Stephanie L NDE

Experience Description:

It was not like I went anywhere, but more like a realm opening up right where I was that is there but in a normal state I'm not able to see it. I was looking into this blue vastness when a beautiful being appeared. He looked a little like Jesus but at the time it wasn't important who he was, he was all love, the kind of love that has everything in it (not the sappy sentimental kind) everything in it meaning it was solid, supportive, permanent but very much in the moment (yet no fear that it would disappear). I felt concern, care, total sensitivity from him, he was not asserting himself in any dominating way yet I knew he was all there was, everything was part of or came from him. He was indescribably sweet, sincere, responsive to me, and there was even humor (like he was saying surprise, surprise). He looked at me as if he was looking at something totally precious and dear to him and I couldn't take my eyes away, I never felt love like that, complete love with no demands, just a total recognition that I was wonderful and he knew it all along and wanted me to know it. Slowly it faded and I was back in the room, or rather the room returned to its normal state and I felt so, so grateful I had been given this gift, this knowledge. The expression, 'fell on my knees' - I now knew what it meant and how it felt, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1992

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Direct head injury Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) I fell in my home and hit my head. Later someone told me I stopped breathing for a significant period of time and was revived by my Japanese neighbor using pressure points.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I saw more completely. Normally I think I see richness and variety of feeling and experiencing but none of it is for me, nothing bodes well for me, I can't make it happen for me and I am excluded, I am ashamed. During this experience I saw I was a part of the wonder and the beauty and I was not just 'looking on', I was in on it, a part of.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I looked into the being's face and saw the love.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Neither

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Neither

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More so than usual

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was more like thought transference than hearing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Neither

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? Neither

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Described above.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? Neither

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Clearly mystical or unearthly realm

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love and gratitude and feeling my 'suspicions' that there was more than meets the eye were confirmed.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? Neither

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? Neither

Did scenes from the future come to you? Neither

Did you come to a border or point of no return? Neither

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Unity Church or liberal Christian church

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Liberal 'Unity Church, liberal Christianity'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? Definite being, or voice clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? Neither

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes That there is meaning in the universe and in life.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I LOVE more completely and unconditionally, with more compassion. I am more real and less censoring, less rejecting of faults.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The complete, total, and unconditional love from the being.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Love, I have never felt loved.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Immediately. Person I told was enthralled and wish it had happened to her.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain Raymond Moody's book about the children but wasn't sure about it.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real The longer I was away from when it happened, I started having doubts like maybe it was a head injury or maybe a 'psychiatric' symptom, or, as my psychiatrist said, maybe some chemical reaction. But no, I always come back to the feeling, it was so intense I know I didn't have it in me to contrive or hallucinate or imagine. It was a total gift.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real When I am clear and just happen to think of it, yes, it was real. If my natural skeptic sets in and begins to take it apart and try to make sense of it and tell myself I fool myself so I'll feel better about life, the experience gets diluted or tainted by my doubting mind. I change the subject, and I always come back to its truth and beauty (OF THE EXPERIENCE).

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? My life was transformed, I stopped taking drugs. I was a drug addict - but I wasn't on drugs when I had the experience. I went to treatment for two years and got well because I know now life has a purpose.