Stefania B Probable NDE

Experience Description

My search for love and acceptance in religion frustrated me in a way that is difficult to describe, since there was a great inconsistency and lack of integrity between the message of love that Jesus had left as a legacy to humanity and its totally unreasonable and conditioned implementation. The fear of punishment, disobeying religious precepts and the guilt I felt with each slip of the rules, created great torment inside me, similar to a psychological hell.

At the age of 18, I emigrated from Romania to Spain with the help of an old classmate who had already settled there and who worked and led a life without material needs.

Shortly after settling in this new country, I proceeded to evaluate internally what religion had brought into my life. I saw great guilt and frustration, a total ignorance of God and great hypocrisy on the part of those who preached those teachings. Because of this ordeal, I made a complete break from any spiritual dimension in my life, assuming that God did not exist and that probably everything was a big hoax to get money and power, that there was no power and that you only lived like this once, and that the best thing was to do what you wanted with your life.

Subsequent to this decision, another was made, unconsciously, in which this much-sought-after god who did not let himself be known and who remained impassive to all the cries for help from his children, when they were going through great tribulations, who remained blind, deaf and dumb to the great injustices of the world, to the poverty of some and the great wealth of others, this god was to blame for everything and did not deserve even the slightest thought of love.

Having completely divorced my soul, I began to lead an unhealthy life, spending sleepless nights partying, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, and being largely irresponsible with my body and mind.

Around this time, I met a young man who had a similar lifestyle as mine, and shortly after, I got pregnant and had a son. Shortly after having our son, we went through great economic difficulties, since a financial crisis had begun in Spain in 2007 and millions of people were affected, losing their jobs. My partner lost his job and with a small baby, we found ourselves unable to pay the rent for our apartment and we had to go live with his mother.

At this time, the great depression that I had internalized began to emerge, because I was not capable of caring for my son or forming a healthy bond with him. I was completely obsessed with my partner and had a terrible fear of losing him, since the lack of love and confidence that I had in myself were at impressive levels.

My partner spent his nights partying with other young people in his circle, completely incapable of taking care of the new family he had formed. On top of all that, we had no money, we were almost completely dependent on his mother to feed us and to cover the needs of the baby.

The psychological pain was so great that I was indulging certain fantasies about taking my life, which somehow brought me peace. One day, an acquaintance who lived nearby and knew that I was experiencing financial difficulties, told me that she knew of a clinic where they would give you a certain amount of money in exchange for donating your eggs, for other women who could not have children. I thought about it for a few days and, moved by the need I was in, I thought that donating my eggs in exchange for that money could get me out of trouble for a while. So one day, I went to this clinic and was informed about the procedure. The doctors told me that this intervention had to be carried out altruistically and voluntarily to help other women who could not have children and that the amount of money I would receive would be modest, and that it was offered more due to the inconvenience caused by having to come in for check-ups, and to cover the hygiene products and medications that this procedure entailed.

I reluctantly agreed to do it, since at that moment my greatest interest was women who could not have children, and my only concern was the lack of money. For this reason, when they told me everything that had to be done, the money seemed very little and the inconvenience I was going to go through very great, but even so, I decided that it was better than nothing.

They gave me some pills, like hormones, that I had to take for a certain period of time, so that my ovaries would produce an astonishing number of ovules, many more times than the body is capable of producing naturally in a single ovulation period. After some time, I went to the clinic for the extraction procedure, accompanied by a friend, since they had told me that when I came out of anesthesia, someone would have to accompany me home. I arrived at the clinic and they gave me a lot of papers to read and sign, then I went to a room where they prepared me for the extraction and where my friend had to wait for me to come back. The doctors informed me that they would administer general anesthesia, as the procedure was painful. That way, I would not feel anything and afterwards, I would be taking analgesics for the pain, so that in a few days, I would be back to normal.

In the procedure room, which was more or less a normal operating room, something with which I was familiar since a year before, I had had my son in a similar room, with a caesarean section that included a general anesthesia, they administered anesthesia. While they were talking to me, I slowly fell into a deep sleep, loosing consciousness. Then I suddenly became aware of the conversations the doctors were having during the procedure, and I could sense a certain degree of nervousness and tension in what was happening in that room, but it wasn't interesting enough to grab my attention, since I kind of shot upwards, for lack of a better term, and became aware right away that I was ME.

I have to insist more on this term because for me, this discovery was of crucial importance in this experience. I suddenly felt completely free of all sorrow or anguish, of all depression, longing, or regret. It was as if, in an instant, I had taken off numerous layers of artificial weights that I had wrapped myself in, and suddenly, I was being myself again, on the most authentic and pure level that one can experience. I was in a landscape that has no terms in our human experience to compare it to, with extraordinarily vivid and brilliant colors, where everything was SACRED. This is the best term I could use to describe the perfection and temperance of this place.

The flowers and nature that inhabited this space were made of some subtle matter that emanated an incredible sense of life. I perceived myself running through this field or traversing it at great speed, while I was amazed at my capabilities.

I wondered suddenly where the weight of my body had disappeared, since I was able to move at that speed without any feeling of heaviness or clumsiness. At the same time, I was experiencing an incredible sense of pure joy, emanating from every pore of my being, overflowing, alive, incredibly impossible to describe with human words, which reminded me somehow of a period when I was like this on earth, but I had FORGOTTEN.

When I thought about this, I thought for a moment that I was a child again, but I realized that I didn't really have a body, much less a gender. Perceiving this, I realized that I was powerful. I knew who I was and that I was not a child, but also not a man or a woman and that I had put on that outfit to experiment. I had been on earth for a certain purpose, but had forgotten about it. Thinking about this was astounding to me, even more than how I could have forgotten. It was like I was marveling at this forgetfulness that was so obvious to me in that state.

I had forgotten who I was. I have to add an observation to this, since while I was feeling all these things, because more than thinking, the thoughts were more like feelings. It was like you felt with your whole being both the meaning and the feeling, there was a union between these two terms that gave rise to this knowledge.

But this knowledge was not new to me, rather I was suddenly remembering it and it never ceases to amaze me how I could have forgotten about this. While all this was happening, other things were happening that I was also capable of perceiving at the same time, and this was what also amazed me in an extraordinary way, since everything seemed to happen simultaneously in a space in which the linear was ; time seemed to be only the present, without any other connotation.

Here, I am forced to describe things in a linear way, but in that dimension, everything that I'm telling you was happening all at once and I could be aware of it. It was also what seemed most natural and at no time did it seem strange to me. I was only amazed by the fact that I had forgotten about it.

Beings without defined faces appeared, welcoming me telepathically with great joy and love, but at the same time expressing surprise that I was there. In this way of communicating, one gave everything, with meaning and feeling, to the other. There was no way to interpret something that was not anything more than what the other being wanted to express. I also have to mention the amazing sense of unity that was there, which is almost impossible to conceive of in human terms. The other entity offered itself completely, as if you were one, and when you responded, you also did it in the same way. It is difficult to describe in words since this dimension is a dimension in fact of knowledge. It is difficult to describe in words, since this dimension is a dimension of knowledge in fact.

These beings knew me and I knew them and there was a deep bond between us. Being able to undertake all these processes of knowledge together, and at the same time to communicate with them telepathically, I never ceased to be amazed at the power that I was, and how I could have forgotten about this and had believed that I was that character who had oppressed me in this way on earth with its trivial needs. Knowing this, all the problems that I thought I had on earth seemed completely insignificant and even made me want to laugh with all my being. I have to add that at that moment, I was not thinking about my son or anyone on earth, and I was all abandoned to the pleasure of being myself and that all the search had come to an end.

I knew that this was the dimension and state that I had sought on earth my entire life in every possible way and that my anger with God was due to the inability to experience this, blaming him for having lost my connection with my home. At that point, I became aware of a Presence that encompassed all that space and that it was there to make contact with me. I didn't see any light, no face that I can describe as human or angelic and neither as god.

I just knew that this Presence that was perceived there was god and it communicated with me in a way similar to the one used by the other beings, but its presence was simply amazing to me, beyond all description. I know that any description that I can make of this Presence is not going to be even close to what I experienced, so I am not going to describe it. I can only say that nothing could be hidden from the knowledge of the Presence and that there was nothing that one could keep to oneself. This presence was for me more than any earthly authority, mother or father, or any term of union that can connect two beings. It was like it was in me, in everything that was there and in all the beings present there and also above us. Hard to explain. I did not see any light and I thought for a long time that because I had not seen the light that is spoken of, perhaps it was because I had not died in earthly terms, since at no time during my presence in that dimension was I informed that I had passed away.

While in this presence, and that of all those who were there, since nothing could be hidden in that dimension, the events of my earthly life were revealed as if on a movie screen. Countless events of lives were shown to me and I could feel how they had influenced others. I could feel their pain, their joy, as well as the character that I was. Moments of great pain were revealed to me, and my shock was such that this film had to be stopped because the other entities had to compassionately help me due to my great grief from what I had seen and experienced with this review. Now I could understand that I was very attached to the earthly events that I had experienced throughout my life, since the great shock I felt has not been forgotten. After watching this, I was made to understand that I was not going to remember this review, since what I had seen was not going to help me, and it was only going to harm me and that it would be revealed at the right time for my development.

After seeing all this, my affliction was such that I myself felt unworthy to remain in that place. I had not lived up to the amazing power that I was. I also knew that the power that I was had an inherent aspect to it called responsibility and it seemed that I was not taking care of it or was overlooking it. After this, I was shown the medical procedure in which I found myself, which was in no way altruistic, and that in this way a lot of suffering was created for people who could not have children, since everything was done in the name of materialism. I could see the doctors who were working, covered in a dense gray fog. They seemed almost like automatons and they had completely forgotten the dimension of life that they were in, and seemed to be at the service of this dense and automatic fog that seemed to have no life. It seemed to be the death that all human beings were so afraid of. A kind of automatism, which was accompanied by this fog that I now know was the dense energy of selfishness. I was shown many things related to the world and my life, but none of it was available for the moment I returned. Apparently it was not relevant at that point in my development but useful for another time, when I would remember it and be able to process it clearly.

I promised to share what I had remembered with the human beings of this earth and in that state, I was convinced that the magnitude of what I had experienced could not be overlooked by anyone who was incarnated in this dimension. It was urgent that they know this, that they know that there is an order and a harmony that governs everything and that we have to live according to the great power that we are and that it comes with an inherent facet, which is to be responsible in our intentions, thoughts and actions. I knew that this gesture was an important aspect to know love, what we really are, and that only in this way could we consciously discover that dimension of peace and absolute Happiness that we were all looking for.

I opened my eyes and saw myself taken by the doctors to the room where my friend was waiting for me. My first feeling when I became aware of my body and my environment was a feeling of suffocation and smallness. I involuntarily made the comparison with the magnitude of what I had experienced and it seemed to me that I had returned to a world of plastic and a body that was totally incapable of containing who I was.

I was able to experience this immediately when trying to explain to the doctors what I had experienced. No one deigned to listen to what I had to say even for a second. Nor can I say that what I was saying sounded nearly like what I had experienced. Saying it sounded like a story from some child who had imagined it. Crude human words were unable to encompass it. I turned to my friend and spoke to her in my native language, with great emotion, about what I had experienced.

My friend, feeling embarrassed by my strong tone, in our native language, covered my mouth with her hand, looking scared at the doctors without knowing what to do. The doctors reassured her that it was completely normal for me to act like this after the anesthesia, and that what I was mentioning was due to the medications I had received. Hearing this, I felt so embarrassed and began to experience again the confusion that I had suffered all my life in this dimension.

I refused to speak to anyone else about the experience and fell into a deep depression that nearly cost me my life a year later. After recovering thanks to a book given by a friend, like an angel that appeared in my life at the opportune moment, I was able to absorb this experience that since then has not stopped bearing fruit in my being to this day.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1/2009

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Surgery-related While under general anesthesia Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening It happened during a surgery, but nobody told me whether there was any event that put my life in danger.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I have memories of being able to see what was happening to my body in the operating room, but only because God wanted to show me the type of energy that doctors were surrounded with. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal feeling of a power and knowledge far beyond human nature.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the moment I perceived the presence of what I felt was God.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There was no consciousness of time, there was only the eternal present.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was much more vivid and clear during the experience.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Clearer

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I do not remember any light, it seemed that the God entity was wrapped in a cloud or a wall that I could not pass through.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm A sacred dimension difficult to evoke with words, similar to the Avatar movie - as an analogy to orient others - but at a superlative level.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? An incredible feeling of freedom and joy. I also felt that I was very powerful and had unlimited knowledge and could do anything.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe A knowledge without limits.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events I was informed that I had strayed from the path and had become attached to material things.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future There were several paths for our evolution as humans and none was closed. It depended at every moment on our free will.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I came back because I had to do many things that were necessary for my evolution and that of others as well. Those lessons could only be given down here and I felt very grateful to consciously receive this opportunity; it was almost like a gift.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am no longer attracted to churches or organizations of any kind

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated spiritual but not religious.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes The invaluable worth of life and the human being, awareness that we are all connected, temperance in making decisions and loving peace and calm.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I saw and spoke to beings of light and love, and there was also an all-encompassing omniscient presence.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes The supreme being spoke to me as if I had known very well what my mission was and why we were carrying out all this human experience. At that moment, I knew it very clearly, it seemed that we had planned it together, now I can only guess.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes There is no separation between us and the Supreme Being. We are one and the same. But we are conditioned to undergo these human experiences for a purpose and to say it while in this form would only be speculating. Our mission is to return to the source voluntarily.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes there is a supreme being but it is not separate from us, but shares all knowledge with us and we are part of it, as the fingers are part of a hand.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Life on Earth is a precious gift of essential importance for our evolution. I remember feeling enormously grateful for receiving a second chance to learn, while in the same experience and with the same body.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes The experience itself was too logical in its facts so as to be deniable. Under anesthesia, these facts cannot be transmitted in such a harmonious way and from this perspective.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes That all experiences can be used to grow and that is their purpose. In the other dimension, material problems and most of our mundane concerns have negligible value, although here they are experienced as totally distressing.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is the only thing that has value and importance. Everything revolves around love and there is nothing outside of it. I came back with the awareness that only through love towards myself and all living beings can we know who we really are. That is the only key to open the door of our true home.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Deep love, compassion and empathy for all human beings, a great capacity to feel what others feel and an urge to connect with my deepest self and be at peace.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Much better.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It’s very difficult to explain with human words, since they cannot cover the magnitude of what is felt.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Ability to feel what others feel.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Significantly for me, it was discovering the potential that we carry within that is unfathomable. Discovering that I am not an insignificant character in a perishable life and that our destiny is amazing and does not fit into words.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes with very few people.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was real.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Meditation brings me closer to the state of peace that I experienced.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No