Tammi V NDE

Experience Description

My husband and I were lying in bed and watching TV. I rolled over to spoon with him, and that's when it hit. I felt like a javelin or a sword had just sliced through my abdomen from one hip to the other. The pain was so sharp, that I actually checked for blood although that didn't seem logical. The pain subsided a little, and I thought maybe I could deal with it. But I spent the whole night trying to get comfortable, with the occasional sharp pain to remind me there was something wrong. I should have gone in that night, but I thought I would get better after time. A hospital was expensive so I did my best not to go in. So, I stayed home.

The next morning, the intense pain happened again. This time, it was stronger and lasted longer than before. My apartment is equipped for disabled residents, and I swear, I must have squeezed hard enough to dent the bar next to the toilet. It was definitely time to go to the emergency room. I have a bad hip, and walking long distances is painful. Thank goodness we have a wheelchair because I couldn't walk past the sofa. I almost collapsed on the floor in my bedroom while trying to get dressed. So, my husband got me in the wheelchair and whelled me out to the car. That car ride was the longest 20 minutes of my life. When we got to the emergency room, they wasted no time getting me in and starting what felt like a million tests: X-ray, CT scan and more bloodwork than you could imagine. I don't remember a whole lot after they started prepping me for emergency exploratory surgery. It was terrifying.

My next memory was of a dark void. There was no tunnel, nor was there a smiling family or purring kitty. I was in the presence of a Being, although I don't believe 'he' was an angel. He was tall, with very long arms and legs. He was a mottled, greenish-grey in color, and his skin was leathery. He had wings that draped from his arms, and were attached to his torso like a bat's wings. I never saw his face. It was as though I were seeing from both, my perspective and from a bystander's perspective from above and behind the Being. I was not afraid of him. I realized why I was there as I must not have survived the surgery. The Being was reaching out to me, wrapping his arms/wings around me very gently, never saying a word to me. As he pulled me in tighter into his embrace, I turned my head and rested my cheek on his chest. I wasn't afraid. Rather, I accepted it and was ready to release and to let go of my life. I was a little sad to lose my family, but I knew they would be okay. I felt peaceful and calm. Then, I felt as though I were being pulled away from his embrace. He did not cling to me or resist my withdrawal. He simply held on loosely to me as I was pulled away.

I woke up in the ICU still intubated. It seemed like immediately as I was pulled away from the Being. The next week of my life was a surreal Hell.

A patient in ICU next to me kept constantly calling out, 'PAIN!! PAIN!!' He had cerebral palsy. He was terrified, confused, and in pain. After I was transferred to the general population, he was also transfered there. There were unprofessional, mean nurses and assistants who came and went in a never-ending parade of door knocks. My IV alarms sounded non-stop. I had seven lines running into my veins at one point. It seemed like they took every opportunity to insert new needles and IVs. They'd take them out, and the next thing I knew, the medical staff was right back to place another set in me. Even the IV therapist was getting angry because she didn't want to have to hurt me again. One of my nurses felt really bad because there was no time for me to sleep between the door knocks and the 'PAIN!!' guy. She put a notice on the door to leave me alone for a couple of hours, and not two minutes later, another knock on the door from an nursing assistant who wanted to restock the cart in my room. She didn't even notice the note. My husband made sure she left right away.

Anyway, that's my story. It's been a little over 3 months, and I'm still recovering. There are more surgeries in my future. I think about this event every single day. I will never forget 'him', or any details about the experience. I can say that I'm no longer afraid of death. Yet, I am struggling with living here day to day, knowing that there is something on the other side that brings peace. I also realize that life is a temporary condition. I don't want to rush it; I have too many lessons left to learn. But sometimes, I feel overwhelmed. I know that everything here, in this realm, will all be gone. Passing over means I will be free of this world with its responsibilities and heartache. It all seems so trivial to me now. Like, I'm not rich, but I don't feel like that's what's important anymore. Nobody gets to keep it.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 11/06/2019

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes. My colon perforated causing me to be septic. I lost 2/5ths of my colon and spleen. Life threatening event, but not clinical death. I experienced 'Stercoral Ulcer Perforation'. It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I was in the ICU for 4 days, and then another 3 days in the general population. Then I had to spend another 4 days, a week later, because my bloodwork came back wrong at my followup appointment.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I felt like I was a part of where ever or who ever this was, like being part of the fabric.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? It was brief. My consciousness level was the same for the entire experience.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual. I'm sure it didn't last very long at all, but it felt like an eternity.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No change.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No change.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. It was a non-descript black void.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace. Calm. A little sadness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. I understood that worldly desires, pain, money, and all things of the world, isn't important. I see people now, struggling hard to survive and make money, and I just know. I keep my mouth shut, let them talk and do their thing.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths Wiccan

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I'm not a Christian. I'm Wiccan. This experience has cemented my beliefs that we are all part of the same fabric. There is no one true religion, except love and appreciation for the Earth and all of her children.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Life is temporary. But I can say that I'm still struggling to understand why I'm still here. What's my purpose?

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. I was in the presence of a Being, although I don't believe 'he' was an angel. He was tall, with very long arms and legs. He was a mottled, greenish-grey in color, and his skin was leathery. He had wings that draped from his arms, and were attached to his torso like a bat's wings. I never saw his face. It was as though I were seeing from both, my perspective and from a bystander's perspective from above and behind the Being. I was not afraid of him.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes The being that I encountered is not of this world. I fully believe he was from another realm.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I was made aware of the temporary condition of living, and that everything here is basically superfluous.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists. I wasn't told anything about life after death. But I knew I was dead, and knew the Being was welcoming me. So I know there's something beyond this experience when I actually die.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It's difficult to explain to someone that hasn't experienced it without feeling or sounding like it's fantasy.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I've always felt I was empathic. But this didn't seem to increase after the experience.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The most significant was how accepting that I was in the Being's embrace. It was comfortable and warm.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I think I told my husband while I was still in the hospital, but not in great detail. I've also shared it on a Facebook NDE group. My husband believed me 100%.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Just from TV and movies. I don't think it affected me, because my experience was nothing at all like what you typically hear or read about.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I'm over 3 months since the operation. I haven't altered a single detail about my experience, and I'm confident it was real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I haven't altered a single detail about my experience, and I'm confident it was real.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No