Susan A NDE

Experience Description:

1995 - In the intensive care unit, curtain surrounding the bathroom area, light began emitting from behind the curtain (sort of 'Wizard of Oz'-like - no noise, just light and vibration). Knew a presence wished to come into room. Knew by the indescribable quality and feeling of light it was God, as I know him. I asked him 'not now', please my children (I am single parent of two, one disabled through leukemia at four, no family but me. I asked for more time, responsibility of visit too frightening. He/she/it immediately acquiesced. I always regretted it.

April 2000. Went for routine bypass surgery. Not so routine. Hemorrhagic disorder. Woke up forty-five days later after being on respirator and had many, many experiences, journeys, including 'waking' during one of the three surgeries, unable to open my eyes, found out later because they were taped shut, tried to wiggle so anesthesiologist could put me further under. No pain just watched procedure and heard every word uttered in the operating room including countdown of 'clock' well over seven minutes. Too real to continue watching so traveled through one of those lovely cracks to a place I think was made of alabaster with many pools and gardens. Did life review, quite interesting - 'tended to, taught, loved and replenished', more travel. In November 2000 had respiratory then cardiac arrest.

Tunnel, dark, rounded like a big drainage pipe. Smiling faces in shadows of the walls. 'Knew' every one of them, have no idea how. Light at other end. Same God light. My 'Nana' between the light and myself. Wanted her SO bad, needed her even more. No talking by mouth. Just let me know not my time unless I chose it. Suggested I didn't. Showed me my daughter. Asked for strength. Woke up, came home.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: (2) in 2000

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack Open heart surgery, 3 open hearts in three days in April and In November Complete cardiac and respiratory arrest due to CHF Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) Had heart attack in 1995. Had experience in the intensive care unit but willed it away, too scary, always regretted it but had children who needed me. In 2005 had multiple bypass, which did not go well, three open heart surgeries in three days due to hemorrhaging. On respirator for forty-five days. Many journeys and experiences throughout that period in April/May. In November had complete respiratory and cardiac arrest. Another experience.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was much more real. I know that doesn't make much sense.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? In presence of the main God, light, vibration. But most of all in tunnel when choice had to be made. I was tired.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Neither

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Neither I have what I call 'Swiss cheese for brains'. Some things are missing or dropped.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Neither

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Colors perfect, things and places seen without flaw, almost undisturbed. Every petal of every flower perfect. No decay of any kind. Transparency somehow changed and music without time. Couldn't explain that one in a million years wouldn't know where to begin.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was hearing but not auditory exactly all the time.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Neither

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Already described.

Did you see any beings in your experience? Saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Already described.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Already described.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Clearly mystical or unearthly realm already described some. many more, lots of travel and sights

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Wonder, joy, fear, trust, grateful, small, big, powerful, powerless, amazed, graced, light, open, peaceful, inquisitive and loved and loving. Perfectly in tune.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? United, one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? Remembered many past events Life review takes place through the feelings and emotions of others in any given moment in time. We experience and feel whatever we created in that moment for them. I am much more sensitive.

Did scenes from the future come to you? From the world's future Very private.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? A conscious decision to 'return' to life

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Raised catholic, believe in collective unconscious, a higher power have had unusual, unexplainable experiences throughout life making conservative organized religious experience not acceptable.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain While in many ways the information and experience was powerful and informing, I know less and less as the days roll on. Not that I am loosing information or experience. Just different.

What is your religion now? Liberal Have conscious contact w/ higher power daily, pray and meditate daily, use Native American Medicine Wheel for healing/teaching. Use ancient esoteric teachings from stones crystals given by Native American grandma turned good catholic when she was a young

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain While in many ways the information and experience was powerful and informing, I know less and less as the days roll on. Not that I am loosing information or experience. Just different.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? Definite being, or voice clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? Saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Very private.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I am much more willing just to be me without pretense, walls or protections that we humans erect to protect ourselves from REALLY being seen.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes We don't have words in our vocabulary that express the 'energetic colors of vibration' emitted by 'higher being'. The emotional quality of 'feeling state' beyond measure or words. Information received so simple, yet so complicated it would take hours to verbalize. Recognition of persons in tunnel already 'passed over' (I think) so familiar, yet didn't recognize a one. Saw my grandma no words. Couldn't see 'God', but saw energy emitting and felt enormous vibration and felt emotional presence and vibration throughout life review.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Personal.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Oh my God, are you kidding? Too personal for a computer screen.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Immediately. Sure, reactions were mixed. I hope they were influenced.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain After my mother died I had and my son had a 'dreamlike' waking encounter.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was more real that what's here in my consciousness on a daily basis and I stay as connected as possible daily.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It affects me in every moment.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No