depression disappeared after this event, not instantly but over a period of a few months. Today I'm still thankful for this being to show up and help me out of this 'dark period' in my life.

Anyway, this is my story. Nowadays I give it more thought than I use to do. Especially because nowadays, I feel a 'pull' to do something with this. Not the near death event in itself, but more the fact that I ought to help people. I'm not sure how and in what capacity though. I guess time will tell.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 01-10-1978

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Surgery-related Life threatening event, but not clinical death

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was 6 years old when it happened. However, when I arrived in the white space I felt I had the wisdom and experience of an adult.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From the moment I arrived in the white space

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I had no notion of time, nor did I care about time. However, reflecting back to me being on the operating table, the time in the white space seemed to last longer than me actually being out there.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The vision can be compared to a dream. Maybe best explained as 'the opposite of a nightmare'. Instead of being afraid or anxious you are very calm and filled with love and joy.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was a moment the white energy engulfed me. I'm not sure if it should; it wasn't my turn, I was also behind the wall. No words were spoken, yet you understood anything it wanted to say.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain There was a white portal, could be the entrance of a tunnel. However, I have no recollection whatsoever of going through a tunnel or experiencing a tunnel. I simply was in the white space after I went through the portal.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Great-grandfather. A guy I have never met himself. He introduced himself as such. However, I did describe him to my father and he acknowledge it was him

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Other than the white space where no ceilings, floor or walls can be seen, the space was entirely white, yet not blinding. In the space was a white wall. You only knew it was a wall / barrier, because a white light of energy could be seen from the edges of the wall.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The white space felt like a portal before the realm / heaven. One where you were to meet the one judging / accepting you. I never made it that far.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Calmness, extreme Happiness and feeling of joy and love.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future Scenes from my personal future came to me, but afterwards.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life There was no physical border or such, but when approaching the white wall, we were discussing of going back. I can't remember how we got to the question; but I found myself saying I should go back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I don't practice a religion anymore. I still believe in God. I also still visit Churches, but I also visit Mosques or Temples.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic I believe in God. I also believe that without religion the world would be a more peaceful place.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was raised catholic. Didn't think much of the 'rituals', but I did accept God in my life. During the experience you feel an acceptance and so much love that it is simply unimaginable that this being would reject anyone that doesn't follow specific earthly religious rules like 'visit church twice a week, do penance, confess, don't do this or that etc...'. This love feels 'all accepting'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Religion for me almost feels 'evil': 'Fear God or else' and even worse 'Don't do this or be this or else'. Like being gay, watching television, wearing pants, don't wear a mustache, etc. etc. Meaning our current religions feel man made and 'judging' God is all accepting and pure love.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I encountered a being. It was behind the wall. I have not met the being, but it did embrace me. Nothing was said or spoken.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Not entirely sure. I did not see, hear or experienced anything from a previous lifetime, however a boy of 6 years old could not have been as wise or experienced as I was when in the white space.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain Can't say for sure. Earth apparently is just earth. After earth there is a white space, and for me feeling there is something beyond. Something I haven't experienced yet.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes The being behind the wall, although I did not see the being or speak to the being, embraced me. The embrace basically felt like being in a 'womb' of so much more love than any man can emotionally handle. This for me is 'proof' that there is a God or supreme being existing of pure love.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain For me, after having the 'deja-vu dreams' life seems pre-ordained. Which raised indeed the question 'what is the purpose'? For me I guess it is simply experiencing live.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I met my great grandfather. He was 'sent' to pick me up / accompany me. For me this is 'evidence' that after death you still continue to exists in another realm

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain God / or the entity was capable of so much love. Knowing that such love exists is good and sad at the same time. Good to know that it exists, and hopefully you can experience it again, but sad that on earth you will never be able to find such a love. The only thing you now can do, is to try to give as much love as possible to the ones around you.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life Regarding question 49: I now 'know' that religion is man-made. I can't say that 'God' doesn't care, they might act as ethical guidelines for people, so in essence it probably is good. But I also believe that the world without religion would be a far better and peaceful place! After my life; do read my experience. Some events have occurred and still do occur.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I remember the surgery, the experience, waking up and meeting my parents, all equally well.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I 'radiate' calmness towards 'good' people. This calmness agitates 'evil' people. However, this calmness can also be seen by others as 'he does not care, he has no emotions'. When young I received deja vu dreams when questioning the future. This doesn't happen anymore; much of the future I guess is revealed. I'm not sure about this one; but it seems that if I deeply care for other people I can take their sickness. This for me is a bad thing, because it looks like the sickness is transferred to me. So not something I like to pursue.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The embracing. See previous answers.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Wife and parents. The period between experience and telling was maybe 30 years. They understand and accept the experience. More so because I could describe the details of the great-grandfather.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably not real It felt like any other dream, a nice, joyful dream, but still a dream.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It happened. From all the dreams I had this one is the most vivid. And with age it seems to grow stronger. Reminding me to be good and love others.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes See my experience; when having midlife crisis/depression, I was visited by a being who helped me out of it.