Stefania S NDE

Experience Description

I was born with a congenital heart defect (DIA), which means there's a hole between the two atria of the heart. This condition mixes venal with arterial blood. I never experienced any symptoms from the condition and it never put my life in danger. The unusual thing is that in my case, the exact diagnosis was made one month before my 16th birthday. Up until that time, all the cardiologists had been mistaken and had tried other cures. My cardiopathy had been diagnosed during the first years of my life. The cardiologist, the only and first one, who diagnosed me correctly was surprised at how I had lived to almost 16 years of age in perfect health. I had total vitality, with my body full of life, and without ever having had any idea that I was ill. My heart had never shown any signs that it was working overtime or was even out of balance. The doctor immediately was very firm and determined to talk to my parents about operating on me right away. He said that if I didn't get the operation, I would encounter irreversible heart problems. I was going to be operated on without having had any symptoms and purely for preventive reasons. This would guarantee me a healthy life, without the need for therapies and medications. In fact, my clinical file reads 'surgically cured.'

In that doctor's office, face-to-face with the cardiologist who was deciding where and when I should be operated on, my mind refused the idea of having a heart operation. In the two months leading up to the surgical intervention, I had felt a great anguish and was convinced that I would die. I was a 16-year-old girl and for me, the heart was linked with my romantic ideas of love. I was convinced that one couldn't keep on living as though nothing had happened to open the heart and make it work. Among other things, I didn't accept the idea that I needed this operation, since I was fine and had no health problems, despite the cardiologist's urgings. This concept of being operated on in order to prevent problems and any future heart damage did not fit in with my way of thinking and reasoning, or seeing life, at 16 years of age. I had researched the current surgical techniques that they would be using and the fact that the surgeon was going to take his time operating on me, taking all the time that he needed, frightened me even more. The picture of me lying on an operating table with my heart temporarily stopped and my thoracic cavity void of blood confirmed my conviction that I would certainly die there. Now, I will describe the circumstances of the experience that I went through.

The heart surgery had been finished for some hours. It was a normal procedure, after which, I was taken into intensive care. In a different type of hospital bed, I was hooked up to all kinds of monitors that were continuously registering all the different physiological activities of each organ. But I was no longer in my body. I floated without weight or physicality. I was above my body and directly below the ceiling of the intensive therapy room. I observed the scene that was taking place below me. I say 'below me' and want to specify that I am not referring only to a physical or logistical position. I, who no longer was the body that had belonged to me just a moment prior, found myself in a position which was 'energetically' more elevated. It was a place that had nothing to do with any kind of earthly or material experience.

I was a pure expression of Existence and existed on a different level and in a different dimension. From this dimension, I observed everything that was happening and all the succeeding events without being involved. As I was floating free like this, without thought or physical limitations, I experienced a feeling of infinite, supreme blessedness or happiness that was independent of any external factors. I felt myself float in this blessed place and I was the blessed space. I floated freely; without purpose and direction. I existed and that was it. At the same time, I experienced an extremely alive and vigilant state of mind. I understood at a very deep level what was happening on that other plane of existence, the place where the body that had belonged to me and that was now intubated on the hospital bed in intensive care. The thought was very lucid and came through immediate knowing. It was a different way of thinking from which I had experienced while on earth. I recognized the body as mine but was no longer interested: I was not that body.

I felt very good where I was now and was very surprised at the spectacle that was happening around the body which had belonged to me. I watched the spectacle but it wasn't my physical eyes that saw everything the doctors were doing. I looked on with my whole being. I was having the experience from a state of consciousness which completely pervaded my being and I perceived everything from that vantage point. I 'knew' that the doctors were making a big deal to get me back from where I was. I 'knew' that other surgeons had arrived from other wards to help out, but I did not want to return from where I was.

I was floating in a dimension which was enveloped in a soft celestial light, very rarefied. It was a light full of quiet and peace. It expressed unconditional bliss without end. I was free from 'being.' Here, everything was heavenly. I was enveloped in heaven. In this dimension I simply 'was.' I was experiencing the fact of existing. And this experience was happening on another level of existence. I knew with all my being that I was in a dimension outside of time and space. And I didn't want to return to my body.

I didn't understand the agitation coming from all the doctors who were surrounding the body which had belonged to me and with which I now wanted nothing to do. I remember thinking 'Why are they persisting so much? What is their problem? I am fine where I am.' I knew I didn't want to go back into the body because I didn't want to face up to everything that was waiting for me on earth. Even if I didn't know what was waiting for me, I knew with absolute certainty that it wouldn't be anything like the peace that I was experiencing where I was. Nothing could ever be as perfect and soft like this heavenly condition of absolute and far-away bliss in which I was floating.

But they brought me back into the body and back to earth. When I opened my eyes back in the body on earth, I was in intensive therapy and I didn't remember my experience. I didn't remember anything. I did, however, know for sure that I had returned from a journey and I knew this journey had lasted a long time and yet it was only for an instant. All the commotion by the outside doctors was verified. Normally when one wakes up after a surgery like mine, one cannot speak. In general, one retains this faculty after about 24 hours. But I was talking right away.

While I was talking and laughing with the doctors who were all around me, I suddenly sensed an uncontrollable urge to help the woman who was in the bed next to mine. She had been operated on after me. I will always remember the communication she and I had. It was a communication that came without speaking or words, through our eyes and thoughts. She had begged me to help her. She was very cold and couldn't speak because, as I have explained, she couldn't ask the doctors for a blanket; that's why she asked me as I had been euphorically speaking with the doctors to get it for her. I was euphorically speaking, even though I wasn't remembering my near-death experience. Evidently this blissful energy still vibrated within me. I was very happy to have been able to help another living being. I remember feeling very strongly that I had this desire to be of service to others and this lady was giving me the opportunity. Still today I remember the vivid look of gratitude that she gave me when they covered her up. I felt a momentum of love and a very strong compassion.

At the same time, I felt so much older than my barely 16 years of age. I had always been timid and insecure. A year before, I had begun my first romance. At least that's what I was thinking up until that moment. But in that instant when they revived me after the operation, in the same instant that I was having that experience with the woman next to me, that's when I perceived that I had returned from a long trip in which I had journeyed very far and yet so close. I also knew that I had grown up in that one instant and that the girl that I had been fine with was no longer the one I wanted. I wanted something else, but I didn't know what.

During this time the doctors were telling my parents that there had been ten minutes during which they were seriously preoccupied with me, since my heart hadn't been responding to their stimuli. From that moment on and for the next 11 years, I did not remember the experience. But every time I talked about the heart operation, I knew somehow that it had been the most important experience of my life, but I couldn't remember why I felt that way. Every time I talked about it, I was filled with such emotion which made me cry. From that moment on, I was no longer afraid of death. Although I didn't understand why. On the contrary, I explained it to myself rationally: I endured and survived that type of operation. The doctors had initiated a type of clinical death, so why should I now fear death?

After the hospital I started up my life but I was no longer the same person. Things, friends, and my pastimes of before no longer satisfied me. I was restless, unsatisfied and I began searching for something. Only one thing was clear - I wanted to be of service to others. I wanted to be like that time with that woman in intensive care, and more than that. I thought I was fulfilling that yearning by enrolling in the Department of Medicine so as to become a heart surgeon. But my path would not turn out to be that one. The memory of that state of awareness during the heart operation, really was a revival of my Being to our very nature. And from there the guiding thread of the events of my life began and became my guide. I was trying to make sense of everything so that I could frame the events of that fascinating adventure in the proper context. The mysterious and surprising thing that is the life that I decided to live on this earth, in this body.

Then, 11 years after the heart operation and after having gone through a lightning bolt marriage with an immediate separation, I began a courageous journey of self-discovery. This search would yield all the reasons and truth as to why and how I ended up at the altar with someone who was the opposite person to me that I could ever have met. I started psychotherapy to manage the stress, frustration, anxiety, dismay, and loss of a marriage. I had barely begun and immediately ended with a divorce looming ahead. After just a few therapy sessions, I experienced the first in a series of what I would define with the unique term, 'Awakening of Conscience.'

I re-experience what happened in the operating room 11 years ago. It was the same experience. Suddenly, I heard a muffled sound in my left ear. I was 'delicately' thrown out of my body. Afterwards, every time that it happened again, I recognized in the small deafness, the vibration of Creation - the AUM. From this new perspective being outside of my body, I landed at the edge of another dimension of existence. It was a dimension above time and space where everything that exists is bliss, harmony, freedom, and perfection. Everything that happens is perfect because it accords perfectly with a cosmic order in which we all take part. In an instant, I knew that the life we live is an illusion. It's not real because it's a creation of our minds. We continually create thoughts and then project these thoughts outside of the mind, just as cinematic frames are projected onto a screen. In that moment, I knew that real life is something other than what we think it is. We all are expressions of a Love energy. It is from which we come and where we are destined to return so as to merge once again in this original Oneness which our minds make us believe we have lost. This place is Paradise and our Union with the All.

In my first experience and also in all the succeeding ones I experience a state of merging with the All, the one which the oriental traditions define as 'samadhi' or state of cosmic merging. So, I lived the experience of fusion with Creation many more times. The first experience was at 16 years of age. Even if the veil of forgetfulness swallowed it up for a while, the trace of it was always alive inside me and drove me again to the revelation of the Truth of existence. I had the experience of merging with everything that lives and vibrates in this Universe. I felt myself one with the mountains which were in front of me, with the lakes; I felt One with the sea and the tides; I felt there was no separation between me and the clouds. While I was in this experience, I communicated with humans and animals. I knew what other people were thinking and what they were feeling. I knew who was behind closed doors. And I remained in that state of merging for days and days.

To sum it up, I can say that I received the gift of the experience of being back and joined with the All. I carried the awareness that this All is one unique Energy which goes from a refined level and down through increasingly denser levels according the mental state which is having the experience. Thanks to the gifts of reliving the experience, I know that life is eternal and unbroken and that death, the way we see it on earth, doesn't exist. It's only a trip to another plane of existence. From my first experience up until today, I am understanding that every day that I live on earth in this body, I am to experience joy and bliss here. The lives we live here on earth don't happen by chance; our lives are a direct consequence of what the mind creates. I am here on earth to open my heart every day to unconditional love. I am here in this body to leave behind every remaining fear and attachment. I am here on earth to express every day the joy that I am. I am here to discover here and now, how much more space for freedom lies deep within me. I am here to learn freedom and expand it throughout the world around me. I am here on earth to live happiness and lightness of being. I am here in this body and in this dimension of space and time to learn that each and every moment is the only reality which exists. Everything else is an illusion created by thoughts created by the mind. I am here to remember that in every moment, I can rediscover who I really am and that I am here to have fun and to play because this world is the joyful creation of the Divine. I am here on this earth because I have the full and holy right to do everything that makes me happy and it is my duty to create even more joy in order to contribute to the expansion and the happiness of all and everything in Creation. I came into this body, on this earth, to be lighthearted and carefree, here and now.



Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 09/23/1976

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related. During one of the phases of resuscitation from an open-heart surgery

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I heard and saw with my whole Being that I was in a state of total Consciousness. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. Thought was extremely fast and came from immediate knowing. I was 'thought' itself which expressed itself through me. I was absorbed in a total all-inclusive state of Consciousness.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the whole time.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Time, the way we know it, ceased to exist. I found myself outside of time.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During the experience, vision was everywhere. I was part of a different dimension. This was a dimension that I was detached from what was going on in another place of existence. I observed from above.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My whole being was made up of hearing; my whole being was my sight. I heard, saw and felt with all of my being. There was no longer separation between me and what I perceived; I was every perception and sensation.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. I was completely enveloped by, and floated in a space which was more than space. It was a heavenly dimension because it was made up of an impalpable and rarefied celestial energy that was soft, very gentle and tranquil. It corresponds to what my idea of Paradise was at the time.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Bliss, freedom, no involvement with what was happening on the earthly plane.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. My mind was very clear. My thoughts came quick, precise and contained. The mind did not stray as on earth. I knew what was happening with others and I knew exactly what I wanted for myself. There was no room for doubt.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths. I am a believer, but not practicing. I get ompatient with conflicts within the church in which I received my first communion education

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I dedicate myself regularly to meditation. I wanted to meet my spiritual teacher, whom I did recognize as the one. I knew I needed a guide who would teach me how to rediscover the state of ecstasy and bliss and merging with all of Creation.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths: I am a Believer. I have a growing awareness that as sentient beings, we take part in a unique Energy. The divine is in each manifestation of creation and we all incarnate in various physical forms in order to express Love. My scope today is to be more faithful in expressing Love, in a way that comes closer to the essence of Love. I am to contribute to healing the earth and expanding well-being and joy.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. Before the operation, I was convinced that I was going to die on the operating table and I was afraid. My experience was a near-death experience but in reality, it was an experience of life in another dimension and got rid of my fear of death. I never thought of death during any part of the experience.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain My values are unchanged; it's my awareness of these values that has been awakened and deepened. Empathy and altruism have guided me since childhood. Today I know why.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes. I had this strong desire to be of service to others.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I knew I had to return to my body on earth in order to face my fears.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists. I knew that I was alive in another dimension apart from the physical body and I knew that I was alive. During the whole experience, I never had the perception that I was either alive or dead, but instead I was just somewhere else that was not in the physical body.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I had an awareness of the difficulties that awaited me and I was afraid.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. Ever since I was very young I always wondered about the meaning of life and death. I always asked myself questions like 'what is eternity? What happens after we die? Why was I born?'

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I became aware that with are all ONE and I feel united with everyone else. This awareness dispels judgment, criticism and condemnation. I know that even the most brutal criminal has the same divine spark which is in everything within Creation.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I have tried to choose the words that would best describe what I experienced, but everything is insufficient because words limit the magnificence of the experience itself.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at the time of the experience. As I described in detail above, the memory of the experience is accurate in all the details just as is any other experience that I have had in the years afterwards. I can't remember as accurately what happened to me before my experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Every time that I rediscover that very narrow connection with Creation, every time I find myself connected with the All, that's when Consciousness absorbs my whole being and I act and feel no longer with only my physical senses but with my entire Being.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The whole experience has a lot of meaning for me since it revealed to me the meaning and Truth of Existence. It showed me who I am in reality. That is, I am a divine being having its experience in a material dimension consisting of time and space.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it right away, even if I didn't remember what happened, as I described above. After 11 years when I did remember it, I shared it and everyone who heard my story felt reassured and comforted.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I can't answer this because I didn't remember it for the next 11 years, but since this format will not allow me to continue without answering, I chose response above because when I did remember it I knew with extreme certainty that it was real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real The experience which I went through and which has been repeated for me in the succeeding years is not only real but is the Reality of existence.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes After the experience at 16 there have been many others.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I have always defined the experience as being the most important and beautiful of my life.