Stephanie M SDE

Experience Description

During my second year of practice, I was asked to see an imminently dying, college professor. It was a life-altering experience.

As I opened the door of his hospital room, the unmistakable harbinger of impending death, invaded my being. I saw an agitated, terrified, middle-aged man in the bed. He appeared in my mind’s eye to be jumping and flailing,as he said, 'Don’t bother me, go away!' He bellowed with all his energy to no one in particular, but to all who might hear. He continued, 'I don’t want to see an effing psychiatrist and don’t send in any clergy either.' I stood quietly just inside the door. When he seemed to finished, I explained that his attending physician requested that I meet with him. I told him that if he ask me to leave, I would honor that. In the absence of an order to leave, I walked around the foot of the bed. I pulled a chair up to the bedside and sat down. We were both enveloped in the intense odor of degrading red blood cells, but looking at each other from opposite sides of a line in the sand. He was an erudite professor at the apex of his career, rudely ambushed by a new illness, a killer for which there was no treatment. He did not have time to understand what had happened to him, why him, and what would replace today, at this moment. He was accustomed to telling others what to see and understand. With little warning he was caught in a maelstrom of protest.

I told him that 'I have never died or faced imminent death. But I will share with you anything I have ever read, heard, or thought about this.' I was feeling the best I had to offer was to try to keep him company. I tried to remember what I knew about death, stories I’d read and heard, NDE reports, and other unexplainable phenomena I’d experienced. As if waking from a trance, I realized that an hour had passed and there were patients lined up in my office across the street. As I left, I could feel him become less agitated. He appeared to be melting into the sheets. I took the elevator down 10 floors to exit the hospital.

When I stepped into the parking lot, I instantly rose 3 to 4 feet off the ground. Then I floated 3 feet in the air across the parking lot. I continued to float up the 15 steps to the office building entrance, crossed the lobby to the elevators and pushed the button. The visual image and sensation of being 3 feet above the floor persisted. Once in the elevator, I felt anxious as I wondered, 'How will I meet with patients while 3 feet off the ground?!' At the time, it did not occur to me at the time that they might not perceive me to be elevated. I exited the elevator on the 7th floor and made my way to the office door. As I opened the door to enter the waiting room, I suddenly descended to walking on the floor.

When I retired, I reviewed and read the literature in an attempt to understand a source of consciousness apart from the brain. I read accounts by individuals who reported on experiences called near-death experiences including those by physicians who have reported going to another realm as a sentient being without a physical body. I read books by physicians interested in explaining their patients’ reports of these experiences after being diagnosed as clinically 'dead' or in a state of prolonged unconsciousness. I decided that the only explanation of my experience was that it is a 'shared death experience.' which has been described in the literature.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1982

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes consulting on patient who was imminently dying. I was in very good health the patient whom I was attending was imminently dying

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness conscious of all around me, but my body did not exist.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the initial half of the experience.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. I felt outside of Time.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was floating in a rather surreal environment. There was no sound. I saw everything exactly as in reality, but it seemed inaccessible.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I do not recall sound of any kind during the experience

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

What emotions did you feel during the experience? surprise predominantly, as I was aware that I was in my familiar surroundings but that I was only present ‘consciously’.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant I am a graduate of Yale Divinity School. Upon reflection post-degree and extensive reading of spiritual and NDE literature post-retirement, I support all denominations, faiths as I believe in commonality of being and that creation is the primary site of worship and divine-human interface.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I feel, like St. Francis of Assisi, that nature is the primary cathedral. When retired we moved to wilderness of MT mountains, where I am surrounded by nature. trees, animals of many varieties, with whom I interact non-verbally and who give me pleasure, company and validation that all of living creation is connected as I experienced after an acute illness a year ago.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths q.v. above

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I had never had depersonalization, derealization, or out of body experiences before this experience or since.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife?

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life. It validated my subjective experiences and impressions. I still review mystical accounts carefully, but am not affected by deniers who discount them out of hand.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I was reduced to a point of consciousness, w/o a sentient body, floating 3+ feet above the ground level. When in the elevator, I was on ceiling looking at other passengers below me.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience the entire sequence of events that took approx. 10 min. is seared into my consciousness. I have had other mystical experiences that are equally or more distinctly as present today as they were at the time of occurrence years ago.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I have had non-ordinary and psychic events before and after this experience

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes ~35 years afterwards. I shared with Drs. Bruce Greyson and Jim Tucker.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had read Dr. Raymond Moody's account

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. Just as I had at the time of the experience.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? You might ask about other mystical experiences.