Steven F Probable NDE

Experience Description

We had just cleared a 'decoy' surface-laid IED nearby a narrow curve along one of the main maneuver corridors. We were escorting a relief supply convoy. We suspected and knew we were being observed. As we approached the natural 'choke point' along the route, we were attacked. We were prepared and quickly gained the advantage. Then the rockets and mortars began. As we worked this new threat, the enemy did a professional job of restricting my platoon's movement. The first IED exploded. I was struck unconscious by the energy effects of the blast. I had also sustained a battle damage injury along the left side of my body from the waist up. I came to, and regained my orientation to the fight.

Making a re-consolidation of my platoon, we begin to move the escort through the 'kill zone' where we are greeted with a second IED and a renewed effort by the enemy. The enemy completely exposed themselves; we closed on their positions and eliminated any continued threat. We moved the convoy escort through to their destination approximately 7 KM to a nearby FOB (Forward Operating Base).

While in route, I feel as if I am off a 'hertz': just out of tune. [Editor's Note: The hertz is equivalent to cycles per second.] I task one of my Soldiers with checking up on me, as I check on others. Upon arrival, I begin a full physical and mental check of my platoon, when a medic who insists I should let him look at me approaches me. Its dark, 0200 A.M., and I can't see me and have no idea that I look 'chewed on'. This medic attempts to cut away my gear and clothing and I push him away and insist I be allowed to gear myself down.

As I slowly take off my gear and put it in the charge of my 1st Squad Leader, I am left standing with only my body armor left to remove. I'm bloody, but not bleeding, until I am helped from my body armor. When I was injured, my body had swollen, and my armor had provided direct pressure to my wounds. With the removal of this protective gear, I bleed out and drop into shock almost immediately. This is where I lose connection with the world around me.

I go into this sensation of in but out: a frequency apart. Off I go, it felt like a fall, falling. My sensation of travel then began to feel more controlled and guided. More like moving at a high rate of speed, and all around me is 'brilliant'. It is a bright light that is pure, and cannot be described or compared to anything other than itself. As quickly as this sensation begins, it starts to slow, like being tethered, and stops. The stop is abrupt, and I am shown images/events. I have a sense of understanding for them, but can't put context or belonging to them. Then off I go, stop, images/events. This repeats itself numerous times.

I come out of it, standing now before an 'open door' light, from within a dark room. I hear voices that compel me to move forward. I find myself standing at a lecture podium with an open book. As I continued forward to this point, the noises became words, became conversation. As I stand there, I recognized or sensed that I am in the living room of my house, back in the states, and I am facing east.

As I moved closer to the light/opening, I see or sense people all around talking but not including me. I feel compelled to look upon this open book. When I do, I stare at the pages without reading a thing but have a clear understanding of what it means. I feel myself shout 'I am the Alpha and the Omega! I get it!' I can feel a sense of joy in my understanding from those around me, when, suddenly, I am abruptly pulled backwards, away: again the sensation of falling, but the falling doesn't come under any control and I stop in darkness. I hear my name being called. I answer, or think I do. I hear my name again, and I try to shout. I don't know if I made a sound. Someone forces open my left eye and blows into it, and this startles my eyes open.

This is where this experience felt distressing. Why I kept this experience to myself, because it is again a hertz off. I come to surrounded by German Soldiers. In a hospital and I know I'm on the Eastern Front/Russia. I am speaking German knowing the German I grew up with, which is not very good. One of the medics steps forward and places a hand on my shoulder. He says, 'you can speak English here.' I felt and sensed a shift; everything began to 'right' itself. My 1st Squad Leader, whom I had been calling out for, in German, approached me, looked in my eyes, touched my head, and joked, 'Damn, Brother, what happened in there?' I was scared because I didn't know what I had said, and what anyone around me really knew.

The surgery had taken 3 hours. I was in a 'Combat Army Surgical Hospital' (CASH). It was early to mid-morning. From here, I was released to the care of my Platoon. I had not lost a limb, so I remained in the country. I was not provided with, nor offered, pain medication or antibiotics. The explanation for this was, there was only one antibiotic in the country, and if I were to suffer an infection with it already in my system, I would not make the trip to Germany. As for the pain, they recognized that the nerve bundle along my left shoulder had been 'shocked' and I was in no pain, thus, I've never been 'stoned' into these images. My wounds were left open at the ends so they would ooze. I had to report to the CASH every day to have the same inspected and repacked.

Towards the end of my sessions, a medic let slip the 'reboot'. This startled me; I never lost the sensation of being off hertz. I know and sense that the images/events shown to me are awaiting context: right place, right time. I patrolled the rest of my tour in Iraq feeling and sensing I was 'safe'. I experienced a 'Hand of God' event later in my tour that doesn't need to be told here, but illustrated how safe I was. I still experience the shifting off hertz sensation in places, with people, but can't or haven't recognized the larger meaning or context. I find myself being where some people need me. People I don't know, in small ways. The sensation appears. It shakes me and I feel as if I am doing or speaking with clarity outside of myself. Because so many years have passed, I am afraid that I am unable to recognize the true path, or accept that it may have been just a lifetime of smaller gifts/things for me give, share and accomplish.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: January 2005

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Other: 'Medical/Surgical Team described my body as having ''rebooted'' during operations/surgical procedures. This was told to me during a check up weeks later.' I was involved in active combat with a determined enemy. My operations included the locating of Improvised Explosive Devices (IED's), Route and Maneuver corridor clearance, explosive breaching for Infantry units within a closed in battle space observed and over watched by the enemy.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Just before I was pulled back. That 'Knowledge' isn't power, it is tangible and limited by measure and explanation, therefore it can be argued into an untruth. 'Belief' is power because it is intangible and cannot be limited by measure and explanation. Therefore cannot be argued into anything but truth.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time didn't seem to have a place in this event.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was not bothered by the 'brilliant' condition of my surroundings.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't recall my hearing as being a part of, or even necessary during the event. I felt and sensed all things.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I moved through a 'brilliant' space. Its size/shape/dimensions didn't matter, it seem to accommodate me within it.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Brilliant: a pure light that cannot be described to anything but itself.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Not really an emotion: 'acceptance' as a whole.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I had the feeling of understanding, but nowhere to put that understanding. The information feels trapped for now.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I don't recall the actual images/events that were shown to me, and if or when they will find clarity for me in the here and now.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant Belief that I am guided in purpose towards my "predestined part" and that it may forever remain undiscovered/unwitnessed by me through my personal blindness..

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes My opinions on belief have widened, a person's belief system doesn't bother me. They only get what they can, or what they can handle: that's their truth. I'm sure this includes me.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant Same as above...

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I didnt grow up in a "spiritual" envirionment.. you were taught what and how to believe.. your information of "God" and his presence came from the sermon, not the operating table in Iraq..

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am much more open to the nature and need of people to 'believe' in the shared energy of the world. The need to find meaning in its design, all around them, in everything and creature created, for it to matter.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Yes, but it is clouded over right now.. I have this infomation and its being kept from me until I am either worthy of full disclosure, or the time for it comes.. Right?

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I shouted "I am the Alpha and the Omega!" followed by "I get it!" and felt the approval of those surrounding me.. with the joy of a child who recognizes his parents approval..

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes It's not time for the images/events shown to me to be known.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life Moderate changes in my life. I am intrigued by this shift or off hertz thing. I don't get its guide or use for me. Perhaps it is why I'm not seeing the images/events shown to me.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I feel people. Belonging, people who belong with me, or the place they are. I feel the danger in people that aren't 'belonging'???

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I was being then, and continue to be, presented with images/events outside of any ability that allows me to explain it away.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I can carry it on in an easy conversation as clear as any other meaningful event that has occured in my life...

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably not real I was a professional Soldier, a little hard to not feel grounded in that 'order among chaos'; the idea that I was finding connection outside of 'knowledge' and falling into 'belief' as my guide. I was unprepared to embrace it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Because I can recall it. Clearly recall it. I can feel it trying to guide me.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes